dismissive avoidamts

[PlatoPacks23]

there's someone im interested in but I feel has dismissive avoidant style

-very career focused
- has said in past has trust issues
- hasn't been int relationship in a while


does someone have advice on how to deal with this type of woman? and ideally not just say "run/don't bother"... im also fyi probably anxious attachment so I dont judge necessarily

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

Be the opposite

Not kidding

 

[Solomon]

I try to avoid those women like they plague they tend to not be feminine and also you have to bust your ass to get anywhere
Some of these types also have awkward personality or lack social IQ
They tend to be the "Boss Babes" etc, last time I went on a date with one I was making jokes, and I realized she wasn't laughing with me but at me. They are smart with numbers but dumb when it comes to social interactions

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Recreational use only or you'll be sorry.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

Recreational use only or you'll be sorry.

doubt it'll even get to that when she's not into me lol

ill just practice flirting with her

 

[BackInTheGame78]

doubt it'll even get to that when she's not into me lol

ill just practice flirting with her

Even better

 

[Gamisch]

Run/don't bother

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

and ideally not just say "run/don't bother"

Yeah but we say that because broken women are not fixable and even if they were, why would any man want to? Why would you wanna be with a woman who will only cause you headaches and misery?

 

[Clockwerk50]

It works the same as all women. Ask them out. If she does not put any effort into liking you or continuing the relationship then she is just not that into you.

 

[maturin]

You don't waste time with difficult women. Try wearing a clown suit with the long red pointed shoes and attempt entertaining her with juggling. You might get a smile out of her.

The four categories of women:
Better to focus on chick's who fall into these boxes for a more pleasant dating experience. 1) Are into you. Focus energy here. 2) The maybes. Persue here but dont chase. Cut losses quickly. Keep moving to new prospects with a dont give a fk attitude. After a while youll find a few HBs here. Avoid 3) chicks who you think are terrific but aren't into you or are luke warm, difficult, rude, dull, generally kind of suck but are hot. These girls should become invisible once they clarify their position to you. No they're not playing hard to get.
4) Chicks you're not into.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

You don't waste time with difficult women. Try wearing a clown suit with the long red pointed shoes and attempt entertaining her with juggling. You might get a smile out of her.

The four categories of women:
Better to focus on chick's who fall into these boxes for a more pleasant dating experience. 1) Are into you. Focus energy here. 2) The maybes. Persue here but dont chase. Cut losses quickly. Keep moving to new prospects with a dont give a fk attitude. After a while youll find a few HBs here. Avoid 3) chicks who you think are terrific but aren't into you or are luke warm, difficult, rude, dull, generally kind of suck but are hot. These girls should become invisible once they clarify their position to you. No they're not playing hard to get.
4) Chicks you're not into.

yes it's just tricky because the place where I go a lot doesn't have many options of people im into

so I see this girl a few times a week and she falls into the 3rd category sorta

so idk just discussing things since this is just someone I see often

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

She's nothing special. Treat her the way you'd treat a male friend or a chick you are not interested in. Just be cool & "Whatev". If she likes you or wants your attention she will make more effort.

Just be careful because an anxious (you)/avoidant (her) can be a toxic combo. Know the hazards before you take the risk, ya know?

 

[Divorced w 3]

She will chase you, love bomb you, and then run for cover the moment you reciprocate. You have to be very confident, stay non plussed, bang her brains out, and be the one who keeps the right pace. I think there could be good in anyone you just have to be able to tolerate it. If you’re asking for help, it may be a harder climb up this hill for you then maybe others. Try it, don’t be hurt if you get burned. I found this place after falling hard for one of those. I still think about her. I did some nutty stuff.

 

[Glassguy]

There are many women out there who are secure attachment styles. They understand the dynamics of a healthy relationship. I have dated the dismissive avoidants. Fearful avoidants. IMO they are wayyyy worse to deal with than anxious attachments.

If you have a lot of options in the dating world, women that are way off secure attachment styles should be dismissed. Its nothing but trouble. Many of these women are not just heavily guarded, they are damaged beyond repair. They are master manipulators as they know they are broken but will come across as being able to have a healthy relationship. But they cant. A large portion of the women who fall into the dismissive/fearful avoidant attachment have SERIOUS daddy issues (and not the good ones) and many have been sexually abused by someone very close to them. They get stuck in a violent whirlwind of wanting to make it work with someone, then losing all trust and bolting for no apparent reason. Severe fight or flight situations. They would rather go back to abusive people rather than hang on to someone who is worth their time because THEY KNOW what is eventually going to happen.

Tread at your own risk. I think of myself as someone who is good at seducing, leading, being able to read people, etc. and I have been burned by a couple of these avoidant chicks and it stung.

No reason to even use them for recreational use when there are far better options out there. And if you are even remotely a white knight, youre going to get severely burned by them. They have mental illnesses.

Find the secure attachment styles. Much easier to deal with and more enjoyable in the long run.

 

[nismo-4]

A BMW that's out of warranty will always be far easier to fix than a broken woman. It's not only more reliable, but it's also less costly.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

there's someone im interested in but I feel has dismissive avoidant style

-very career focused
- has said in past has trust issues
- hasn't been int relationship in a while

If you are looking for a long term relationship with her...

1. You should be just as career focused as she is.

2. Be understanding and patient with her, and become the reason why she has built up trust and faith in relationships again.

3. See #2.

However, if you just wanna smash, none of that shiit should be of your concern.

See if she is down to smash, and if she ain't, then bid her farewell.

 

[The Duke]

I dated one of those once...

-Took 5 dates before she gave it up.
-Hardest woman ever to make kum. Rarely had an orgasm.
-Had a whole bunch of beta males/social media orbiters she used for attention purposes.
-Had one good looking guy she referred to as her work husband.
-She was a Vice President of a company, very career focused.
-She changed jobs every 2-3yrs. I suspect it was due to personal issues.
-Had very few female friends.
-Her hobbies consisted of backpacking, fly fishing at remote locations by herself most of the time.
-She was alpha widowed by her ex husband. And that dude did some mental damage to her. Cheated on her. He was most likely a manipulator. He roughed her up once.
-I suspect she banged a lot of dudes and had a lot of short term relationships.
-There was a time period of about 8wks over the holidays where she was really into me like a normal healthy individual is. I think it was her wanting to be close because it was the holidays and she wanted to convince her family that she was worthy of a relationship. Her daughter was also getting married so I served the purpose of making her look good around family and she had someone to dance with at her daughters wedding.
-Twice I really put her in her place and called her out and it got her attention. Didn't last long. She told me she respected me for it and thought it was hot. lol.
-Most independent female I've ever met.
-When I would push her away, she would run back to me. One time we met up at a bar and I when I started telling her I didn't want to see her anymore, she jumped in my lap and wrapped her legs around and started kissing me passionately. This was the same woman that would get pissed because I touched her butt in public. She normally hated public displays of affection.
-Her relationship with her only child lacked a lot of intimacy.
-She was almost dude like in a lot of ways. No drama, hated shopping, liked male hobbies, real secure, confident, disciplined, not emotional.

5'9", long legs, perfect body, long blond hair, very classy look, natural beauty, great c cups pretty face with out make up. Beautiful woman, but lacked so much passion for life and others. What a shame she is so beautiful yet fuhked up that no healthy man could love her long term.

@PlatoPacks23
I don't recommend women like this for the same reasons that have been mentioned. But, if you must, don't get close and don't expect it to last. You will definitely learn what doesn't work, and thats all these types are good for. She will also bring out the anxiety in you. I'm pretty solid but this one made me anxious a time or two.

Only way it ever works with these types is if you play mental games with them(if you call that working). I've done it a few times and its so tiring.

 

[Glassguy]

What a shame she is so beautiful yet fuhked up that no healthy man could love her long term.

This is the most accurate definition of a dismissive or fearful avoidant. I think they really want to be close to someone......they crave it. But in the end, their avoidant WILL take over and they are impossible to deal with. The juice isn't worth the squeeze.
Flight or fight mode for literally no apparent reason.
They crave getting close to you and then that craving is also what pushes them away.
I dated one for about 3 months a little over a year ago. She would get super close to me physically, sexually and emotionally over the course of the weekend. By Wednesday after not seeing me, it was like she had talked herself out of it and the avoidant took over. Every. Single. Week.
She was sexually abused as a child. Its like a mental illness that they battle internally ALL THE TIME in terms of wanting affection and commitment and then that feeling of previous betrayal kicks in and she would totally disengage. I got to the point that after a great weekend, I could set my watch to her withdraw schedule Monday through Wednesday the following week.
Any credible medical professional will tell you that without intense mental therapy, it will never change. And most understand what's going on with themselves but will either be too prideful or independent to seek help or start help and then fear of becoming loveable.
I'm neither a therapist or have the patience to deal with these types of women.