Do you consider BPD relationships as real

[LoveSunSet]

So its been over a year since i broke it off with the BPD ex. I have had another gf since then and dated other girls. I am largely over her. But every now and then i will watch old videos or think about amazing memories that we had. My question is should i even look at those times as real. Did she really even feel those things. If she did feel those amazing times does it count because she is crazy?
Basically does the crazy factor of a BPD invalidate the relationship you guys had.

how did you find out she was BPD? The thing with me is that I was with one either NPD or BPD and she was very difficult at times. But i think it was a lot to do with me to be honest. If I look into what happened i can tell you there is a lot of what Ive contributed to the break up. and we have three kids together. I hate to admit this but my own behaviour was bad and was and still worried it will come against me at some point. I just wanted to be left alone and these kids were around all the time and I just could not deal with it. my own guilt is chasing me.

 

[Lvdegen]

I've dealt with a narc for the last 9 years I'm her nearest and dearest now..in the beginning we did sleep together but that stopped becuase narcs do not like sex becuase it's a common thing and they always want to feel special..I think I lasted because I do have narc tendencies since I have been spoiled my whole life but I also have codependent behaviours also. From the beginning years I was like w tf is going on like just unbelievable behavior and rage attacks out of the blue..I was baffled until I stumbled across Sam vaknin on youtube he literally saved me and gave me all knowledge on npd...now I know how to handle all of her sh 1t and can push buttons etc...we have had very few blowups in the last few years since I started understanding but before that it was blowups on a weekly basis. She's a pathological narcissist which is on the extreme end of npd. But I'm the only one in her life who can handle her.

Now I'm dealing with a bpd/narc with the bpd being more dominant. She's different than a full blown narc but I am aware of her behaviours...compared to the narc she shows more emotion and more empathy even though I know it's to get something...it's crazy she blows me up text text text I sleep over we hang out all day then the next she's giving one line replies and just at the opposite end of how she is when she's engaging...I did have emotions for her but I just tell myself she's a fake c vnt so I don't get emotional no its just a game to me..I feel sorry for any guy that gets involved because I can see how they can easily fall for her and just start smothering her..I catch myself being a little clingy but then i just backup..we hung out for the last 3 days slept over etc messed aorund kissed each other goodbye etc now she's silent basically we exchanged maybe 3 texts today..but I do understand what's going on that's why I'm not asking her to sleep together it boils down to whenever she is feeling the emptiness loneliness or needs something she'll contact me I cannot initiate because she will push for things it seems like it and just think u wanna take up my time then ur going to pay the price because i dont need u right now kind of thing. She told me she loses interest in people fast and is numb to everything and is hypersensitive lazy etc. She claims she actually cares about people which is hard to believe..I do find her comparing me to guys she's dated and mentions subtle cues whether I'm suitable for her and she criticizes me without intentionally doing it...she's just a different kind of person and u better be able to go with the punches because nothing is going to give.
She shows a lot more rapid idealization and devaluation cycles like within a very very short time frame compared to a narc that can idealize for a longer amount of time...but in the end both will come back at some point as long as u just play along and not get psycho on them and as long as u can show u can fulfill their needs I guess...this is just making me think w tf is all this bs just by typing this but it does some to occupy my time when I have nothing else to do so it's a cheap form of entertainment.

 

[Pandora]

how did you find out she was BPD?

The first week of dating she went into rage mode over something very small.

 

[MrOctober]

Nah. it's a dynamic at work.
When I look back at one peticular one it's pretty crazy stuff.

 

[MrOctober]

No they're not real in any substantive, objective way, it's just an extreme form of oneitis and infatuation on both ends. I have a few positive memories from my two such relationships but overall I view it as fake and fraudulent. You can take some pride in landing these women though as they tend to have high standards for the boyfriend role based on whatever criteria they find important.

However, they are still women after all(just to an extreme level) so its OK to apply lessons you learned with them to future. To what extent though I'm not sure, because I actually considered making a thread about whether it's strategically better to cut the whole experience out of your analysis of women because it's so skewed one way. It may be that the costs outweigh the benefits. That being said, I certainly know there are at least some similarities with more normal women and Cluster B women.

Yea. You have to really filter what you can use moving forward from the experience. Some things are directly applied to "every woman". Others... whoa the others.. exclusive.

 

[Billtx49]

These relationships are not real, normal, or healthy. When two people can not relate to each other at least close to equally, it is not real or a normal healthy relationship. When one person has the disorder it always skews the status of the couple away from the healthy realm.
Two people in a relationship having a disorder is even more disastrous than that that of an emotionally healthy man with a BPD.
More time should be spent on men that have not encountered a BPD learning how to avoid these severely damaged women as opposed to dissecting their behavior and impact after the fact.

 

[stovepipe]

If you knowingly date a BPD girl you're insane or brainwashed or both, period. You have a fake relationship. You're playing make believe. This gives people too much false hope.

Then i must be the biggest idiot on the planet earth. Wasted two years of my life, 2 abortions, abuse, manipulation, gas lighting, ect. Its been 4 months and still feeling helpless and suicidal. Crazy ass bish she was.. I hate her with all my heart. Non of the great times/sex we had was worth the pain Im left in while she fooking other dudes. Didn't listen to my gut many times and I paid the price and hopefully not my life.