Does The Ex Ever Come Back?

[Disco]

I just spent a year with a girl who on Friday told me I was the love of her life. We hung out a ton and quickly became friends before dating. I have a problem with letting people get close to me and sometimes in this I would push her way away when I should have opened up. She told me today, after leaving on Saturday, that she was done with me. That she deserved to be treated great all the time and that I should get it through my head that she is done with me. She told me that down the road she hoped to be friends and she is still my best friend if I wanted that. I just can't see how that can work. I also don't get how someone so close to me could now be giving me such short answers and tell me "you don't get it and probably never will...I am tired of this". I know I am now going to work on myself and I can't contact her anymore...but never have I had one turn so cold and distant on me. Do ex's ever try to come back? What words do I believe? I mean if you are that close to someone you can't just be that distant and chunk them to the side and talk to them like they are nobody to you right?

 

[HarlequinMan]

your not including probably the most vital detail of all

WHAT SET HER OFF? people dont just call it quits unless something happened

figure out what that is and perhaps we can help you more

 

[bigguns22]

I don't think he needs to try to figure out why she left him. For whatever reason she lost interest in him. The best thing you can do for yourself is to try and put her out of your mind and move on. I know this sounds a bit daunting when you're still in love, but once you get a hold of some new *****, that ex will quickly disappear from your mind.

 

[Disco]

oh easy, whenever we have a problem where we need to talk i close up. i then blew up and said some things i shouldn't have said. i have my own set of problems from being abused and i guess when someone gets close to me i push them out, maybe i think i need tragedy. i am getting help for it and she knows that. she told me that her and i can still be best friends, but not date. i told her i don't want that. she also told me "you are going to learn to listen to you" and "i hope this inspires you to do better".

 

[eaglez1177]

Maybe theres another man involved.....

 

[edger]

I mean if you are that close to someone you can't just be that distant and chunk them to the side and talk to them like they are nobody to you right?

I feel you exactly. The same thing happened to me with my ex 3 yrs ago. I couldn't at all understand how this woman could go from telling me on a regular basis how we were "soulmates", how "I was the one she had always been searching for", how "we were destined to be together", how "she'd love me forever no matter what happened", how "she'd never leave me", how "she wanted to marry me", how "she was going to relocate to be with me", and how "she had never felt this way about somebody before". Let me tell you, all those words proved to be absolute bullsh*t in the end on her part. She broke up with me and never looked back. Totally left me hanging. Hanging as if I was hanging for my life. She didn't care at all. No guilt, nothing on her part. The real trippy part that freaked me out badly was how I knew this girl from showing absolute love and interest for me, to showing ZERO and treating me like a friend. I wasn't used to that with her. It was a weird, weird, horrible feeling to experience that and has been the worst experience of my life yet. I truly hope there is really such a thing as karma/punishment, as this girl definitely deserves it. What came from her, was one of the worst ways another person can lead you on.

In cases like mine though, I'd say 99% of the time, the ex NEVER comes back. She hasn't with me. This chick didn't even want to keep me around as a f*ck buddy after we broke up(she told me she wasn't sexually attracted to me any more, not in those words, but she implied it). A lot of times, you hear that the girl is at least willing to keep the guy around as a f*ck buddy.

 

[WC2]

Well, well a lot of contrasting opinions.

Now let me tell you how it really is.

EX's do come back. All the time. Give me an ex I've dated before, if I really wanted to I could get her back. Why? Because the behavior of women becomes a pattern. Mold to the pattern and she'll fall back in your lap.

But the real question is, do you really want an EX back in your life?

9 times out of 10, nope.

The reason why you think your girl left you is irrelevant. She's been planning this for a little while (I know it's tough to suck down) and your outrage gave her enough 'public' reason to do this.

I say 'public' because a chick almost NEVER reveals why she's really dumping you. The real reason could be:

1. you don't turn her on anymore
2. she wants to be single (aka get some strange d1ck)
3. she's found someone else to swing to (branch swinging)

These are private reasons. Women most often give 'public' reasons so she doesn't come off like a slvt. Her public reason for you was that you weren't treating her right and come on.. PLENTY of dudes don't treat their GFs right and hold on to them for a LONG time. This is clearly not a leading cause to why women get rid of their boyfriends.

So we come back to your case. For one of the 3 above reasons, your woman has decided to leave you. Either that or she is pulling a powerplay in which she hopes that you'll change your behavior and beg for her back. However it doesn't sound like this, as she's become pretty nasty with you.

By nexting you she disrespected you and pretty much told you who wears the pants in the relationship. Moreover, when a woman totally changes her attitude towards you and treats you like a piece of sh!t, she usually isn't attracted to you anymore and knows she can get away with treating you like that.

So enough of the past.. let's talk about the future.

Could you get this chick back? Absolutely. Is it in your best interest? Probably not.

Sure, you could go weeks without talking to her and she'll probably find some way back into your life, but why would you want to do that? Now that she's shown you that she's capable of getting rid of you, who knows what she'll do next time.

I mean hell, Friday she was telling you that she loved you. Look how quickly things change. Women move on emotions, not logic, so therefore their feelings change all the time.

Sorry to hear about your loss, but understand many of us have been through this. Move on accordingly.

 

[Disco]

I get all of the above, thank you. We just talked one last time and she said it was all saturday, said i've done that too much and no matter how much she loves me that is not going to change. She said her love is not strong enough to be with me and that love isn't like movies. She said I should have thought about that on Saturday when her and I were fighting. When she asked what I wanted, I told her that with her I'm losing a girlfriend and bestfriend and the double shot kind of hurts. I'm in a new city, she's really the closest thing to family that I have here. She said that I shouldn't have the idea in my head that her and I would ever date again and even though we are bestfriends she doesn't want to see me for six months. When I asked her why she was so cold and if she thought our relationship should end on such a downward moment, she said "yeah, doesn't really bother me that it did". I will now not contact her again. I know she has a personality disorder and that she is detaching right now, that was not the girl who's assginity I took.

 

[Disco]

wc2, can you explain more about molding the pattern?


is that six months thing for real? like she won't contact me at all for six months?

 

[DonGorgon]

you can only get a female back if you broke up with her first and even then she is waiting for her chance to dump you in revenge.... YOU DONT WANT AND EX BACK EVER

 

[edger]

Well, well a lot of contrasting opinions.

Now let me tell you how it really is.

EX's do come back. All the time. Give me an ex I've dated before, if I really wanted to I could get her back. Why? Because the behavior of women becomes a pattern. Mold to the pattern and she'll fall back in your lap.

But the real question is, do you really want an EX back in your life?

9 times out of 10, nope.

The reason why you think your girl left you is irrelevant. She's been planning this for a little while (I know it's tough to suck down) and your outrage gave her enough 'public' reason to do this.

I say 'public' because a chick almost NEVER reveals why she's really dumping you. The real reason could be:

1. you don't turn her on anymore
2. she wants to be single (aka get some strange d1ck)
3. she's found someone else to swing to (branch swinging)

These are private reasons. Women most often give 'public' reasons so she doesn't come off like a slvt. Her public reason for you was that you weren't treating her right and come on.. PLENTY of dudes don't treat their GFs right and hold on to them for a LONG time. This is clearly not a leading cause to why women get rid of their boyfriends.

So we come back to your case. For one of the 3 above reasons, your woman has decided to leave you. Either that or she is pulling a powerplay in which she hopes that you'll change your behavior and beg for her back. However it doesn't sound like this, as she's become pretty nasty with you.

By nexting you she disrespected you and pretty much told you who wears the pants in the relationship. Moreover, when a woman totally changes her attitude towards you and treats you like a piece of sh!t, she usually isn't attracted to you anymore and knows she can get away with treating you like that.

So enough of the past.. let's talk about the future.

Could you get this chick back? Absolutely. Is it in your best interest? Probably not.

Sure, you could go weeks without talking to her and she'll probably find some way back into your life, but why would you want to do that? Now that she's shown you that she's capable of getting rid of you, who knows what she'll do next time.

I mean hell, Friday she was telling you that she loved you. Look how quickly things change. Women move on emotions, not logic, so therefore their feelings change all the time.

Sorry to hear about your loss, but understand many of us have been through this. Move on accordingly.

WC2, great advice! Disco, in the case that she does decide she wants to get back with you, I would accept it, I always believe in giving people a second chance. Give women a second chance, but make it known you're not a push over either.

 

[WC2]

I get all of the above, thank you. We just talked one last time and she said it was all saturday, said i've done that too much and no matter how much she loves me that is not going to change. She said her love is not strong enough to be with me and that love isn't like movies. She said I should have thought about that on Saturday when her and I were fighting. When she asked what I wanted, I told her that with her I'm losing a girlfriend and bestfriend and the double shot kind of hurts. I'm in a new city, she's really the closest thing to family that I have here. She said that I shouldn't have the idea in my head that her and I would ever date again and even though we are bestfriends she doesn't want to see me for six months. When I asked her why she was so cold and if she thought our relationship should end on such a downward moment, she said "yeah, doesn't really bother me that it did". I will now not contact her again. I know she has a personality disorder and that she is detaching right now, that was not the girl who's assginity I took.

As I said before, she's giving you a 'public' reason as to why she's breaking it off. F*ck it, you might as well just call it BS. It's her excuse for getting rid of you. Most women do this in order to 'spare' our hearts. In your case, she's not really doing much sparing. She needs to be taught a lesson.

And the only way you'll succeed in teaching her a lesson is by separating yourself from her, improving, and dating women who are more deserving.

And yes if you do this, she will most likely come back crawling (many, if not all my ex's have), but I hope you're not naive enough to take her back.

She's plainly disrespected you and didn't really spare your feelings in the long run. Do not go back to her unless you don't mind being strung along for long periods of time.

I took my ex back once and all it really turned out to be was a year long back and forth headache. Sure, I got sex when I wanted it, but when I look back I could have gotten sex from multiple women with half the hassle.

 

[edger]

As I said before, she's giving you a 'public' reason as to why she's breaking it off. F*ck it, you might as well just call it BS. It's her excuse for getting rid of you. Most women do this in order to 'spare' our hearts. In your case, she's not really doing much sparing. She needs to be taught a lesson.

And the only way you'll succeed in teaching her a lesson is by separating yourself from her, improving, and dating women who are more deserving.

And yes if you do this, she will most likely come back crawling (many, if not all my ex's have), but I hope you're not naive enough to take her back.

She's plainly disrespected you and didn't really spare your feelings in the long run. Do not go back to her unless you don't mind being strung along for long periods of time.

I took my ex back once and all it really turned out to be was a year long back and forth headache. Sure, I got sex when I wanted it, but when I look back I could have gotten sex from multiple women with half the hassle.

I agree, she's more than likely giving him a public reason. I mean, her reason could be the truth, there are exceptions, but in most cases, a woman's reasoning like this, is made-up bullsh*t. Like you said before, women stay with guys who do these things, a good percentage of the time. A lot of times, they even stay with guys who do far worse. I was just saying, give her the benefit of the doubt, and let it be known you're not getting back with her because you're a push-over or are desperate, but because you believe in giving people a second shot.

 

[DJDamage]

Disco she sounds like a b1tch and plus she has a borderline personality disorder which makes her completly fvcked in the head. Saying I love you and then two days later dumping you and saying she does not want to see you for 6 months is what fvcked up people do.

Consider yourself lucky you didn't waste anymore time with this nut and now you can move on.

 

[WC2]

I agree, she's more than likely giving him a public reason. I mean, her reason could be the truth, there are exceptions, but in most cases, a woman's reasoning like this, is made-up bullsh*t. Like you said before, women stay with guys who do these things, a good percentage of the time. A lot of times, they even stay with guys who do far worse. I was just saying, give her the benefit of the doubt, and let it be known you're not getting back with her because you're a push-over or are desperate, but because you believe in giving people a second shot.

The problem with second chances is that now the woman KNOWS she can get him back when she wants. This is unacceptable to any man who doesn't want his life controlled by another person.

I never like to say things definitively, so yes there is a chance that you two could have a successful relationship down the road. There's also a chance for the second coming of jesus.

The only way in hell you'd accept this girl back is if she earned it and she knew she earned it.

If there's no punishment, there is no reason not to repeat. Make her work for it.

It's like the judicial system; murderers would keep murdering if there were no consequences. Because there is, you better bet that most murderers doing 25 - 30 yrs will NOT be killing people when they're released.

The same with women; they will not leave you as easily if they know it's not as easy to get back in.

Anyways, this is all besides the point. You should not be thinking of this now. You should be thinking of meeting new women.

 

[The_411]

Oh she'll be back i those with BPD always are in one way or another.

She'll be hoovering in short order. Her whole I don't want to see you for six months is just a bunch of hooey.

The problem with getting ehr back is that she'll jsut bail again when she feels your getting too close. Life is too short for that garbage.

Why be involved with someone and be worried she'll cheat, bail etc.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

I feel you on this one bro... Im sure many if not all of us have gone through this before. Just make sure to learn from it and not repeat it, if you happen to get back with her and it turns out bad. Truth is every situation is fairly unique and theres not one set way to get her back if youre interested in doing that.

I say "fairly unique" because there are some predictable patterns as WC2 stated. Namely that ignoring her usually works as psychologically people value what they have to work to get and what they dont have.

I went through this with my latest ex. We were FBs and suddenly she told me she needed to "figure stuff out" and "learn to be okay without me." Yet she'd still see me and escalate sexually lol.

She told me that she still wanted to keep in touch because she "liked knowing i was okay" i was like okay cool with me ..... havent heard from her since lol and that was something like over a month ago or somewhere around there.

Basically try to find the real reason she bailed, and if you really think it is what you said it is youre miles ahead of the game. Just ignore her and get on with your own life. She'll probably eek her way back in somehow if thats what youre interested in. Maybe wish you happy b-day or something when that comes around.

~WA

 

[BlakeW5]

WC2 hit this nail on the head, couldn't be said better. And yeah she's more than likely giving you a bs excuse. The last girl I was with broke up with me and the same thing happened. I got one "reason" and the next time it came up the "reason" was different, mainly because both of the excuses she used were just that... excuses.

The funny part is, cut them out of your life and start seeing other women and all of the sudden they find some way to get back into your life. I think it's a power play more than anything. She may actually want you back but more than likely she's just seeing if she can still control you.

It's already been said, but if things turned sour and got ugly that quick would you really want this chick back even if you could?

WC2 was right about how to get them back too. Honestly, getting an ex back is one of the easiest things ever. Just do whatever you did to get them to like you the first time, it'll work again.

There's a reason the past is the past though.... leave it there. Be happy for the experience, memories, the practice, whatever..... just leave it in the past.

 

[crazymedstudent]

The funny part is, cut them out of your life and start seeing other women and all of the sudden they find some way to get back into your life. I think it's a power play more than anything. She may actually want you back but more than likely she's just seeing if she can still control you.

well said my friend.

its like girls have a radar. you start seeing a new girl and BAM, your phone blows up and your ex starts chatting you up again asking if you want to hang out. lol.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

Hmm... I was going over this post and a question popped into my head.

Of all of us who have used the NC rule to move on and forget about an ex. How long did it take the lady to break the silence and eek themselves back into your life? And thats if you even let them back in.

For me ive used it twice before and it took about 2 months...

What're your times?

~WA