Does she like me? (2 Questions)

[davidsonj73]

Today I went inside the bank to take some money out of my account, and a good looking female teller waited on me. She asked if I had any plans for today, and I said no. I asked her if she had any plans for today, and she said: "No, just working."

1. Does she like me?

I could go to the bank in a few days if she is interested in me, and take some more money out. There are two tellers working at a time, so I have about a 50/50 or a little less chance of getting her as my teller again. If she is interested, I'll definitely ask for her number if I get her again!

By the way, this bank tends to have attractive female tellers working at it!

Also, I think I can only ask out one teller at this bank (better choose wisely), otherwise I will be the guy who keeps asking out different female tellers at the bank (seeming desperate/low value).

2. If I ask out one of the female tellers and she says: "No". How many months should I wait before I ask out another one?

The average cycle time/average turnover time for workers in the bank teller industry is 2 to 3 years, according to my research.

 

[RangerMIke]

Always assume when you are interacting with women, who are working, is to assume she is just being friendly because it is her job.

Only one time in my life did I ever actually pick-up a waitress... ONCE, and that was... wow... 30 years ago. Typically, I ignore any buying signs I get from women whose job requires them to be pleasant and friendly with customers.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’d dated plenty of clerks, cashiers, barristas…who I asked out while they were on the job. And vice-versa. I don’t know if I could isolate the sign that she’s interested. It’s more a subconscous event. It probably has more to do with body language, facial expression and voice tone.
It’s not that uncommon for a cashier, clerk.. to ask such questions as OP recounted.
When women have asked me out either while I or they was/were working. It was always direct.

 

[The Duke]

If you don't know the answer to question #1, you don't need to be worrying about #2. Lets not put the cart before the horse.

Who knows if this teller likes you or not. Obviously you like her so you need to create some rapport with her if you want to increase your chances and better understand if she is actually interested or not.

When you answer a quesiton with a NO, it pretty much gives the other person no where to go with that. It makes it very difficult to engage and get a conversation going. It kind of comes across as anti-social, not interested, boring, lame, nervous, etc.

Women are looking for leaders, its attractive to them. She was nice enough to open the conversation, and you didn't lead her anywhere with it. Just stood there and said something lame. How is she supposed to get attracted to you if all you can provide is a boring one word answer and wouldn't lead the conversation somewhere pleasant?

Here's how I would have handled that:

Her: Any plans for today?
Me: Yeah I took the day off and I'm headed to the lake with my boat for the first time this year.
Her: Ohh that sounds like fun. I love the lake.
Me: You go often?
Her: Not enough anymore, but one of my friends had a boat and we went a lot a few years ago.
Me: Were you out there catching trophy fish? or more the wild type at party cove?
Here: lol, well I do know where party cove is. (smiles)
Me: I kind of thought so(grin big), hey I need to get going. You'll have to tell me some of those party cove stories next time.

Go to the same teller once a week and keep getting to know each other. With each visit be a little more flirtatious. Pay attention to her body language. When you have determined she is interested in you, write your number down and give it to her.

If you aren't into boats, then tell her about whatever interesting hobby/thing you like to do. You need to open yourself up a little so the female can look in and see if there is anything she might be interested in. Dangle the carrot in front of them and lead them down the path. If they follow that usually means they are interested.

I've got a chic at the hardware store that I've made friends with. I'm in there once a week. I always tell her about whatever project I am working on. Saw her the other day at the grocery store and she was getting ingredients to make tamales so I asked her all about that. Her body language told me she was interested in me. I had always suspected it but she was more open and engaging with me thanever before. She wouldn't stop talking! Unfortunately her looks aren't what I go for, but I still have fun talking to her.

Several weeks back I got a number off a waitress. We had a conversation about motorcycles and connected on that.

Always be cognizant of their time and other customers/coworkers that might be listening in. Don't make it awkward for them or put them in a uncomfortable situation.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Likely just making small talk.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Today I went inside the bank to take some money out of my account, and a good looking female teller waited on me. She asked if I had any plans for today, and I said no. I asked her if she had any plans for today, and she said: "No, just working."

Too late, you already bombed.

She wasn't interest in your plans, she was wondering if you were an active outgoing person who might be fun. By answering 'no', you're closing the door, not opening it. As evident by her dull response: "No, just working."

You could've turned her 'no' around, but only right at that moment with the proper presence of mind.
Now it's too late for that, better luck next time.

 

[davidsonj73]

Too late, you already bombed.

She wasn't interest in your plans, she was wondering if you were an active outgoing person who might be fun. By answering 'no', you're closing the door, not opening it. As evident by her dull response: "No, just working."

You could've turned her 'no' around, but only right at that moment with the proper presence of mind.
Now it's too late for that, better luck next time.

I see...but what about if I get her as a teller again? How can I turn this around now? I'm sure someone on here can tell me. I'm concerned about losing my chance with her, I'm OK with her rejecting me, if she does. As Pook said: "Rejection is better than Regret."

 

[Clockwerk50]

I see...but what about if I get her as a teller again? How can I turn this around now? I'm sure someone on here can tell me. I'm concerned about losing my chance with her, I'm OK with her rejecting me, if she does. As Pook said: "Rejection is better than Regret."

1. Not only do you lack outcome dependence, but I can assume you also lack confidence due to the amount of validation-seeking behavior you constantly display. Start working on your confidence and being a cool guy.

2. The Duke has already posted what you can do to get to know her while she is working or what you can do if you get her again. When you gauge if she is interested in you, ask her out. At this time, you don’t know if she likes you and are grasping at straws. However, I can estimate she probably does not yet.

3. Keep in mind, in the dating game, you will lose more than you win. A polar bear has like 3/20 odds that it will hunt a seal every time it tries. The odds are similar or worse when hooking up with women.

 

[Tilex]

That conversation was too generic to pick up anything.
Next time they ask you a generic question, just respond with a non-generic answer.

You can say something like:
"Well I was planning to dominate the world today, but it's [insert time] and I'm a little too late for that.
I'll have to settle for Mongolia instead.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Today I went inside the bank to take some money out of my account, and a good looking female teller waited on me. She asked if I had any plans for today, and I said no

You passed up on an opportunity to reply with words to the effect of: "I'm flying to South Africa to hunt wildebeest, and you're coming with me". Then after she stops giggling, following up with something like "No, really... I'm having coffee at (insert location and time); You should join me"

Subsequently her, nether regions ain't going damp for up for you Better luck next time

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Just for fun, how old is she and how old are you?

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Always assume when you are interacting with women, who are working, is to assume she is just being friendly because it is her job.

Good insight.

But here is the thing; two things can be true at the same time

In other words..

1. Yes, she may be friendly towards you because it is her job.

2. However, she may also like you.

You can't just shiit on the possibility of #2 just because of the possibility of #1.

Both may be simultaneously true.

Instead of playing guessing games, you should shoot your shot and remove all doubt.

Only one time in my life did I ever actually pick-up a waitress... ONCE, and that was... wow... 30 years ago. Typically, I ignore any buying signs I get from women whose job requires them to be pleasant and friendly with customers.

So basically, you are saying a woman can't be work-courtesy towards you while also choosing you at the same time.

Tsk, tsk.

 

[davidsonj73]

Just for fun, how old is she and how old are you?

She is probably in her mid 30s and I am 62.

 

[davidsonj73]

1. Not only do you lack outcome dependence, but I can assume you also lack confidence due to the amount of validation-seeking behavior you constantly display. Start working on your confidence and being a cool guy.

I think my problems are more: that I lack the ability to read women, I lack the ability to make my own decisions (I look for other men's opinions and memorize "rules" on how to act and what to say, which, by the way, I find VERY helpful!), and I tend to not think for myself.
The successes that I have had with women have come with many more failed attempts.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

That conversation was too generic to pick up anything.
Next time they ask you a generic question, just respond with a non-generic answer.

You can say something like:
"Well I was planning to dominate the world today, but it's [insert time] and I'm a little too late for that.
I'll have to settle for Mongolia instead.

@davidsonj73 take note of this answer.
It conforms with my assertion that whatever women say should never be taken literally, but you have to learn to read the meaning behind 'generic' questions. Like 'who are' 'where are you from' 'what do you do' 'what are your plans (for today)'. None of these questions should be taken literally, and your responses should address the meaning behind the questions.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I think my problems are more: that I lack the ability to read women,

When someone says, "Hey Davidson, how are you?" Do you respond with a list of your ailments?
If you're socially calibrated, you know you shouldn't take that question literally, but figuratively and respond "Hey X, I'm fine. How are you?". This is a generic exchange of acknowledging each other's existence. That's all.

She was chatty, inquiring about your plans for today. Maybe she was interested (she could be into older men), but there are desirable older men and just decrepit old people. So her question was mainly to see to which group of old people you belonged and your negative answer put you into the second group of old people you really don't want to talk with. Which is why she answered in the negative and lost her interest in you.

You were not 'funny' or 'challenging' or 'playful' or 'teasing'. Just a boring old fart. Younger women are attracted to mature older men so they can feel like a babygirl with a Daddy, not like a toddler with grandpa.

I see...but what about if I get her as a teller again? How can I turn this around now? I'm sure someone on here can tell me. I'm concerned about losing my chance with her, I'm OK with her rejecting me, if she does. As Pook said: "Rejection is better than Regret."

Your best bet is to be aloof and act as if the previous exchange disappointed you in her. If she is at all attracted to you, she'll want to show you she can be your 'babygirl' and please her Daddy. If you show her you're still attracted to her now, she will just see you as this creepy/pervy grandpa trying to pick up jailbait.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

When you're an older man picking up a younger women, any sign of eagerness will be explained negatively. If you have trouble figuring out how to act, just imagine you're an indulgent father talking to an annoying child.

 

[RangerMIke]

But here is the thing; two things can be true at the same time

In other words..

1. Yes, she may be friendly towards you because it is her job.

2. However, she may also like you.

You can't just shiit on the possibility of #2 just because of the possibility of #1.

Both may be simultaneously true.

Instead of playing guessing games, you should shoot your shot and remove all doubt.

So basically, you are saying a woman can't be work-courtesy towards you while also choosing you at the same time.

Tsk, tsk.

My point is what a woman wants is unknown. The only way to know for sure is to get her number, try to make a date. If she isn't really interested she'll let you know... then instead of sitting around over thinking sh1t... find out as quickly as possible if she is in or out... if she's out... forget about her... move on.

My point is that she is much more likely, if she is working, that she is just being friendly because if she is perceived to be rude to customers, she'll get canned.

I don't hit on clerks and waitresses for the same reason that I don't hit on women I have to work with. Never mix business with dating... that seldom works out. The clerk or waitress isn't there for some dude to hit on them.... she is there to work and pay her bills... it might be a miserable job and sometimes she might have a little fun flirting (women do this for fun, and it usually is meaningless) to kill time.

To your point... sure... if you think a woman is interested, go ahead and try to make a date. But for me, I really don't care if I think a woman in attracted to me, if I am attracted to her... well that is all I need. I've had success with women that gave me ZERO indications of interest: I've had women that was showing STRONG buying signals but would end up cancelling a date because she has to 'walk her dog'. You just do not know. The only way to live and date is to not think at all about any woman unless she gives you her number, she agrees to a date, shows up, and the date went well. Until those things happen in sequence a woman is just one of 6 billion human beings on the planet.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

My point is what a woman wants is unknown. The only way to know for sure is to get her number, try to make a date. If she isn't really interested she'll let you know... then instead of sitting around over thinking sh1t... find out as quickly as possible if she is in or out... if she's out... forget about her... move on.

Yeah, no shiit lol.

My point is that she is much more likely, if she is working, that she is just being friendly because if she is perceived to be rude to customers, she'll get canned.

You still shoot your shot, regardless.

I don't hit on clerks and waitresses for the same reason that I don't hit on women I have to work with. Never mix business with dating... that seldom works out. The clerk or waitress isn't there for some dude to hit on them.... she is there to work and pay her bills... it might be a miserable job and sometimes she might have a little fun flirting (women do this for fun, and it usually is meaningless) to kill time.

If you are a waiter and an attractive female patron is giving you IOI's, will you say or think..

"I am not here to get hit on. I'm here to work".

No, you wouldn't.

And guess what, if you are attractive to her, neither will she.

So stop it.

To your point... sure... if you think a woman is interested, go ahead and try to make a date. But for me, I really don't care if I think a woman in attracted to me, if I am attracted to her... well that is all I need. I've had success with women that gave me ZERO indications of interest: I've had women that was showing STRONG buying signals but would end up cancelling a date because she has to 'walk her dog'. You just do not know. The only way to live and date is to not think at all about any woman unless she gives you her number, she agrees to a date, shows up, and the date went well. Until those things happen in sequence a woman is just one of 6 billion human beings on the planet.

Sounds like you have a split personality or something.

One paragraph contradicts the other.

 

[Bingo-Player]

OP you are far too inexperienced to be asking out random service employees you come across

The fact you can't distinguish a very basic curtsy from sexual attraction is worrying

There are a lot of women out there , asking a woman out at her workplace is probably one the most difficult and awkward things a man can do