ElStud on approaching.

[ElStud]

Hey guys this is ElStud and today I'm gonna talk about my views on approaching from what I've experienced. I know right off the bat that not everyone's going to agree with this, but I don't care. This is basically gonna be a guide to help newbies get better at approaching and get over their approach anxiety.

So why are guys afraid to approach girls?

Why are guys afraid to approach girls? I can answer this one word, they fear being rejected by the girl. They fear that the girl won't like them or that they are not good enough for the girl. But let's look deeper into this, why are they afraid of being rejected? Well because they have an insecure mindset and have bad beliefs. They are not "Confident" in their approach. So yes, insecurity and bad beliefs are the two main reasons guys are afraid to approach. And these insecurities and bad beliefs ultimate lead to...

Approach Anxiety

Approach Anxiety is what it is which is when you see a girl and you're afraid to talk to her. This is a common problem that most newbies have and it comes from the fear that you will be rejected by the female. The fear that she will not like you, the fear that you are not good enough for her, the fear that what you say isn't going to work. That's approach anxiety for you.

So how do you get over Approach Anxiety?

Well to be honest at this point, even I still get a little AA but in the end I'll still approach. But how do you weaken your AA and become more comfortable with approaching? Easy, you just keep approaching and approaching until you're comfortable with it. It's kind of like you see a set and even though you are nervous, you eventually just grab your balls and approach the set. That's how I got more comfortable with approaching.

Okay, I get that. But the thing is, I don't know what to say when I finally do approach the girl. Any tips?

You need something to say to the girl after approaching? "Hey, how's it going?" it's simple as that. Don't worry about if the convo doesn't go any further than that and don't worry if she rejects you. Just go up there and say "Hey, how's it going?". Alternatively, if you want to try something different than that, there are a lot of canned openers out there that you can use. Personally they're not my style though. But really don't worry too much about what to say, as it's more body language and subcommunication that matters.

But ElStud what if I get rejected?

So what dude, there are plenty of other women out there, you'll live if one girl rejects you. There'll be other fish in the sea bro don't worry too much about it. Just focus more on actually having the balls to approach and talking to the girl for right now.

 

[scribblec]

Okay, I get that. But the thing is, I don't know what to say when I finally do approach the girl. Any tips?
.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sLpp-XGW3Pg

 

[yuppaz]

Good post man. I know a lot of guys give you sh*t, but you shouldn't get any for this great and helpful post.

 

[daygameguy]

First off, let me lol my azz off.. hahaha..

On a serious note, I believe in what you wrote cuz it comes from your field experience. But it is funny cuz I think the only audience you are subconsciously writing for is yourself! Get over the thrill of "opening sets". Invest more on self improvement, health and fitness, voice control, frame control, body lang, inner game, sexual flirting etc.

 

[nicelife]

nice post but this and more has already been covered about 1,000,000 times in different threads, your just re wording..

 

[ElStud]

First off, let me lol my azz off.. hahaha..

On a serious note, I believe in what you wrote cuz it comes from your field experience. But it is funny cuz I think the only audience you are subconsciously writing for is yourself! Get over the thrill of "opening sets". Invest more on self improvement, health and fitness, voice control, frame control, body lang, inner game, sexual flirting etc.

You know what shush. I don't know why the f*ck you are such a hater, but f*cking shush okay. First off, I've been in the field probably four times as much as you(I approach 10+ sets almost every day). Who are you to hate with what, your two FR's. Get out of here buddy, if you cannot act damn respectful. You know what? Go out there and approach as much as I do, then hate. Until then, shush and go continue to write all your theories and ****, while me and the people reading this post actually go out and approach.

I find it sickening losers like you have a bunch of reputation points, but the ones who actually do sh*t are hated here.

 

[bigjohnson]

First off, I've been in the field probably four times as much as you ...

Most men tend to be highly results oriented - it's one of our key characteristics. For instance, I don't take advice on fixing cars from someone who has completely fucked up 1000 of 1000 cars by trying to fix them. Do you see the issue?

 

[ElStud]

Most men tend to be highly results oriented - it's one of our key characteristics. For instance, I don't take advice on fixing cars from someone who has completely fucked up 1000 of 1000 cars by trying to fix them. Do you see the issue?

Look man, I do not care for your opinion anymore. All I know is anyone who takes the advice in this thread is on there way. You can talk all the crap you want about it, laugh at it, whatever. All I know is at the end of the day, the advice is relavent to the field.

 

[Violent V]

Good post Elstud. And some great points by daygameguy as well.

But Elstud, why do you stress so much over replies? So much negative unresourceful energy? Just ignore what bothers you or else your reaction just feeds others to keep coming back.

Peace.

 

[ElStud]

Good post Elstud. And some great points by daygameguy as well.

But Elstud, why do you stress so much over replies? So much negative unresourceful energy? Just ignore what bothers you or else your reaction just feeds others to keep coming back.

Peace.

Because if you cannot respect, you should not post at it. The topic of this is approaching. I approach a lot more than daygameguy and he criticizes me. You don't have to read this you know and you certainly don't have to bring disrespect.

 

[daygameguy]

ElStud, we are all friends here. The kind of friends I should have always had. The kind of people who will criticize the fvck out of you so you can improve, and applaud you when you DO.

If you read my comment carefully, its has both positive and negative points for you. And I could have rick-rolled you just like people do, but I decided to write down something meaningful, and this is what I get. Nothing but hatred.

I've been through the phase of opening sets. My honest suggestion would be to find my comment again and look at it from a healthy positive attitude.

No hard feelings bro. Just don't take it personally.

 

[ElStud]

ElStud, we are all friends here. The kind of friends I should have always had. The kind of people who will criticize the fvck out of you so you can improve, and applaud you when you DO.

If you read my comment carefully, its has both positive and negative points for you. And I could have rick-rolled you just like people do, but I decided to write down something meaningful, and this is what I get. Nothing but hatred.

I've been through the phase of opening sets. My honest suggestion would be to find my comment again and look at it from a healthy positive attitude.

No hard feelings bro. Just don't take it personally.

First off, to be talking so big, where is your proof of success man? I don't see it. Infact, why don't I go and "critcize" the fvck out of your threads? Cause I'm not like that, exactly.

And just because you've been through the phase of opening sets does not mean everyone else has. Seriously dude, get out of here with the disrespect thing. Here I'm helping new members get over their approach anxiety and you're acting like a childish hater.

End of the day, talk all the sh*t you want. I still approach SEVERAL sets almost EVERY day, probably more sets than you approach in a week and I still get numbers.

 

[trv26]

Lol, easy ElStud, daygameguy makes a fair point. It's good that you are approaching and getting numbers.

But, it's now time to figure out why you don't get any further and work on it. Have you thought about it? Once you pinpoint the problem I'm sure most people on here will be happy to help you out.

 

[smoothtalker72]

First off, to be talking so big, where is your proof of success man? I don't see it. Infact, why don't I go and "critcize" the fvck out of your threads? Cause I'm not like that, exactly.

And just because you've been through the phase of opening sets does not mean everyone else has. Seriously dude, get out of here with the disrespect thing. Here I'm helping new members get over their approach anxiety and you're acting like a childish hater.

End of the day, talk all the sh*t you want. I still approach SEVERAL sets almost EVERY day, probably more sets than you approach in a week and I still get numbers.

wow, i dont usually jump into these things but you took such an unassumping post and assumed the worst. seriously, wtf is wrong with you. are you on a roid rage type of trip? i mean come on... disrespect?? 1. why do you really give a ****...
2. that wasnt the least bit disrespectful.
if you cant take constructive criticism then you may as well keep your feelings to yourself. taking criticism is a part of growing up, something you seem to have a lot of catching up on. you may talk to girls but from what i've seen you've got nothing to show for it. i talk hundreds of girls daily for my job, doesnt mean a single thing if i do nothing with it now does it.

hes right, instead of putting so much energy into "approaching" you could be bettering yourself in other ways. i can see if you're just getting over your fears of talking to girls and feel empowered but really, you keep bragging about "i talk to this many girls x10 how many do u do fool!!". quit trying to brag. and please do me a favor... dont return with anything even regarding how many girls you approach daily or how many girls i approach daily. its got nothing to do with the situation at hand

 

[ElStud]

wow, i dont usually jump into these things but you took such an unassumping post and assumed the worst. seriously, wtf is wrong with you. are you on a roid rage type of trip? i mean come on... disrespect?? 1. why do you really give a ****...
2. that wasnt the least bit disrespectful.
if you cant take constructive criticism then you may as well keep your feelings to yourself. taking criticism is a part of growing up, something you seem to have a lot of catching up on. you may talk to girls but from what i've seen you've got nothing to show for it. i talk hundreds of girls daily for my job, doesnt mean a single thing if i do nothing with it now does it.

hes right, instead of putting so much energy into "approaching" you could be bettering yourself in other ways. i can see if you're just getting over your fears of talking to girls and feel empowered but really, you keep bragging about "i talk to this many girls x10 how many do u do fool!!". quit trying to brag. and please do me a favor... dont return with anything even regarding how many girls you approach daily or how many girls i approach daily. its got nothing to do with the situation at hand

It doesn't matter to me what it means I do it to improve my own game. But it's like why criticize, when your criticism has nothing to do with the topic. Besides, my advice is from being infield and having approached maybe over 150 girls in my time, so i know what I'm talking about. And just cause you feel like criticizing, don't magically expect everyone to A. Agree with you and B. Take the criticism especially when it's not related to topic.

 

[bigjohnson]

End of the day, talk all the sh*t you want. I still approach SEVERAL sets almost EVERY day, probably more sets than you approach in a week and I still get numbers.

You're looking at the trees so intently you miss the forest. It's as if someone who is trying to learn to drive a car had trouble with parallel parking and so they practice it so much they forget the end goal was to actually drive someplace.

They spend endless hours trying to perfect their parking instead, making it into a sort of game. From time to time concerned friends suggest things they can do to improve their parking or even hint that maybe trying a little spin out on the street might be rewarding, and the suggestion is met with irrational anger.

Eventually the guy who is getting as good as he will ever be at parking starts to give driving advice and is confused when people resist listening.

 

[Vypros]

Why are guys afraid to approach girls?

I think guys are more afraid of success than rejection.

I know that sounds wonky, but let me explain.

We all come here to figure out how to appeal to women. We read books (MM, Magic Bullets, Book of Pook, etc.), we make threads, we sit around an circle jerk each other until we finally get the balls to go approach.

We feel confident in our ability to approach, because we've just read all this material, so the approach isn't THAT intimidating.

And then, when we are there and we see the girl we want to approach...we freeze up.

What if she doesn't like me? what if she makes fun of me? What if the people around me roll their eyes and think of me as some sort of lame loser?

We get bombarded by these excuses to not approach and it raises our anxiety levels.

but do you notice the one thing that is consistent about all those questions we ask? Absolutely NONE of them have to do with the approach itself. We're confident in that. Every one of them has to do with when we're already in the set, and thus we attach those questions to the fear of approaching, when the reality is that we fear what we are going to do AFTER the approach. The approaching part and the opener is actually pretty easy. Any chump can approach a set and make a witty opener.

But not all of us are confident in our ability to captivate their interest and in our ability to carry the conversation to where we want it.

That's why it's so important, as Pook said, to have a life that doesn't revolve around girls. Our lives and the experiences we have are all preparing us for that moment that we walk up and open the set. Without that life, without those experiences, and that social "strength" behind us, we lose confidence in the whole process.

Thus, we fear success because we fear the moments just after a successful approach. That's the true fear, and knowing that we can focus on THAT and not worry so much about the approach itself.

 

[Aragon034]

I'm pretty sure ElStud feeds off the feeling of self-importance he gets from getting so many people riled up against him. Makes him feel that he's actually worth something in the grand scheme of things. I understand that kind of mentality, it almost becomes like a drug, he can't wait to get home and read the 20 page essays people have written about him.

I have no doubt that if any DJ on this forum who has posted of their success were to offer to wing ElStud one night, he would decline as his game doesn't involve wingmen.(or some other reason why he can only go solo)

If he honestly thinks cold approaching any and all women in his area and never escalating beyond a coffee date (which he has posted about before, only once to my recollection and it was with an engaged chick if i recall.) then we really shouldn't bother trying to get him to see otherwise. If he's happy, let him be, we've got our own issues to deal with.

ElStud, it was fun making fun of you for awhile, and i'll always remember the 20 minutes i spent laughing while and after writing my ode to you. All the best in whatever your endevours may be.

and remember people, Teh Interwebz is Seriouz Businezz

 

[dbot]

ElStud is giving advice on how to get over the fear of approaching; something he has already mastered. He's not trying to advise anybody on how to actually close a woman, so any criticism regarding his technique should be saved for another thread.

Those of you trying to provide constructive criticism should understand that if it isn't applicable to the thread, then it isn't warranted. I'm sure ElStud would appreciate a private message as opposed to you calling him out on a thread that has nothing to do with your subject matter.

 

[Smack]

El Stud, you seem to think you're the sh!t here because you can cold approach and get a phone number.

But in reality, no one cares because you're still a virgin and have never, to my knowledge, got past a quick coffee date with a woman.

For your age, you're extremely unsuccessful with the ladies and whilst you do possess a skill which many don't, you can't utilise it.

People here aren't haters, but would just rather not take advice on girls from someone who is a virgin.