Dilemma...she left a message cancelling tonight, but she made a counter...accept?

[squirrels]

OK so this girl I was talking to ( http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33938 ) calls and leaves a message saying she can't make it tonight. She said since she quit her job (this isn't BS...she was talking about this before), she's been job-hunting and has to do something tonight work-related.

She DID say she would be free Friday and wanted to do something then and wants me to call her back to talk to me about it...

I'm thinking about calling back and telling her "I'll call you back tomorrow (thurs) if I can do something Friday"...I'm not sure I should just accept the counter-offer. But she actually invited me out Sunday when I called her, I declined because I had work Monday (and because her friend was going to be with her, but I didn't say that )

Sound good? I know I should just go with my gut, but I'm not sure if she's playing some standard Cosmo "Break the date and see if he reschedules" ploy.

Thoughts?

 

[Knicknack]

since she had a valid excuse and offered another night i'd say you should accept her offer.

 

[NewMan]

Thoughts

There are probably others here who can answer this better or give you better insight....

My thoughts....


Call her back, but tell her that you have plans for the weekend, and that your not going to be able to make it - but tell her you'd like to go out with her next week - early in the week.

Remember, your busy. Your a man who is on the move - confident. People want to be around you, your in demand. Don't let her think you have nothing going on, that you can just change your schedule on a whim. Chump's do that because they've nothing better to do. Thats not you. Be confident on the phone, and be decisive. Don't tell her you'll call her back tomorrow and let her know if you can make Friday. Again, your a man in demand, you already know what your doing on the weekend.

Women want confidence, and they want a guy who's got it going on. Act and think like this, and you'll be like this. For all she knows, you may be going out with someone else.

 

[One on One]

Just remember that if she is interested, she'll go out with you sooner or later. I'd decline the offer for this weekend and say that you already have plans, however you need to be careful if this comes up again with the same girl. It's important to be a challenge, but it's also important to avoid playing too many games.

 

[squirrels]

*shrug*

Called her, told her Friday was no good. Best time for me would be early next week, like Tuesday or Wednesday. She said that'd be fine, but she wanted to check her schedule to see which day and she's supposed to call me back tonight. I can't just nail her down, because I need to respect the fact that SHE has a life too.

I feel like I'm losing this one...when I met her I was in this extremely happy-go-lucky don't-give-a-crap mood and I just can't get back in that mindset when I'm on the damned phone trying to RE-schedule a date.

I feel like I'm just not up for this dating sh*t. My strong point is just carrying the sexual momentum from "meet" all the way to "make out." In all truth I really don't know if the reward is worth the hassle...maybe I'll feel differently when/if I see her soft, supple body again.

In the meantime, this phone sh*t sucks. I'm tired of even letting someone have the CHANCE to wait 3 days and then cancel at the last minute. Something inside me just wanted to NEXT her after that, but I know that's unreasonable. I just feel like the more I play phone-tag with this girl, the less sexual the whole thing becomes. I can't see how you people can do "Internet dating."

How the hell do you retain a sexual state for a girl you haven't seen in a week? It seems like as soon as a thing goes to the phones, it just loses all of its excitement and becomes a f'ing chore. When we met, the sexual tension was exciting and powerful...if I had had my car there I would've tried to take her out right there instead of settling for the number.

Instead I feel like I'm trying to schedule a damned job interview now. And I feel like she's getting that vibe from me...that I'm impatient with this whole "procedure" (It shouldn't BE a 'procedure', dammit!)...and we may be losing our attraction.

This is it...she gets her one break, but leeway has run out. If she can't do early next week, she's gone.

 

[NewMan]

wait a minute....

There's more to it than that.....

Listen, why are you getting upset over this? AFC's get upset over these kind of things.... not you.

Everything comes to those who have the patience. You would NEXT this chick because she's got to reschedule? Thats not the confident guy approach - that's chump approach.

You've gotta reschedule? Ok, no problem - when do you want to hook up? Don't know? ok, look why don't you check your shcedule and call me back - I'm available Monday & tuesday next week. Ok?

Again, your the man. She's got to get you - thats a golden rule. She's got to win you, because your the winner. Your the man. And if she doesn't call you back - no problem. There are other hot chicks out there.

This attitude is the basis. In all things remember your the catch. Your the busy guy with all kinds of oportunities. Act like that, think like that. She'll see that, and want a piece fo it.

 

[squirrels]

I thought that the confident, opportunistic man wouldn't have time for this BS.

If I truly DO have women lined up, why am I waiting for this one to get her sh*t together?

If I truly have options, if I truly do have a fun, busy life, why should I offer her the opportunity to reschedule? I already decided to give her a slice of my time, now she's saying that slice isn't good enough for her. Why should I be willing to let her choose her piece of the pie?

Same as, like I said, a job interview. I'm doing her a favor by giving her the opportunity to hang out with me (granted I'm doing this because I find her to be interesting, but that's beside the point). If she's going to reject that opportunity, why should I wait for her, instead of just offering it to someone who WON'T reject it? What makes her worthy of a second chance?

 

[The Business Man]

I have learned that if you play the game right on your side, you deserve better than a woman who disappoints you. Is she pissing you off? Let her call you back on her own. Some DJs use "NEXT" as the default answer to any problem with a woman. Others critisize those guys for not using their true DJ skills to increase her IL, accusing them of not being patient like a "true DJ".

You don't have to play by "DJ rules" any more than you have to play by a woman's rules. You are a MAN, and you have the balls to make any decision that will benefit you.

Personally, if I had good fun with this chick up until she had to reschedule, I would still try to go for another date. If she wasn't that great to be around anyway, or if I felt like I was being played -- I would totally forget about her. Let her call back if she still wants me.


The Business Man

 

[ulsterman]

Hey, calm down young man. Her request is not unreasonable, and you cannot exclude the likelihood that her reason is a valid and fair one. The time to NEXT her is not now; you only do that if she repeats the offence and fobs you off with a flimsy excuse rather than a credible reason.

Yes, you may have other options. But those options do not exclude her totally from your schedule. Not yet. Being a DJ is not all take, you know.

I would also say, you gotta get some self-control here, my man, and be a bit more "easy" about this chick. If a girl can see she's rattled your cage over something as trifling as a legitimate reschedule, you'll be the one who gets NEXTed. So stop being so anxious about this and don't let your emotions overrule your head.

"Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can.
Never in a woman, and seldom in a man."

 

[squirrels]

You're right, of course. There's reality, and then there's what I was trying to force myself to believe. I was stupid to think the rules were any different over the phone.

I ended up putting too much importance on the result of tonight, even though I didn't want to admit it to myself, and when I was forced to confront that realization, I got angry instead of just handling and learning from the situation.

I'm out of control, not having fun, and trying to use the DJ "philosophy" to excuse myself from doing what I know is right and what I know I want.

Well...she said she'd call me later tonight. I wasn't rude or coarse or anything when I talked to her...just let a little disappointment/doubt of her intentions creep into my voice. Hopefully that wasn't enough to turn her away. I can't scream and kick when things don't fall in my hands.

I need to just keep doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe something can still happen here...if not, I learned from it.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

The real question is "was the cancellation excuse valid?"

Your answer is in the answer to this question.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by JustDoItAlways
The real question is "was the cancellation excuse valid?"

Your answer is in the answer to this question.

I can't see any reason why it would be invalid...but I can't tell for sure.

 

[Oxide]

squirrels man, just go for it on friday, and make her say UH!

 

[violator]

Ask yourself a simple question. Are you feeling more pain than pleasure in dealing with this girl? If the answer is yes, then don't be a massacist and just next her.

I read to many posts these days of guys seeking advise on what do to with a particular girl who is sending mixed messages or is playing games. They overlook the fact that they are miserable but still want to pursue the particular girl. Fyck that. No bytch is worth the misery.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Oxide
squirrels man, just go for it on friday, and make her say UH!

I already told her Friday wasn't good...I can't really go back on that or she'll know it was BS.

It's not about her at all...it's about me. I tried to make it about her to avoid the problem at hand, but that doesn't help me.

We'll see...that's all. We'll see.

In the meantime, I'm not gonna worry.

 

[Oxide]

One big thing ive learned recently, and u should rember is

"when the girl has the IL, you dont need the battleplan"

 

[MR_PERFECT]

You must be kind of young. When you've met girl after girl and have had a bunch of rejections in various forms, along with a bit of success, you won't care one way or the other if the girl cancels or accepts. I'm usually numb to the whole experience until after the first date. After the first date, "I decide" if I even want to see her again. The girls that aren't all that sincere about their intentions usually aren't that much fun to be around.

 

[violator]

Oxide and Mr. Perfect hit the nail on the head. Women with high IL usually don't give off mixed signals that send us reeling with confusion.

And confusion leads to emotional pain. If you feel confusion and anger and the alarm bells start ringing, it is your gut telling you that something is amiss and that you should probably throw in the towel and move on.

 

[bugsquish]

Oxide's on the ball. Remember I almost lost Claire by playing aloofness games when she already had high IL? Once I stopped seeing it as a war I started to make better progress with her.
I think you should have gone for Friday! There must be some way you can make it sound like your plans fell through? Like it's her lucky night?

 

[squirrels]

Eh...OK, let's try this: was supposed to go into work for a system software change this Friday, but it was rescheduled. Thus, my Friday is suddenly free.

Now all I need is for her to call like she said she would...

Don't disappoint me, girl.

In the meantime, I think I'll go barhopping...a little practice wouldn't hurt.