Do you ever feel like you never really knew them?

[JonnyD123]

I know people say that the ex is no longer the person that you fell in love with, they've changed too much. I keep thinking that in fact I never actually knew my ex, I just thought I did. What I really did know was my ideal girlfriend, the ideal her. Also, thinking back, I think she was and became a certain way to fit me more, and to please me. And as soon as she decided it was over, she became the person she actually was.

 

[bigneil]

This happens when they lose attraction for us. Once their infatuation wears off, it's like cracking eggs onto a cold pan.

Attraction is everything. It's ok to spend money, but only if there is attraction. You can't buy attraction, only time.

 

[Urbanyst]

Of course.

Women are frauds. This is by evolutionary design since they are the weaker sex. They are almost never honest.

Nothing to get mad about. Just important to know.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That's why it's a good idea to know who they really are. When they are real interested it's easy to keep a front. When they get complacent it goes away.

 

[wifehunter]

that's what happens when sex is top priority...it puts the relationship at a lower priority.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

In the same light as what wifehunter said, it's very easy to shift blame elsewhere, especially on to a woman, as many do in this forum, but essentially it was YOU who made all your assumptions about 'who you thought she was', and I bet it was in the very first few months that you met her. I also bet that you have (or had) no understanding of what red flags you should look out for. Essentially, you probably didn't screen her properly....

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/do-you-even-screen.242194/

It not a case of "woe-is me, I never really knew her"... "she's such a deceitful b!tch".... blablabla. It's a case of you were not paying close enough attention to the clues she was giving off, because you were too busy thinking with your d!ck and your pwecious feel-feels. Lads, take some responsibility and learn some fcking character judgement.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

If you pay attention, listen & observe people will show you who they are. It's on you if you don't pay attention.

People may try & put a best foot forward but that only lasts a little while.

Time is your ally in this but you have to be real with yourself about what you are seeing.

 

[JonnyD123]

that's what happens when sex is top priority...it puts the relationship at a lower priority.

Hate to say it but you're right, sex was everything in our "relationship." Or relationsh!t as I like to call it. When we were having sex (which was a lot), things were good. But when we weren't, or we were separated for an extended period of time, that's when things started falling apart.

 

[Urbanyst]

that's what happens when sex is top priority...it puts the relationship at a lower priority.

We tend to prioritize VALUE.

The relationship would take priority if it offered VALUE. We also put VALUE first in our lives. Everyone does it.

 

[wifehunter]

Advice from the old lady:

If you pay attention, listen & observe people will show you who they are. It's on you if you don't pay attention.

People may try & put a best foot forward but that only lasts a little while.

Time is your ally in this but you have to be real with yourself about what you are seeing.

Yes, this goes along the lines of 'the truth will aways reveal itself. Count on it.'

It's tough for me, but I'm getting better at reading people. Time will tell.

 

[lizardking82]

I have to agree mostly with @TheMonkeyKing here. If you can avoid thinkin' with your soldier ONLY, you quickly understand a great deal about who she really is. I have a lot of cases where I go in very energetically and they even tell me in a couple of conversations that they're a "mess", "anxiety problems" and other ****. Listen to what they're saying, folks AND always look at how they act and what they're doing. We all got problems, but there are a lot of messed up chicks out there and you can avoid them by just trying a tiny little bit harder to spot their characters.

 

[AJ84]

In the same light as what wifehunter said, it's very easy to shift blame elsewhere, especially on to a woman, as many do in this forum, but essentially it was YOU who made all your assumptions about 'who you thought she was', and I bet it was in the very first few months that you met her. I also bet that you have (or had) no understanding of what red flags you should look out for. Essentially, you probably didn't screen her properly....

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/do-you-even-screen.242194/

It not a case of "woe-is me, I never really knew her"... "she's such a deceitful b!tch".... blablabla. It's a case of you were not paying close enough attention to the clues she was giving off, because you were too busy thinking with your d!ck and your pwecious feel-feels. Lads, take some responsibility and learn some fcking character judgement.

Yes, that goes both ways we tend to see what we want to see in some relationships. But initially we try to impress the other person to move things forward.
But where's the line right? I mean we have to put our best face forward when trying to attract someone to date or for a LTR.

 

[lizardking82]

Yes, that goes both ways we tend to see what we want to see in some relationships. But initially we try to impress the other person to move things forward.
But where's the line right? I mean we have to put our best face forward when trying to attract someone to date or for a LTR.

No, man, you don't to impress anyone at all. If what you genuinely are does not impress the other person, no matter what you, ain't gonna impress them. Even if it does for a moment, it will be gone soon. Don't act what you're not, just be what you really are.

 

[AJ84]

I agree lizard king. I meant initially. Usually, when you go on a first date, for example, you groom more thoroughly than you normally would and put a bit more thought into your appearance. We tend to be more upbeat when we meet a new person for a date and usually we genuninely are more upbeat as we look forward to spending time with a person we are interested in dating.

I mean most people don't show up for a first date looking like they just rolled out of bed and complaining about their life right? Best face forward but no you shouldn't fake who you are, just be the best version of who you are, if the person is someone that you really like. If anything, being the best version of yourself benefits you regardless of the outcome.

 

[soulforge]

I have to agree mostly with @TheMonkeyKing here. If you can avoid thinkin' with your soldier ONLY, you quickly understand a great deal about who she really is. I have a lot of cases where I go in very energetically and they even tell me in a couple of conversations that they're a "mess", "anxiety problems" and other ****. Listen to what they're saying, folks AND always look at how they act and what they're doing. We all got problems, but there are a lot of messed up chicks out there and you can avoid them by just trying a tiny little bit harder to spot their characters.

They always tell you man... My ex said weeks into dating "i'm not a very caring or effectionate person"

Turns out.. SHE WASN'T

What a fuking surprise lol

 

[CodeOfAtlas]

On a first date, a person should be a good version of themselves, but not the best version. The best version should be earned through good behavior, not offered just for showing up.

 

[lizardking82]

On a first date, a person should be a good version of themselves, but not the best version. The best version should be earned through good behavior, not offered just for showing up.

I would go even further and say that you should be an approximate version of what she's being. Is she being entitled? Turn on full arrogance mode and treat her like a cheap *****. She being sneaky and ****testing? Be mysterious, let the ***** wonder.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

that's what happens when sex is top priority...it puts the relationship at a lower priority.

Yes, and may sabotage the potential for a relationship.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I don't really value a relationship with 95% of women anymore so whenever her true self comes out, my reaction is "Of course. I kinda suspected it already. In fact, I'm surprised it took her 3 whole months before she started to act like a b1tch."

If you already know what you are getting into, you can't really be disappointed.

Women (95% of them) are for sex and companionship (barely). Once she starts acting rough (3 month mark), you replace her with girl number 2 from you farm system. Maybe 5% of the time, you would run into someone worth keeping. But don't hold your breath.

This is the attention wh0ring age on steroids. The invention of social media was the end of sane women.

Lower your expectations and enjoy them for what they are. Or next 95% of women. Up to you.

If Anti-Dump was posting in 2017, he would tell guys to give up hope on finding a good woman, become a player, or join the monastery.

Yes, there are two ways of approaching it once you've faced the realities.

1] Do as you mention above. But I wonder if this is a bit reactive; that is, adapting yourself to the prevailing circumstances and out-playing the 95% of women.

2] Pull up the draw-bridge and hunker down in a feudalistic mindset of sorts. Make sex secondary to intimacy, and be super selective who you lower the drawbridge to.... that 5% remnant.

The second option requires self-mastery, where you are not a slave to your libido.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I know people say that the ex is no longer the person that you fell in love with, they've changed too much. I keep thinking that in fact I never actually knew my ex, I just thought I did. What I really did know was my ideal girlfriend, the ideal her. Also, thinking back, I think she was and became a certain way to fit me more, and to please me. And as soon as she decided it was over, she became the person she actually was.

Look at their history: work, living situation, friends, and past relationships if they talk about them. Women who jump jobs, move around a lot, have few close long time friends, and think every ex-boyfriend is an a-hole and did them wrong--are all BIG TROUBLE. One of two of these would raise a suspicion three or more and you are really asking for trouble. Also, I really feel if people keep their living space clean; bedroom, house, kitchen, even their car, they are responsible adults and have their external life organized too.

There are always early tell-tale signs if we think with the big head and not the little one.