epiphany time

[DanelMadr]

I think that the significance of RT's quote above has been overlooked by some of you.

We just don't think he should go few months back in time to initiate the relocation, so he does the leading. And we don't think he should have dump her to safe face.
The relationship is dead and probably was dead before moving. He just went the whole way. Why to stay with shytty job and no gf. He moved and at least has a life.

 

[backbreaker]

I put him on a 32 dollar winner today in the big cap, I don't give out picks often, one becuase when I miss, and I do, people get pissy, and then when they do hit, they act like they did the ****ing work. well I've been trying to get him to the track so I gave him some freebies, came and nailed the big cap winner dead to rights, with a 50 dollar ticket, and he actually is taking me out for picking the winner for him. I'm going to go out, have some drinks (on him lol)" and see him in action

 

[jophil28]

We just don't think he should go few months back in time to initiate the relocation, so he does the leading. And we don't think he should have dump her to safe face.
The relationship is dead and probably was dead before moving. He just went the whole way. Why to stay with shytty job and no gf. He moved and at least has a life.

That makes no sense.

The guy's move to be with his so-called G/f was a chump move.

Firstly, her relocation to Calif. said that he (and their relationship ) was not her first priority . That fact alone seems to have eluded his understanding.
Secondly his decision to uproot his life in the midwest, leave his friends and his career and employment to be with her, said that she was indeed his priority.
So he traveled across the country with no guarantees and no firm commitment to be with a woman whose actions in leaving said that he was not very important to her.

She then revealed that she was dating other guys, and dropped him in the FZ.

How much more of the frame could he have handed over to her ?

This kind of outcome is common when men like BB's friend break one of our guiding principles- "A women joins a man' life, not the other way around."

 

[DanelMadr]

That makes no sense.

The guy's move to be with his so-called G/f was a chump move.

Firstly, her relocation to Calif. said that he (and their relationship ) was not her first priority . That fact alone seems to have eluded his understanding.
Secondly his decision to uproot his life in the midwest, leave his friends and his career and employment to be with her, said that she was indeed his priority.
So he traveled across the country with no guarantees and no firm commitment to be with a woman whose actions in leaving said that he was not very important to her.

She then revealed that she was dating other guys, and dropped him in the FZ.

How much more of the frame could he have handed over to her ?

This kind of outcome is common when men like BB's friend break one of our guiding principles- "A women joins a man' life, not the other way around."

No dispute with that.
I was trying to say, that the damage was done even before she decided to move. If he wasn't weak she maybe would love him and did not relocate. However you are using general principles. In this individual case he had no choice and clearly he did not follow her to the hell. He took it as a chance for a change and adventure.

Yes he should have been more of a Man and he should work on that not to repeat it in the future but he certainly is not that AFC crying and pointing fingers chode.

I believe we were aware of his faults but instead of pointing out the obvious we concluded he did what he could. Not to move with her would be sure as hell she would drop him and him staying with ****ty town.
Moving away from a family is what everyone should do.

 

[jophil28]

Moving away from a family is what everyone should do.

I agree, if and when career opportunities, or the promise of travel and adventure, call.

In this case he left because he wanted to continue to be in a relationship with a woman who did not really want to be with him .

That makes him a woman follower at the least.
At the worst he is a guy who has no understanding of the significance of the events in his personal life or the underlying meaning of his g/fs actions in leaving him in that first place..

 

[backbreaker]

lol, dude is going to be fine lol. I thought I had balls.



I'm sorry, my ruling is final, he is not an AFC. That's that. Some of you guys are going to be miserable with all the ****ing rules you have. DJ is not a set of rules, its' a mindset. No one thing or one circumstnace, or event, ameks you an AFC or a DJ. "Even though he moved from ohio to be with her, there is no doubt in my mind he knew he could take her or leave her. There is a reason she is in her 30's and hasn't been married, it's not becuase of her prestine decision making skills when it comes to men. He just liked the girl and was tired of living in ohio.

 

[DanelMadr]

lol, dude is going to be fine lol. I thought I had balls.



I'm sorry, my ruling is final, he is not an AFC. That's that. Some of you guys are going to be miserable with all the ****ing rules you have. DJ is not a set of rules, its' a mindset. No one thing or one circumstnace, or event, ameks you an AFC or a DJ. "Even though he moved from ohio to be with her, there is no doubt in my mind he knew he could take her or leave her. There is a reason she is in her 30's and hasn't been married, it's not becuase of her prestine decision making skills when it comes to men. He just liked the girl and was tired of living in ohio.

just like that

 

[EastWind]

Moving away from a family is what everyone should do.

I disagree to an extent.

It is true that everyone should learn to stand on their own feet, but radically moving far away from your family "just because" is ridiculous. If you want space from your parents, you can just move out of the house and get your own place nearby.

Half of modern society's problems can be traced back to the disintegration of families and the absence of grandparents (kids with no one taking care of them after school, seniors being completely on their own, parents overwhelmed with jobs + life + kids...)

</controversy>

 

[jophil28]

I'm sorry, my ruling is final, he is not an AFC.

Your unconditional loyalty to your friend is understandable, even admirable.