DJ crisis...I'm torn between the "DJ" lifestyle and the "normal" lifestyle.

[squirrels]

Those of you who know me know that occasionally in the process of my personal development I fall into one of these "funks" where I feel like just taking a mind-dump of how I feel right now in the hopes that other people can empathize, offer advice, or even learn something. I know some of you are going to think I'm wasting your time because what I have to say isn't worthy of a "Master DJ", but I didn't give myself that rank...I'm just a man like anyone else trying to find himself. So if you're not interested, don't waste my or your time by reading on.

It seems like I'm in kind of a "crisis" right now...I can't seem to choose between being a normal "AFC" or a "DJ".

Well, not exactly. I've gone out and done a lot of things for myself since I found this site and started reading. I feel like I'm a lot more in-charge of my life and doing many things that I felt like I would never do.

But I STILL struggle with a lot of things, especially the women. Let me rephrase that...in less than a year of being on this site, I've gone from being the shy kid in the corner to people actually accusing me of being a "man-*****." I've managed to actually bed 3 women and have intimate encounters with countless more...but I'm still holding back. I don't approach women...they usually open ME (or it's mutual...I rarely INITIATE). I still feel the inner "AFC" holding me back and I can't seem to make the jump.

It's coming through in other elements of my life as well. I've taken up a lot of things that I guess you could call "hobbies," things that I enjoy in life, but I haven't really committed to any of them. I've gone halfway into a lot of things, but I haven't been willing to go all the way and really take a passion in doing anything. I'm half-way there and I feel stifled by either my AFC side, telling me things are "wrong", or my DJ side, telling me things are "weak".

I saw "Spiderman 2" recently and it kind of summed up the way I'm feeling. I see the 9-to-5ers who the average lifestyle worked out for. I'm still ingrained with these notions of "true love" and "life's work" and all these things that have become a societal standard. I KNOW deep down that's not who I am, but part of me wants to settle down into that normal, "good" lifestyle. To give up the swinging from adventure to adventure and settle into the role that everyone's telling me is right...to find a "good woman" and settle down and have kids and work this job that I'm in and raise a family.

But then I've already tasted the world of what we call the "Don Juan," travelling to exciting places, seducing women, doing wild stuff without worrying about what others think...essentially taking the helm of one's own destiny and living the life we, as men, were supposedly MEANT to lead.

I don't really know who I am any more. And maybe that's my mistake...trying to figure out who I am as if my life was a static thing that could be defined by a simple sentence. But when you don't know who you are, it destroys your confidence and brings melancholy. Lately I've been going out less, spending a lot more time just sitting home playing video games. A lot of the things I used to do are losing their thrill. The AFC side of me is telling me not to do the DJ things and the DJ side is telling me not to do the AFC things, so basically I'm just sitting idle.

So I'm wondering...what IS the resolution? I don't know if I can give up the AFC me, because with that are a lot of my morals, my principles, my beliefs, my Apollonian aspects, and I can't give up the DJ me, that's my Dionysian, my adventurousness, my driving instincts. Is there a balance here? A fusion of the two? Can I be both Peter Parker AND Spiderman? Both Bruce Wayne AND Batman? Both Jack AND Tyler?

 

[chicksrock]

You shouldn't be so harsh on yourself...
your post reflects a lot of wisdom, far beyond grasp of most men...so in the quest of knowing who you are you are ahead of 98% of men.

I think you should keep living, with time opportunities will come your way, and you will adjust as a person to suit these opportunities.

But nevertheless, keep exploring and test yourself and learn more about yourself.

maybe test what it is like to be an AFC ..but do it to your fullest.
Get the 9 to 5 job you are after...get that LTR you are after ...see how you feel.... its hard to speculate unless you do. Grab your balls and go do it.

NB. it has a lot to do about mindset..sometimes i just feel low and cldn't be fvcked approaching HB's...other times i'm a man *****... so don't feel that you are submitting to your AFC self....i don't think that is really true.... I think once a DJ you can never ever be an AFC again... you can only be a toned down DJ.

I wish you all the best !

 

[jdr120]

Dude I know exacally what you're going through.. Out of college I was working at a ski resort, lots of cool ppl to hang out with.. lots of fun.. But I now I have been working an office job for jsut over a year now... I feel like it's slowly draining the life out of me! So recently I took a step back to look at what's really important to ME, not what others think, not what my parents want me to be, but what I want. I realized that I like to work with the public, so I am taking steps in lookig for a new job (Sales/ PR stuff)... You mention you are torn between the "DJ" and "AFC" lifestyle... You just have to realize that the only difference between the two is:

A DJ is confident and will not be intimidated by others. Of course you've read this a thousand times, but you have to realize it! You gotta look beyond the girls, and the techniques... Ask yourself:

1) Are you where you want to be in life?
- just write down some goals.... but make them realistic, don't write down that you want to make a million dollars in the next 3 days!


- The hardest thing we have to deal with over true AFCs, is that we know that there is greater... we just haven't quite achieved it yet!

Anyway here's what you should do:

1) Evaluate
2) Set goals
3) Reviev your goals, and keep with it...

(the third is the hardest!)

Just my thoughts..

 

[Mr. Fingers]

I think we all go thru this "fence-sitting" stage where we have to re-evaluate our goals and decide what truly makes us happy. Throughout this difficult time it is best to keep in mind...

THE ULTIMATE GOAL

To be successful and balanced in all areas of your life (Health, Wealth, Relationships) Whenever one of these areas begins to falter, your energy is off-kilter and you can sink into destructive cycles of depression, confusion or complete apathy. Also try not to fall into the...

THE TRAP OF LABELING

Another problem arises when you try to classify your identity through labels. I really dont like the terms "DJ" "PUA" or "AFC" because just the thought that you are anyone of these is a self-limiting belief. We are dynamic beings, spiritual reflections of an ever-changing universe.

PERSONAL EXAMPLE

Right now I really could not be bothered to hunt women the way I used to. It got boring and I found myself feeling empty with the conquests. I finally learned that the only way I am going to attract the type of woman I want is to become the man I envision myself to be.. a versatile blend of strengths & vulnerabilities that are constantly evolving as I travel on this journey.

Lately I've been going out less, spending a lot more time just sitting home playing video games.

Its funny that you mention a return to video gaming. I used to be a major junkie and recently a friend came over with his X-Box. It was cool playing for about an hour, but I got bored and realized I was wasting precious time. So I left homeboy there and he gamed the night away while I worked on makin funky beats on my laptop. It was this switch in my mentality that opened up so many doors for me in the world of career, travel and personal fulfillment.

Why do something fun that has no reward when you can do something fun that reaps countless benefits?

You reap what you sow my friend. Never forget that.

As far as stability vs adventure, this is your call. Not all of us were meant to be international men of mystery. You can be a loving father with kids and a steady job and still be a "DJ"

Stop limiting yourself with these useless classifications!

You are probably still wondering then.."Who am I?"

To this I will answer:

You are the legacy of your actions,
just a small fraction
of an infinite soul that winds
through the great forest of time,
whose very essence is defined
by the forks you choose along the path.
But time is short so you best think fast!
Or better yet dont think at all,
as the world of shadows rise and fall
your dreams will guide you on the way,
a beacon burning, bright as day.
But dreams are nourished by your actions.
so dont neglect to feed your passions.
The world awaits your master plan,
so dont you fret, cuz you the MAN!

FINGZ ------> out

 

[TitaniumFireBEAR]

Unplug.

Ask yourself, what makes you happy?

It's quite difficult to go against your inborn instincts of happiness. For sometime, I was doing the same thing, going against my happiness for the sake of others. Staying out too late when I would rather work on my business, boozing/drinking to the wee hours of the morning rather than be snoozing away to get a fresh start, and avoiding my true callings because of 'other peoples' fears', i.e. motorcycles, flying, skydiving, etc.

I liken this to Unplugging from the Matrix, both in reality and metaphorically. All the people I know truly happy create the reality they desire to exist in that works toward achieving their goals and ultimate happiness. Anything counter to that is rejected.

I would say that your situation is not mutually exclusive, their exponentially beneficial. Peter Parker existed as Spiderman, only to enhance his life. He was given the benefits of intelligence, ability, and responsibility giving him a life no one else would imagine or be capable of handling. Having the talents we all have are responsibilities, to both ourselves, society, and our families who raised us to be the best we can.

I was in the same funk. Having been raised with no real DJ-type role model, I sought out what was real versus what was only perceived to be real. Fathers, mothers, and family want your well being, but more often than not, their compass is off. Many older friends told me to get such and such job, or date their daughter, or buy this car, or rent that house it all was what they wanted, but for me. Not what "I" wanted.

Who's life is this?
Who's reality is?

I've seen the devastation wrought by Divorce, how the needy grovel when they hitched their wagon on to a falling asteroid, rather than a shooting star, how families are torn to shreds by unhealthy people who never gave life a shot.

I credit alot of this to Pook and Mr. Fingers, for their common sense, no BS approach to life and women, and it has paid DIVIDENDS in the form of RAINING WOMEN. The life is your's to do with it as such. Be excited about awakening from the Matrix. So many people out there are swayed by what the Economy does, by what the Government does, by what their Employer does, their Family does, their Spouse, etc, but NEVER by what they WANT to do.

Squirrels, I'd state, I'm happier about life since then, perhaps the end of college was when this journey began. Until then, my reality was that which others constructed for me. Now, if I want to be the consummate businessman in my area, regardless of age, and have sleepless nights pouring over my work, that's ok, that's my passion, it's not crazy, it's what drives the greatest in the world to do what they do. I would suggest the same. If you want to become a musician and move to the South [if you're not already there] go do it. Believe you'll find a way and you will.

 

[Ebach]

It seems like I'm in kind of a "crisis" right now...I can't seem to choose between being a normal "AFC" or a "DJ".

I understand where you're coming from. I used to be there long time ago. What you have to understand is that the DJ style is what works. DJ style is based around real life experiences in dealing with women. You have to be strong in life and DJ will help you in other areas of life. Once you become a DJ there are not many challenges and everything becomes boring. I know how it is. It becomes TOO easy to get women.

The truth though, is that I was a DJ on the inside all my life but I was forced to be AFC and I learned some crappy behaviors just to cope in the circumstance I was in with my family and relatives. But the day I became 18, I released all that AFC energy and started doing what I've wanted to do and in the ways I wanted to do it. It will be hard in the beginning but you have to understand is that you have to become a man or DJ. YOu don't want to stay AFC and innocent in your older days. You're afraid of change. I know how it is. Once you hit 25 and you've moved out your parents apartment you're out on your own and you have to be the best DJ you can be in order to play the life game to the best of your abilities.

Once you start working for a living it's much harder. You don't have as much freedom to mess around because you know mom and dad won't help you from now on. You gotta take care your ass yourself.

Take a little brake and keep working at your DJness. Don't give up. Doing a lot of things at the same time will seem like it's dragging you down so don't do million things at the same time. Who cares if you do half this half that. Important thing is you're doing something. If you wanna get serious about those things though, then you gotta start one at a time and build step by step.

 

[NewMan]

*******************

I saw "Spiderman 2" recently and it kind of summed up the way I'm feeling. I see the 9-to-5ers who the average lifestyle worked out for. I'm still ingrained with these notions of "true love" and "life's work" and all these things that have become a societal standard. I KNOW deep down that's not who I am, but part of me wants to settle down into that normal, "good" lifestyle. To give up the swinging from adventure to adventure and settle into the role that everyone's telling me is right...to find a "good woman" and settle down and have kids and work this job that I'm in and raise a family.

But then I've already tasted the world of what we call the "Don Juan," travelling to exciting places, seducing women, doing wild stuff without worrying about what others think...essentially taking the helm of one's own destiny and living the life we, as men, were supposedly MEANT to lead.

*********************


Your putting lot's of emphasis on making things so very Black and White. It's not that easy - and life is definitely not that way. not all 9 to 5 ers - or people who hold down these kind of jobs is anything bad at all. In fact it's quite the opposite. Life's all about Balance. All this "DJ" talk at the end of the day is crap. You come here and you learn how to be a better person. You learn how to be a better man. You learn how to succeed with women - how to deal with them - how they think. But it doesn't stop there - you gain confidence - you try new things - travel to new places - take up new hobbies.... This is what life is all about. But without balance in your life this stuff means nothing.

True love may well be dead as we know it - but we've come here (I would the majority of us) in order to find out how to deal with women and how to find and keep a woman who is compatible with us - who had the qualities we deserve. This takes some doing - it takes strength of character.

I'm a prime example of this. I was unhappy - I was pinning over my ex - it took many months - lot's of reading - and strength to cut that tumour out - but I'm now the person I used to be happy and content.


************************
I don't really know who I am any more. And maybe that's my mistake...trying to figure out who I am as if my life was a static thing that could be defined by a simple sentence. But when you don't know who you are, it destroys your confidence and brings melancholy. Lately I've been going out less, spending a lot more time just sitting home playing video games. A lot of the things I used to do are losing their thrill. The AFC side of me is telling me not to do the DJ things and the DJ side is telling me not to do the AFC things, so basically I'm just sitting idle.
***************


Most of people travel through life like sheep. They follow. They fall into a carreer. They don't take control of their lives. You've done that. You've come here and you've made some huge changes in your life. That's not going to go away anytime soon.

But I'll say it again - balance. I really don't see spending time playing video games a problem at all. It's a time sink - but if it's something that you enjoy doing - if it's something that recharges your batteries - then you do it - because it makes YOU HAPPY. And that at the end of the day is what your on this planet for.

I find it impossible for me personally - to be out every weekend - tearing it up - partying - looking for chickies etc etc.

Sometimes I need a break. I need to get away form it all... So I'll travel to Vegas on my own - and I'll play Poker all weekend - which is something that helps me relax and recharges me.

At the end of the day you should be doing whatever makes you happy - that's DJ - of course you can't get yourself into a rut - but if your balancing your life it's all good.


Chasing women get's old - ONS get old - LTR's get old - Partying gets old...

When that happens, it's a sign that your doing to much of it. Change it up - do something different and keep thing fresh.


I've read lot's of your post's - I don't think it's anything unusual - and you've definitely come a long ways.

 

[Sexual]

Thanks Mr. Fingers and Titanium for your helpful responses. I was about to write the almost exact thing as squirrels and I relate to his post.

I've come to the conclusion everyone goes through these "funk" periods, but when we know about them and sometimes how to get out of them, how come we can't rid of them? I guess we need them for things to change in our lives, or else nothing would.

My formation from the kid in the corner to the guy everyone knows has happened over three years in high school. For a while I lived in such a state of happiness and had so much fun. Now I really don't know how I feel.

I've been with so many women and loved my DJ skills, but now I can't go anywhere without stress. "Hi, my name is Tripp. I couldn't pass such a beautiful-" "Yeah, I know who you are." If not that, they can just ask their friends about me and all these rumors pop up.

Just last night a girl I was seeing from out of town asked me about the most painful mistake of my past and I don't know where she heard it from. I broke it off in anger and fear immediantly.

Is the only reason James Bond succeeds because he never stays in once place? Are we destined to run from mistakes in our past? I know real men overcome obstacles, but there is no solution to this one... is there...

 

[NewMan]

The only way to learn and grow is to make mistakes.

I never regret mistakes.

You shouldn't either.

Part of being a complete person is accepting yourself and your past. Accept that you've made mistakes. We all have wounds to carry.

Just last night a girl I was seeing from out of town asked me about the most painful mistake of my past and I don't know where she heard it from. I broke it off in anger and fear immediantly

Why regret it? it's made you the person you are today. You need to except it and move on. When you except it, you will not act based on Fear or Anger.... Remember only the moment counts.

 

[Sexual]

That I guess is my only solution until I move, because there will never be a way out of lying to everyone when they ask my old friends and theysay it's true. I guess I just have to have pride in my past.

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

I gotta stop playing video games !

 

[evolvingnerd]

wow
some truly inspiring and thoughtful posts
even though i'm yet to experience the "boredom" involved with chasing women, i believe my salvation lies in finding "the one" who i can spend my life with...someone who ic an have fun with, someone who i can be bored with

perhaps u need to settle into AFC mode for a few days, and see how u feel..i tried playing games non-stop for 5 hours. even while playing, i still had the nagging feeling that i could be doing something far more worthwhile, yet while i was playing, i was happy, i was concentrating on something i enjoyed, and i was content.

i'm hoping to resolve my issues about giving up all my AFC "qualities". i love playin games, and i think i just have to find a balance between gaming and other activites, as opposed to the two extremes, all games or no games.

best of luck to us all

 

[JT47319]

Can you really go back to living the illusion that is the Matrix, Neo?

I used to love playing video games. I have not played any in the longest time. I used to work out a lot and unfortunately that too has fallen to the wayside.

Gaming women is so much more of an enjoyable pastime. I had sooooooo much more fun in the sheer anticipation of calling up this bombshell I met on Wednesday. No PC game or PS2 game can match this feeling.

I mean, the adrenaline rush and excitement, this is seriously like an Extreme Sport. How the fyck could I go back? Every girl is unique and every situation is different.

Every girl is like playing a whole new level since all girls are basically the same, but at the same time it's totally different because each girl requires constant calibration of game and they all have their own uniqueness.

 

[Sexual]

Yup! I can't wait until I move so I can start playing women again.

In a city where everyone knows each other, it kills your soul when you meet a women and start to have a connection they ask about did you do so and so, or how many women have you really had sex with, I heard you had sex with...

It puts me in these depressions where I'm forced to lay low for a while and re read the DJ Bible to get my confidence back.

 

[CLOONEY]

I used to be VERY ambitious (still am to some extent), I wanted the huge dollars the crazy lifestyle the woman, everything. I have lived a crazy life for the last few years with many woman and many good times.

However I truly beleive that settling down one day in a 9-5 job, raising a family with a good woman could and I hope will be the most satisfying thing a man can do. Sometimes the simple things in life are truly the best.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by JT47319

I had sooooooo much more fun in the sheer anticipation of calling up this bombshell I met on Wednesday. No PC game or PS2 game can match this feeling.

I mean, the adrenaline rush and excitement, this is seriously like an Extreme Sport. How the fyck could I go back? Every girl is unique and every situation is different.

Dude, I wish I had your passion about woman. I honestly dont feel any excitement from the anticipation of calling up a girl. I also would rather these days playing xbox with my mates than gaming woman. Man I think its like the law of diminishing returns in economics. The more woman u get, the less and less and less exciting it gets. Enjoy it while it lasts, cause I hope u dont end up like me, girls are really starting to bore the sh*t out of me. Maybe its time for me to take a break from them for a while.

 

[MetalFortress]

I choose not to be a part of the full on DJ lifestyle. Why? It's so simple, I look around here and I see folks who are feeling empty and bored despite getting every girl they want. I do not want to learn every technique in the book about women. I want to have that human connection, not just see woman as if they were a Nintendo game. I want the relationship, the human connection, heck, the "oneitis" if you will, that goes with how God made man to relate with women. I want to go in and have learning experiences, I want to fall in love, I want to be her king, and I want her to be my queen. I want to travel to Mexico, the Caribbean, Europe, Japan, and all around the USA. I want to work as a master auto mechanic and dabble in auto racing, and I want to get married, have children, and grow old with my wife.

I don't want the female DJs that seem so popular here. I want a nice girl, a chaste, feminine, conservative Christian, traditional family girl whose dream car is a friggin minivan. These girls are the true prizes, not female DJs. I want the kind of girl who Puerto Rican Lover so incessantly preaches about.

Much of this isn't the most DJ stuff I'm describing, but so? I am not an AFC. I am not a DJ. I'm just a man. Pure and simple.

But DJism is about self improvement, right? I can tell you one thing. I am fully content and satisfied with my God-given life at this moment. I believe life is what you make it, so if you get bored easily, then what does that say for you? I'd rather be a man who is satisfied than a "DJ" who is never satisfied.

Bottom line, you gotta do what you like, without worrying about what is DJ or PUA, and what is AFC. You are only bringing upon yourself this discontent if you use these labels.

 

[Duke]

I've already gone down the rabbit hole and now there is just no turning back.

I started out as a DJ... then I swallowed some twisted values fed to me by a misguided Church, small-town hicks, and society at large. NO OFFENSE, it's just my POV.

The DJ/PUA lifestyle, WHATEVER you wanna call it, is a return to my natural self.

Squirrels, it's about breaking your conditioning. You're simply more USED to being AFC, so you long for that saftey of stillness, that illusion of comfort. All the while, you rot away while opportunities (women or not) slip through your hands like sand.

Do you seek safety and routine or greatness and adventure? Personally, I hold adventure and excitement in higher regard than my longing for normalcy. I can't see myself ever working a 9-5 in a picket-fence cell-block as my hottie of a wife slowly morphs into an angry rhinocerous.

Gaming women is so EXCITING TO ME. It's not just about women, it's about making yourself a more well-rounded person and improving social skills in general. It's about acknowledging suppressed sexuality and allowing it to shine through and beautify everything I do.

Pardon the pun, but the volcana has erupted . And it's not cooling off for a long time.

 

[AFK Protector]

Have no fear, squirrels. I'm in the same situation. There is that fine line between DJ and AFC that is what you want.

What everyone wants.

He is aggressive, yet kind. He keeps his ideals and morals, yet is open minded. He is charming, yet still applies basic etiquette.

I ran out of stuff....mostly because I'm in a rush. But this thing takes some time. Just remember that you can't always be picking up new women, like when you're 60+. Find which path is more important to you and go for it. Go for it and don't look back.

 

[legolas]

Originally posted by Trippsta
Yup! I can't wait until I move so I can start playing women again.

It is dangerous to think that way. I used to think that way a lot. "Wait till I'm done with this and then I'll be happy" What I found most of the time is that once one obstacle is passed, you only find more obstacles, and the same thought process resumes "Wait till I'm done with this and then everything will be okay"

The way to get out of this continous loop is to ask yourself: "Why wait?" Why can't you start planting the seeds of what you want NOW, why can't you enjoy life NOW?

"Life's a journey, not a destination" says Steven Tyler of Aerosmith.

It is the way things are meant to be. Have fun now cuz you never know what might happen tomorrow.