Dropped Plate over a Tipping issue

[The Bat]

It happened this afternoon, and the incident completely took me by surprise. I’m posting this to get some feedback that I may have overlooked or missed.

I have been seeing this plate for about two months now. We weren't exclusive although I suspect that she assumed that we were. There was an issue about a month ago. I’m thinking that may have had something to do with what happened today.

I never tell any of my plates that they aren’t the only ones. So when I first started seeing this plate, she asked me if I’m seeing other women. I laughed it off and told her not to worry unless she wanted to have a threesome. :crackup:

Then a month ago, couple of days before NYE, I run into her at a lounge while I’m with another plate. I introduce them to each other and proceed, with the plate that I was with, to a corner booth. This girl (the one I ran into) was visibly upset and left maybe 15 minutes or so after I had gotten there. The plate I was with kept eying her the entire time and tried to probe me later to find out who she really was. Again, I kept it very light hearted and didn’t reveal anything important.

Then when I called her the next day, she was being suspicious and started playing the 20 questions game. I told her that the girl I was with was just a friend and she shouldn’t worry about her. She calmed down after few days and we met up and everything seemed back to normal.

Now, on to what happened today. Me and this plate were grabbing some lunch and the bill came to $15. I decided to pick up the bill since she had bought me few drinks last week when we were out. The restaurant wasn’t anything fancy (hence the $15 bill) so service wasn’t top notch. I decided to tip $1.50.

The plate gets upset and tells me to tip $3 or $4. I told her that when she pays for the bill, she can tip whatever she wants. She got even more furious and proceeded to give me $10 to cover her lunch and add more tip. I told her that now she is just trying to spite me. She then takes her money back and basically calls me a cheap a-hole. I tell her that it’s my money and only I decide how I’m going to spend it.

Needless to say, the ride back to her house wasn’t very fun. She ranted the whole time (about 10 min ride) so I don’t remember everything she said. But things along the lines of how I’m selfish and immoral to not tip enough and to lie to girls, etc. I kept quiet the whole time because I didn’t want a headache of getting into a huge fight with her, and I had already decided to next her so I wasn’t going to waste my time arguing.

So what do you think, men? Did she really flip out because of the tip or the fact that she ran into me and a different girl (which happened about a month ago)? As I dropped her off, I so badly wanted to tell her that, “Oh I’m not seeing one other girl behind your back. I’m seeing actually four.”…and proceed to burn out and drive off.

 

[Mr. Me]

I think you misrepresented yourself to her when she asked you if you were dating any others and you told her not to worry about it. And it seems you deflected boning up again when you told her that the girl she saw you with was just a friend. So, it all added up (and maybe there was more stuff in between too) and seeing you going cheap on the tip was another infraction, bringing up all the other infractions like a banging into a fresh wound, and Ouch!

 

[Ambition Now]

I think it is clear that she got upset because she saw you with other plate one month before that and the tip issue was just an opportunity to express how she felt about it.

There os nothing wrong with your tip, where I live, the usual tip is 10% the value of the bill and you are not being immoral because of it.

But I also think you shouldnt hide the fact that you have other plates, I am new to this plate spinning games, but i think if she assumed you were exclusive, thats her issue, but when she asks you about it, you shouldnt have said that you were just friends with your other plate.

But i guess its ok when this things happens, thats the point of plates, when one drops, you just replace it with another.

 

[NewMan]

You can spend your money however you like.

there is nothing wrong with healthy conversation regarding life events. why you would dump her based on this though - my guess is you never liked her much anyway.

 

[horaholic]

Just a wild guess here: This chick is, or at least WAS a waitress or bartender wasn't she?

 

[jophil28]

Her hissy fit was just the "tip" of the iceberg.
How much you tipped was NOT any of her concern at all. HOwever I do agree that you were bordering on deception in the way that you evaded disclosing the truth about your other girls.

I don't know about you guys ,but her rant in the car would be enough for me to drop her - at the next bus stop.

What are you going to do when she contacts you after her fire has gone out OR when she parades in front of you with her new male handbag ?.

 

[bigjohnson]

You mislead her and she's miffed, so in typical female passive aggressive mode she is now manufacturing issues so you have to either jump through burning hoops or kiss up.

For what it's worth $1.50 is a cheap-ass tip. At least $2 should have been minimum and she was right, $3 or so would be better unless service was really terrible.

 

[Amazing]

What is this, a ****ing kitchen? Plate here, plate there, what the **** is wrong with you?

Tip $2 next time. And I think you are being too aggressive in your responses.

 

[guru1000]

Her behavior wasn't tip motivated.

Spinning plates at the 2 month mark becomes shaky waters. She has made it covertly KNOWN that she wants you exclusively.

I wouldn't take her poor behavior in the car personally. She is upset that you are not exclusive to her and is probably at a breaking point.

If she has potential, be straight with her.

"Hey plate, you are a nice girl and I want to continue seeing you. But make no mistake I will not jump into anything until it's clear that we are compatible. Time will prove if we are and then I will be more than happy to move forward."

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

She asked if you were seeing anybody else, and you blew her off.

Why were you afraid to say "yes, I am dating other people..." and then something along the lines of what guru said?

You weren't up front with her, she found out, and got angry. Girls tend to do that. You could either come up with a thousand "clever" lines, and constantly perform a balancing act, or you could just be honest, and find yourself with girls who know what's up, and have sufficient self esteem to deal with it.

I find it far more easier to be dating girls that are knowingly competing for your attention, than needing to manage separate realities, and hoping that they never bump into each other. (e.g. seinfeld "when worlds collide")

 

[Unprez]

that doesn't relfect confidence or being a jerk.... it just shows your a cheap fk and got punked by a woman who are naturally cheap

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Bat,
Yeah well these other posts have got it about right....My guess is, that you have a very high attraction level for her,she will return,but will expect an apology,that costs sod all!.....The same goes for the plate you bumped into,you will need to seek her out..I never understand how easily you guys will give up on profitable relationships,each one of which takes money,time and emotional reserves....Without being too tough on you Bat,your behaviour in these interractions was Macho bordering on arrogant,if you are not prepared to eat humble pie then lose them both,If not then get ready to lie your teeth out,not little lies they never believe them...You might tell them,when referring to the other,that you are friends from Church Fellowship or you were co-stars in an amateur theatrics group,she was your Argentine Tango partner from last year,she developed a crush on you and you had to cool things down...just be disingenuous,and please,No moral shrieks of indignation from the Big Girls out there,people who spin plates are no strangers to being disingenuous even deceitful.After all it is just a Game isn't it?

 

[Jeffst1980]

This is the problem with spinning plates--they won't spin forever.

By the two month mark, almost all girls that have high interest in you will expect some kind of exclusivity. Even if you are upfront with them initially, they will still expect it after two months. If they don't get, they will start getting resentful and, finally, bail out in anger. No self respecting girl is going to be cool with you banging other girls. That is not an arrangement that is in their best interest.

I think a lot of people point to the fact that girls are attracted to guys who get a lot of women and mistakenly believe that this means they can create and maintain a harem. It just doesn't work that way--you must accept that if you are going to spin plates, they will eventually stop spinning, so to speak. I suggest ending things with a girl once she starts getting attached if you don't want a relationship with her--S#it or get off the pot. Otherwise, it's just going to get messy and you will only prevent yourself from meeting the girls you truly want. It is naive to think that you can date multiple girls concurrently without any of them finding out eventually, and even MORE naive to think that you can tell them that you're dating other girls and they'll be cool with it.

The other problem I see is that a lot of times guys will consider a girl to be a "plate" based solely on the assumption that they could game her under the right conditions (not directed at the OP; just a general observation). You're not really spinning plates if you went out with one girl twice and then talk to another girl at your gym. ACTUALLY spinning plates is much more difficult in practice, and usually ends with a lot of angry girls, as in the OP's case.

I'm all for dating multiple girls at any given time, but I'm also all for dumping them when it no longer makes sense to see them. Don't just hang on to girls you don't really like in the hopes of amassing a collection; it won't happen and they will only prevent you from meeting new honeys. If you can't let go of a girl after 2 months, you're going to have to accept that you've got yourself a girlfriend.

 

[STR8UP]

I tip from anywhere between 1 penny and 50 cents... I dont give a ****, Im cheap and my girlfriend knows it. Let the restaurant pay the servers a decent wage instead. Man if you tip people in Japan, they will spit in your face. I like Japans policy lol.

Forget her ass dude, your money is your money and if she has a prob then find another ***** and tell her if she has a problem, she has to tip.

You aren't a "cheapass", you're and "ass hole" for not tipping. If you aren't prepared to pay someone for their hard work stay at home and serve yourself.

And as soon as the restaurant pays a "decent wage" the menu prices will reflect it.

I hope you like fart juice cause that's what the "tang" is when you bite into your french toast.

As for the OP....same advice. If you aren't prepared to tip 15%+ for adequate service (if the server is a rude, lazy, fukkwad it's a different story). Your chick probably just used this as an excuse, but to be honest, if a chick tried to tip 10% when we were out I would seriously consider nexting HER.

 

[Alexander the Great]

I can keep this one very short.

Possessive creature.

What do you want with a girl that can't handle you seeing other girls? What's wrong with being a little unclear about the presence, number and nature of other women in your life?

Any woman who has her head screwed on right will not make an issue out of things like this. Not out of the tipping issue (she can disagree, but not make a hissy fit over it. Even if she was a bartender or waitress once.) As for the other women: Sure, she can be jealous, but exacting it in this sort of fashion is a no-no.

Women (healthy women) are supposed to pursue you more when they realize they have competition -- not make you seem like a bad guy for being social, cool and wanted. Her visible shakenness is a sign of a troubled, possessive creature. Lack of self-esteem? Probably. (Note that healthy women can have esteem issues and still deal with them maturely -- not the way this one handled it. Always a sign of a headcase if you ask me.)

I'm with Jophil here. This hissy fit was probably just the tip of the iceberg. Dropping her was the wise choice. It was either that or continuing with extreme caution. Which makes one wonder what future one would have with someone like this. This sort of behaviour spells out all sorts of continuous trouble to me. Ugly divorce and entrenched legal battles over kids and possessions if it ever got that far.

Anyway, good call Bat. you deserve way better than this.



As for the tips, I'm a generous tipper myself. Though I understand 15% is the tip to give for outstanding service in the US, so I don't see why 10% is all that bad, with cheap bills one can deviate from that in a positive sense. So, siding with STR8UP here I guess: tip or stay at home and serve yourself. But that's personal of course.

I agree with what Jeffst said on playing games, however I don't get the impression that you played games. Seeing different women is not a crime. And if girls want to be exclusive, well, that's a game for two people. Two have to be in the same ballpark for that to happen. As long as you don't lie and use women for their attention or cunny, all's cool. Anyone making a fuss then is merely needy. Period.

Now, I hope this was the case, Bat.

(Damn, I said I'd keep this one short. )

 

[mrRuckus]

First off, i tip pretty decent but i'm not sure why.


I dont' know why percentage comes into it.

Why does the waitress at the more expensive restaurant get more tip than the one working at Denny's for the same amount of work? Hell, the Denny's waitress might work harder.


Bartenders bug me the most. They expect like $1 per drink minimum (even a beer they take 2 seconds to grab out of a cooler) yet they serve like 50 drinks an hour on a weekend night. I don't make that much an hour and I'm 5 years out of school with a good degree. Sh1t, i understand if you have mouths to feed but my #1 reason for not having kids is because i'd rather have money and less worries. Why should I suffer for your choice?

It's blackmail anyway. "Tip me or i ruin your food." Pfft.

 

[STR8UP]

First off, i tip pretty decent but i'm not sure why.


I dont' know why percentage comes into it.

Why does the waitress at the more expensive restaurant get more tip than the one working at Denny's for the same amount of work? Hell, the Denny's waitress might work harder.


Bartenders bug me the most. They expect like $1 per drink minimum (even a beer they take 2 seconds to grab out of a cooler) yet they serve like 50 drinks an hour on a weekend night. I don't make that much an hour and I'm 5 years out of school with a good degree. Sh1t, i understand if you have mouths to feed but my #1 reason for not having kids is because i'd rather have money and less worries. Why should I suffer for your choice?

It's blackmail anyway. "Tip me or i ruin your food." Pfft.

The "french toast" comment was in reference to the movie Road Trip. I guess you missed that one....

Lemme give you the low down on tipping. I worked in tipped positions for over ten years.

Lets put it this way. Lets say you were a construction worker and your boss said to you, "look, the going rate for a bricklayer is $15 per hour, but I am going to pay you $3 per hour, then when you are finished the homeowner will make up the rest. I can't guarantee you that he will pay you the other $12 per hour, but if you do a good job and he understands how this works then hopefully you will get the rest of your money"

How would you feel at the end if you ended up making $8 an hour when your labor was worth much more? Well that's how it is with tipped employees. And service staff generally work their asses off.

And as for someone leaving a penny or .50.....I hope you realize that the government actually charges you TAXES on a minimum amount. Essentially, that server/bartender is paying the government to serve your cheap ass instrad of you paying him.

If a chick is rude to service staff or doesn't "get" tipping etiquette, it's a sign of low class and I would drop her like a hot potato. Funny thing is that has never happened to me, even long after I got out of the biz. I know they are out there though cause I used to have to deal with their b!tchy, snotty attitudes. And that's the worst.....the b!tch who barks orders at you, you do a great job and she STILL stiffs you. Classy.

 

[Colossus]

Her visible shakenness is a sign of a troubled, possessive creature. Lack of self-esteem? Probably. (Note that healthy women can have esteem issues and still deal with them maturely -- not the way this one handled it. Always a sign of a headcase if you ask me.)

I gotta disagree with you a bit here. For the record, I think Bat was right to next her--based on her hissy fit alone--but I do think it is unrealistic and even foolish to think a woman will not react emotionally if you have been banging her for 2 months without addressing the exclusivity issue.

I think her reaction to the tip was a symptom of another issue---namely her frustration with the ostensibly 'open' relationship.

 

[Colossus]

As a (redundant) note on tips, I always try to tip 15-20%. Even if they werent a great server, the food sucked, or whatever; I dont think Ive ever stiffed somone unless they were completely rude to me.

I worked as a delivery driver in college. Being a server or tip-dependent person of any kind is tough work. You have to put up with people's snotty, entitled attitudes all night long, get blamed for any errors in the food or late deliveries, and on top of that they'll stiff you if you are late because the cvnt answering the phones on Friday night tells them 30 minutes and youre walking out the door with a dozen pizzas that got called in 45 minutes ago.

My friends used to give me sh!t all the time becasue they thought delivery drivers just drive around and get high all night, but it's a lot more stressful than you think. You're basically trying to make impossible deadlines because the boss doesnt want to tell customers there is an hour wait and lose business---so the driver gets shafted with bad tips and worse attitudes.

So the moral of the story is dont be a cheap fvck. If you dont want to tip dont go out to eat.

 

[Solomon]

This is the problem with spinning plates--they won't spin forever.

By the two month mark, almost all girls that have high interest in you will expect some kind of exclusivity. Even if you are upfront with them initially, they will still expect it after two months. If they don't get, they will start getting resentful and, finally, bail out in anger. No self respecting girl is going to be cool with you banging other girls. That is not an arrangement that is in their best interest.

I think a lot of people point to the fact that girls are attracted to guys who get a lot of women and mistakenly believe that this means they can create and maintain a harem. It just doesn't work that way--you must accept that if you are going to spin plates, they will eventually stop spinning, so to speak. I suggest ending things with a girl once she starts getting attached if you don't want a relationship with her--S#it or get off the pot. Otherwise, it's just going to get messy and you will only prevent yourself from meeting the girls you truly want. It is naive to think that you can date multiple girls concurrently without any of them finding out eventually, and even MORE naive to think that you can tell them that you're dating other girls and they'll be cool with it.

The other problem I see is that a lot of times guys will consider a girl to be a "plate" based solely on the assumption that they could game her under the right conditions (not directed at the OP; just a general observation). You're not really spinning plates if you went out with one girl twice and then talk to another girl at your gym. ACTUALLY spinning plates is much more difficult in practice, and usually ends with a lot of angry girls, as in the OP's case.

I'm all for dating multiple girls at any given time, but I'm also all for dumping them when it no longer makes sense to see them. Don't just hang on to girls you don't really like in the hopes of amassing a collection; it won't happen and they will only prevent you from meeting new honeys. If you can't let go of a girl after 2 months, you're going to have to accept that you've got yourself a girlfriend.

I co-sign

and its oh so expensive I once I had 3 first date in a week, now thats $40 a pop thats a $120 for a week, I started thinking and I love women but there is no way that I would spend $120 or more on that, shhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt