epiphany time

[backbreaker]

Okay so I talking to one of my associates, who just moved to LA from Ohio. Truth be told, he moved here to be close to his LTR, he really likes her alot. Long story short, she has given him the LJBF speech. I was at the gym with him today and we were talking about it.. like seriously, to my amazement, the dude, it''s like no sweat off his back at all. I mean he likes her but he was like, oh well , there goes that lol. No ill will, no name calling, if she calls we can be friends but i'm done, i gave her a chance.

Baffled by this... I mean.. this is not how rejected LJBF's are supposed to act. I mean he ****ing moved here for her. Where is the hurt, where is the scorn. I would even go so far as to say he was ****ing relieved.

But.. I have posted about this guy before. I would not call him a DJ, but he's not an AFC either. Say what you will about a guy moving to LA to be by his GF, but I don't think that's AFCish in my book, you only live once, plus he got a damn good job out here. He's good looking, he works ot, he goes on dates and ****.. then it hit me,

it's not, rejection that men hate from women it's the lack of approval / female companionship in general. I really do not think he gives 2 ****s about being rejected by her, but he has optinos. If he did not have other female options, he would have had her on a pedestal, he would have though way too highly of her and her approval or disapproval would have mattered to him, that much more. He knows he is not going to have a problem finding other women (in reality, i think this is a ploy by her to get him to "commit", she wanted space when he got out here, only to find out that she is going on dates and having fun, not begging her to get back with him, and now she is saying she doesn't think they should date and should just stay friends, I think she is badly playing her hand). He knows what he brings to the table and knows there will be suitors that see the value.

 

[5string]

bb....sounds like the guy just said to himself, "oh well, that was a mistake".

He must be very laid back and care free.

 

[Bible_Belt]

it's not, rejection that men hate from women it's the lack of approval / female companionship in general.

I'm kind of proud of having all my exes as facebook friends, and yet not even caring enough to look at their pages. Ambivalence is victory.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I would say your friend is an AFC, irrespective of looks, demeanor or how he responded to this woman. Why do I think this? Because he the made potentially life-impacting decision to move to another state based solely on facilitating his relationship with this girl.

Think about what that means - this girl's priorities are more important than his own. So much so that he'll leave family (I presume), friends, personal ambitions and opportunities behind in order to follow her lead. This is HUGE, irrecoverable DLV. Whether or not it happens to be true, it telegraphs a message to her in jumbotron scale, "I have no better options or prospects than to follow you."

I constantly see this exact same scenario play out for college age men trying to decide which college to attend. If a guy is in a sexual relationship with a semi-committed GF post high school, the odds are astronomical that he'll choose whatever university she does in order to maintain it.


His message says, "I am so rudderless in life and dependent upon your pussie I will relocate hundreds of miles to restart my own life to maintain it." There is no greater concession than this. Your friend may bounce back from this just as you're saying, but the time is wasted, the effort is wasted, and whenever anyone in Ohio asks him, "so, what brought you to Ohio?" he'll be reminded of it. Rejection is better than regret.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Rollo,
So by your same thought my ex-girlfriend who quit her job, moved 400 miles to be with me is AFC? Now that I have broken up with her and she's moved out. She's the scorned and rejected. I don't enjoy what just happened, and have learned never to live with someone without being married to them. I do feel proud that I had the nuts not to stay in something that wasn't working. All too many people do out of shame, lack of options, etc. Right now I'm being bombarded with hate e-mails from her mother, friends, and I'm certain to have horrible lies being spread about me all over town. Even bad publicity is good publicity...
KC

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Right now I'm being bombarded with hate e-mails from her mother, friends, and I'm certain to have horrible lies being spread about me all over town

Isn't it an interesting dynamic that when a Man LJBFs a woman who made the effort to relocate for him (as in your case) scorn is just heaped upon him. He's indecisive. He should've knew beforehand that he wasn't 100% committed. Now look what's happened, all her love and devotion wasted on man with no integrity. Family and friends don't even need to be petitioned to help with his lynching.

But let a man be put off by a woman for making the same effort, for putting forth the same selfless devotion in relocating to accommodate and "support" her goals and he "should've known better." There's no implied contract as in your case KC. A guy gets shamed for the same action - no one's coming to his defense, and no family is calling her a heartless charlatan who should've been more forthcoming . And again that's all part of the male Catch 22. Anything masculine that serves the female imperative is rewarded and encouraged conveniently as needed, and any thing that doesn't is reviled and ridiculed.

Essentially your ex demonstrated higher (social) value by her relocation. When a woman does this for a man she's beatified for her dedication. The opposite is true for a man, because, socially, he's not the one who should be making that sacrifice. AFCs think the reverse is true - the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care - but women don't want a man to make this sacrifice. They want him to be resolute and determined enough to walk away from her to pursue his own ambitions. That's demonstrating higher value - your self-worth, determination and ambition means sacrificing her. Women want a Man that other men want to be and other women want to ƒuck. They want a man who's achieved a status that makes him admired, and sometimes that means sublimating her own ambitions inspite of her protesting against him.

 

[Warrior74]

I wouldn't be too put out. But then again I would love to be living in LA, in decent shape and with options. Not a bad place to be single eh?

 

[Knight's Cross]

Thought you'd write something like that RT. My life plan is turbocharged right now. She was holding me back. To dismiss/erase her from my life was my best option and I took it. Being blacklisted publicly is actually very interesting. What they don't realize is giving it such a huge response is actualy very enpowering to my social status. I was concerned at fiirst that she'd do this. Now I smile in its benefits. Tiger Blood.... I think that's what they are calling it over at the Chateau.
KC

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Inline with what Rollo's saying about the feminine imperative ass kissing, I have heard more than a few horror stories about farms getting divvied up in estate gifting. In each case, the song remains the same: the old man would rather accomodate daughters (or even daughters in-law!) who lived out of state and had nothing to do with the farm, than just give it all to the son who had spent his entire life on that farm and made it possible. All this injustice, for the irrational, baseless platitude that "it seems like the right thing to do."

There is certainly something to be said for the proliferation of approval-seeking servitude in men. You know what modern man is? He's the elephant tied to a stake by a rope. Though at any time the elephant could obviously stand up and break the rope (or rip the stake out of the ground), he has been conditioned since birth that the rope can hold him back. Such is man's immersion in a culture that preaches equality while trying to punish him for being exactly what he is.

But what would Conan the Barbarian have to say about men who need approval from women? "To hell with you!"

Let me tell you, there's a good chance ol boy is just happy as hell to be out of Ohio, because it's California. When I was stationed in southern California I was a 19 year old farmboy from Ohio who had never been out west. It blew my mind, it was a paradise of perfect weather and hot chicks coming out of the sidewalks. Every weekend I was down at the bonfires on the beach making out with hot 17 year olds, California rules.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Thought you'd write something like that RT. My life plan is turbocharged right now. She was holding me back. To dismiss/erase her from my life was my best option and I took it. Being blacklisted publicly is actually very interesting. What they don't realize is giving it such a huge response is actualy very enpowering to my social status. I was concerned at fiirst that she'd do this. Now I smile in its benefits. Tiger Blood.... I think that's what they are calling it over at the Chateau.
KC

Just don't respond to it, don't defend yourself. You don't need to.

That is where the real cred will come from-your indifference to their bs.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Julius, I thought about making a stand and telling her mom to go F herself. What'd be the point? In her eyes I've ruined her daughters life. Ohh for shame things didn't work out. I know I did the right thing and broke off the relationship when it wasn't working for us both. That point is missed by them all. They'd rather squable about how she gave up so much. As Rollo stated rather well, that's what a woman is supposed to do. I as a man am supposed to stand resolute pure in ambition and goal. If she chooses to follow me, it makes no difference to me. I allowed her in my orbit, and chose to cast her out of my orbit. While they bemoan me, deep down they know I was in control of the situation, and am still. I pursue that which I desire. That which pleases me. My Ex can spread all the filth she wants of my character, but that which we cannot have, controls us. So since she cannot have my love, she merely raises my status by talking about me.

 

[backbreaker]

i guess what i call afc is different from another guys. I have no problem with a man making a decision based off a woman, that's called reality.

when a man sees somehting he wants, as in a woman, I have no problem with him making life decisions that are built around her, if he feels this woman is worth it. That has nothing to do with being needy, insecure, optionless and spineless. it might or might not work out, that's part of life, that's the chance you take, but i have no problem with a man deciding okay this girl is worth X to me I will do this to make this work.

Okay let me rephrase, to an extent. If a guy for instance has a scholarship to say, Columbia, and his GF wants him to stay close to him and he decides to go to the university of iowa to stay home or something, then yes, that is not accecptable in my eyes, becuase she should be the one that should be making the sacrifice, not you. she needs to either mo mve with you or go let you make a better life for you.


But in this guy's situation I don't see that. He lived in ****ing ohio for crying out loud and had a pretty dead end job. He got a pretty damn good job and got closer to his GF. He never would have gotten the good job, if it weren't for the initiative to be closer to his GF.

 

[Kailex]

He probably has some other females lined up.

That or he's trying to play it cool by acting non-chalant about it, specially if this conversation happened in the gym.

Or maybe he signed up to this site.

 

[WhitePimp]

I just got fired from my job for making out with a hot Mexican cleaning chick, and honestly, I couldn't be happier at the moment. I'm free so to speak. I'm going to enjoy being jobless and responsibility-free for a bit before reality must set in.

But anyways, sometimes losing something big and important can actually set your mind and heart free in a way. I've had a smile plastered on my face since I was fired and my demeanor has actually changed. I speak more powerfully now, I'm funnier, I hold my head higher, I swagger a little more. Women are giving me IOI's left and right and all that happened was that I got "set free" from the job that was apparently sucking my soul out.

It could be your friend was really searching for a drastic change in his life, and even though it sounds like it was a negative change, maybe it reevaluated what was important to him and he's actually happy. I made plans to visit Florida for spring break and that wouldn't have been possible if I was working...I'm truly excited for my future for the first time in awhile and maybe he is too. Plus Ohio to CA is like going from Beirut to Lake Como.

 

[DanelMadr]

Isn't it an interesting dynamic that when a Man LJBFs a woman who made the effort to relocate for him (as in your case) scorn is just heaped upon him. He's indecisive. He should've knew beforehand that he wasn't 100% committed. Now look what's happened, all her love and devotion wasted on man with no integrity. Family and friends don't even need to be petitioned to help with his lynching.

But let a man be put off by a woman for making the same effort, for putting forth the same selfless devotion in relocating to accommodate and "support" her goals and he "should've known better." There's no implied contract as in your case KC. A guy gets shamed for the same action - no one's coming to his defense, and no family is calling her a heartless charlatan who should've been more forthcoming . And again that's all part of the male Catch 22. Anything masculine that serves the female imperative is rewarded and encouraged conveniently as needed, and any thing that doesn't is reviled and ridiculed.

Essentially your ex demonstrated higher (social) value by her relocation. When a woman does this for a man she's beatified for her dedication. The opposite is true for a man, because, socially, he's not the one who should be making that sacrifice. AFCs think the reverse is true - the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care - but women don't want a man to make this sacrifice. They want him to be resolute and determined enough to walk away from her to pursue his own ambitions. That's demonstrating higher value - your self-worth, determination and ambition means sacrificing her. Women want a Man that other men want to be and other women want to ƒuck. They want a man who's achieved a status that makes him admired, and sometimes that means sublimating her own ambitions inspite of her protesting against him.

Rollo,
he is not AFC because he is not Frustrated. Yes, it is always a mistake to follow a woman but when he had shyt going for him where he was why not to relocate.

Backbreaker,
You can keep your cool even when you are not actually turning any more plates. There are cool guys out there who never heard of plate spinning. Plate spinning is a crutch, a distraction. We should be able to face rejection without it.

Rollo,

you get pissed over the Equality thing going on and rightly so, but then you use the same card. Men and Women are different and they should experience the equality only when concerned with human rights.
Men should take the lead and therefore responsibility, that is old school and I believe it is like it should be. Are we going to demand the same "rights" women have? To not initiate, to follow, to be defended by a girl in a bar fight, right to weep when a girl uses you and dumps you?

Forget about equal right and injustice. We are not the same we can't play by the same rules. Embrace what you have. This site for me is reminder that the game has not changed even though society tries to tell us it did. Don't ruin it.
Being a man is tough and maybe unfair but life's a ***** and you can deal with it once you get a pair.

 

[squirrels]

The difference is that he recognizes and accepts his mistake...and he didn't move out there resting ALL of his chances of happiness on things working out with this girl...he DID get a good job.

Anyone who has it figured out that a woman's affection for a man is not what makes him a worthwhile human being is already 6 steps ahead of the average man.

 

[Slickster]

I don't see any AFC's here.

I see a guy willing to take a shot at something he thought would make him happy.

It didn't work out so he's gonna keep on keeping on. Good for him.

If he limped back home to Ohio with his tail between his legs sure that would be lame. However if he's happy with where he's at - good man.

 

[Radharc]

Sounds like he has his act together, and took a calculated risk, he didn´t probably made all the plans about his life, and his moving, depend on the particular outcome of the situation with the girl, it was just a part of the package. And if you have your life in the right track if something goes wrong it's not that hard to come up with a plan B. But also, sometimes you have to take chances.
I remember situations where I was bored with my life, and needed a change of place, pace, job, and a girl can sometimes be the catalyst that pushes you in a particular direction, but hey, no big deal, I needed a change anyways.

 

[jophil28]

Because he the made potentially life-impacting decision to move to another state based solely on facilitating his relationship with this girl.

I think that the significance of RT's quote above has been overlooked by some of you.

 

[Slickster]

I think that the significance of RT's quote above has been overlooked by some of you.

I say, so what?

How do we know his life was all that great in Ohio? What if it wasn't going well for him there? Should he stay and be miserable? Should he break up with his LTR first and then move to LA? Does that make any difference?

He took a risk (or maybe not) to be happy. It didn't work and he's ok with it. That is all that matters.