Divorce in 2 weeks, haven't seen the kids in 6 months

[BackInTheGame78]

Okay,

What's the solution in this case? I'm ****ed and that's it?!

I mean get a good lawyer but you are behind the 8 ball with the court right off the bat.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I can tell you that seeking legal advice in an online forum is not the best approach. If there is a lawyer present, and furthermore a lawyer that specializes in family cases and your country, I'd be astonished. A small group of members here can only speak from experience which is what will benefit the most in the end. Most men here are not the best resources for such advice, me included. I don't have kids, nor gone through that. I don't live in Europe nor am I a lawyer.

So with that in mind, make sure you listen to the advice with a grain of salt.

From what I understand in these cases, the children often go to the mother by default. It is simply how society works. Children -> Women -> Men in that order. Meaning, that for you to have any chance at seeing or having custody of your children you MUST prove that are financially and emotionally stable and that your children will be more than provided for under your care. I wouldn't attempt going to court if you don't have that.

What really matters here is advice from a legal professional with experience in the field/subject. If or once you have your life together, hire a great lawyer (will not be cheap but worth every penny in the end) and then fight for your children. As I commented on another/similar post, the best image you can give your children right now is of a fighting man that stands his ground and puts up a fight until the end. A loving father that does not give up on them.

Modern Man Advice

If you go to any lawyers site who specializes in male divorces(yes there are such attorneys), they will unequivocally tell you the worst thing you could possibly do is to leave the house because she tells you to, because you think you have to or of your own volition. You effectively give up rights you would otherwise have.

Why Moving Out is a Big Mistake In A Divorce

Moving out is one of the biggest mistakes people make in a divorce. Child custody, property division, and future finances are affected.

www.goldbergjones-or.com

 

[Omar the learner]

The abandonment as you called it was because i was afraid for my childrens well-being because the mother was acting in an aggressive way, to which i have proof. If I stayed, i would literally endanger their safety.

i hired a lawyer already which is so damn expensive, but i don't care, I will fight for my kids until the last second.

You guys are right, i let her run the show for a while".

My communication with her now is very authoritative and she just seems to respond in a submissive way and approves what I want now, i guess this is me manning up and taking my balls back, to which i feel she's appreciating.

the last email i simply demanded time with the kids with concrete date, time and plan and she reciprocated by saying she cant but she will let them have a sleepover, which is literally two days instead of the few hours I wanted.

every time i put her in her place now she seems to respond positively...

The absolute keyword here that I'm finally grasping is: "Frame" trumps all!

 

[manfrombelow]

As a single guy that never got married and has no kids, I felt very lucky reading OP's story.

I cannot imagine the suffering and hopelessness he's been going through in all this.

God bless you, brother. Stay strong! Make sure you don't get fvcked like this ever again in this lifetime.

 

[RangerMIke]

Divorce is tough when you can't pay for a good lawyer. I was lucky I guess, my ex didn't want the kids so they lived with me. If I had to go though that knowing my kids were with a crazy woman, I'd be stressed out like you. Hang in there... feel free to vent here, many of us have been though this cr@p too. It does get better. My kids head off to college next month with full ride scholarships to LSU, one will be going the Med school, wants to be a phycologist... likely to help her mom. The other wants to study Entomology, and be an insect biologist.

Things will get better. Good luck.

 

[Slowhandluke]

My question was if this is going to affect my children. The only thing I want is their well-being and for them to know that I never for a

I will swim against the tide and say it's not going to affect your child as much as you think it will. They are either destined to do great things or just smoke pott all day. The question is what type of person are you and what type of person is your ex?

Just alike: Twins separated at birth

Adopted twins who were born in China but grew up apart are being studied by researchers seeking answers to the age-old question of nature vs. nurture

www.cbsnews.com

Twins Separated at Birth Reveal Staggering Influence of Genetics

A landmark twin study during the 80s and 90s revealed how genes are involved in everything from sexual orientation to religiosity.

www.livescience.com

However, for you well being, I suggest you "move forward". Don't get caught of falling for the trap of "always being their for your kids". You can't (one of the obstacles is your ex), but you can try to be there as much as you can.

 

[Omar the learner]

Divorce is tough when you can't pay for a good lawyer. I was lucky I guess, my ex didn't want the kids so they lived with me. If I had to go though that knowing my kids were with a crazy woman, I'd be stressed out like you. Hang in there... feel free to vent here, many of us have been though this cr@p too. It does get better. My kids head off to college next month with full ride scholarships to LSU, one will be going the Med school, wants to be a phycologist... likely to help her mom. The other wants to study Entomology, and be an insect biologist.

Things will get better. Good luck.

I learned from you and Glassguy the most here, for that, I thank you sir.
I did get a divorce and get to see my kids twice a week.

The second day after divorce I hooked up with a girl and my goal is to spin plates like my life depends on it, until i reach the abundance state.

Throughout the divorce process I wasn't stressed because in all honestly i never loved her, i was there for my kids.
I did learn I wasn't a challenge, when that changed, I'm feeling her trying to get closer though we've just divorced! She may come around or not, couldn't care less, I know I can do better, just did few days ago

My conscious is clear, FYI the mom is 45 and I'm 35... one of 100 reasons why I feel more at peace than anything else.
the idea is to save some money for the kids, when they grow up, I'll explain everything and help them shape their future.

For now, it's time to explore women like I'm destined to do

 

[Slowhandluke]

I learned from you and Glassguy the most here, for that, I thank you sir.
I did get a divorce and get to see my kids twice a week.

The second day after divorce I hooked up with a girl and my goal is to spin plates like my life depends on it, until i reach the abundance state.

Throughout the divorce process I wasn't stressed because in all honestly i never loved her, i was there for my kids.
I did learn I wasn't a challenge, when that changed, I'm feeling her trying to get closer though we've just divorced! She may come around or not, couldn't care less, I know I can do better, just did few days ago

My conscious is clear, FYI the mom is 45 and I'm 35... one of 100 reasons why I feel more at peace than anything else.
the idea is to save some money for the kids, when they grow up, I'll explain everything and help them shape their future.

For now, it's time to explore women like I'm destined to do

Don't forget to find meaning in your life. Spinning plates only take you so far. Obviously, if you are like a lot of men, your kids will give you a sense of meaning, but you will need to supplement it. Even if you were in a loving relationship w/your ex, to be truly happy, you must enjoy life and that usually means having a goal or a meaning. My friend has a daughter. He was divorced and he fought with his ex. The daughter is now 12 and while she is still important to him, he found out he also needs to find other things that give him meaning. In 6 years, she will go to college and will be "independent"... and in a way, she is independent now as a 12 year old.