Did I sound bitter when this girl flaked or just straightforward and to the point?

[alpha_ash]

Hey guys, so a girl contacted me Thursday night, setup a meet with me for Friday night, and then texts a cancellation message on Friday afternoon.

Did I sound bitter or was it just straightforward and to the point?

Normally I keep texting to a minimum. The initial text conversation to setup the meet was a total of 4 texts the night before.

Here's the conversation:

She: Hey im not sure if we can meet, i gotta go to <another city> tomorrow 5am and im spending the night at my friends place 3:28 PM
Me: Okay 4:20 PM
She: Im sorry, i really wanted to see you though. We can meet on sunday 4:21 PM
Me: I can't do Sunday. 4:22 PM
She: Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? 4:25 PM
Me: Probably not. We can figure it out next week. 4:26 PM
She: I have only few left 4:26 PM
Me: I know. But making plans too far ahead of time has never worked. 4:28 PM (we've always had trouble making plans ahead of time)
She: That's true. Well i have time, hit me up whenever. If my friend is ok with going out tonight I'll text you 4:29 PM
Me: No let's just cancel for tonight. 4:32 PM
She: Are you ok? 4:33 PM
She: I was in the waiting list for the class, i got into the class yesterday or the e-mail that there's a spot for me. 4:33 PM
Me: Yeah, np. I don't want to wait around for a text to come hang out. 4:34 PM
She: We decided to go to <name of club>! You wanna come? 6:21 PM
Me: Nope, you have fun. 6:28 PM
She: Why not? 6:28 PM
Me: I have to be up for work at 6 am. 6:48 PM

After that NC. I don't plan to get in touch with her unless she initiates. Even then, I won't give her a date because of this BS.

 

[BeDJ]

Well played.

 

[alpha_ash]

Well played.

Thanks! My current plan of action is NC. However I am willing to consider advice of the greater DJs on SS. Am I wrong about the NC? Should I get in touch with her?

 

[badboyjmm]

It is well played. Especially when you decline the invite to the club. (I personally made that mistakes several times, turn out to be nothing) You can keep busy then hit her up one day if you are free and let her know if she wanna hangout

But a little NC is good. Talk to other chicks and keep busy

 

[alpha_ash]

It is well played. Especially when you decline the invite to the club. (I personally made that mistakes several times, turn out to be nothing) You can keep busy then hit her up one day if you are free and let her know if she wanna hangout

But a little NC is good. Talk to other chicks and keep busy

Thank you sir! I will follow that.

Other DJs, please feel free to chime in. I appreciate the feedback. I'm sort of hoping someone will say something negative about it so I can fix that in the future hahah!

Thank you all again, <3 SS!

 

[Zarky]

yeah I don't have a problem with this. It didn't seem bitter to me, just to-the-point. Only thing is I wouldn't have done the very last text. She asks "Why not?" and you just never respond.

Find other b*tches, there are plenty.

 

[alpha_ash]

yeah I don't have a problem with this. It didn't seem bitter to me, just to-the-point. Only thing is I wouldn't have done the very last text. She asks "Why not?" and you just never respond.

Find other b*tches, there are plenty.

Makes me feel better. How does not replying to that question affect the situation? Could you please explain?

 

[switch]

^ she'll be mind fvcked into burning her neurons trying to figure out why you rejected her (fake) offer....she is a flaky cvnt anyway dont take her seriously

 

[Who Dares Win]

Well played, but passed the club sh1t test and communicated with no doubt that you're no kid for her to play around.

Not sure if you passed the club sh1t test out of instict/strong frame or because you sensed it but great job in both cases.

I had a similar one and passed it only because of this site.

Just to explain what happened to the guys reading:

1)She disrespect him by rescheduling the same day plus she suggest for him to just remain in stand-by the whole day untill she decideds what do.
(In that case there wouldnt been any meeting happening only a ego trip for her to know that someone waits for her unconditionally).

2)After op freeze her by giving a short uncaring answer she tries to get back in control by offering alternatives and confirm herself she can still have him.

3)She tries to increase her value and put pressure on him by saying she has few days left.

4)Op pass again this new sh1t test and keep his frame strong

5)she almost get a ego short circuit and put more money on the table pretending that she wants to go out and she will try to convince her friend while she is only trying to reframe as nr.1

6)Op again pass the test and keeps his frame

7)She is mad an tries the "are you ok" card where she imply that he is either angry or bvtthurt

8)Op pass again the test without showing to be affected from her

9)She does the final sh1t test this time with a explicit proposal to meet that same night, she cant take rejection from him and is trying the big move

10)Op inflicts her the final hit and close

This is pretty much what happened, again well done Op.

 

[alpha_ash]

Well played, but passed the club sh1t test and communicated with no doubt that you're no kid for her to play around.

Not sure if you passed the club sh1t test out of instict/strong frame or because you sensed it but great job in both cases.

I had a similar one and passed it only because of this site.

Just to explain what happened to the guys reading:

1)She disrespect him by rescheduling the same day plus she suggest for him to just remain in stand-by the whole day untill she decideds what do.
(In that case there wouldnt been any meeting happening only a ego trip for her to know that someone waits for her unconditionally).

2)After op freeze her by giving a short uncaring answer she tries to get back in control by offering alternatives and confirm herself she can still have him.

3)She tries to increase her value and put pressure on him by saying she has few days left.

4)Op pass again this new sh1t test and keep his frame strong

5)she almost get a ego short circuit and put more money on the table pretending that she wants to go out and she will try to convince her friend while she is only trying to reframe as nr.1

6)Op again pass the test and keeps his frame

7)She is mad an tries the "are you ok" card where she imply that he is either angry or bvtthurt

8)Op pass again the test without showing to be affected from her

9)She does the final sh1t test this time with a explicit proposal to meet that same night, she cant take rejection from him and is trying the big move

10)Op inflicts her the final hit and close

This is pretty much what happened, again well done Op.

Awe **** yeah!!! Excellent analysis! Is it homo that I am in a way turned on by your post? More so because its a compliment for me

Edit: the texts in my original post are word-for-word. No paraphrasing. They were copy/paste to here.

 

[lamobatsman]

wow amazing thread and amazinginly played OP. i cudnt do that. im learning so much. iv made rookie mistakes by going to the club and taking that offer with a girl and her friend. yet again nothing happened so well done for not going to teh club cos i would have

 

[lamobatsman]

Well played, but passed the club sh1t test and communicated with no doubt that you're no kid for her to play around.

Not sure if you passed the club sh1t test out of instict/strong frame or because you sensed it but great job in both cases.

I had a similar one and passed it only because of this site.

Just to explain what happened to the guys reading:

1)She disrespect him by rescheduling the same day plus she suggest for him to just remain in stand-by the whole day untill she decideds what do.
(In that case there wouldnt been any meeting happening only a ego trip for her to know that someone waits for her unconditionally).

2)After op freeze her by giving a short uncaring answer she tries to get back in control by offering alternatives and confirm herself she can still have him.

3)She tries to increase her value and put pressure on him by saying she has few days left.

4)Op pass again this new sh1t test and keep his frame strong

5)she almost get a ego short circuit and put more money on the table pretending that she wants to go out and she will try to convince her friend while she is only trying to reframe as nr.1

6)Op again pass the test and keeps his frame

7)She is mad an tries the "are you ok" card where she imply that he is either angry or bvtthurt

8)Op pass again the test without showing to be affected from her

9)She does the final sh1t test this time with a explicit proposal to meet that same night, she cant take rejection from him and is trying the big move

10)Op inflicts her the final hit and close

This is pretty much what happened, again well done Op.

i have some questions - does that mean shes not actualy that interested in him and just playing some silly games? cos she looks like she is being very diffiuclt.

why should a guy not go to teh club and instead have a proper hangout? what is the basis of rejecting the club offer? just curious

 

[NewAndImproved]

Wouldn't have responded to the last text about "why not" but otherwise well played indeed. Curious to see what she does next.

One thing I've done in the past that seems to work is seeding a flake. For example often when a girl flakes on a date she still tries to get you to answer rational/logical questions to keep the guy hooked and give him (often false) hope. eg. "How was your day?" "How did your interview/test go?" etc...

... Sometimes to appropriate response to this is silence.

...However sometimes if it's a social circle situation and I don't want to appear butthurt I respond: "Great. Headed out, will tell you about it soon" and THEN GO NC with no intention of ever telling her. This gets her wheel spinning.

 

[Uncharted]

I think you handled this sh!t like a fvcking king.

 

[LMFAO]

If she was interested why didn't she just do the date with him instead of planning to go out with her friend (supposedly).

What is the point of all that s***?

 

[alpha_ash]

Thanks for all the confidence guys! Your words make me feel much better about this interaction.

I'm obviously not completely alpha yet, but I am trying to reach that point. Its a project in the works

Also, should I re-title this post? "Here's how to deal with a flake." hahaha!

 

[Zarky]

Don't get ****y, it wasn't that good. It just wasn't bad.

 

[alpha_ash]

Don't get ****y, it wasn't that good. It just wasn't bad.

Zarky, how could I have handled this situation in a better way aside from not responding to her "why not" question?

 

[Zarky]

You could have convinced her to come over and blow you. You do that, you can start a thread called "Here's how to deal with a flake."

 

[Smell The Glove]

She: We decided to go to <name of club>! You wanna come? 6:21 PM
Me: Nope, you have fun. 6:28 PM
She: Why not? 6:28 PM
Me: I have to be up for work at 6 am. 6:48 PM

Are you spinning any other plates? It seems like you're telegraphing to this girl that she's the only one.

Saying you have to be up for work at 6 am doesn't seem congruent since you originally were going to go out with her that evening before she cancelled. It comes across as a weak excuse.

I'm confused why others think going NC after the "Why not" would have been preferable, that seems like it would make her think you truly were bitter about it.

You could have:

1. gone NC instead of your last 2 texts

2. waited a couple hours then text back "I ended up making other plans, you have fun. 8:36 PM" or "Out already, have fun. 8:36 PM"

3. Saved that text for the next day "Counldn't get back to you last night, I ended up making other plans, hope you had fun."