Delta said:
we have a right to our chains.
and i won't be as harsh as the previous poster. i believe you want help and that's why you're here. hope you get it.
regarding your paranoia - why would a woman choose to go out of her way to make you look like a boob? as you said, you won't be used as an atm. you know what's happening as it's happening.
seriously, in regards to this, where is this paranoia coming from? parents? friend? where? i assume it's not personal experience according to what you've written....
delta
OK everyone...sorry I haven't replied sooner. I only say this since it's apparent that some people appear to go to these boards daily (I won't name names...what good does that do?). There is life outside of these boards, after all!
Why would a woman make me look like a boob? Some are just mean. Though bullying and being highly immature becomes much less common with age. Some of them really do hate all men, though I haven't actually encountered that very often. Of course you hear about "where have all the good men gone?" That would only be because the "good men" somehow became ticked off.
As for my paranoia...I'm not completely sure. I've thought about it. It could be unfounded, and I'm simply subscribing to the modern culture of fear. Modern technology allows us to hear about nasty incidents a lot quicker, so we hear more about it, even if the actual likelihood of such things taking place is less than in years past. Not to say that this necessarily applies to being played for a fool, but it certainly applies to other legitimate fears.
Part of it could be my high school years, which for me were disastrous. It was completely unlike my previous school, and I didn't know anyone there, nor did I have any knowledge of the high school social structure. When I finally learned about it, it was too late and no, I didn't have any friends. I'm not sure if I'll ever completely get over it, though I've made gigantic strides in doing so. Plus, that was a few years ago, and already doesn't matter very much. It also matters less and less as the years go by, though I don't think I'll go to a reunion, because of the unpleasant memories that would invoke. Finding this site wasn't completely responsible for helping me cope, though it certainly played a big part in helping me be more confident, stop being obnoxious, and discern the difference between being helpful to others (which I think is a good thing) and being a "doormat" (which is never good). It helped me be a nice guy without being a "nice guy." It helped the most during my first year of adulthood, my first year fresh out of high school (I actually turned 18 after graduating, so I didn't start adulthood until the following summer, when I turned 18.)
When I was in the first grade, I was often chastised by a group of second graders. It sounds ridiculous now, and I rarely think about it. It might have made a difference, but given how long ago that really was I doubt it.
Fast forward a little bit, or during early adulthood (18-20.9), when you're an adult, but can't go to most bars/clubs or buy alcohol for myself. I had the unreasonable expectation that first year (age 18) that I'd be able to make a lot of friends, and maybe even meet some girls, hopefully letting it turn into something more. I was seriously disappointed. I didn't make any friends, or meet any women. I even let it bother me to the degree that I performed so poorly, I didn't get to go to the school again the next year, and had to enroll at the local community college, where I finally figured out a study method that works. I also recall that the following year (age 19), I pretty much resigned to the fact that I probably won't make any friends, and that I won't meet any women (and I didn't...my major was very male dominated). I didn't really have any connections for parties, so my opportunities to meet others was very limited (chicken and egg problem). I tried to make new connections when possible, though my efforts met with limited success. Whenever I did meet girls, most were pleasant, though they never showed any particular interest. A few completely hated me, though that's pretty rare. I pretty much got stonewalled a lot.
Since turning 21, I've found it a lot easier to meet women, since I have access to the nightlife, something I didn't use to have. The only downside is that if they're drunk, you have to wonder how sincere they are. Of course, drinking has never caused me to make a different choice on anything significant, though I find it a little easier to laugh at stupid stuff. Also I don't feel weird or strange going out by myself, which is fortunate since it gives me more opportunities to go out. Speaking of which, you can't help but meet people, so you wouldn't be alone for long anyway.
I just wish I had an idea of what the risk actually was. For example: I've heard that 50,000 Americans die in auto accidents every year, which sounds big. However, there are millions of drivers, so the likelihood isn't that high. When I go out to drive somewhere, I know there's some risk. But if you just don't do anything stupid, you're very likely to be fine. Plus if you see someone try to do something gutsy on the road, you'll notice no matter what. It's impossible to hide. Is it the same with women? Or is there a behind-the-scenes I need to worry about? I do know they like to consult each other, and all it takes is one ugly bitter fat chick to ruin it for everyone. Of course, there's the saying "actions speak louder than words," so maybe it doesn't matter what she says to others when I'm not around.
I hear about attention-wh0res such, and I've even observed it a few times. I've also heard about girls asking me to buy them drinks even if I don't know them. However, while it has happened to me, it doesn't actually happen very often, so I learned that it's not really a concern.
Perhaps I'll try taking some more chances, though I do wish I had a better idea of what the risks are. Unfortunately, I really can't do this seriously or in earnest until after I move (this May), since moving would end the relationship (I don't believe in long distance relationships).
Fortunately, while my previous experience with this sort of thing has been less than pleasant, I don't go around telling other men, especially those with relationships, that their woman
will play them, or cheat on them, unless I know for a fact that she will.
