Do a large percentage of Western men want to get married?

[Zarky]

Just curious. Seems to me that a larger percentage of men than I previously thought harbor desires to get married (or re-married) some day.

I find that, in my mid-30s with no desire to be married, I'm more and more in the minority.

I'm gonna post a poll in the other section of this board asking this very question.

Any comments?

 

[ecko280]

I would like to get marry, but i also don't want to get marry. I just dot trust female

 

[Mojogoat]

It seems to be something that a lot of my friends just drift into, with help from their significant others. A friend of mine has been in a relationship for 4 years or so, and is getting major pressure from his girlfriend to let him move in with her, and then get married.

I told him that he should under no circumstances follow this course of action, that marriage was a seriously raw deal for men; he stared at me incredulously and then burst out laughing. He thought I was joking!

I pointed him to this site, but as I am sure many here know, you can lead a horse to water and all that..

 

[azanon]

Marriage is a business and life decision. You can't just separate it out and speak generally about it, because it can be a good decision or bad decision depending on who you are marrying.

The only question worth ever asking yourself is, "Should I marry this woman, at this time", thinking about a particular woman whom you may be dating.

If you already know that this business/life decision is not something you'd want to personally do, that's totally fine. But don't make the naive mistake of assuming that it is inherently either a good or bad decision. I can assure you my marriage is beneficial. I know at least one other highly respected individual here who would say the same thing. I didn't mean that to suggest I'm also "highly respected" here. Ha, I'm far too brash to ever get that status, lol.

I think the main concern most people have with marriages is the finances. If you already have wealth, get a pre-nup. If you don't, but you are starting to built wealth in a marriage, just make sure that she is always worth "half", in case you divorce. I see so many guys worried about their spouse taking "half". I can't help but want to ask them, "So she wasn't worth half in the first place?????". If your current wife isn't worth half, you need a divorce anyway.

 

[L B]

In my younger days, I would dream of the day I would find the woman of my dream and marry her. One of my older friend said he would never marry, ever! I looked at him and thought what's wrong with this guy. Now that I am older and have more experience with the ladies and the world, I agree with him.

I see no benefit in getting married unless a child is involved. I have to admit that I am too selfish to have a child. Don't want to offend anyone here, but to me, having a kid is like having a hobby that you invest too much time and money into. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not for me.

 

[betheman]

logically and rationally, I have no reason to ever marry again, that said, should the exceptional woman come along...who can say for certain, but as it stands, I have zero desire to re marry.
was out with a friend having drinks last night, he is pretty stuck on a woman he has invested in for the last 3 years, she pretty much gives him zero back.
he would marry, I tried to pin him down as to why he desires to get married again (he is in his 40's)...there was no logical rationale as to why.
the reason, I believe so many guys want to or feel they have to/should do, is the hard wired expectation of society that influences them.
any guy tells me he wants to marry or is getting married, I ask the same questions, its depresssing how few sound thoughtful responses you get back

 

[zekko]

If I had to guess, I'd say probably about half the guys want to get married.
That doesn't mean they're AFC necessarily or even that it's about the women really. Some guys want to sire children and build a family.

 

[MatureDJ]

If marriage meant marrying a childless woman who respects my idea of what a family should be like (she takes care of the house and the children, etc.) and who is attractive enough for me to get a proper erection when I see her naked and think about inserting my manhood into her void, and who is young enough to bear children, and is NOT insane, then I am for marriage. Absent all this, I am just not all that motivated ...

 

[Knight's Cross]

Marriage in todays world. I'm very skeptical. In my parents age yes. With the changes we've had in society over the last 40 years I don't see too many good marriages.
I do know a few, but in every case they are made of relationships where the man is the lead. In every other case where the woman was a "empowered" woman, they exists a lopsided man who'se a doofus controled by his wife. So the question is how many women are out there that want a man to be the man, to take the lead of his household and family? Not too many, and that's the sad reality I see. Sure I can get dates, I can get laid, but I don't want to marry a woman that's going to fight me for the reigns.
KC

 

[Huffman]

I'd like children one day. I feel like it's my responsibility to society. And it will be the greatest challenge yet, to raise them right!

But yeah, I'm super-picky. It's probably going to take a long time till I find a girl where I'd even think about marrying.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Depends upon what you want out of life. I know many happy married couples.

It is my believe that a man should only get married if he wants to have children and raise a family. To raise children to be healthy members of society, it takes both men and women to raise them, imo. Happy healthy marriages raise the happiest and healthiest children.

Personally, I don't want to have children. So, I'll never get married. I see marriage as nothing to gain, but everything to lose. If you are so happy in a relationship, why risk marriage to screw it up? Just stay happy together. If she insists on marriage, she obviously doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with you...ie, the marriage is more important that you are.

I suppose I'm past the point of needing a certificate to show the world about my personal life.

 

[Burroughs]

I can assure you my marriage is beneficial. .

Azanon. Do you feel the benefits of marriage are INTRINSIC values your wife has or how you feel about BEING married itself?

And as a corollary..should your marriage end 2 years from now acrimoniously, would you look back and feel the benefits of the marriage were worthwhile?

As for myself, I'm 30/70 on marriage. Should the right girl come along...maybe I'd think about it....but the way the state just owns your azz as a man after marriage is just heinous.

 

[Colossus]

I'm kind of on the fence at this point in my life. I dont want kids right now, but that may change when I'm older. Without kids, I dont see any benefit that marriage offers that I couldnt get outside of a marriage, except for maybe some tax breaks; which arent worth it alone. It's a very high risk/benefit proposition.

 

[Poonani Maker]

It's in the photographs, I see being sent to me by my family of my cousin who's been married for over 7 years. It's in having knowledge of my brother twice divorced, yet married thrice as of a couple of months ago (he's 44 and a millionaire despite the 2 ex's). My other brother is Jehovah's witness (a cult), married his wife of 27 years when they were 19. They seem really happy. Maybe it's because the "cult" has rules and people in it don't mind being mind-controlled. The people in it want "order" in their lives. Fine. I want freedom in mine. I have that now.

So my cousin's face and his wife's face in the pictures (just having their first child at 34), don't look too happy. He looks completely pvssy-whipped (yes, I can tell in the photo plus my granddad says "she wears the pants.") I see it in friends who are married (miserable due to the MONEY issue - always his wife who sees greener pastures all around and feels regret due to her husband's (my friend's) job situation. They even turn on to me, because I don't have the money problem and they know it. It's like that's ALL that's on their little minds (they probably google my salary). However, some of my friends who are pretty alpha (hunting, a hummer, talks crazy, in construction, good business) seem to have an intact marriage. Others, in my church, seem to have an intact marriage for the most part, and you Never hear about a divorce among members. It's usually for life. Other churches might be different.

Then, to me. I look at George Clooney, dumping that hot fem who told the media they were getting married when he probably Never Ever mentioned such a thing. Then he goes out and gets a hotter one. That to me, is happiness. Women like to think they are in control, when they've got no business being in control unless it's with minor things, like washing dishes etc.

I look at Jack Nicholson. Many women, now in mid to late 70s, who can still have companionship till he dies, he has children by different women, co-workers, and family. Why Need a wife? in old age. It would be fine to finally have a wife for finding his dentures or slippers or remote or bag, hearing aid, but what else could she do besides be a refuge for family around Thanksgiving or Christmas cooking. providing a warm home etc. He could (probably does) hire cooks, and maids, and gardeners.

There are at least 3 women who are in the market for a spouse, and have aimed their sites at me for the past couple of months. One today, I just walked right past her because she (has 2 kids) didn't want to meet my mother (a highly successful woman who's not like most moms, artsy big house, and rich environment to go to - everyone loves going to her place) a month ago. Women are so fickle, and I only give them one chance, two at most. That's why I'll probably never get married, because I don't grovel, I don't chase (anymore), I don't get played. I'm abrupt and direct, though confusing, and come across as take it or leave it; therefore, most women seeking marriage leave it (because they do not want to subject themselves to my standards of how they're gonna behave from now on, if they really want me.)

I'm all for making a woman happy, but stomping out the criticism and the manipulation to get what she wants in the moment in the beginning of the relationship is my forte. Many other guys to give them what they want all the time. That's not me.

 

[zekko]

The problem with marriage is as soon as you get married, there is an elephant in the room. She knows that she can eject at any time and get a parting gift of half the stuff. No matter how happy she is, that has to be in the back of her mind somewhere. Then the first argument you have, that creeps a little further up in her mind, and etc.

 

[sodbuster]

Not without a prenup...we can share during marriage,but she won't share after the divorce. I'm not really in the market and she's going to have to be special[not THINK she's special...like they all do]

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Zekko you are probably right...some women get married, then it dawns on them the power they potentially can have if things sour...and a rather selfish person would certainly possibly hold this over the man's head.

Re: Marriage -- I definitely would like to get married someday to a righteous woman and have a child to fill with good things, and to experience that relationship with another growing dynamic human being. But what I have witnessed first hand through friend's marriages, or countless other horror-stories, I definitely feel major levels of skepticism. I know there are happy marriages out there, but as it stands, I wonder if such a position is possible for myself. I am OK with committing my penis to a single vagina, but that ought to be attached to a really good person who doesn't try and stab me in the back....and that last bit is the hard part...

I suppose more than anything I like the notion of companionship -- I think a man with feminine energy can be far more in balance...it's not healthy to be without the feminine...

I would say most men in my age bracket gripe because: they want a single awesome woman but cannot find her, or are continuously heart-broken or frustrated.

OR: they don't want marriage at all, but are continually frustrated by crazy female games.

OR: they wanted marriage, but she became a bi.tch.

I will only marry if I do not get a divorce. I know that sounds nuts, and in some ways I do understand lots of people get married and do not plan on the divorce that meets them years ahead (after all look how happy they are in their wedding photos?) -- I just don't want to have babies between me and some woman with whom it ended poorly -- or even if I don't have kids...I just don't see the point in "committing" and then saying "well, I changed my mind"....

I suppose when I find a woman who is truly willing to go great lengths for me...give me one of her kidneys if one of mine was failing...has proven her trust to me...is faithful to me by choice and desire...doesn't nit-pick or try to manipulate me....then I would consider committing to her -- and I would like to provide for us together...to help alleviate her and protect her a bit from the cold winds of life....

But that woman my dear gents, is likely far far in my future.

I think most men want to find a good woman...I think most just get disheartened and jaded...but at the same time, failure does not = forever, and lots of men marry very young, before they are mentally, emotionally or financially established...I think taking care of those 3 help the odds for success at least a thousand fold...

 

[Rubirosa]

A great tragedy happening in America and other developed countries is the breakdown of the traditional family brought on by the concept of divorce turning into a commodity to be cashed in by women at a later date.
Everyone knows that if children are concerned, marriage between the couple is the best possible scenario, but if one compares the pros and cons of modern marriage, bachelorhood is the way to go.
If a guy can find a GOOD wife, more power to him. I just get sick of the argument that you will need someone to take care of you when you're old. Even if you are married, your wife can still put you in convalesence care if she can't handle a 200 lb. senile man.

 

[zekko]

I will only marry if I do not get a divorce

That's easy enough to say, but impossible to guarantee.
That's pretty much the way I felt about it when I got married. I knew I would never get divorced, I was the exception. I was not the kind of guy who got divorced. It couldn't happen to me. That was my mindset. But I was wrong.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Womens reproductive ability really starts to change at around 40. So when you are about 45 is when it gets really difficult to find a woman to have a child with if you have not already.