DJ crisis...I'm torn between the "DJ" lifestyle and the "normal" lifestyle.

[NewMan]

I don't want the female DJs that seem so popular here. I want a nice girl, a chaste, feminine, conservative Christian, traditional family girl whose dream car is a friggin minivan. These girls are the true prizes, not female DJs. I want the kind of girl who Puerto Rican Lover so incessantly preaches about.

You have figured out what you want - and that is awesome. Part of the beauty of all of this is that different people want different things.

I would say however, without starting another huge debate - that just because a woman doesn't have these qualities, is doesn't mean she's not going to take care fo you - or is not worthy of you.

I'm actually very dubious of the "Minivan", coservative women culture. These are the kinds of women that will get board and cheat on you in the long run - not the woman who's secure in herself - that has seen the world and knows what she wants BEFORE she get's married.

It is dangerous to think that way. I used to think that way a lot. "Wait till I'm done with this and then I'll be happy" What I found most of the time is that once one obstacle is passed, you only find more obstacles, and the same thought process resumes "Wait till I'm done with this and then everything will be okay

I agree. To many people live in the future - and not in the moment. Thats so much a part of out current culture though - everyone is looking towards tomorrow and not concentrating on today.

If you never live and enjoy the moment, before you know it you'll be laying on your death bed, never having enjoyed your life.

I remember a friend of mine. We went on a camping trip for the weekend - we had been looking forward to it for a couple of weeks. We were in our local bar the previous Friday and we were talking about how this time next week we'd be with nature - clean air - no traffic.

Our camping weekend came. We got there - unloaded my truck, pitched the tent - and were sitting down relaxing.... It was getting dark - and it was surprisingly early... he asked me the time and then said... I wonder whats happening at the bar? I wonder if so and so is there? did she go? is she going to hook up?

I told him that we'd planned this trip - was looking forward to it for so long - and all he's worried about is what's going on at the bar? It amazed me.

It just seems like whatever we do, we are never satisfied. It seemed that my freind was not happy - would never be happy - because he basis his happiness on external things - he's always looking ahead and nevr enjoying the now.

even while playing, i still had the nagging feeling that i could be doing something far more worthwhile, yet while i was playing, i was happy, i was concentrating on something i enjoyed, and i was content.

I'm the same way. I enjoy playing video games - but there is a limit. I use it as a way of relaxing and unwinding. But when it becomes a "have to", there's a problem.

 

[TitaniumFireBEAR]

Enlightenment.

The more you approach, the crazier women become to you.

Tailgating on Legolas' approach...

I recall reading amongst my unfortunately large pile of self-help, hypnosis, and NLP books that 'waiting' for outside circumstances to change is just an excuse. Nothing beyond us will ever change until we change inside, until we MAKE the decision to change. Many people say...

"Well, I will save money when I pay off (____insert expense here____)."

Or..."I will workout when....(insert holidy here) is past."

But there will ALWAYS be some obstacle in our way. There will always be another holiday, another friend who wants to grab a few beers, a mom/gf/grandmother cooking fatty foods, more expenses...there will ALWAYS BE. That is the bottom line.

I have to gaze at people who have a line of thinking that they will take action when something is triggered, RATHER than act and see what happens with the trigger anyway. With women, I don't always adhere to the phoning after 1, 2, 3 or whatever days (example). Why?

Because...it's very played out. Women almost expect it. And, if I really like the girl, or she likes me, I want to find out if I'm wasting precious time with someone that's going nowhere. I'll call the next day or in a few days, depending on what my schedule dictates. At times, I've waited a week, only to have the girl go "WTF." On other occasions, calling the next day got things kicked started. So...while we try to place life into this regimented box for simplicity's sake...it doesn't fit. The world is round...yet many of us try fit a square peg into it.

I constantly battle with perception vs reality. The "what I believe or see with my mind" with what's "real here." Fortunately, having studied NLP enough, I know not to fret about things. When I realized with language we have an unlimited amount of ways to live life, that opened doors, my friends. Fret not squirrels.

Be someone who embodies the characteristic of someone respectable, noble, admirable, likeable, and charismatic. Enjoy being unplugged from the world that so many people reject, and yet, still believe is true.

B.E.A.R.

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by NewMan
You have figured out what you want - and that is awesome. Part of the beauty of all of this is that different people want different things.

I would say however, without starting another huge debate - that just because a woman doesn't have these qualities, is doesn't mean she's not going to take care fo you - or is not worthy of you.

True, there are exceptions, but those are simply my preferred set of qualities.

Originally posted by NewMan

I'm actually very dubious of the "Minivan", coservative women culture. These are the kinds of women that will get board and cheat on you in the long run - not the woman who's secure in herself - that has seen the world and knows what she wants BEFORE she get's married.

Truth be told, the minivan thing was actually more of an inside joke with Duke (I am seeing a girl exactly like the one I described, and I always bust on her for her "dream car" being a Chrysler Town and Country) . But the ones who get bored and cheat tend to be the same ones who marry AFC's, and/or aren't too strong in their beliefs to start with (which I guess goes along with not knowing what you want). I'm not DJ or AFC, but when shown some articles from ASF by Duke, ironically, the same thing that Gunwitch and the others are saying is almost the exact stuff I've been doing by instinct for the last 8 months with this girl (she has what I described, and she has seen the world but not partaken in it, she is sexually pure and strongly knows what she wants and needs).

I saw Gunwitch's post earlier on this same subject "the SINGLE most important aspect of picking up women." As I read this, I thought to myself "wait a second, this stuff is totally obvious!" Then I looked around SS and and realized how many people it WASN'T obvious for. There's too many people who are like "should I wait 3 days here" and "when should I escalate kino from level 5 to level 6 here". This kind of stuff like what Gunwitch posted earlier in another thread became second nature to me once I forgot about what's DJ and what's AFC and went by my masculine instincts and gut. Thus far, that has worked for me - I'm not stopping here.

I want to start a new SN and write a big post about this on the tips board, but I'm going to hold it off until sometime in the future, when I have more "credentials", per se - with or without said girl.

 

[NewMan]

Then I looked around SS and and realized how many people it WASN'T obvious for. There's too many people who are like "should I wait 3 days here" and "when should I escalate kino from level 5 to level 6 here". This kind of stuff like what Gunwitch posted earlier in another thread became second nature to me once I forgot about what's DJ and what's AFC and went by my masculine instincts and gut. Thus far, that has worked for me - I'm not stopping here.

I agree...

I would say though that these "Rules" are neccessary for the RAFC - because without some guildlines they are no better off.

But your right - as you get beyond that stage rules such as:

Wait X days to call
Don't see her more than 1 time per week
Don't talk more than 5 minutes on the phone

etc etc..

go out the window.

Because you've broken the cycle - SHE no longer matters - because your breaking these rules with knowledge that your breaking them - for a reason - not because your life is now revolving around this chick...

At least that's how I feel.

If I speak to my girl for an hour on the phone - it's because I want to.... and I'm having a good time doing it - I'm secure in doing it - and that's all that matters to me.

But the ones who get bored and cheat tend to be the same ones who marry AFC's, and/or aren't too strong in their beliefs to start with

I don't think it's just limited to those guys....

It's more than that. Guys are just as much to blame in my opinion as the women who cheat (and vice versa).

You can DJ all you want, but if your not taking care fo business - forget about it.

There's more to it than that.

I think all guys are susseptable.

My take is that - from experience - the best women for relationships are the ones who know what they want - because they have been on both sides of the fence - not because of society - not because of religion - not because they've been told it's what they should do.

After being with a woman - spending time with them - you can pick up on who they are - and what they stand for. Their depth of character.

I've found that some of the best GF's have been women who have cheated on their previous BF's. They've experienced the guilt and the hurt involved and don't want to be in the same situation.

Not all though of course. Many are slut's - but I find you can figure these chicks out very quickly.... it's a sense you get from the way they act - and from how they interact - the language they way they talk to you.

 

[icepick]

Originally posted by squirrels
...they usually open ME (or it's mutual...I rarely INITIATE). I still feel the inner "AFC" holding me back and I can't seem to make the jump.

This seems very familiar, lol!

Hey, I think you are still being held back by FEAR on some level. Think about it.

Girls can't be a measuring stick. As you say, many girls open YOU. The same thing used to happen to me, girls would initiate with me, and though even though they were attractive, they just didn't "do it" for me. There was something missing that made me dissatisfied.

I have read it before and I agree: guys aren't meant to be "chosen".

This is tough for guys that are attractive enough to get decent, pretty girls to come on to them; especially after a trip to sites like this, that give us a crystal clear vision of what girls are interested and how much.

The solution to our girl problems becomes speciously clear at this point: sit back, look pretty, and pick out the hottest girl that likes you.

That doesn't do it all the way though. There needs to be that extra zing to a girl...if you know what I mean...

The natural consequence of this is that you will never be truly happy with a woman unless YOU get over your fears/insecurities about sexuality and CHOOSE the lovely lady that will make you happy. (Because the ones that you think are worth something will always bring your faults to the front of your mind.)

Strangely, in getting over your fears in sexuality, you will grow up. Whatever is left for you to work on will give you anxiety when you try to progress your relationship with the girl that you are choosing at the moment. Think of girls as a lens to view the difference between your ideal self and your real self. They remove the veil of denial that prevents you from changing into the person that you really want to be.

This whole PROCESS (and it is a process) is what the celebates, players, AND LTR-for-the-sake-of-normality type folks miss out on. You gotta find the girl that makes you NUTS (as in literally mentally insane) and work your way through the tumult. This may happen a few times, I know it has for me, but every time you will be MUCH better off for it.