Do I Give Up on Success, Alpha, Getting Women, or Not?

[leeraconteur]

The title to this thread is a bit misleading, in order to get some responses.

I am 50, 7 years ago I had 2 mild heart attacks and possibly a mild stroke.
At age 42/43.

Up to 42 I was doing 1 woman a month, about 110 in total knocking it out. Married once (4 years barely), another engagement, 10 gf's, hundred's of dates. Part due to being young, part due to my career at that time, but even after a career change at 37, I did ok. A slow tapering to 42...and then illness.

After that event, all women interest literally stopped. Complete and total.

Now then, I really didn't care. Having nearly died and all that. More important things to focus on.

The event really messed me up. I spent the first 6 months in bed, sleeping 20 hours a day. All my meds messed me up, I had no energy to do anything but shop for food and sleep. My savings got low, so I had to go back to work. Got a good gig, money, title, responsibility and hours.

This job wiped me out for 4 years.

At work by 7:15 am, there to 8:00 pm bs-ing with the owner and other B-level guys, then home, dinner, sleep 8p to 7a, do it again. Saturday 4 hours to noon, sleep all day, shop. Sunday maybe a drive up the coast. No energy to do anything else, great paycheck about 100k, but not one single iota of female interest the entire 4 years I worked there. Unreal, really.

I gained weight from the stress and medications. After 5 years I just gave up on doing what my doc's said, stopped all the meds, quit the job, moved to an un-named nation with low stress, better food, a job that isn't even a job, 10 hours a week, 30 weeks a year, it's for the visa really; the rest of the time I just hang out, nap, listen to music, play the guitar, go for walks. I have lost 35 pounds, feel better than I have in 8 years.

Two doctors in the USA, before I had left, had told me literally that my symptoms sounded like geriatrics. Loss of energy, loss of memory, huge drop in mental abilities, sleep all day, two naps a day, 3 good hours of energy and then I am wiped out.

Makes sense at 85, not so much at 43.

So since these 2 MI's, nothing women-wise for 8 years. Not one single date. Total desertification.

I was reading some Roissy tonight and a thought occurred to me, and that is this:

Since then, I really (in my mind and attitude) have checked out of this entire, US male attitude of:

"Provide, work, provide for the woman, be a success, be motivated, be energetic, be ambitious, be someone who can pay for her and the baby and the house and the car and the ________ , 80+ hours a workweek, build a business..."

Never told this to any woman - I am not stupid.

But I just don't have the energy or desire to go out and bust my ass and die just so some chick thinks me desirable, date-able, marriageable.

I am tired. So tired. All the time - and this is so much better than it was 7 years ago at the first.

I think that the women in my new country know this (even though they make $200 a month and my savings and income dwarfs theirs), women being as they are, without me saying anything - and they are not interested. All other guys my age hook up with a young lady, 23 or so, by month one of living here and I have been here 2 years and it's like I am invisible.

I was fine with this until last month and now, for whatever reason, it is really beginning to mess with my psyche, the total lack of any female interest. Maybe it's because I am 50, maybe it's because it's been 7 years and my body has adjusted, maybe it's because I am planning on staying here and having no social life is eating away at me from the inside and the loneliness is unbearable.

=========================

I don't know what my question is or if I even have one. Maybe it's if any of you other guys have encountered a life-changing health event that just messed you up permanently in ways you never knew were possible and if this changed your dating life, and how to adapt.

Or maybe I want to know a way to fake being energetic, a good provider, good bf material, someone with energy potential and a future. Or find a segment of women that would like me as a tired spent man.

The mere thought of busting my ass to work to be a good catch, it just makes my chest hurt, the thought of it. 80+ hour weeks, building a business, dealing with all the headaches - I know how to do it, but the toll is just so high now, I just don't see the point. Why bother? It will, literally, kill me. For what? Why? I would rather take a nap, eat lunch and listen to my favorite music.

Anyway I don't really know if I have a question or not as all other 'support groups' for men in my state are full of married, retired, 80 year olds who have already slowed down. Not many live overseas and want to date. I am 50, and ideally have 15 really good years left, and I am single and want to date and get a gf in her 20's. It should be doable as other guys my age pull them just fine at that age. A friend of mine is surely not rich, has a wife 49 years younger than he is. Almost all the women I have dated were under 25, so this is not outside my experience.

So let me know what you think.

TIA

 

[Warrior74]

So these other men in your country. How do they behave around the local women? How do you behave? Is there a difference? What I am getting at is this, are you projecting the energy of a man who life has whipped, because it sounds like you might be. You've seen that guy who looks like a dog with his tail between his legs and that shaky look in his eye as if he'll flinch at any moment. And you seen that guy who looks like he owns the world. And you've seen both across a room and can tell with just a look who is who. Which one is closer to your demeanor?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear LeerAConteur,
Yeah,you are going through a sticky patch,sounds like constant fatigue syndrome.....Some say in a period of extreme stress,work or illness related you run down your adrenal gland....can take a long time,you have of course had a competent cardiologist check out the old thumper?...So having had stress related symptoms like yours I found a really good diet with lots of dark green veggies helps a lot,as does exercise...living in the East or perhaps South America though far and away the best place to find Pvussy,is not the best place to get well...lot to be said for home,the comfort of friends and family...tropical foods just don't have what it takes...your first priority is to get well.

 

[leeraconteur]

So these other men in your country. How do they behave around the local women? How do you behave? Is there a difference? What I am getting at is this, are you projecting the energy of a man who life has whipped, because it sounds like you might be. You've seen that guy who looks like a dog with his tail between his legs and that shaky look in his eye as if he'll flinch at any moment. And you seen that guy who looks like he owns the world. And you've seen both across a room and can tell with just a look who is who. Which one is closer to your demeanor?

Neither.

I am not whipped, I am exhausted all of the time. I am tired, and I really don't care about any massive expenditure of energy as I just don't have it. It's not there.

And you seen that guy who looks like he owns the world.

Own the world? I just laugh. Folly. A fool's goal. Guys like that are just working themselves to death, literally - and for what? I have been that guy, I have seen the results, I have crossed over, and I view type A personalities who sleep 4 hours a day, who are a 'success', who get a lot of babes, who own the world, as idiots who will die at 55. I don't want to be a guy who owns the world and I don't care.

My values have changed.

I want to be healthy and I want to live a long time. All other priorities are rescinded. Hell, they are down to No. 100 on the list, at best.

Yeah,you are going through a sticky patch,sounds like constant fatigue syndrome.....Some say in a period of extreme stress,work or illness related you run down your adrenal gland....can take a long time,you have of course had a competent cardiologist check out the old thumper?...So having had stress related symptoms like yours I found a really good diet with lots of dark green veggies helps a lot,as does exercise...living in the East or perhaps South America though far and away the best place to find Pvussy,is not the best place to get well...lot to be said for home,the comfort of friends and family...tropical foods just don't have what it takes...your first priority is to get well.

Thanks for the advice, but I don't consider 8 years a sticky patch. At this point it's the new normal.

I had multiple heart attacks, of course I had a cardiologist check my heart out. I have been admitted to hospitals over a dozen times in the past 8 years and been to the ER 25 timnes. Big thick files of medical records. My heart was damaged (that's what a heart attack is), but I have been told I can resume a normal life. Except that my energy levels are permanently lowered, but this isn't something the doctors really cared about. So after 5 years of trying to get them to get me back to where I was at 42, I gave up on them and moved.

I appreciate the suggestion of living in the USA, but America is part of the problem. I experience huge and rising anxiety attacks, mood swings, weight gain, all of my symptoms return, when I am in the USA. I think it's the food, air, water and drug supply and all the competitive stress hormones. I won't go into details, and I don't feel the need to justify my decision - when I am in the USA I become sick within a week, when I am not in the USA I get better with time.

Since expatting not once have I gone to the hospital, my weight is down, my blood pressure is down, my cholesterol is down, my circulation is better, I do not have chest pains - all symptoms have gone away.

So I am staying away.

I did not move to find Pvussy, I moved to save my life and my health and eliminate stress.

Thanks for the kind replies, but it is truly clear to me now that I am in a very unique place and that any queries for advice online are going to be met with advice from those who haven't a clue of what I am going through.

Asking healthy 30 yo to 55 yo men who have never had any major illness how to handle this, just isn't useful. You guys could not understand my point of view in a million years, although I appreciate the advice.

========================

I ask this post, because I am bored out of my mind and terribly lonely and I am considering starting up a business here that would make my quite a bit of coin. But the mere thought of it fills me with dread. The stress. The long hours. The chest pains. The exhaustion.

But I need to find something to do and hobbies just don't cut it. I have many, but I need work, or something, to distract me from feeling so lonely.

Perhaps this is a sign, of sorts, that I actually DO now have the energy to work full-time and build a business.

I suppose the only way to find out is to do it and see.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Hey Leeraconteur,

I can't relate to any major health issue, however I've had my share of experiences that, well I'm just lucky to be alive. After each one, it seemed like the sun shined a bit brighter in the morning, sunrise, and I told each person family member how much I cared for them.

Sounds like you've got an understanding on what's really important in life.

My best suggestion, is stay out of the US and all our stresses, pursuits of consumption and materialism.

Kick your feet up and relax, who gives a ****...money and impressing other people is just a damn smokescreen. Be simple, happy, and it sounds like you are there right now. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, enjoy your life.

Go sailing. Sailing is good for the soul.

 

[P­ornography]

young man you need to smoke some herb. I'm sure overthere in Tahiti or whever you're staying, there's plenty, so Toke up and enjoy life.

 

[leeraconteur]

young man you need to smoke some herb. I'm sure overthere in Tahiti or whever you're staying, there's plenty, so Toke up and enjoy life.

I have gotten this advice from several people in various places.

Please re-read my post.

HEART ATTACK(S).

I cannot inhale any smoke. When I do, instant chest pains, elevated heart rate, and a blood pressure headache follow within minutes. Pot, cigarettes, smoke from a fire - all the same.

Since I do not wish to go to the ER to get an IV of nitroglycerin to open my arteries (twice I have had this done) and counteract the blood vessel constriction, I will pass on the suggestion.

This is what I meant - my experience is so far outside what you guys know that it's inconceivable. Even guys in their 60's, who are healthy, can't relate.

You recommend that I smoke pot, yet smoke kills me.

You suggest chemicals, natural or otherwise, yet I wrote that I am hypersensitive to all chemicals and medications and that I needed to leave the USA to remove myself from stress-inducing chemicals.

Not exactly a solution.

Thanks anyway...

 

[P­ornography]

Dman dude ever heard of vaporizers? why am i even suggesting that i'm just a 'merican idiot silly me

 

[Rogue]

leeraconteur:
I was reading some Roissy tonight...

I don't know if the following is what you alluded, but if not:

The science behind the Sex and Travel Theory is simple: women crave men higher in status than themselves, and territorial familiarity — or territorial mastery —  is one form of status signaling. A woman abroad — as long as she doesn’t restrict herself to expat communities — is surrounded by local men who know the land, the people and the language. By dint of their local knowledge and proficiency with the culture they become higher status than the traveling woman, no matter what her relative income or social status back home. As a result, the traveling woman is primed to perceive foreign men as higher status than herself, and thus more sexually attractive.

The traveling man, in contrast, will be perceived by local girls as having less status than themselves, simply by being a naif in a new land. This is especially true in countries where the women aren’t dirt poor or surrounded by drunkards and trying to win the green card lottery. (See: Any West European country.) Many men discover to their surprise that they have to work harder to pick up chicks in foreign countries than they do to pick up women in their own country. [...]

You can do well overseas if a) you have game, hybrid vigor looks, and a decent command of the local language, or b) you leverage your “expert from afar” credentials. A man with some local knowledge, money, or international business interests can do well with foreign girls who, like all women, are attracted to the stranger who comes into town.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2011/04/27/its-easier-picking-up-foreign-girls-in-your-home-country/

So yeah, if you don't get your energy into better shape, or cultivate your "expert from afar" status, enjoy the scenic relaxation.

 

[leeraconteur]

Dman dude ever heard of vaporizers? why am i even suggesting that i'm just a 'merican idiot silly me

I am an American, too.

Re-re-read.

I cannot inhale. Anything. You suppose this vapor is just going to magically not go through my lungs?

Ingestion of ANY drug, smoke, inhale, your allegedly harmless vapor or otherwise - bad, bad idea. All drugs I have taken in the past 7 years have had nasty, bad, noticeable side effects. The benefits are not worth it, so I won't risk death or a visit to the ER to test out whether a vaporizer won't hurt me or not.

 

[leeraconteur]

I don't know if the following is what you alluded, but if not:So yeah, if you don't get your energy into better shape, or cultivate your "expert from afar" status, enjoy the scenic relaxation.

Does not explain guys here, 20 - 60, no language at all not a single word, one month off the boat, no money, dress beyond poorly, so badly dressed you cannot believe it, no expert from afar, who land a girl within a month.

Often they don't even need to speak with them.

For me, it's an absolute mystery.

Which if I was a clueless virgin of 25 who had not bedded his share, would make sense. This is why I am completely stumped.

 

[scrouds]

You're absolutely miserable. It shows here. It shows there. Everyone can see it. Nobody wants to be around misery. You want to know why you can't get a chick, look in the mirror and notice the permamant scowl.

 

[thedude4242]

do not start smoking weed. the sad part about it I have every tool men want to get women but I still cannot get to fvck them.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear LeeraConteur,
As your problems become clearer it does seem as though you are in an intractable situation.....Not all the things life throws at you are amenable to a magic bullet....How do you feel about a Heart transplant?is that even a Health option in the States?...even refugees who go on a waiting list may get one here in Australia....Opening a Business in your situation would not be a smart move...If you have enough to survive and a Plane ticket Home money is a bit irrelevent....Why your interest in Women,seems the exertion of Svexual activity and the stress the weaker svex inevitably bring one,are the last things you want.

 

[Warrior74]

Neither.

I am not whipped, I am exhausted all of the time. I am tired, and I really don't care about any massive expenditure of energy as I just don't have it. It's not there.



Own the world? I just laugh. Folly. A fool's goal. Guys like that are just working themselves to death, literally - and for what? I have been that guy, I have seen the results, I have crossed over, and I view type A personalities who sleep 4 hours a day, who are a 'success', who get a lot of babes, who own the world, as idiots who will die at 55. I don't want to be a guy who owns the world and I don't care.

My values have changed.

I didn't ask you what you were doing or what your values were, I asked what you were PROJECTING TO WOMEN and what were the guys around you projecting to women. You are so busy being caught up in reality you forget the game is NOT reality. My question was really this, DO YOU SEEM CONFIDENT. If other guys in the same boat as you are pulling and you are not, what are you projecting. That's the question your asking, all the rest is fluff about your values and medical issues. The point is other 50 year old guys where you are at are pulling chics and you are not. What is the difference between you and that guy.

 

[squirrels]

Weed aside, you sound like you have a major anxiety issue of some kind. I can understand if living in America stresses you out, but if you're ready to have a heart-attack after coming back here for a WEEK, something is wrong with you psychologically/psycho-chemically. You may want to see a psychiatrist.

 

[leeraconteur]

You're absolutely miserable. It shows here. It shows there. Everyone can see it. Nobody wants to be around misery. You want to know why you can't get a chick, look in the mirror and notice the permamant scowl.

I don't scowl. I smile most of the time.

 

[leeraconteur]

Weed aside, you sound like you have a major anxiety issue of some kind. I can understand if living in America stresses you out, but if you're ready to have a heart-attack after coming back here for a WEEK, something is wrong with you psychologically/psycho-chemically. You may want to see a psychiatrist.

Why bother? It goes away when I am not in the USA. So the solution is to not be present in the USA.

Simple.

...and to repeat myself, again, drugs fvck me up. No thanks, no more SSRI for me.

 

[leeraconteur]

I didn't ask you what you were doing or what your values were, I asked what you were PROJECTING TO WOMEN and what were the guys around you projecting to women. You are so busy being caught up in reality you forget the game is NOT reality. My question was really this, DO YOU SEEM CONFIDENT. If other guys in the same boat as you are pulling and you are not, what are you projecting. That's the question your asking, all the rest is fluff about your values and medical issues. The point is other 50 year old guys where you are at are pulling chics and you are not. What is the difference between you and that guy.

Let's see. I nearly died, and they didn't.

I am tired all the time, I cannot fake the energy. Stimulants will kill me. This is not hyperbole.

So I probably don't seem confident, and I don't give a **** because there are more important things than appearing alpha, confident, et-fvcking-cetera.

Give you an example, it scales to any other situation.

Met up with a friend a few days ago. I was in a near city. Woke up at 11:30am. Got lunch at 2:00pm, talked with the owners, friends of mine. Left at 4:40. Get a call at 4:50 to meet some friends about 10 minutes away. They are 23 (f) and 25 (m, her bf). Turn around, we meet up, talk for awhile, wait for one other to show up, 20 (f).

We all walk down the street, half a mile. Now it is 6:00pm, dinner time. They are going to dinner.
Yes, I am quite aware that my friend was maybe trying to hook me up with the 20 yo f.

Great idea.

Except that I was falling asleep on my feet, and nothing would change that except going to bed.

Yes, at 6pm. Yes, after waking up at 11:30am. Dinner, hanging out, movie, anything - out of the question. Even if I were to force myself to go, I would begin to show noticeable signs of fatigue. It would be very clear that I was tired.

Confidence?

I would be ready for a nap.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Leera, what do you need to do to get your health back?

That should be priority #1, put women on the back burner for now. Get your energy levels back.

Can you start physical training in a gym?

Get your testosterone levels checked. Do you have enough zinc in your diet?