Ever go so good online and then go sour in person?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by undesputable
excatly...thats why i try to stay off the internet now...Im just so good talking online now that i just dont match myself in person.

So let me get this straight, you are staying away from an area you do well in because you aren't as good in another area??? Not saying that you shouldn't improve in other areas but I don't get avoiding one where you are good.

 

[donovan]

No i think he's saying that he's not good in real life, but he's brilliant online. Which creates confusion and disappointment when he eventually meets the woman.

Is that what your saying???


My Blog about attraction:
http://attraction-chronicles.blogspot.com

 

[Reyaj]

cough cough.. how about sticking to my topic!

 

[Reyaj]

pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease

 

[Surfboard]

Jayer,

I'm seeing things a little different than the other DJ's on this matter.

We had this rule that if she wasn't interested just don't call me after we met. Well she did call me that same night and we talked casually...

This tells me that you passed the physical attraction part and the fake photo didn't do any harm.

Eventually I did tell her I'd like to see her again and she proposed last saturday.

This is the second most important sign that a girl is interested.

At the end of the night I walked her to her car and she said she had a good time and she gave me a big hug. Well I pulled out of the hug and kissed her on the lips... It was a real quick kiss, she seemed to kiss me quick and then pulled back, i came forward, but then pulled back cause I thought she did, and then she came forward.

And this is the first most important test to see if a girl is romantically interested in you.

I need you to tell me more about how this went down. Did you give her a chance to realize she was about to be kissed or did you take her by surprise?
If she wasn't expecting it, then that would explain why she backed away from your attempt. You also said when you pulled back she came forward. That tells me she wanted to be kissed.

Also, don't forget she's only 18 and hasn't had many boyfriends, so she probably isn't too experienced in this kind of thing.

Ok so this past week she called me and we talked...

She's still showing interest.

So like I said, her interest level definitely did drop. She doesn't send me as much messages anymore, and doesn't talk to me as long anymore because she calls her other guy friend (some guy that she says is into her but she only views as a friend)

Don't you see what she's doing? She's trying to make you jealous. She thinks you're losing interest and she's trying to show you that other guys find her desirable.

But she does want to hang out with me again... she has mentioned it a few times without me even mentioning anything....

INTEREST...INTEREST...INTEREST!!!!!

She seems confused... sometimes she gives me the friend vibe... sometimes she gives me the more than friend vibe....

Both of you are confused!! You're both sending each other mixed signals.

What do I do? Act like a friend or try and kiss her again at the end of the date.

Don't wait until the end of the date to kiss her. Kiss her immediately. Show her you want to be more than just friends. From her ACTIONS that she's shown throughout this whole thread tells me that she wants to be kissed. Do a search in the tips section on KISSING and give that girl a kiss that will knock her off her feet. If she backs away from your attempt then I guess she just wants to be friends.

Once you get that over with, then just go out and be playful and have fun.

I know there's a little door open of hope here if I can play it right....

And your GUT INSTINCT is the third (and final) most important thing that I go by to determine a woman's interest level.

One more thing before I end this reply. STOP calling her out on her actions, because you're making yourself look insecure.

Good luck and let us know how your dinner date turns out.

 

[Reyaj]

Surfboard thanks for the reply! I also see you're experienced so I am taking your advice very serious.

Ok first off let me give you a quick background on myself. I have been reading on this site for years and have come a long way. I wouldn't even touch girls when I was out with them and now even though I still get nervous, I will try and force a move. What I'm saying is that I'm not an AFC. I don't need this girl, I just want her and would like to make a good effort.

Now that being said, I also am thinking long term and I know it would be easy to be her friend and at least I'd have someone for social proof. Here is a question that has always bothered me that someone with your experience could probably give me a good answer.

Does iniating romanticism hurt a potential friendship? Like lets say I try something with any girl, and they don't feel the same, can I still be their friend? Do you stop trying there or do you eventually try again? I have never tried this before and I guess the main reason was pride. If a girl doesn't like me, I guess I never wanted her to feel like she had some power over me...


Anyway sorry to get off topic with that, lets get to the situation at hand.

I almost feel that I have dug a big hole here that will be very hard to get out of. I almost regret that kiss. The reason is because it was very short, very weak. I think that if I was going to kiss her I should have at least put some tongue in it and made it worthwhile. Instead it was a slight step above pecking someone on the lips. It lasted 2 seconds at most. Girls think the first kiss is important so its not something that's very memorable to say the least.

Here is how it went down. I was by her car which next to mine. She said she had a good time and opened her arms to give me a big hug. I gave her a big hug, and like 3 seconds later I pulled out with my arms still kind of on her waist, closed my eyes and leaned in. She definitely didn't expect it. My lips kind of surprised her lips and she instinctively pulled her head back a little bit, but then when she realized I was going to kiss her she came forward. However since I noticed her pull back, I released at the exact moment she came forward and told her good night and went to my car. Being the gentleman I am, I called to make sure she got home safe, even had her follow me since she wasn't sure how to get home.

And then all this friendship talk started on the phone, but of us were confused and my gut feeling tells me thats how she feels. She is confused, she doesn't know what she wants, and being my friend would probably be the easiest thing to do.

I did call her out on her actions and I regret that so much because maybe now she won't use so much kino with me bcause she will be self consctious.

So yeah, there you have it... my dilemma. She taking me out to dinner (so she says) since I won a bet. I will need to talk to her and determine when this will be.

I am really not sure what the best thing to do here is. She seems like she doesn't like it when guys come on too strong, and she says she feels comfortable with me, so thats why I am apprehensive about just trying to kiss her in the middle of the date. But on the other hand, I know taking your time with stuff ultimately leads to the friendship zone. grrrrrrr

So confused

Thanks Surfboard for helping me out on this!

 

[Surfboard]

Does iniating romanticism hurt a potential friendship?

This is expected from the guy in the early parts of a relationship. This girl didn't decide to go out on date with you just to be friends. She wanted sparks to fly and was hoping that you might be the right person to settle down with.

Do you stop trying there or do you eventually try again?

I will give a girl two chances only if my gut instincts tell me that the girl is interested. If she rejects me a second time then that's when I cut my losses and move on.

Here is how it went down. I was by her car which next to mine. She said she had a good time and opened her arms to give me a big hug. I gave her a big hug, and like 3 seconds later I pulled out with my arms still kind of on her waist, closed my eyes and leaned in. She definitely didn't expect it. My lips kind of surprised her lips and she instinctively pulled her head back a little bit, but then when she realized I was going to kiss her she came forward. However since I noticed her pull back, I released at the exact moment she came forward and told her good night and went to my car.

Next time give her the ol' deep look in the eyes and the brushing back of her hair and then go in for the kiss. This time she'll be expecting it and her actions will give you a good indication of her true feelings for you.

I am really not sure what the best thing to do here is. She seems like she doesn't like it when guys come on too strong, and she says she feels comfortable with me, so thats why I am apprehensive about just trying to kiss her in the middle of the date. But on the other hand, I know taking your time with stuff ultimately leads to the friendship zone.

Don't wait too long to give her that kiss. You need to let her know that you don't want to be another one of her guy friends. I think this whole thing went down hill when you tried to kiss her the last time. She pulls back and you feel rejected. Then she comes forward and you let go. Now she feels rejected. She thinks you just want to be friends and you think she just wants to be friends.

If you wait too long I can see how this whole dinner's going to go. You'll both be on the defensive and things will be very tense between the both of you. Neither one of you will be yourselves and you'll both bore each other to death.

Like I said in the other reply, kiss her immediately and if she responds in a positive way, then the rest of the night should be fun and exciting!!!

 

[Reyaj]

Ok this has pretty much turned into a friendship. However I am going to use this thread to hold an experiment. I am going to see if I can convert the friendship to romance.

I know stuck in the friendship zone right??? Well I will keep this updated as to my progress. If anyone has any suggestions let me know.

Next time we hang out I will not try and kiss her. Lets see what happens.

 

[Heart Of Stone]

So tell us what happened that makes you say you're in the friendzone.

 

[Reyaj]

Basically we just talk as friends. We joke around with each other, I tease her a lot. But basically there is no more romantic talk. However I am going to see what happens and Ill post my progress here.