Entitlement

[Knight's Cross]

Didn't know my post was going to uncover such a huge split in peoples approach to dating. Obviously there are 2 camps here.
Lets just say stick with what works for you.
KC

 

[Jitterbug]

Looks like it's the southern camp that says no to confirmation calls.

Maybe American chicks flake more and it's a bigger part of the dating culture up there?

Also, Aussie (& Kiwi) dating culture is more macho so usually any extra calling or TXTing that you do which you don't absolutely have to (or other things along that line) is considered GHEY.

 

[Zunder]

Looks like it's the southern camp that says no to confirmation calls.

Maybe American chicks flake more and it's a bigger part of the dating culture up there?

Also, Aussie (& Kiwi) dating culture is more macho so usually any extra calling or TXTing that you do which you don't absolutely have to (or other things along that line) is considered GHEY.

Well done in the Rugby too Jitterbug.
We'll get you back in the World Cup...hopefully.

 

[Jitterbug]

I'm not from a rugby state, but we love a good ol' kiwi arse-kicking regardless. Cheers!

 

[scrouds]

No, still shame worthy in my opinion. Your still presuming she doesn't think the sun shines out of your ass and would never in her wildest dreams think of flaking and letting a guy of your caliber slip through her fingers.

You needn't ask her to text you that day, she's into you already and would have let you know herself like an adult woman if she couldn't make it.
If she doesn't then youve just weeded out sub par sh1t. It's a win win.

Do you see where I'm going?

edit: and just to add, getting flaked on at the bar is far less chumpish than being an unsure beta with questionable self worth beforehand. You'll be gaming a new chick at the bar anyway.

I see where you're going, but I still don't agree with it. I like coffee, scratch that I love coffee, but I make it at home if I want it, I don't go to a cafe. But I invite a chick out to a cafe. Even worse for bars, since I'm just not a fan of bars but will invite a chick out to one. Guess my point is, I'd like to be on the date, but my #2 thing I'd want to do is something completely different. If I know, I'd rather do #2 then #8 on the list.

If you are the one to make the date conditional on your whims and mood, that's nothing but control. You're presuming that the sun does indeed shine out of your dirty pooperchute.

Just a theory, but on the surface you're going to have to display the higher value necessary to pull this off. Personally, I only invite same day / next day. Cuts the flakes down a lot. If they counter with specific time in the future, then I push the "she has to confirm" deal.

The follow through is important too. Pretend like the date doesn't exist if it serves your needs. If you have a same day opening, throw it out to her. If the date doesn't work at a good time, pretend it doesn't exist. If she does confirm, then just say something came up, etc.

As an aside, I think we place too much value on actively showing value. Whatever you do, just don't supplicate and you're golden. I beleive both of our plans don't display lack of value. I just hate wasting my time and being in a place I wouldn't otherwise be at that time. If that makes me a male flake, so be it. In this messed up world, flaking is value.

 

[vatoloco]

Well, IDK about other people but the reason I don't call to confirm is to gauge the IL of any woman I am interacting with. I do the same thing when I meet up with friends and acquaintances of both sexes to gauge how much they esteem me and my time.

When I arrange a day and time, I am making a verbal contract with you that I am going to show up at said place and time, barring a life and death situation. If the other party is unwilling to be held to the same standard of politeness and courtesy, then that tells me that that person is not worth my time and is either dropped from my Life or, at the very least, minimized from it.

But again, YMMV. This is just my crazy thinking...

 

[SgtSplacker]

I mean if you dont call her and talk to her then the evening is too much about the date and not enough about the people a bit no? I mean cmon how can you be scared to call a girl on the day of your date? Not scared? Maybe she thinks your scared, or just weird. That's what I would think. And as far as the name thing goes who cares? Use it as material for comedy, it's her bad anyways. She'll be more inclined to laugh at those jokes and see that you are secure enough to laugh at yourself. Use it as material to show interest in her love life, a couple not too probing questions may be good. Her calling you another name is great material to kinda throw her off balance and get some sincere conversation about herself going. It is what you make it bro. And generally you need to be focusing on communicating with the ladies not enforcing some lame ass rules you read on the internets. You have to get all the things you read on these sites and take them with a grain of salt man. Dont fit your life to the rules. Fit the rules into your life. Women love to feel pursued, have you done anything to make her feel this way? Show some interest man, and don't worry so much about what she thinks.It's about you because YOU'RE THE MAN, MAN!

 

[zekko]

Also, Aussie (& Kiwi) dating culture is more macho so usually any extra calling or TXTing that you do which you don't absolutely have to

It could be a regional thing, I suppose. To me, thinking a confirmation call could make you look like a chump seems a little paranoid. I find it hard to see how it could possibly hurt. But it's interesting that you note the geographical difference.

Here's another example:
Here (midwest US) it's considered bad form to just drop in on someone without calling first. Now when I was a young guy, my friends and I used to drop in on each other all the time without calling first. We all hung out together all the time anyway. When we got older and busier though, we got to appreciate the "call first" rule. People just barging in started to seem too intrusive.

So is the "call first" idea a regional thing, or is it universal?

 

[Solomon]

Or could be a generational thing

http://www.rsdnation.com/node/197628/forum
^^read this thread

 

[Nutz]

Or could be a generational thing

http://www.rsdnation.com/node/197628/forum
^^read this thread

Reading it now, I can already tell where he messed up:

She laughs and tells me "hahaha ok i'm gonna be ter with a couple friends, I'l call you when i'm there then we'll meet up".

Stop right there. Instead of being the one sitting there with your pud in your hand, you tell her to call you when she's on her way and you'll meet her at xyz. If shes doesn't contact you then you're not out anything. If you go with the hope of her showing up then you've just put yourself at her bidding.

So I went there to take care of what I had to take care of. Texted her "yo. i'm gonna head out in an hour or so".
No reply, no phone call, no text message.

And there you have it.