It never ceases to amaze me how readily divorced women (and somtimes thrice divorced) are to dispense tips on the makings for a great marriage. Or more fascinating, to hear pvssywhipped husbands parrot these same lines. Divorced guy's marriage advice is usually "just don't get married." So allow me to toss in my two cents here.
I've been married to a gorgeous, fun and loving woman for 9 years now and we've got fantastic, whip-smart 7 year old daughter. I'm no trying to gloss myself here, but I'm inclined to say I've got a pretty good marriage. In those 9 years I have yet to have a guy tell me he's getting more sex now than when he was single or dating his wife, but sex isn't the issue here - desire is the root of your problem.
As I've said in many previous threads, properly motivated women will move across the country, crawl under barb wire and out a 2 story window to fvck a guy she has the genuine desire to fvck. This apples equally to your wife of 10 years. Before marriage women look for ways to get laid with a guy they want to marry, after marriage they look for ways to avoid it, but it's desire that motivates it. Chris Rock says it best when he goes into sex after marriage - "I haven't fvcked in 8 years. I've had 'intercourse', but I haven't fvcked since I got married. I haven't had a blow_job in 8 years. I've had 'fellatio' but I haven't had my d!ck sucked in 8 years." This is the essence of desire after marriage; it becomes another chore to add to a woman's to-do list. Get the kids to soccer practice, go get groceries, fvck her husband and fold the laundry. Ad a fulltime job to that list and sleep becomes the new sex. But it's not about being tired or overwhelmed, it's about desire. My wife works a night shift at a hospital and if she came in at 2am and woke me up telling me she felt like having sex I could be in the deepest REM sleep and wake up to knock it out with her and be ready to go for two, because I
want to have sex with her. Women love to play the "but I really want to, I'm just not into it now" card to counter this, but like any good DJ, never forget it's her behavior that defines intent, not her words. Remember, a woman will fvck; she might not fvck you, she might not fvck me, but she will fvck somebody. She just needs to be properly motivated.
All of those precondtions she had for you to accept YOUR offer of marriage - a good job, be a good provider, a good listener, be funny, have status, being reliable, a good pyshique; all of that does nothing to increase her desire to have sex with you. The single, bachelor DJ is concerned with Interest Levels the married Dj should be concerned with Desire Levels.
So how do you prompt this Desire? How do you get a woman who knows every intimate detail about you for the past 10 years properly motivated to fvck you like she did when you were 28? Women will cry, "more romance!" and men will roll their eyes and murmer "alcohol." Put out of your head right now all of thess feminine-correct notions that you need to "rekindle the fire" or find some gimmicky ritual that will lead you back to that desire she picked up from some article in Cosmo - I've gone down that road before. 'Date Night' is a bandaid for a symptom of a larger ill and this is a prolonged lack of Desire. There is nothing worse than going through the motions of a pre-planned, pre-scripted, 'date-like-you-used-to-have' only to have your wife lay on the bed like a dead fish. No amount of opportunity (which is what a date night is, scheduled opportunity) will lead to her
wanting to have sex with you.
It's not about frequency, it's about quality. Frequency declines after marriage, it's just logistics (especially after kids), but spontanety doesn't have to. Would your wife fvck you in the car like she did when you were dating? Would she be up for fvcking in the great outdoors if you were hiking together somewhere? Would she be down for anything kinky that she hasn't done before or in ages or is it all just 'vanilla' sex now? Here's a list of things you should do froma a man's point of view:
Make her want it
If you've been married for 10 years, she probably feels pretty secure with you and whatever degree of control she has in regards to regulating the flow of sex. Make her uncomfortable. As counterintuitive as it sounds, this is the single most important advantage you can take. Begin to incrementally take the power that her intimacy has had sway over you for the past 10 years back from her. When you were unmarried even the slightest bit of anxiety that she may be put off for another, better prospect than herself prompted that desire to fvck you better than the others.
Most important though is to do this
covertly. If you go popping off about how you're taking your balls back and she'd better shape up or you'll be looking for a woman who is into fvcking you, you're dead in the water. You have to imply with your attitude and behavior that somethng's changed in you. The best DJ principle to remember in marriage is that you will only get what you've gotten if you keep doing what you've done before.
The power of the 'takeaway'
In one form or another DJs use the takeaway to mold behavior. This is behavioral psychology 101, reinforce the behaviors you want and punish the ones you don't, all the time remembering that too much reward leads to satiation and cesation of the desired behavior. Don't buy your wife flowers in order to get her to fvck you, buy them AFTER she's performed accordingly and to your satisfaction. So many married men I know (even in their 60s
) still atempt to purchase sex from their wives by 'allowing' them to buy expensive things thinking it will lead to 'appreciation sex'. In reality it will invariably lead to expected and desireless 'debt sex'. Remember, the pool boy that your wife cheats on you for didn't buy her a goddamn thing to make her want to fvck him.
Your attention is your best tool in this regard. One thing we tell AFCs on this forum is not to give away the farm on the first date and that women are by nature attention craving. When you give away your attention without her having to seek it it devalues your attention. This is a paradox in marriage because it's understood that she 'should' have 100% of your attention and after 10 years there is zero mystery about you. When you begin to take away attention she's grown accustomed to she will seek it. And again you must do this covertly as she will respond to it coverty. You have to be sensitive to the adjustments she makes in her attention seeking, in conversation, in posture, in habit and behavior, becasue she wont overtly tell you "oh please pay attention to me." This will add to her desire to have sex with you in order to reaffirm this attention. Sex then becomes a reinforcer for her in this attention seeking which you can then use to modify her behavior - in this case being genuine desire.
Other forms of the takeaway may include certain regularities she's grown used to over the years that she takes for granted. One of these is a regular kiss. I used this to a great effect with my own wife. I would regularly come home from work and go kiss my wife as soon as I saw her, she became accustomed to this and after a few years I came to realize that I was like a puppydog in this regard, immmediately seeking affection as soon as I got home so I began to take this away. Eventually she covertly recognized this and began to greet me at the door with a kiss. She was prompted to desire that connection by a takeaway.
