Discussion: When good women turn b!tchy...

[bukowski_merit]

I want to turn away from the "this is my specific problem - help me!" discussion, and talk in general about certain things. I also want to move away from the pickup talk and talk more about girls we've been involved with (LTRs if you choose to call them that).

Basically, when you're with a girl for an extended period of time (or sometimes for a few days even) - she will suddenly become b!tchy out of no where; i personally wouldn't classify them as sh!t test; they seem to come more from mental lapses... sometimes - it may make a little bit of sense that she becomes this way (somewhat justified); but most of the time it will make none at all! women often will begin to snap about things that they liked in the "honeymoon" stage...

case and point? about a year ago i had been with a girl for 9 months or so (we weren't exclusive and didn't spend a whole lot of time together; so it wasn't serious). We'd always share food; feed each other, etc. She always saw it as cute. One morning, after she had had a rough week, and very good night with me - she sat down with her cheese/sausage/egg bagel from a local diner and she was wondering what something that looked strange was that was on it. I "made the mistake" or grabbing it and lifting up the bagel to see what she was talking about... she slapped my hand hard and said "don't f'ing touch my food like that!" (meanwhile, the devil horns were growning, steam was coming from her ears, and her eyes were turning red; aka: she's suddenly pissed beyond belief!) - - - this was 9 months in... she had never showed one sign of insanity... we touched each others foods all the time... she used to suck my fingers and much freakier stuff ... i was at first dumbfounded and sat there for about 30 seconds... Then i got up grabbed my jacket and left without saying a word... i determined at that point that i was done.. and i was... it wasn't such a big deal because we weren't a big deal, but i always look back and wonder "what if?" - - - This isn't a "what if?" where i'm sad, it's just one from a psychology stand point...

And this seems to be a weakness in guys games, once they get in good with a woman. You see a lot of guys on here like "what happened to my girlfriend? she was so into me, and now she just b!tches at me all the time about dumb stuff."

So this is mainly a 3 part question/discussion...

1) What is it that you think brings on this sudden burst of b!tchiness??

2) Can it be prevented?

3) What is the best response in your opinion to a girl suddenly acting b!tchy??? (not specific words, but specific actions. such as - neg her, don't take her seriously, tease her for being so serious, pull yourself away from her as i did, etc. examples are good though.)

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Just curious what people think. I have my own opinions, but prefer lively discussions over just posting an article.

 

[bigjohnson]

All women have a dose of the crazy, if it took 9 months she was really close to being sane IMO. It's all about them being pissed about *anything* and well, there you are.

In this case something about her bad day was probably eating at her and you were in the room.

 

[slaog]

1) What is it that you think brings on this sudden burst of b!tchiness??

2) Can it be prevented?

3) What is the best response in your opinion to a girl suddenly acting b!tchy??? (not specific words, but specific actions. such as - neg her, don't take her seriously, tease her for being so serious, pull yourself away from her as i did, etc. examples are good though.)

---
Just curious what people think. I have my own opinions, but prefer lively discussions over just posting an article.

1) It can be anything from her period to some family problems or something you do annoys her which she doesn't talk about and it comes out in an explosion.

2) I'd think women will be able to control their tempers better as they get older.

3) I would make fun of her. Do not get drawn into her bad mood. If you can stay above it and make fun of her/tease her etc then it sends out a powerful signal. Treat them like little girls. If a little girl was moody it would be funny sometimes. Also try talking to her and ask what is wrong and reassure her everything will be fine.

It's a great chance to make a girl feel good and it you can make them feel good it's great.

 

[bukowski_merit]

All women have a dose of the crazy, if it took 9 months she was really close to being sane IMO. It's all about them being pissed about *anything* and well, there you are.

In this case something about her bad day was probably eating at her and you were in the room.

NOTE: i don't want this post to become about my story (people instinctively respond to stories... i know... but i'm asking that people try to resist that). I more or less, wanted to explore the 3 questions i asked in depth... the story was just an example... im most interested in how each person here responds to women suddenly acting b!tchy...

but, the reason i suspect it took 9 months is because we didn't spend all that much time together... it surely would have happened earlier had we spent a lot more time together...

 

[bukowski_merit]

2) I'd think women will be able to control their tempers better as they get older.

Interesting... I was thinking that as well when posting this question (i've never dated a woman older than me; and tend to stay around 23yo). I think women become smarter at showing their anger as they get older. They are tactical about it; instead of allowing their emotions to drive them. But since my experience with older women is almost non-existent - im just guessing based on observation.

I also think it has a lot to do with you being able to keep their level of attraction high. IF their level of attraction is high - they'll be less likely to snap on you because they won't want to lose you. I guess they'd also snap on you a lot if they had no fear of losing you... then they could be free to unload their emotions on you as they felt fit.

3) I would make fun of her. Do not get drawn into her bad mood. If you can stay above it and make fun of her/tease her etc then it sends out a powerful signal. Treat them like little girls. If a little girl was moody it would be funny sometimes. Also try talking to her and ask what is wrong and reassure her everything will be fine.

I agree that teasing them like little girls will work. But i believe you must be in a "safe" setting to do this. Meaning - somewhere that isn't public (note: if someone is snapping on you in public - that can't be good for what it says about what she thinks about you.) I think you want to be somewhere like your bedroom because: #1 i think most teasing should be escalated into kissing/sex to have optimum effectiveness. #2 women tend to respond much better to teasing if it's you and her. do it in front of her girlfriends - and she will become enraged (Even though you can "calm her down" later in private).

What is your thinking on asking her what's wrong and reassuring her everything will be fine?

 

[horaholic]

2) I'd think women will be able to control their tempers better as they get older.

I dont know what planet you're living on. They start to control their tempers better when their 70, maybe.

Thats just what chicks do. Sometimes they just need to vent. If they pull shyt like that, they are just creating their daily dose of drama, and it is a test.

From my best understanding, the best way to pass this test is to act like her daddy, and she is being a brat. You cant do or say anything right, but you can maintain your status, by telling her she is acting innapropriately, and you'll speak to her when she is done with her tantrum. Dont freak out, but dont supplicate and apologize when its clearly her acting up. They dont even have a reason for acting up, they just do, and they dont know why.

I dont suggest teasing, as it will fuel the fire. Instead act like you are an adult, and she is a child. If you act like a child in any way, you just failed the test.

 

[bukowski_merit]

From my best understanding, the best way to pass this test is to act like her daddy, and she is being a brat. You cant do or say anything right, but you can maintain your status, by telling her she is acting innapropriately, and you'll speak to her when she is done with her tantrum.

I think this is good, but from my experience - this can only be used so much before the woman starts seeing it as weak. That's why in my example - i pretty much did this, but left her for good. I wonder if perhaps - it shouldn't be "i'll speak to you when you're done your tantrum" - because i think you're rewarding her too early for what you're trying to achieve here. the purpose of not talking to her is to punish her for the way she is acting. By giving her yourself back when she calms down - she knows more or less - it's just a game and she knows how to get you back. I don't have an exact answer here. But i think leaving her for a period of time and returning. Or leaving her and saying something like "call me when you're done being a...", and then making her wait a long time after she calls you - are both better than just accepting her back once she reclaims her sanity.

I dont suggest teasing, as it will fuel the fire. Instead act like you are an adult, and she is a child. If you act like a child in any way, you just failed the test.

I've a FIRM lover of teasing a girl when she is testing or doing some dumb woman thing. But i only like to do it if i can escalate it to kissing/sex. I throw the teasing at them and get them frustrated and then take them sexually. With the right teasing and tension - she should instantly become horny, unless she is used to being in control of your sexual encounters (Aka: she decides mostly when you have sex).


Funny how in the 1st example of leaving - i say that she shouldn't be rewarded right away; but in the 2nd example about teasing - i tell you to do it only if you can make it lead to sexual activity - which in a sense is rewarding her.... Why is this? Because in the 1st example - your frame is that you don't approve of her b!tchiness - so you must maintain that and punish her; otherwise you won't seem congruent. In the 2nd example - you're not telling her she's bothering you; you're instead using her negative energy to fuel foreplay...

 

[returningchamp]

1) What is it that you think brings on this sudden burst of b!tchiness??

2) Can it be prevented?

3) What is the best response in your opinion to a girl suddenly acting b!tchy??? (not specific words, but specific actions. such as - neg her, don't take her seriously, tease her for being so serious, pull yourself away from her as i did, etc. examples are good though.)

1. Them being human. Just about every person has bad moments. Women will have them more than most men.

2. No.

3. I think the best thing to do is to treat them playfully. But you must be consistent and not let her pull you out of that no matter how angry she gets. If you are playful with her and then you let her anger you out of being playful - you lose.

 

[DonJuan11]

Basically, when you're with a girl for an extended period of time (or sometimes for a few days even) - she will suddenly become b!tchy out of no where; i personally wouldn't classify them as sh!t test; they seem to come more from mental lapses... sometimes - it may make a little bit of sense that she becomes this way (somewhat justified); but most of the time it will make none at all! women often will begin to snap about things that they liked in the "honeymoon" stage...

That's because the guy gets lazy and he thinks love is unconditional. You can't blame the women. If the guy treated the women everyday like he was his first date, the "good women" wouldn't turn "*****y". Most guys think love is unconditional and they can do anything they want and the women will love them no matter. Maybe in the movies, but not in real life.

case and point? about a year ago i had been with a girl for 9 months or so (we weren't exclusive and didn't spend a whole lot of time together; so it wasn't serious). We'd always share food; feed each other, etc. She always saw it as cute. One morning, after she had had a rough week, and very good night with me - she sat down with her cheese/sausage/egg bagel from a local diner and she was wondering what something that looked strange was that was on it. I "made the mistake" or grabbing it and lifting up the bagel to see what she was talking about... she slapped my hand hard and said "don't f'ing touch my food like that!"

I would have ripped off your hand. I hate it when people touch my food, especially when I don't know where their hands have been.



And this seems to be a weakness in guys games, once they get in good with a woman. You see a lot of guys on here like "what happened to my girlfriend? she was so into me, and now she just b!tches at me all the time about dumb stuff."

So this is mainly a 3 part question/discussion...

1) What is it that you think brings on this sudden burst of b!tchiness??

1) She's having bad day
2) She doesn't like people touching their food
3) She didn't get the job she wanted
4) She failed her exam
5) She had a headache
6) She wanted to be alone

I love it when guys attribute anything the girl does that he doesn't like or that doesn't lead to sex to "bVtchness.


2) Can it be prevented?

Yes. Treat her the way you would on your first date everyday.

3) What is the best response in your opinion to a girl suddenly acting b!tchy???

Don't make it important, take away attention.

---
Just curious what people think. I have my own opinions, but prefer lively discussions over just posting an article.

Try not over analyze everything.

 

[bukowski_merit]

That's because the guy gets lazy and he thinks love is unconditional. You can't blame the women. If the guy treated the women everyday like he was his first date, the "good women" wouldn't turn "*****y". Most guys think love is unconditional and they can do anything they want and the women will love them no matter. Maybe in the movies, but not in real life.

So do you think that if a guy treats her like they're always on a first date - that she'll never get b!tchy with him? i would think it would take a lot more than "treating" them like they're on a first date... I think it would take "keeping" them in the state of being early in the relationship (1st date, 2nd date, 1st f'close, etc). To constantly be reliving that excitement...

I would have ripped off your hand. I hate it when people touch my food, especially when I don't know where their hands have been.

as i noted - i don't want to really discuss the story, it was just there as an extreme example. but why are you defending the womans actions? there's no relevance in stating what you would do or how you feel about the situation! Do me and you have a sexual history or a history of me feeding/touching your food with my hands or of you sucking on my fingers in a sexual way? ok... so what the hell is the relevance of how you feel about people touching your food? think before you write man! this to me wasn't about the food or me touching it - but i never cared to find out what it was about...

1) She's having bad day
2) She doesn't like people touching their food
3) She didn't get the job she wanted
4) She failed her exam
5) She had a headache
6) She wanted to be alone

do you accept these reasons as good enough reasons for her to act that way? will you supplicate to her if she does these? do you feel she's justified if she takes her frustrations out on you?

I love it when guys attribute anything the girl does that he doesn't like or that doesn't lead to sex to "bVtchness.

Don't be foolish. This has NOTHING to do with what we're talking about (once again you're off subject! you seem really annoyed about me touching her food. did i hit a soft spot little guy?)

I'm talking about when she IS being b!tchy... And I would hope guys know the difference between a girl doing something he doesn't like, and a girl being a b!tch.

Don't make it important, take away attention.

I agree 100% with not making it important. No matter what you choose to do - making it important is a bad idea...

Try not over analyze everything.

I'm just trying to have a discussion on a topic that comes up over and over in one way or another. Such matters are interesting to me. And i'm sure there's others that they interest as well... Almost every discussion on this board has over analysis in one form or another...

 

[Perfect10]

Women are not capable of logical thinking. As you've most likely read somewhere's that they think and communicate with feelings. Normally when you touch her food or whatever, shes in a happy and joyfull state. In your story she was obviosly pissed at something which lead her to act like that.

So if shes such a brat that she can't see the difference on anger at you or anger at an totally nonrelated issue then to hell with her

 

[slaog]

What is your thinking on asking her what's wrong and reassuring her everything will be fine?

Because by reassuring her everything will be fine she'll see you as her rock/protector. Also somebody who has a strong sense of himself and who won't get upset if she is upset.


An AFC would listen and listen and listen and agreeing with everything she says and she'd end up getting more upset by continueing to talk about the subject.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

All women are *****es deep down...

 

[IPalindromeI]

1) What is it that you think brings on this sudden burst of b!tchiness??

2) Can it be prevented?

3) What is the best response in your opinion to a girl suddenly acting b!tchy???

1. Any number of things. It is always there, and it was from the beginning and it is present in every single girl out there on some level. Girls just hide it in direct proportion to how comfortable or insecure they feel in the relationship. The more secure she is that you aren't going anywhere or she won't face repercussions, the more likely it is she will be snappy.

2. Only if you keep her on her toes, and keep her from feeling secure enough to be comfortable doing it.

3. Complete indifference. Not anger, not humor - stark indifference. The more indifferent you are about it, and the more clear that you are that she is replaceable (by your actions, not your words - you'd just sound like a d*ck saying something like that), the more likely it is that she won't do it. Make it clear that while you aren't affected by it, she will be when you dump her ass for doing it.