do you take it personally when a girl is not interested?

[PlatoPacks23]

It's just not that serious man.

If you truly feel the need to "get back at her" then let her see you with someone hotter than she is.

yeah I know, I think I just over-invested (and have not many options tbh)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

yeah I know, I think I just over-invested (and have not many options tbh)

That's what you can work on. Dating is a numbers game so your goal should be to increase your numbers and not to let any single encounter bother you if things work out or don't.

Use each interaction as feedback and work on improving and figuring out what works for you in date and what doesn't.

Eventually if you keep doing this you will have a list of things that you continue to do and a list of things you stop doing since you'll notice patterns of what works and what doesn't.

And focus on having at least 2 dates a week. You can't improve if you aren't out there regularly. That should be your focus, to work on getting 2 dates a week.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

That's what you can work on. Dating is a numbers game so your goal should be to increase your numbers and not to let any single encounter bother you if things work out or don't.

Use each interaction as feedback and work on improving and figuring out what works for you in date and what doesn't.

Eventually if you keep doing this you will have a list of things that you continue to do and a list of things you stop doing since you'll notice patterns of what works and what doesn't.

And focus on having at least 2 dates a week. You can't improve if you aren't out there regularly. That should be your focus, to work on getting 2 dates a week.

thank you. good to focus on action

 

[Isildur1]

Well I’d say statistically speaking only 1-3 percent of the female population would find me attractive so I’d have a roughly 97-98 percent rejection rate from daygame , so no - it’s completely normal . Yes it hurts not to be appreciated and to be shunned like that but that’s part of the process - I mean it is what it is I can’t force everyone to like me- you yourself don’t even like everybody why should every woman like you

 

[jhonny9546]

Looking around reddit, the most common comment you find is that "when he has options I don't feel attracted anymore". but instead we know very well here that it's the opposite. they contradict themselves, because when they know that you're dating, or that there are women who show interest in you, they are then even more interested. social proof and preselection

https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/fxuo52

 

[darksprezzatura]

How would Brad Pitt act if some random girl didn’t like him?

 

[Solomon]

When I was younger (20s and early 30s) It used to be a massive blow to my fragile ego when a woman would ghost or flake on me
Funny enough I didn't have a problem with women rejecting me at bars or clubs as I knew it was a numbers game
But a woman that I would put forth effort into i.e., trying to set up a date, texting etc
I would get butthurt if they rejected me.

I realize 2 things

1. Women don't give a shyt about your feelings nor do they care, especially if they hardly know you. So lashing out is just going to make you look like a psycho or butthurt(thus in her mind, confirming you're a weirdo even if that may not be the case) a lot of women who reject you won't even remember you a year from now. You trying to put a woman in place (especially if we talking OLD or some bimbo you met at the club) is a waste of time and energy.

2. I learned that I had to stop taking these things personally and realize it's a numbers game, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about women was from my best friend at the time in college "Girls are like busses ever 15 minutes another one is coming" This has been very true in my life, Even if a girl rejected me, ghosts me, flakes etc. There was always another woman (granted it wasn't literally 15 minutes but usually within a week or so when I was younger). Heck there have been a few times where the next woman was hotter and made things even far easier. That made me wonder why I was doing the most in the first place for a mid or subpar chick

I know that I have an anxious attachment style stemming from my childhood as I've gotten older, I now Thank a woman for flaking or even ghosting as I rather focus on women who prioritize me plus I save time and money not dealing with a woman who is lukewarm at best. Learn to value yourself and time!

 

[MatureDJ]

Of course I take it personally - she is rejecting the person that is me. She might like part of me, but at the end of the day, she does not want to recombine with my DNA - this is about as Black Pill as it gets.

 

[Solomon]

Of course I take it personally - she is rejecting the person that is me. She might like part of me, but at the end of the day, she does not want to recombine with my DNA - this is about as Black Pill as it gets.

It's over for DNACELLS

 

[PlatoPacks23]

Update: still pissed
Prob gonna mute them on socials

 

[Pandora]

The worst thing you can do is take it personal. Dont take it too personal when they like you and dont take it too personal when they dont like you.

Attraction with women is based on weird stuff that probably is rooted in childhood. I used to take it personal in my 20s until this girl broke it down to me. I was salty that she stoped making out with me and fell in love with my roommate.

One day she said " hey Pandora you are salmon and he is steak. Salmon is great. Nothing is wrong with it. I just am more of a steak girl".
I felt a little better after that. Btw my roomate wanted nothing to do with her lol.

Btw I promise that there are cute girls out there that for some weird reason love the way you look. Trust me.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Update: still pissed
Prob gonna mute them on socials

Yes. **** that social circle. Don’t forget to read this.

 

[SW15]

it’s completely normal . Yes it hurts not to be appreciated and to be shunned like that but that’s part of the process - I mean it is what it is I can’t force everyone to like me-

this girl is not into me but after I mentioned to her how it was like rude she was blowing me off (but in person was nice) she was like "dont take it personal".

lol.. isn't all of dating personal? just wondering.

All of dating is personal. Most men will not pleased at the outcome of not being successful. It will be upsetting on some level.

Many men internalize this feeling.

There are times where I didn't bother to offer a 2nd date when I felt that there was a good chance of rejection. Because I never offered the 2nd date, she never got the chance to reject it.

This has also happened in approaches too. The approach didn't even result in me asking her out on a date. There technically was no rejection, but nothing happened. That can be a disappointment too.

Of course I take it personally - she is rejecting the person that is me. She might like part of me, but at the end of the day, she does not want to recombine with my DNA - this is about as Black Pill as it gets.

That's a bit deep. Most acts of human sex don't result in pregnancy. There are women who have sex with many top tier men but don't get pregnant from the variety of sex. Both men and women are taking more actions to prevent pregnancy from happening as a result of sex. That's more sociological than biological though.

1. Women don't give a shyt about your feelings nor do they care, especially if they hardly know you. So lashing out is just going to make you look like a psycho or butthurt(thus in her mind, confirming you're a weirdo even if that may not be the case) a lot of women who reject you won't even remember you a year from now. You trying to put a woman in place (especially if we talking OLD or some bimbo you met at the club) is a waste of time and energy.

This is really accurate. Some woman from a swipe app will forget she had a first date with you within a few days of it happening. This is because of women's incredible abundance online. If a man just disappears after the date and doesn't lash out, he gets forgotten near instantaneously. I also think this is true to a lesser extent for women who don't use swipe apps/social media as a method of meeting men but are actively going out a lot.

 

[zekko]

Not really. Over time I look at this as a breath of fresh air.

I've never enjoyed rejection. But a lot of the time, you really are dodging a bullet.

 

[Mike32ct]

Getting over rejection requires dropping (or at least lowering) the ego, which is much easier said than done.

 

[BadBoy89]

I think it is rude how it was handed, and I think its inherently personal.

What should she have said?

”I love you and want to sleep with you but I am afraid if we make love, I will become obsessed with you and give in to my basic instincts. You are very sexy and I want to bear your children, but for my own well being, its best we don’t see each other.”

 

[Redwood]

I've never enjoyed rejection. But a lot of the time, you really are dodging a bullet.

It takes a while (12 plus years and counting). For me I'm starting to becoming numb to it. Half of the time it feels like your heart gets colder.

 

[20Humble5050]

Of COURSE it’s personal in the vast majority of cases; maybe some women really do have unconventional tastes or are in too bad of a mental state to accept an offer of a date from Henry Cavill if he showed up, but you bet most of their excuses would magically disappear for Chad. You simply need to learn to ignore it and roll with the mental punches if you want to get anywhere. You shouldn’t even “believe” ANYTHING a girl tells you during the pipelining stage, even if it’s not a blatantly obvious lie, because at the end of the day, how laughworthy her excuse for not committing to a date or taking three days to respond to a text or whatever is doesn’t matter one bit - ALL that matters is her willingness to overcome her apparent logistical issues, act like she gives a damn and work with you to meet up, and if the willingness isn’t there, you already have your answer and calling her out isn’t going to magically make her stop riding Chad’s **** whilst stringing you along for an ego boost on the side. But by going cold and no longer contacting her at all, you can avoid blowing all possibility of her coming back around and realising her mistake in the approximately one percent chance that she does still consider you in the running, but is so genuinely socially retarded that she’s not disrespecting your time on purpose.



Secondly, you do not need to HAVE actual abundance in order to have an abundance mentality; if you did it would serve literally no purpose. What we mean when we mention the “abundance mentality” is to PRETEND that you’re some sort of stud that can go out every weekend and reliably get laid (and as such has no need to chase down girls because he knows the next one is right around the corner), even if this couldn’t be further from the truth and no woman has ever hit on you in your life, and to act exactly how this hypothetical Chad would in situations where girls aren’t giving you what you want. Or, at least that’s the conventional wisdom, which I’ve been having doubts about myself, but that’s a matter for another post.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

this girl is not into me but after I mentioned to her how it was like rude she was blowing me off (but in person was nice) she was like "dont take it personal".

lol.. isn't all of dating personal? just wondering.

not really, main thing i resent the most is the risk of accidentally making a woman uncomfortable or getting perceived as weird or creepy, i know i'm a broken record on this, its another reminder on how people and society just expect us guys to just naturally instinctively "get it" for knowing what is creepy/weird behavior and what is not when interacting with women

 

[jhonny9546]

"Girls are like busses ever 15 minutes another one is coming"
There was always another woman .. (or so when I was younger).

Interesting point. I wonder if that "younger" version of yourself eventually stopped at a certain age, meaning, the point at which you started seeing new women with a sort of “15-minute delay.”


Also, this entire post makes me think of one specific thing, something @Pandora also talks about:
Some women have dependency issues. They find a guy and, no matter how turbulent the relationship is or how many problems he has or how badly he treats her. She'll stay. Because there’s something in him that reminds her of her childhood, and also because she have a real issue with emotional dependency and can’t imagine herself without that guy. She might “die” without him. So that guy might have zero objective value, but to her, he’s everything.


And those "happy" couples you see out there, with kids, marriages, big houses, might actually be hiding something very simple: plain codependency.


If a girl thinks you’re her Plan A, rest assured she’ll always be there bugging you, texting you, liking your posts on social media, bumping into you in the street, spending time with you, doing anything to make it clear that she wants you.


If a girl thinks you’re her Plan B, then all of the above applies too, but only when her Plan A has somehow failed or is "temporarily" out of the picture (loss of interest, etc.).
This "plan b" situation is the worst, and I found myself in it.
From that moment on, I ended up on sosuave.


Wishing you growth, my friend.