Divorce in 2 weeks, haven't seen the kids in 6 months

[Omar the learner]

Hi everyone,

It took me some courage to finally post this.

I'm married for 8 years now, separated for 6. During witch I couldn't see the kids, which are my weak point, and the wife knows it.
I was fed-up of the non-sex, cold treatment for about a year straight so I told her I'm getting a divorce, to witch she said go ahead.

By no means I'm claiming to be the perfect husband, but during the last 1 year I was literally doing everything for the house and the kids, LITERALLY.

I didn't, 2 weeks later I get notified that she did and she's moving out of the house with the kids.
The stress was getting too much so I told her I'm leaving for a few days and never came back.

I couldn't follow-up on the divorce as I had no money. I found out 5 months later that she filed for a divorce after 2 months of me leaving and put a wrong address so I never get the notification, only came to know about this after I hired a lawyer, I now know where she lives but, I'm afraid if I go try to see my kids, she might call the cops or try to frame me for something.

I tried to get in her emotionally by saying we can work things out on WhatsApp and got a reply two days later in an email about how she made terms with me gone and she's able to manage the kids by herself. She sent me another email saying that she doesn't intend to take the kids and she can arrange for a meeting with them, I shared my availability but never received a reply.

The divorce for me is fine, I just want to see my kids and here in Europe I have to schedule another court hearing for regulating parental responsibilities which is in 5 months time. I'm missing the kids a lot and she knows this and I believe she wants to get a revenge on me for ghosting her like that, which she asked for.

Not sure how to handle seeing her in court after this time and can I do so see my kids.

Appreciate your input guys.

 

[bat soup]

Hi everyone,

It took me some courage to finally post this.

I'm married for 8 years now, separated for 6. During witch I couldn't see the kids, which are my weak point, and the wife knows it.
I was fed-up of the non-sex, cold treatment for about a year straight so I told her I'm getting a divorce, to witch she said go ahead.

By no means I'm claiming to be the perfect husband, but during the last 1 year I was literally doing everything for the house and the kids, LITERALLY.

I didn't, 2 weeks later I get notified that she did and she's moving out of the house with the kids.
The stress was getting too much so I told her I'm leaving for a few days and never came back.

I couldn't follow-up on the divorce as I had no money. I found out 5 months later that she filed for a divorce after 2 months of me leaving and put a wrong address so I never get the notification, only came to know about this after I hired a lawyer, I now know where she lives but, I'm afraid if I go try to see my kids, she might call the cops or try to frame me for something.

I tried to get in her emotionally by saying we can work things out on WhatsApp and got a reply two days later in an email about how she made terms with me gone and she's able to manage the kids by herself. She sent me another email saying that she doesn't intend to take the kids and she can arrange for a meeting with them, I shared my availability but never received a reply.

The divorce for me is fine, I just want to see my kids and here in Europe I have to schedule another court hearing for regulating parental responsibilities which is in 5 months time. I'm missing the kids a lot and she knows this and I believe she wants to get a revenge on me for ghosting her like that, which she asked for.

Not sure how to handle seeing her in court after this time and can I do so see my kids.

Appreciate your input guys.

Find another girl to bang.

 

[Omar the learner]

I appreciate your response.

I have one ready to meet anytime and still looking to add more.
This time apart I manager to move up the ladder in my career as well.

I have no emotions towards the ex, just wondering if I should take the matter to my hand and go see my kids for 5 minutes and explain the situation or stay at bay until everything is done legally in 5 months time (they're 5 and almost 7).

 

[bat soup]

I appreciate your response.

I have one ready to meet anytime and still looking to add more.
This time apart I manager to move up the ladder in my career as well.

I have no emotions towards the ex, just wondering if I should take the matter to my hand and go see my kids for 5 minutes and explain the situation or stay at bay until everything is done legally in 5 months time (they're 5 and almost 7).

I'd say maybe stay away until everything is sorted out legally.

 

[jimwho]

Get your visiting rights in order. Then make it your life's mission to be the best dad on earth. And when their
Childhood flies bye, the only memories they will retain is you being awesome. Try to appreciate how lucky you are that when kids get older they won't remember what was going on at 5-7 years old. Your payday is in the future. it's guaranteed. You have a lot of great times coming your way.

Note: You can't explain things to kids in five minutes when your ex can immediately after poison you for days.
Just go back to plan A. And don't let any low hanging fruit near your children.

 

[Awwwdasaaa]

To sort your point out with the non sex and cold heartedness, she did not respect you as a man, and the only way women can rationalise this is by telling you to do more around the house and be a better parent, which biologically is the mothers job. No matter how hard you tried being nice, it would never have got better. She needed a ‘real man’ to bang. For more info read: the rational male, by rollo tomassi. It really opened my eyes to how women work. It will serve you well.

im taking it as you havent seen your kids in a few years, as you said separated for 6 years.
You didnt really give much thought to the damage that could be done to your kids and your relationship by leaving like that. That sort of stupidity is reserved for women.
i would be taking baby steps, also with legal advice, as you have shot yourself in the foot as a supportive and responsible parent.

“And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man”

 

[Omar the learner]

Sorry, left it there it's 6 months only not 6 years.

Also, I've been on Sosuave for years reading what a man should be like and that's probably the only reason things prolonged.
I'm in touch with my lawyer who actually gave me the new address (after he opened a counter case that she put against me -divorce without consent of other party-).

He told me I can visit my kids and I have no restraining order.
My question was if this is going to affect my children. The only thing I want is their well-being and for them to know that I never for a second forgotten about them.

She changed her mind about me from @The Man@ to a man, which is fine by me and won't try to change her mind, she's anyways 8 years elder and tasting younger meat is something I really don't mind.

As we speak, I'm already trying to set a date with another plate.

 

[jimwho]

As we speak, I'm already trying to set a date with another plate.

Who gives a Fuq if you're eating pusy? This thread is about your kids. FACEPALM

 

[Awwwdasaaa]

Sorry, left it there it's 6 months only not 6 years.

Also, I've been on Sosuave for years reading what a man should be like and that's probably the only reason things prolonged.
I'm in touch with my lawyer who actually gave me the new address (after he opened a counter case that she put against me -divorce without consent of other party-).

He told me I can visit my kids and I have no restraining order.
My question was if this is going to affect my children. The only thing I want is their well-being and for them to know that I never for a second forgotten about them.

She changed her mind about me from @The Man@ to a man, which is fine by me and won't try to change her mind, she's anyways 8 years elder and tasting younger meat is something I really don't mind.

As we speak, I'm already trying to set a date with another plate.

Apologies for my assumptions then. I hope you get to see your kids, it must be a really hard situation for you. Enjoy the single life!!

 

[SW15]

My question was if this is going to affect my children.

Your kids are 6 and 5 right now. The whole divorce situation for the next 12-13 years is going to affect them. My parents had an unhealthy relationship and separated when I was 15, finalizing the divorce when I was 16. Children are affected by parents having a lousy relationship and staying together.

I've also known men who parents stayed together in a lousy marriage their entire childhoods and then divorced after all their children were 18. It affected them too.

Your children are going to be alternating their time between two people who can barely tolerate each other for the next 12-13 years. Of course, there's going to be an impact. There will also be strange men and strange women in their lives who are their parents' dating partners.

My parents separating/divorcing at 15-16 led to them both dating other people. With my mom (the parent I was closer to), she didn't start dating until I was in college and not living at home. Technically, she never dated as a single mom. However, the adult version of me has had to tolerate her boyfriends/husbands. I don't enjoy doing that, even if the guy is an ok guy. It's forced cordiality. It's so much easier to spend time with family members who were their for the entirety of your childhood rather than random interlopers.

Find another girl to bang.

This is needed.

 

[Omar the learner]

Thank you guys for the responses.

I know there will be some damage, I will make it my life mission to minimise those and work on their mindsets for resiliency.

I guess writing here gave me the courage, I just went to the cops and asked to see my kids, there was no restraining order against me so they obliged. The ex tried to stop this from happening but, knew it can go against her. I got to see them and they were really happy.

Can't wait for the divorce now!
Oh, I've been banging alright, just need more plates I guess which is work in progress

Let the fun times begin..

 

[Awwwdasaaa]

Thank you guys for the responses.

I know there will be some damage, I will make it my life mission to minimise those and work on their mindsets for resiliency.

I guess writing here gave me the courage, I just went to the cops and asked to see my kids, there was no restraining order against me so they obliged. The ex tried to stop this from happening but, knew it can go against her. I got to see them and they were really happy.

Can't wait for the divorce now!
Oh, I've been banging alright, just need more plates I guess which is work in progress

Let the fun times begin..

Congrats man!! Im happy for you!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are legally fvcked. This is called abandonment and your rights have been greatly reduced in divorce court.

You walked out on your kids for 6 months without a word to them?

WTF is wrong with you?

 

[Omar the learner]

Man,

I have a message from here that she's walking out of the house with our kids and is going for a divorce.
I simply walked out so that a woman and two children don't live in the street or wherever the hell she's going...

And I didn't abandon them, she purposely changed houses, schools and jobs and dropped me an email saying she's doing so without giving any details. Been looking for them for the past 3 months. The cops didn't have to help, but they understood what happened and pushed her for me to see the kids.

I went to their schools and they didn't know what's the name of the new school.
Which here is absolutely unheard of, they need to know where she's taking the kids.

Oh did I mention she blocked me everywhere? I blocked here too, but she did first.

And the best part is, she requested for a divorce and put a wrong address, so I never get the notification (judge is aware of this as per my lawyer).
At that time I didn't have the money to hire a lawyer, and once I did, I managed to know all of this.

My last words to my son, before I walk out of the door were: @Remember, daddy loves and I will be back@

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Man,

I have a message from here that she's walking out of the house with our kids and is going for a divorce.
I simply walked out so that a woman and two children don't live in the street or wherever the hell she's going...

And I didn't abandon them, she purposely changed houses, schools and jobs and dropped me an email saying she's doing so without giving any details. Been looking for them for the past 3 months. The cops didn't have to help, but they understood what happened and pushed her for me to see the kids.

I went to their schools and they didn't know what's the name of the new school.
Which here is absolutely unheard of, they need to know where she's taking the kids.

Oh did I mention she blocked me everywhere? I blocked here too, but she did first.

And the best part is, she requested for a divorce and put a wrong address, so I never get the notification (judge is aware of this as per my lawyer).
At that time I didn't have the money to hire a lawyer, and once I did, I managed to know all of this.

My last words to my son, before I walk out of the door were: @Remember, daddy loves and I will be back@

The worst thing you could possibly do legally prior to a divorce is willingly leave your home. I hope more guys in this situation read this because you are voluntarily giving up a lot of rights you would have by doing this. Regardless of the reasoning you have it is considered abandonment in the court's eyes.

 

[Omar the learner]

Okay,

What's the solution in this case? I'm ****ed and that's it?!

 

[EyeBRollin]

Disclaimer: I do not have children nor have I ever been married. My perspective as an outsider with singles game might be limited...

Men, we can't let women use children to manipulate us. Women know that the overwhelming majority of men are decent human beings and want to have a strong relationship with their children. They know this is a point of weakness, that is why they use the children as pawns.

The way to fight back is (you're not going to like this...)

to say forget the kids and move on with your life. Hopefully when they reach adulthood they will reach out and are willing to get your side of the story. Women overplay their hand on this. Children actually grow incredibly resentful of a mother that sabotages their relationship with the biological father.

How this plays out:
Woman threatens / initiates / finalizes divorce. Says you will never see the kids again. Most guys will beg, and do everything they can to get bread crumbs. My suggestion is to simply say "fvck you bvtch," eat the child support, and go get another woman. Yes, you may be financially fvcked in the nearer term but this is better in the long run.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Hi everyone,

It took me some courage to finally post this.

I'm married for 8 years now, separated for 6. During witch I couldn't see the kids, which are my weak point, and the wife knows it.
I was fed-up of the non-sex, cold treatment for about a year straight so I told her I'm getting a divorce, to witch she said go ahead.

By no means I'm claiming to be the perfect husband, but during the last 1 year I was literally doing everything for the house and the kids, LITERALLY.

I didn't, 2 weeks later I get notified that she did and she's moving out of the house with the kids.
The stress was getting too much so I told her I'm leaving for a few days and never came back.

I couldn't follow-up on the divorce as I had no money. I found out 5 months later that she filed for a divorce after 2 months of me leaving and put a wrong address so I never get the notification, only came to know about this after I hired a lawyer, I now know where she lives but, I'm afraid if I go try to see my kids, she might call the cops or try to frame me for something.

I tried to get in her emotionally by saying we can work things out on WhatsApp and got a reply two days later in an email about how she made terms with me gone and she's able to manage the kids by herself. She sent me another email saying that she doesn't intend to take the kids and she can arrange for a meeting with them, I shared my availability but never received a reply.

The divorce for me is fine, I just want to see my kids and here in Europe I have to schedule another court hearing for regulating parental responsibilities which is in 5 months time. I'm missing the kids a lot and she knows this and I believe she wants to get a revenge on me for ghosting her like that, which she asked for.

Not sure how to handle seeing her in court after this time and can I do so see my kids.

Appreciate your input guys.

I can tell you that seeking legal advice in an online forum is not the best approach. If there is a lawyer present, and furthermore a lawyer that specializes in family cases and your country, I'd be astonished. A small group of members here can only speak from experience which is what will benefit the most in the end. Most men here are not the best resources for such advice, me included. I don't have kids, nor gone through that. I don't live in Europe nor am I a lawyer.

So with that in mind, make sure you listen to the advice with a grain of salt.

From what I understand in these cases, the children often go to the mother by default. It is simply how society works. Children -> Women -> Men in that order. Meaning, that for you to have any chance at seeing or having custody of your children you MUST prove that are financially and emotionally stable and that your children will be more than provided for under your care. I wouldn't attempt going to court if you don't have that.

What really matters here is advice from a legal professional with experience in the field/subject. If or once you have your life together, hire a great lawyer (will not be cheap but worth every penny in the end) and then fight for your children. As I commented on another/similar post, the best image you can give your children right now is of a fighting man that stands his ground and puts up a fight until the end. A loving father that does not give up on them.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Borknagar]

I have nothing against children at all, but **** like this and the many other horror stories is why I don't want children of my own. I also have anxiety. I'm still in the damn process of divorce though and my ex has a lawyer that can be simply defined as a ****. A big fat **** and it's been extremnely stressful with no end in site, and there's no kids involved.

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

Hi everyone,

It took me some courage to finally post this.

I'm married for 8 years now, separated for 6. During witch I couldn't see the kids, which are my weak point, and the wife knows it.
I was fed-up of the non-sex, cold treatment for about a year straight so I told her I'm getting a divorce, to witch she said go ahead.

By no means I'm claiming to be the perfect husband, but during the last 1 year I was literally doing everything for the house and the kids, LITERALLY.

I didn't, 2 weeks later I get notified that she did and she's moving out of the house with the kids.
The stress was getting too much so I told her I'm leaving for a few days and never came back.

I couldn't follow-up on the divorce as I had no money. I found out 5 months later that she filed for a divorce after 2 months of me leaving and put a wrong address so I never get the notification, only came to know about this after I hired a lawyer, I now know where she lives but, I'm afraid if I go try to see my kids, she might call the cops or try to frame me for something.

I tried to get in her emotionally by saying we can work things out on WhatsApp and got a reply two days later in an email about how she made terms with me gone and she's able to manage the kids by herself. She sent me another email saying that she doesn't intend to take the kids and she can arrange for a meeting with them, I shared my availability but never received a reply.

The divorce for me is fine, I just want to see my kids and here in Europe I have to schedule another court hearing for regulating parental responsibilities which is in 5 months time. I'm missing the kids a lot and she knows this and I believe she wants to get a revenge on me for ghosting her like that, which she asked for.

Not sure how to handle seeing her in court after this time and can I do so see my kids.

Appreciate your input guys.

The fact she is acting like this shows me she has 0 respect for you which is terrible. You need to be strict with her and more decisive. The problem is, Im sure for the whole time you were with her, she was running rings around you. She sounds like she took the lead and control of everything which has now put you in this position. This is a warning to men, you have to literally "man up" and take the lead/control in relationships. It is the key way that your woman will respect you. Without respect, this is the result. But you need to definitely talk to her directly and say to her that those are your kids as well and that you don't give a **** about her but you give a **** about your kids.