Emergency advice required (keep or NEXT)

[Truebrit]

Take this to the bank TRUEBRIT:



not because you went so hypocritical AFC guilt-shame on her.

Lol this bit made me laugh - its true I did go all AFC and I pretty much knew I was when I was doing it. Lessons learned with this one....

 

[Truebrit]

Cop-out, dude. You haven't learned the lesson, you've only heard it. Deep down, nothing has changed. Change is hard; harder than "ok, you are all right, I'm going away now". If you are serious about growing, you must accept those conventions that are the exact opposite of everything you thought you knew, when those conventions are show to be correct. Cognitive dissonance theory will explain to you why you are having still fighting this.

Look, I know she was a hottie; I know the power of oneitis; this may be one the hardest things you've ever had to do. All these "morals" are nothing more than constructs of the human mind to control and manipulate other people. When used correctly, they benefit society; when used for personal gain, they are dysfunctional at best.

I think your going over the top here - I was saying i knew most of these already - like I said - I knew I was being AFC at the time. Its one thing to know the correct way to act but another thing entirely to DO the correct thing that way 100% of the time - thats the differance here its about being strong when things arn't going your way and are out of your own control. We all have that fault sometimes.

What has struck home and what I have thought about more is the quote

"Women would rather share a successful man than be attached to a faithful loser".

When I spin plates I am always upfront about what i'm doing and that I am seeing other people. As a rule I never make out its anymore than that - if anything it has a detrimental affect on things progressing. The result is that I never get any grief from them and rarely (like 10% of the time if that) get dropped. However, what I have done here is ignore that rule with the 23 year old. After seeing her a couple of months we went out on night and she started down the "I want us to become exclusive" route.

I didnt want to be excusive at all - I was happy being single and going out and meeting new women. This was my mistake - I did not convey (openly or by inference) this opinion. I just agreed. Greed/insecurity - call it what you will - but thats what i did.

But don't get the impression I was AFC throughout the whole thing - I remember the inevitable **** tests right at the start of it all and actually spelling out to her "I don't need you - you are easily replaceable". I genuinly meant it - I was spinning 2 other high values - I couldn't give two sh*ts about her at the time.

But I ended up liking her - not quite enough to for exclusivity but enough to enter into a sham-relationship. I am honest to myself in that respect. So the tables turned - I know why they have and what happened. I lost control - thats why i'm upset. But i'll get over it - it happens.

 

[Mr. Me]

Everything you've written signals that this relationship should be put to rest. From her disclosure that when push comes to shove, she'll cheat rather than be upfront and end things honestly to her now mentioning her interest in another man. A guy who she told you cheats himself. A man apparently of very high principles is whom she's interested in. What a gal!

It doesn't matter if the last guy was an alkie or not. The bottom line is instead of walking, she chose to cheat. Makes you wonder if he was a drunk, why didn't she just end it with him but instead preferred to stick around? More about that in a sec.

So you've neglected her - in effect, you've created an environment where she felt neglected, and now that push has to come shove does she end her relationship with you - or does she fall back on what's easier for her to do, which we know is to cheat, past behavior being the best indicative of likely future behavior and all.

You neglected her because you were sharing yourself with several others, so you couldn't be there fully present for her. Oh well. When women feel neglected, they go. If you're gonna share your time or not, you have to make the time you spend with them count by making them intensely feel as if they're the only woman on earth.

So she's starting a new job and doesn't have sufficient funds to even buy some clothes and is looking to move in with you. So, could her moving in be for the same reason perhaps as the reason she stuck in there with the alcoholic? Because he provided a place to live?

Don't let her move in. You asking for trouble.

And delete her number.

 

[King of Action]

You cant have your cake and eat it too, man.

If you two are planning on moving in together exclusivity has been implied in some form or another, so you are no longer 'spinning plates'. You are seeing girls on the side.

It sounds like her interest is still there, but floundering. It is unlikely she would cheat on you right before moving in. Whatever the case may be you should not move in with her. This is disaster waiting to happen.

She probably observed your behavior and see she can't commit totally to you, therefore, she's giving you a challenge. Whether you give yourself to her or you move on and stay with your lifestyle.

Who's the PRIZE.

 

[mintxx]

sorry if this has been said but if you have a 'girlfriend' and you're still 'spinning plates'.. you're really just cheating on your girlfriend, don't delude yourself. I think you should leave her be, she doesn't deserve to be hurt by your behaviour. Feel free to 'spin plates' when you're single, rather than using your girlfriend as a safety blanket and abusing her trust.