Read This If You Are Having Problems Saying "hi"
Feild Report - The ultimate guide to saying Hi.
Ridiculous huh.. a guide on how to say hi, the easiest thing in the world right? Not for me. I went out a few days ago to say hi.
I walked around for an hour or more without saying hi to anyone, barly getting eye contact, the fear was irrational, but it was there and it was overwhelming.
I felt like a total failure.. Up until today this week I spent a total of maby 3 hours walking around trying to pluck up the confidence to say a single sylable to a stranger. And failing.
Now I see there were 15 budding PUA's who signed up to this bootcamp. but only a handfull have posted the feild reports of week 1, and there is only a couple of days left guys!
So if you are struggling with the week 1 exercise. Hopefully I can help.
I went out today, to the Liverpool street area of London to meet my dad. After I left him I vowed not to come home untill Id got my "Hi's" out of the way.
I walked around for an hour without saying anything to anyone. But as I write this now, Ive got 20 Hi's under my belt. I would have got more, but by the time Id started saying hi it was getting late and the streets were starting to empty and get dark. I know for a fact I can easily get the remaining 30 Hi's in 45 minutes or less tommorow!
Here is my guide to saying Hi, for people who like me, have difficulty saying the easiest word in the english language. (This is what Ive just done, so its field tested in a busy city enviroment)
step 1.
Warm up by asking legitimate questions of strangers, this can be anything you like, the same everytime, or different questions, its up to you.
I asked for directions to liverpool street station, but you could ask where a shop is, or what the time is, or even "excuse me, where am I?"
Step 2. Optional - Get out of your comfort zone with a few random, off the cuff comments to strangers. For example I saw a dude with a really nice bike, and went and told him it was cool. I commented to a few guys at a traffic lights about a bus on the other side of the road that had broken down. It can be anything to anyone, just a random remark that you might legitimatly say to a person who happened to be near you.
Step 3. Repeat step 1. but with a crucial difference.
We are trying to train our voice box and body to say Hi to strangers.
To begin the process of ingraining this. Ask questions of strangers, BUT start of by walkign toward them, stopping a few meters in front of them. and say "Hi there" or "hello" or what ever your choosen greeting is, and THEN ask your question.
for example-
(confident loud voice) "Hi There!"
(person stops/slows down slighty)
"I was wondering where X is, do you know?"
It helped me to accompany the Hi with a wave. One of my sticking points was a worry that people would not hear me and would ignore me. Or would not realise I was greeting them, and that as a result I would look stupid. I found that by waving, it reinforced my voice with an action, which made it more obvious and easier for me to speak loudly and clearly.
So, you are now stopping in front of strangers and saying loudly and clearly "Hi there" (or hello or your choosen greeting) and then asking them a legitimate question. At this stage you can get an idea of how people will react to being greeted. Some people immediatly respond with a greeting back, some ignore you. Much as you would expect.
All you have to do now is only do half of it.. half of somthing is half as difficult right?
Step 4.
see a stranger walking toward you. Slow down your pace, stand tall, hold your head high. Look him or her straight in the eyes and say "Hi, hows it going" while you are a couple of meters away.
Step 5. Repeat, and feel great about yourself!!
It took me a couple of hours to work this plan out for myself, It took about a dozen random questions, and about the same number of "Hi - random question"'s before I was able to say "f$ck it" and say Hi to a random stranger. The first one was the hardest, a bloke, he just smiled at me and walked past.
I kept a record of my 20 Hi's they were equally split male and female. and I reckon slightly fewer than half of the people acknolwedged me positivly in some way but did not say Hi back, they smiled or nodded or similar.
I was expecting a few people to totally ignore me or give me a "who the hell are you" look, and I got a few , but only a few, and only one from a girl. I also realised this - that a person ignoring your greeting or staring back at you, is not somthing to worry about. If they are grumpy or just plain rude, it is there fault. Forget them.
The remaining people, all said Hi back or somthing similar. Some said it cheerily, happy to greet me, some said it reluctanly out of habit, and a couple of people said it out of politness.
A LOT of people smiled at me today, both from Hi's, from eye contact, and from me smiling at them.
Lessons Ive learnt-
The majority of people are polite and helpfull, and the one's who arn't are not worth bothering yourself about.
Getting over the first hurdle is difficult, the rest are easier.
You will not die or come to any harm if you wave a cheery hello to people as you walk past them.
Craziest story.. one of my hi's somwhere in the middle, a middle aged overweight dude.
"Hi"
"Hi there" *stops*
"Havent seen you in a while, busy day in the office?"
*I think- ****.. I cant possibly know this guy can I?"
"erm.. yeah. I dont know you do I?"
"Nope, but you made the effort"
"yeah I guess I did, hope you have a nice day mate"
this was totally random.. but it just goes to show you cant expect anything and the strangest things can happen if you push the boundarys. I wish now Id stopped and chatted to the guy for a bit.
Ill end this epic post with this.
If you are struggling, finding the boot camp challenging, or feel like a failure, chances are Ive felt the exact same way, we all have!
WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER
we can all help each other by sharing our experiances and making progress as a group. So if you are one of the people who signed up but hasnt posted yet. You've got 48 hours, get out there, get the tasks done and report back!
best of luck to us all, lets do this!!
Cure.