Do I Have a Right to Feel Bitter?

[Abbott]

I've never had a girlfriend or a relationship, though at my age it's rare, and it gets rarer as time goes on. Plus I'm fairly sure that I don't fit the profile of someone who never dates, though it's true.

I sometimes think of trying to pursue that, and then I wonder if I'm not just like a pig on his way to the slaughterhouse.

In many ways, I've benefited greatly since finding this site. However, in other ways it's not so good. I hear about horror stories here and then I wonder if I shouldn't protect myself by simply not bothering (though no doubt I'm missing out on something). I still don't get any, and sometimes I'm afraid that it's somehow obvious (a couple times women have asked if I was a virgin, and every time I ignore the question).

I mostly believe that women just seem to be out to get whatever they need to satisfy their selfish desires, like money. Often girls approach me whenever I'm out at bars and such, and when that happens I always wonder what their ulterior motive is. Usually they just want to meet me, though a couple times girls had the brass to ask me to buy them a drink (I never do).

Sometimes I think of approaching, but usually I don't bother. Especially right now, since in May I'll be moving away to another town that's not within an hour's drive (so starting a relationship and maintaining it isn't practical).


Am I justified to feel this way?

 

[Babnik]

I've never had a girlfriend or a relationship, though at my age it's rare, and it gets rarer as time goes on. Plus I'm fairly sure that I don't fit the profile of someone who never dates, though it's true.

I sometimes think of trying to pursue that, and then I wonder if I'm not just like a pig on his way to the slaughterhouse.

In many ways, I've benefited greatly since finding this site. However, in other ways it's not so good. I hear about horror stories here and then I wonder if I shouldn't protect myself by simply not bothering (though no doubt I'm missing out on something). I still don't get any, and sometimes I'm afraid that it's somehow obvious (a couple times women have asked if I was a virgin, and every time I ignore the question).

I mostly believe that women just seem to be out to get whatever they need to satisfy their selfish desires, like money. Often girls approach me whenever I'm out at bars and such, and when that happens I always wonder what their ulterior motive is. Usually they just want to meet me, though a couple times girls had the brass to ask me to buy them a drink (I never do).

Sometimes I think of approaching, but usually I don't bother. Especially right now, since in May I'll be moving away to another town that's not within an hour's drive (so starting a relationship and maintaining it isn't practical).


Am I justified to feel this way?

Well, those girls who wanted to meet you and didn't ask for a drink - did you talk to them? Did you TRY to get with them?

You can feel bitter...for yourself and about yourself. It seems like you are making 0 moves.

 

[Rebound Material]

I've never had a girlfriend or a relationship, though at my age it's rare, and it gets rarer as time goes on. Plus I'm fairly sure that I don't fit the profile of someone who never dates, though it's true.

I sometimes think of trying to pursue that, and then I wonder if I'm not just like a pig on his way to the slaughterhouse.

In many ways, I've benefited greatly since finding this site. However, in other ways it's not so good. I hear about horror stories here and then I wonder if I shouldn't protect myself by simply not bothering (though no doubt I'm missing out on something). I still don't get any, and sometimes I'm afraid that it's somehow obvious (a couple times women have asked if I was a virgin, and every time I ignore the question).

I mostly believe that women just seem to be out to get whatever they need to satisfy their selfish desires, like money. Often girls approach me whenever I'm out at bars and such, and when that happens I always wonder what their ulterior motive is. Usually they just want to meet me, though a couple times girls had the brass to ask me to buy them a drink (I never do).

Sometimes I think of approaching, but usually I don't bother. Especially right now, since in May I'll be moving away to another town that's not within an hour's drive (so starting a relationship and maintaining it isn't practical).


Am I justified to feel this way?

Just curious how old are you? Im around the same boat as you but im 21...and you're right, as you get older the more it sucks. I think our common problem is that fear of getting fcuked over which in turn makes us stay in our defensive walls and not make a move.

 

[Bevo]

i was in fear of women as adolesent, but it was nothing that rational like you guys put it. So I ask myself, maybe you are only rationalising. Probably you are just afraid of embarrasment, like i was and still am.
Imagine you would live in a computer simulation or a dream that you could exit at any time, then what would you do with the women you meet there?

 

[Abbott]

Well, those girls who wanted to meet you and didn't ask for a drink - did you talk to them? Did you TRY to get with them?

You can feel bitter...for yourself and about yourself. It seems like you are making 0 moves.

Typically I do talk to them, though if she's a dog I'll figure out a way to beg off and get out of it. That isn't really an issue, since the ones that do approach me are almost always fairly attractive, though not supermodel hot. I've noticed that really ugly girls don't come up to me. It's not like that's a problem for me, however.

No, I haven't tried asking them things like "Want to f***?" I think if I did that I'm just begging to get slapped. I might try to get the number, if I feel that we "click," though not always. There was one chick where I did want to get her number, since she seemed really fun. But, she was just visiting and goes to a school that's far away, and it's not the school where I'm going to attend in the summer, so the likelihood of seeing her again is completely nil.

As for pursuing this sort of thing, I sometimes fear the potential trouble I may be getting myself into. I still recall one fellow's story of how his woman poked holes in the condoms because she wanted to trick him into getting her pregnant, something that he did NOT want.

Perhaps it's human nature, but there's still a part of me that's hanging on to the hope of finding a good one.

 

[Abbott]

Just curious how old are you? Im around the same boat as you but im 21...and you're right, as you get older the more it sucks. I think our common problem is that fear of getting fcuked over which in turn makes us stay in our defensive walls and not make a move.

Same as you. It gets worse, since in my case I'm often mistaken for being older than I really am (people often think I'm in my mid 20s). I actually wasn't carded when I purchased my first legal alcoholic beverage on the day of my birthday, and I'm not carded at least half the time, though I'm barely old enough. It could be my behavior, since I'm typically a bit more mellow and not rowdy.

The thing that annoys me, is the lack of experience relative to hers, since chances are I wouldn't be the first boyfriend (I like girls who are 21-24). Plus, I fear that she may, in some way, try to take advantage of me in some way that's seriously detrimental to me. This second thing, in fact, is what scares me. I'm concerned that she'll figure out a way and I won't see it coming until it's too late. Even if trust is earned, I doubt I'll ever really trust her beyond doubt.

I often feel that my mother is the only woman who, based on what she knows, tries to look out for my best interest, and can be trusted beyond doubt. The main reason for this is that I know that she's biologically programmed to do so, and the fact that she proved herself at a time when I really could've been screwed over (when I was a baby).

 

[woods]

Swallow your fear. Ive been crushed a couple few times by chicks, and it was always worth it.

 

[NFC]

I know how you feel. I'm on 17, and still in High School, but sometimes I take a step back and question is all of this even worth it. It's kind of depressing when you think about it.. knowing that you could never keep a girl unless you follow all these certain rules. Sometimes I wish I never found this site.. other times I am greatful. Lately, the thought of all this has just been rather depressing.. maybe that's just because like you, I have not gotten any. Atleast not in a very long time...

 

[Abbott]

i was in fear of women as adolesent, but it was nothing that rational like you guys put it. So I ask myself, maybe you are only rationalising. Probably you are just afraid of embarrasment, like i was and still am.
Imagine you would live in a computer simulation or a dream that you could exit at any time, then what would you do with the women you meet there?

I don't know about embarrassment, though that could be part of it. I try not to talk about certain things about myself for that reason.

People rarely ask me about previous relationships and such, but I know why. It's taken for granted, yet it doesn't apply to me, so I'm at a disadvantage. If I ever do have a relationship, she's going to assume that she's not the first, though she honestly would be. It's the only adult milestone that I haven't crossed.

What I do fear, is that she'll figure out some way to take advantage of me and I won't see it coming until it's too late. I've read horror stories here, from the annoying (games), to the frightening (the story of how a man's woman tried to trick him into making her pregnant, and almost succeeded).

 

[penkitten]

how is being bitter going to help anything?

 

[Mental]

I've never had a girlfriend or a relationship, though at my age it's rare, and it gets rarer as time goes on. Plus I'm fairly sure that I don't fit the profile of someone who never dates, though it's true.

I sometimes think of trying to pursue that, and then I wonder if I'm not just like a pig on his way to the slaughterhouse.

In many ways, I've benefited greatly since finding this site. However, in other ways it's not so good. I hear about horror stories here and then I wonder if I shouldn't protect myself by simply not bothering (though no doubt I'm missing out on something). I still don't get any, and sometimes I'm afraid that it's somehow obvious (a couple times women have asked if I was a virgin, and every time I ignore the question).

I mostly believe that women just seem to be out to get whatever they need to satisfy their selfish desires, like money. Often girls approach me whenever I'm out at bars and such, and when that happens I always wonder what their ulterior motive is. Usually they just want to meet me, though a couple times girls had the brass to ask me to buy them a drink (I never do).

Sometimes I think of approaching, but usually I don't bother. Especially right now, since in May I'll be moving away to another town that's not within an hour's drive (so starting a relationship and maintaining it isn't practical).


Am I justified to feel this way?

You might have every right to be bitter. But the important issue is SHOULD you ACT bitter? No.

I COULD beat any girlfriend I meet because I'm angry that my father broke more of my bones than I'd usually admit. But I'm a man, and I WON'T. And I SHOULDN'T. Just because you can, doesn't mean you SHOULD.

Bitterness kills any interest that might be there. I'm judged harshly, and pretty unfairly it seems, especially by some women. But it will always happen. And you know? I avoid these women as much as I can in life. They're negative, angry people, and I don't need that. I've had enough of that in my life.

I've had some nasty rumors spread about me. By people who I barely knew, just about for any reason. But I don't deal with them, so it's not a huge issue, most of the time.

I personally do get rather annoyed with how quickly certain so called friends are willing to believe this stuff. But, sometimes, you find out quickly who your genuine friends are. And then you spend your time with THEM and avoid those who are trying to knock you down.

And on occasion, the annoyance gets to me, and I run the risk of sounding bitter. But it's rare. I'm human. The true friends will understand. But that doesn't mean I always have to burden them with my negative issues just because my life can really suck.

Bitterness doesn't really get me anywhere.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Whether you have a right to feel bitter or not is of little consequence.

What good is being bitter going to do anyways?

 

[Delta]

right.

even without reading one single word further... DO YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO FEEL BITTER?

A*B*S*O*L*U*T*E*L*Y

i'll bet you have plenty of legitimate grievances against the world and its tenants. i'm sure there are many circumstances that have befallen you that have hampered or sabotaged your growth. i am absolutely certain of it.

everyone does.

thing is, life is UNFAIR through and through. it's even written in the BIBLE for heaven's sake...

"to him who has, more will be given. to him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away."

this is the way of the world because the world is filled with people.

PEOPLE avoid, reject and hate people who DON'T HAVE. who stink of desperation. who are angry (why is he angry? things must not be going well for him....), who are BITTER (why is he bitter?).

you have (am certain) MANY GOOD REASONS TO BE BITTER. this is TRUTH man.

BUT,

if you EXERCISE THE RIGHT TO BE BITTER, bitter is all you're ever gonna get.

you must SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY find some way to get a little bit of happiness for yourself.

however small.

just like CONFIDENCE, you can't just magically get a big chunk of it out of nowhere. IT MUST BE BUILT.

a little bit at a time. and then you start milking the right part of that biblical verse, those who have (even a little) will be given more.

get a little bit. it's hard. it really is. but find a little bit for yourself. do what makes you happy. get rid of your bitterness. find a way to laugh about it.

watch 40 year old virgin again.

realize you still young yet.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

and GET RID OF YOUR PARANOIA.

why do you think women are out to get you and exploit you?

are you rich or something?

if not, don't worry about it.

JUMP IN. and just go with it.

luck.

delta

 

[TheHumanist]

Since comming here (combined with some drama **** and the bitterness I get from Valentine's Day) I sometimes wish I never found this site (hell, unlike many here I was just googling "friend zone" because of hearing about it in a blog). Sure, it's advice have many useful or at least informantive information, many advice have long been incorporated, some give a new viewpoint I never look at before, others I think I will adopt. The one thing that disturb me and even causing me to question my ideals is the many horror stories on this site. Especially this thread:.

Hey ummm, can someone tell me how should I take that thread information, of all the threads, I think that makes me more paranoid and nervous then anything else I read.

 

[Bevo]

actually I second what Delta says.
I dont trust most people eighter and thats because all the backstabbing. Your instincts serve you right.
On the other side, you bond really nicely, if you find a girl that sees these things just like you do. Some of the hottest do know what you are talking about. It cant get better than creating a bubble like "you and me against the rest of the world"
If you dont show, not even have, any fear of not getting the girl, all works in your advantage. You can even say, I am insecure and dont trust people, do you still want to talk to me? Its not about putting yourself into a good light, but only about showing independance.

 

[Abbott]

I doubt that I act bitter. No one has ever said to me that I seem sad, angry, or bitter. I don't tell every woman I see "Get the f*** out of my way, bit*h!"

I typically do talk to every woman I meet, though if she's a dog I'll figure out a way to get out. I'll even talk to a woman who's not my type, if she's attractive and I figure that she might make a good friend (I've heard that people often find partners through people they know, and I also just prefer to be friendly).

I'm hardly bitter about everything, though I am when it comes to women. I can't help but think "What's her ulterior motive? What's this conniving little skirt trying to do?" I never tell them that, of course. All those thoughts occur under the surface.


Someone said that I'm paranoid. No, currently I'm not rich. But, I do expect that in the near future I'll be financially capable (say, can buy a house and finance some vacation trips), though again not rich. That's not the only way to be taken advantage of...what if she wants to make me look like a complete boob? Or perhaps she'll think that I'll be her personal ATM machine that she doesn't have to refill, though I don't know about the likelihood of this since I always say no if a girl asks me to buy her a drink. If I won't buy her a drink I probably wouldn't buy her jewelry or other stuff either. I know that I definitely don't want to be seen as a patsy.

 

[djbr]

I know where are you coming from, and all I can say is that if you keep yourself on that track you'll be complaining while the others are enjoying.

 

[Strip Club Inspector]

It sounds like your basic personality sucks. You are bitter, angry, resentful, paranoid, cowardly, replete with rationalizations, and insecure. You find ways to rationalize every potential situation: well, I'll be moving in may, she was a dog, etc. etc. You are full of excuses. You are full of untested theories.

Be a man. Go for what you want. And if you're too much of a wimp to do it, then quit looking for people to support you when you don't. This is not a support group for AFCs; it's a self-help group for AFCs to change. I'm not going to play this codependent game. I'm full of compassion for people that are shy and inexperienced, but the best among them admit their faults and fears and ask for advice. But you're looking for us to enable your screwed up, unhappy lifestyle. I'm not playing ball. Go out and improve yourself or leave this site.

You're contributing nothing but negativity.

PS You don't have a right to be bitter. You have the right to make mistakes as you seek to improve yourself. Your bitterness is not your right, it's one of the chains holding you down.

 

[Fortunate_Juan]

how is being bitter going to help anything?

Haha, I am glad I read through this because I was going to say the same thing.

Being bitter will not help you accomplish anything, it wont give you any sort of satisfaction. If you want to waste energy on something as pointless as that, there is nothing we can do. You have to want it, so instead of making excuses as to why you won't persue or approach, get out there and get your hands dirty, its the quickest way to learn.

 

[Delta]

we have a right to our chains.

and i won't be as harsh as the previous poster. i believe you want help and that's why you're here. hope you get it.

regarding your paranoia - why would a woman choose to go out of her way to make you look like a boob? as you said, you won't be used as an atm. you know what's happening as it's happening.

seriously, in regards to this, where is this paranoia coming from? parents? friend? where? i assume it's not personal experience according to what you've written....

delta