Do good women exist?

[BadNews]

Hey guys, got some things I need to get off my chest. I recently got out of a an LTR. I've done this before, I know how to handle it, and I know that I'll be fine. But truth be told this one is by far the hardest I've had to deal with yet. Reason being is that I was "there," mentally I was prepared to live my life with this woman. I thought the world of her, had an insane connection with her, and generally was madly in love. Long story short, she ended the relationship a week ago.

I've since learned that she's been sleeping with her ex since the night after we broke up, and just last night had a ONS with a random. I guess the sad part right now is that I'm learning this girl isn't the person I thought she was. Perhaps I have been tricking myself, and making her out to be someone that she wasn't. But I really didn't think she was capable of behaving this way - I was wrong.

I'm feeling quite frustrated right now, because although she did have her flaws, she was (or at least I thought) what I want out of a woman long term. There are a lot of things I love about her that are going to make it very hard for any women I meet in the future to obtain any kind of commitment from me.

Most guys on this site are here because they just want to bang a bunch of hot broads. And I get it, that's fine. But I feel like I've been there done that. I know that I want to have a meaningful relationship with someone. A relationship where there is mutual respect and admiration. I want a wife, and a family; for me finding someone to have that with (genuinely have a good relationship with that can last a lifetime) is what I want out of life. I'm now becoming increasingly less hopeful that I will ever find someone to have this with.

The abrupt realization that my girlfriend for the past 2 years isn't the person I thought she was has rocked me. It has caused me to question if "good" women even exist anymore. We live in a time where people don't have any respect for themselves, their bodies, or the impact things may have on themselves/future partners and their lives. I realize there is often a double standard - but I am well aware that this happens across the board for men and women.

As I re-enter the field I find myself questioning if I should take a hard look at what I want out of life, and try to seek it honestly. Maybe banging a bunch of hot broads this time I'm single isn't what I should be doing. I'm very certain of what I want out of a partner, and I know it will be hard to find - even more so one that hasn't completely thrown her self respect to the wind at some point in her life.

I'm at the point where I have no faith in women, or humanity in general. I almost don't believe there are truly good women out there, and if there are it is quite likely that they will not fit into the standards that I would be willing to accept.

I guess my question is do you believe there are still good women out there? Is it even worth trying to pursue? I have no trouble getting laid any day of the week if that is what I want. But now I want more, and I feel strongly that it will be next to impossible to find.

I have two options at this point that I see as realistic. I can try to be what I'm looking for (read: NOT sleep around) and spend some time, once I've gotten over this one, looking for someone I would actually want to spend my life with in an honest way. OR I could completely give up hope on that dream, and just "have fun." I honestly see being a bachelor forever as a feasible option at this point, and make sure to never keep a woman around for more than a couple months. I feel like the second option would be selling myself short, but as it stands right now I have little faith that I will ever be able to find someone to fit within the incredibly high standards I have.

Thoughts?

 

[rugby11]

Bad news have you ever heard of Plate theory? Their is a good book i would like to send you called The Rational Male. Look i have empathy for you. Humanity can be a huge burden to handle by one self. Your not alone and maybe having a buddyship with fellow men for awhile may help take away some of the hurt that comes from having the feeling experienced. If you give yourself time to ponder deep within yourself that its not about you. Something may come off from you as if it was your fault. Learn from the event by allowing yourself permission to feel the feeling and grow from that experience. The male friends you have on this forum is going to help you in as many ways as we can.

One big issue with what i hear from your post is that you think women are inherently good. That term can be used to suit anyone in any situation that benefits them when they act in a way that is genetically ingrained in their biological makeup. First of all when i don't learn from overt and covert information i become susceptible to making a stupid option in a relationship i am in.

Do good women exist? (It depends on their many factors)

You may find it ironic but women can be whatever they need to be whenever they a way because it is socially acceptable. Look man you sound like a great dude that would be amazing to get to know however that is not a filter for certain behaviors that women are able to exhibit. For one thing when i got destroyed by someone i though was a good women i learned that it did not have to be good or bad it just was. It became something i could use to create a world i had little if any control over. Look badnews how may people do you know that have been in relationships that look as if they function well and are normal to you?
For me i have none. I failed in so many way's in keeping the women i loved for being (her) however it hurts like a knife being pushed in your heart inch by inch when you feel the aftereffects of the emotion.

You know what helped me the most? Being in a place of solitude out in nature. But from your post and your comments i think hanging out with some people in person could help you more than anything else. What if you where able to perhaps learn a new sport or start doing weights at your local gym.

A big part of being hurt from women i learned from is that i need to get help from other men in person or over the internet. But in person would be better since you can trade notes about what someone may be able to help you bring to light.

By the way do not forget you are human. I have preconceptions that i am wrong about most of the time. Human experience is a teacher of profound beauty and infinite wonder. If you allow yourself the ability to use this as a gift for yourself you may freak her even out by not letting it get you done. (This is easy for me to say over the internet) In your life at this very moment you could try to get your ideals down on paper about how you want to go about your life and what your goals are.

I am 26 and you are only one year older than i am. Sometimes the worst things that come from things we love that destroy all aspects of goodness we see in the world have little if any lesson we see right after it happens. (But their are small moments in the experience that can shine a light)

I would like to send you a copy of the rational male that book helped me out a ton and you could visit his blog for more help but that book explained so much pain away it gives hope to what you see may be hopeless.

By the way Badnews No one has all the right information at the right time.
I had to work on myself relentlessly in order to learn to break away social conditioning that was forced on me as a child growing up into a teenager and than a so called adult. You need to give yourself space to love yourself in the best way you can for whatever happened.

I suppose i mean you need to allow yourself space to keep the question alive. Do good (women) really exist? What is the difference from a girl to a women? How do you explain good? Does that word come from a religion you are involved with? I know many women and girls and i suppose i could ask them what that term means for them however it can change depending on so may variable factors.

Know that you did your best. Try writing a bunch of notes to yourself about the best things you did in the relationship than put that stuff away for awhile. After that and hopefully with a some real male buddy's you are comfortable dealing with an this issue. Share that with them and ask for guidance on how accurate you think the words on an the page. Than try doing the same thing but from where the relationship may have fallen apart. Try this at least two weeks after the first part to keep a positive view of growth and benevolence.

Do yourself a gift by loving the question you asked and allowing whatever response to come to light in its own way. You may want to give yourself time to remain in a stance of solitude in whatever way that means to you.

But be kind to yourself and don't think in terms of right and wrong and good and bad it comes off as absolutes. Women can be anything in the moment for any reason that is socially excusable. Just keep in mind that in this event for you. You may have had a uphill battle by having no support at giving times to rely on.

So do Good women really exist? Yes and No depends on their evolutionary advantage.

 

[VladPatton]

The most you can trust a woman is about 70% or so, and save the rest for cheating, backstabbing, and lying. Actually, this is true for most people you meet, so always reserve a special little place for their evil side. It'll keep surprises at bay.

 

[Outlaw_]

As I re-enter the field I find myself questioning if I should take a hard look at what I want out of life, and try to seek it honestly. Maybe banging a bunch of hot broads this time I'm single isn't what I should be doing. I'm very certain of what I want out of a partner, and I know it will be hard to find - even more so one that hasn't completely thrown her self respect to the wind at some point in her life.

You should bang a lot of chicks until the right one comes along. Otherwise, you will make the mistake I did when I got out of a 5 year LTR, May '13. I basically tried to replace my ex with another woman. It last for 5 months & ended with me being very needy...because I had no other options. Now I'm spinning plates & having the time of my life. And, there is a potential plate (for me a plate is only a woman that you've fvcked), who looks like she is a very high quality woman. If that is the case, then she will be my G...and I got the ****ing other women thing out of my system.

I'm at the point where I have no faith in women, or humanity in general. I almost don't believe there are truly good women out there, and if there are it is quite likely that they will not fit into the standards that I would be willing to accept.

You need to deal with this or it will lead to emotional baggage that will prevent you from being fully in a relationship.

I guess my question is do you believe there are still good women out there? Is it even worth trying to pursue? I have no trouble getting laid any day of the week if that is what I want. But now I want more, and I feel strongly that it will be next to impossible to find.

Of course there are good women out there. The better question is to ask yourself, where did you get lazy during the relationship. Was it emotionally, intellectually, sexually, spiritually, etc. By taking responsibility, it will make things much easier than blaming her...which leads to baggage.

Hope this helps bro.

 

[Epimanes]

Lots of good women out there... Look in quality places for quality women. I am married to one (been with her for 20 years) and she is getting better all the time. It has not always been good.. 2 kids takes away a lot of intimacy especially when we had no family support. But we made it.. And are in a fantastic place now. Had to do some councelling with a psycologist to sort out our heads.. (After all we have been together since 15 and 16 and both of us had fvcked up views and upbringings that had to be sorted out).

All women are psycho, just a matter of finding one you can put up with.. Some more than others. Keep your frame.. Have a good mix of alpha traits ( creates dopamine) and beta traits ( creates oxytocin). Be outcome independant and continue to self improve and be awesome when things are not ideal. Keep communication open in such a way that you can both talk respectfully.

Epi

 

[latinnova]

Woman are people, and yes there are good people out there. Here is the thing though, nothing is guaranteed in life. Just as you have seen, this woman was a great thing in your life, then it vanished. I recently just got out of a 14 year marriage with kids and I know it's crazy and it hurts. Consider yourself lucky that you don't have to pay your ex child support, alimony, etc.. because it's hard to forget about her when you will need to be friends with her for the rest of your life because of the kids. But, the one thing I have come to realize is that the only thing I can control in this life is myself, no one else. I can only make myself better.

You are still you. Learn from this experience and move forward. I have done this by actually just getting out and speaking to woman, with no intention of getting laid. I am truly just enjoying going out and speaking to different ladies and getting to know their story, their passions, what makes them tick. It's all very interesting. Make sure you are recovered before you do this. Do not talk about your recent break up, sob stories turn woman off QUICK! Throw yourself at things that you have been wanting to do but haven't. DO NOT JUST SIT AT HOME ALONE AND LET YOUR MIND MULL OVER THE PAST RELATIONSHIP. It was in the past, you are currently in the present. The life is in the present so start to focus on yourself and everything will fall into place.

 

[The Duke]

I'm convinced that there are VERY FEW good ones out there and I'm still leary of the perceived "good" ones. They have far too many options these days so you can throw things like honesty and respect and self control out the window. Just look at how impulsive women are....look at how products are marketed to them and how they shop. They are famous for making irrational purchases that hold no value. So do you think they'll shut that behavior off in a relationship and make smart choices..........??????

Honesty and respect and self control are male traits. They've been told its okay to ride the cahk carousel and can have what ever they want. We live in a throw-a-way society that expects instant gratification. This behavior/lifestyle leads to entitlement issues which is what got us in this mess we have now.

You can do all those things Epimanes and the others suggested and still get burned. Women are fickle by nature and don't care about honor/loyalty. Just look at the relationships they form with their girlfriends!!! They back stab each other and talk schitt all the time. Men don't do that crap. If her gf doesn't like you for whatever stupid reason, a relationship with her will be difficult.

Women have been given a free pass for far too long. The standards they are held to are much lower than what men are held to. Just listen to the advice the posters above are giving(its holding men accountable for a woman's bad behavior and that he should act a certain way to suppress her crazyness yet at the end of the day he needs to be willing to put up with a certain amount of crazy!!!). I'm not putting anyone down, just making a point. HOw about act like you are supposed to act????

I just question if its worth it, thats all. I don't need a woman to complete me and I certainly don't feel like I need to serve as their "father" figure to keep them in check so they behave correctly.

There are a lot of men and women growing up in single parent households that lack the life skills to be successful in relationships. Its a product of our high divorce rate in this country.

I'm almost to the point where if the next girl I get with doesn't come from a solid family background with no divorce, then I'm not even going out with her. It all starts at home and at a young age.

There's a good documentary show on CNN called the "60's". They had a portion of it dedicated to the feminist movement. It explains everything and why women act like they do today.

I had a woman who tossed me to the curb after 14yrs. I did lots of plate spinning, one night stands, and dated all sorts of women for about a 5yr period after all that. Eventually I grew tired of it. All along I made myself better. I have done my part. I come from a good family that can communicate and respect each other. But there are few women who can offer what I can and most are a dissapointment. Thats my reality. I wish it wasn't. I just wish I had a woman like my grandma and mom. They just don't exist these days.

 

[logicallefty]

I may be one of the more bitter SOB's on this site in all honesty but I actually do think their are some really good women out there. Many of them are nurses.

I see it like the ocean. If the ocean has 10,000,000,000 fish/women we are talking a number of maybe 100,000 women. They are there, but finding them is next to impossible.

For the majority of women I don't trust them at all when I first meet them and the best ones may earn 70% trust out of me, just like VadPlatton says.

My mother is the only one I give 100%. Not even my sisters get that cuz even they my own flesh and blood have f\_/cked me over before too.

 

[Epimanes]

I agree howiestern, my wife can't find a single gf who hasn't burned her one way or another.. But if you were to meet my wife she is like one of the guys.. And can't stand women really (tells me frequently that she embarrassed at how women of today have turned out and is pro red pill). She also says the same thing "every woman she knows/knew is just a backstabber... But like I said they are all psycho to one degree or another including my wife.. But at least she can see it and when I tell her that her hamster is out of control she usually believes me and takes steps to cool off or rethink the issue.

 

[Epimanes]

My mother is the only one I give 100%.

You are lucky to even have that... My mom is a slvt.. Has fvcked me over all my life... Emasculated me, took every birthday dollar I ever got in a card for smokes when I was younger and turned me into her live in slave as I was forced into a "father" role with my two 1/2 brothers 10 years younger than me.

Its taken a lot to unlearn all that crap so I could be the man my wife needs me to be.

 

[The Duke]

Epimanes, I can relate to all that. My ltr tells me the exact same things. She has definitely made big strides in keeping her hamster under control, but sometimes I am worn thin from being her life "coach". No doubt If her parents would have done their job I wouldn't have to deal with all this schitt. I guess I shouldn't give up on her. Sometimes I wonder what I get out of all this.

Shes got a huge heart and cares a lot about our relationship although her emotions get the best of her. Her grandparents instilled enough "old school" thinking in her, amen for that.

 

[mangotot]

In a word, the answer to the title is 'No'.

 

[Lexington]

There are around 3.5 billion females on this planet. I'm sure that some of them are good, high quality women. Unfortunately in this day and age, narcissism is rampant and the cultural restraints on female hypergamy have been removed....especially in the West.

But even here in America, there are good women. I was in the same boat you're in not so long ago. But I recently met a girl nearly a year ago who passed test after test after test. Is it possible it's all an act? Maybe. But I've waded through enough trash to recognize it when I see it.

Keep spinning plates. Don't go looking for the One. Eventually, you'll find that one of your plates stands out from the rest and is truly worthy of your commitment. Don't give away your commitment easily....make her earn it and prove herself every step of the way. But even after she's earned your commitment, the Game never ends.

It might be hard to believe but there is such a thing as a good LTR/marriage, I've witnessed many of them myself. Admittedly, they are the exception rather than the rule these days. That's why you have to evaluate a high number of candidates and screen thoroughly.

Happy hunting!

 

[nismo-4]

I ask myself this every time I kick a woman to the curb. And I kick a lot of women to the curb for showing low interest or mixed signals or flaking. I only give ONE chance to a woman. First impressions are lasting impressions. Actions speak louder than words. Words from a woman are to be taken with a grain of salt.

I don't believe in love or marriage. F**k marriage.

I live in Atlanta now. I have for 6 years, and I have yet to find a good woman here.

Often, when someone tells me there are good women here, I fall out laughing because I've been made to feel like it's unbelievable bulls**t.

 

[logicallefty]

You are lucky to even have that... My mom is a slvt.. Has fvcked me over all my life... Emasculated me, took every birthday dollar I ever got in a card for smokes when I was younger and turned me into her live in slave as I was forced into a "father" role with my two 1/2 brothers 10 years younger than me.

Its taken a lot to unlearn all that crap so I could be the man my wife needs me to be.

Thank you Sir. I know I am. My mom did try to pussify me when I was really little but I have forgiven her completely. People change. She is 100% red pill now. We have talked deeply and she knows the real dynamics between men and women in 2014 and sees reality with 100% clarity.

She has even told me while in a LTR "Lefty, you should just dump GF and go out and date like you used to, bring pu$$y home, and then kick them out in the morning!" Yes guys, I love my mother, and you would too if you met her!! :rockon:

 

[Epimanes]

That has to be tough, you took the red pill from day 1. I can see how - for you - the red pill wasn't that women could be so evil but that it was even possible really to have a marriage.

Yup... It was tough alright. Sometimes still is. I catch my own hamster spinning once in a while then have to kick myself to not let it get the best of me. When I look at my mom.. Often the only thing I feel is contempt. I feel bad occasionaly for my wife who had to live though my insecurity as I fixed myself all these years.. Had some really bad times that I likely deserved due to my own fvcked up head.

 

[Kailex]

Just "good enough" women.

 

[apprenticedj]

I'd say I'm jaded to a respectable degree so my opinion is slightly biased. I think the OP laid out the justification for never fully trusting ANYBODY, male or female, lover or friend etc.

People are selfish by nature, we look out for ourselves first, always. I used to think that was wrong and that we could get past this with the right person. I now feel there is nothing wrong with being selfish in dating and I live by that credo exclusively. I take care of myself first, my interests come first.

I'm still in the bang lots of chicks phase so I differ from the OP but I hear his pain. I do hope, one day and many notches from now, to find a solid woman to have a LTR with but it frankly frightens me. I was so in love with my ex-wife, felt that we were "perfect" I lost myself in love. I wonder if this has harmed me going forward? Will I be able to allow another vixen into my inner circle, to allow myself to let go? I truly don't know but for now I'm going to keep my armor on, love is a battlefield no doubt (Pat Benatar reference b*tches!!)

 

[Colossus]

I'll chime in as a guy who has "one of the good ones".

I'll start by saying that people in general are a disappointment to me, and that's perhaps because I have set my expectations too high. The older I get, the more self-absorbed friends seem to become and the less I can rely on them for camaraderie and genuine moral support. I've always known that most friendships in life are temporary, but I remember when I was younger it was more of a brotherhood rather than a convenience. Part of getting older I suppose, but it's disheartening when you can barely get a buddy to give you his undivided attention for 30 minutes when you are going through some sh!t. People just become too absorbed in their own life to divert their attention, and ultimately you can only rely on yourself, family, and friends, in descending order.

That aside, this is probably a good time in your life to internalize the fact that women are constitutionally different than men, negatively so in many ways. Trust me, you are not the first man on earth to realize women can be deceitful, fickle, superficial, spiteful, and mind-blowingly unaccountable. Men in the Bible were writing about this stuff thousands of years ago.

I think as mentioned above, the overall character of women has taken a turn for the worse in recent decades due to feminism, technology, and societal permissiveness. The reasons really are irrelevant, because this is what we have to deal with today. But back to your point, are there any "good women" left? Of course there are, but you need to adjust your expectations.

Anybody is capable of anything under the right conditions, and if you don't believe that you are deluding yourself. What we can do is mitigate certain factors that dramatically increase the odds of a negative outcome with a woman in the future. There are some obvious ones, like choosing a woman who has never been married, has no kids, has a modest relationship history, no drug/alcohol abuse, etc.....then there are some traits that take a bit more time and life experience to uncover.

How does her mother treat her father? Are they still married?
Does her father wear the pants?
How does she relate to her siblings? What is her birth order?
How many sexual partners has she had? What did she do with them? This will come out eventually if you read between the lines.
Is her father a positive influence on her? How does she relate to men in general?
Does she come from a morally sound background? What were her teen and college years like?


Even if she ticks ALL of these boxes, don't get a false sense of security thinking she is immune to corruption. Remember, anyone is capable of anything under the right conditions. You DO have to manage your female. I know some guys don't like the idea of that, and I didn't use to either, but I've learned this is a reality of life if you don't want your relationship to one day become a pile of sh!t while you are sitting there, a day late and a dollar short, wondering what the hell happened.

Think of a relationship with a woman as you would a dog, or a garden. You wouldn't plant a garden and then leave it completely untended would you? Sure it may be beautiful at first, but eventually nature will take over and the garden will be rife with weeds and pests, spoiling your rewards. A garden needs maintenance to flourish. Similarly with a dog, if you let him just run wild all over the house, jumping on whomever he pleases, getting in to his or that, and sh!tting at his leisure, well, you would have one unruly and undisciplined dog who gives you more headaches than joy. He wouldn't respect you. A dog needs the right measure of discipline, and he will love you for it.

Women were made to be led. And with the right measure of discipline, affection, and leadership, you can cultivate a relationship where she respects you, loves you, and cares for you. Of course you need to start with good stock---the adage you cant turn a ho into a housewife is incredibly true. But I think the problem many guys run into who have found ostensibly "good" women is that they relax and sit back on their laurels. They think their work is over once they've secured her. They think they can be themselves, let her be herself, and everything will be just wonderful for the rest of their lives. Brother, nothing could be further from the truth.

Proper selection of your female is a critical, rate-limiting step. But without LEADERSHIP (influence), discipline (consequences for violating boundaries), and affection (the lovey stuff that's easy), even the most well-bred female will eventually lose respect for you and be seduced by the gynocentric hordes we are surrounded by today. This isn't 1814 and we don't live on secluded farms anymore. Women are constantly being influenced, and they are easily corruptible. If you don't lead an active dominant role in her life, than you are just biding your time until the next bad outcome.

 

[logicallefty]

WOW.. @Collossus. One of the best reads I have ever seen on SS. Big +REP nuke inbound for you. EXCELLENT! :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: