Did I get rejected?

[sosuave213]

LMAO...sure buddy. You are really naive.

Cynicism is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Godspeed.

 

[bat soup]

- met girl on Hinge
- now the ball is in her court.

Instead of putting the ball in her court you should have put two of them in her mouth.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Did I get rejected?

Bro who cares?

 

[sosuave213]

You are going to be crushed when she simply stops responding at some point over the next few weeks. Putting way too much energy and effort into a woman with questionable at best interest.

You would be far better off working at setting up multiple more dates with other women.

You do you but don't tell us we didn't warn you.

Well, you are correct. She dumped me, lol. Oneitis is all you needed to say. I overlooked the fact I was too attached too soon.

She said we didn't have a connection. They'll always say that when you come on too strong and engage their emotions too fast.

I take full responsibility for my haphazard maneuvers. And to the guy (not BitG) who called me a ph@gg0t, it doesn't help someone on this forum to call them names or be angry at them.

Results:
BitG - 1
SoSuave213 - 0

 

[Juanto]

a lesson in humiltity as well that the OP should take from this thread. Anyway, at the end of the day, its just another girl, no big deal.

 

[Macadellic]

Just read the title of this thread
She needs to think if she just got rejected

 

[sosuave213]

Just read the title of this thread
She needs to think if she just got rejected

She rejected herself for sure. I was in the wrong frame as @BackInTheGame78 said

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well, you are correct. She dumped me, lol. Oneitis is all you needed to say. I overlooked the fact I was too attached too soon.

She said we didn't have a connection. They'll always say that when you come on too strong and engage their emotions too fast.

I take full responsibility for my haphazard maneuvers. And to the guy (not BitG) who called me a ph@gg0t, it doesn't help someone on this forum to call them names or be angry at them.

Results:
BitG - 1
SoSuave213 - 0

The goal should be to analyze this interaction and learn from what went wrong.

Now, there is always the chance that no matter what you did, even if you played everything right that the result would have been the same.

However, like I said up-thread, the goal is to simply give yourself the best chances in any situation, which you did not. You can never 100% guarantee any outcome in dating anymore than you can guarantee that you won't get in a car accident the next time you drive somewhere. Or really anything else in life(other than death and taxes as the saying goes)

But this is how you learn. The goal should be to not make the same mistake again. You'll probably make other mistakes tho, and that's OK.

Fail, try again. Fail better.

The way you fail better is by not making the mistakes you have previously and if you fail, it's from making another mistake that you can learn from.

Eventually you will start succeeding far more than you fail but it can be a process to get there. And while the end result might be the same during that process, how you get there is important. Details matter in these situations.

 

[sosuave213]

The goal should be to analyze this interaction and learn from what went wrong.

Now, there is always the chance that no matter what you did, even if you played everything right that the result would have been the same.

However, like I said up-thread, the goal is to simply give yourself the best chances in any situation, which you did not. You can never 100% guarantee any outcome in dating anymore than you can guarantee that you won't get in a car accident the next time you drive somewhere. Or really anything else in life(other than death and taxes as the saying goes)

But this is how you learn. The goal should be to not make the same mistake again. You'll probably make other mistakes tho, and that's OK.

Fail, try again. Fail better.

The way you fail better is by not making the mistakes you have previously and if you fail, it's from making another mistake that you can learn from.

Eventually you will start succeeding far more than you fail but it can be a process to get there. And while the end result might be the same during that process, how you get there is important. Details matter in these situations.

My biggest - and only - concern is not screwing things up by acting overinterested. I act super interested in a chick when I see they are also acting super interested. It's a mistake.

It's hard to do when the woman expresses a high level of interest. My OCD or ADHD tendency is just to text them because I know I can, but it's mad unstrategic.

Got any mental tricks? I know the principles, but these obsessive thoughts are annoying. So far the only thing I can think of is exercise self-restraint.

 

[member162951]

So far the only thing I can think of is exercise self-restraint.

This^ and not allowing your emotions to steer your ship.

Per your other thread, I'm a Cancer as well and emotional but I've learned to manage so my emotions don't control me - rather I control them.

Use logic and intelligence. Think of what you say and how you act when you're NOT that interested, and how a woman responds.

Does she seem more interested when you're a bit aloof and distant? I'm not suggesting indifference, you should still engage and ask questions.

But lean back, let her show enthusiasm, you continue being cool. Just a bit aloof, not too much, not too little, it's a balance.

I know other members will disagree but don't push anything sexual until you meet in person, and even then exercise some restraint. High quality girls looking for substance and long-term are a different breed, you have treat them differently.

Thirsty men are a turn off, let HER be the one to turn the interaction sexual. It may not be overt or direct (or it might be) but if she's interested it will be something.

When you respond don't act like a dog in heat, not that you would. Continue being cool.

Cool, aloof combined with initiative and interest.

Direct Mode One typically works on women looking for quick flings or ONS which I assume is not what you want.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

My biggest - and only - concern is not screwing things up by acting overinterested. I act super interested in a chick when I see they are also acting super interested. It's a mistake.

It's hard to do when the woman expresses a high level of interest. My OCD or ADHD tendency is just to text them because I know I can, but it's mad unstrategic.

Got any mental tricks? I know the principles, but these obsessive thoughts are annoying. So far the only thing I can think of is exercise self-restraint.

Firstly, the second you become afraid of "messing things up", you have already lost because you are operating with a scarcity mindset.

If you knew that if this woman didn't work out that you had 100 other women who were just as good looking or hotter, how much do you think you'd care?

Not much. Point of this is that when you have few options, every options value is magnified far more than it should be versus when you have more options, every one is lessened.

Also you need to understand that sometimes when a woman is acting that way, she uses this as a way to disqualify men. If men are easy to get into "puppy dog mode" just because she acts interested, she assumes they have no options and are not desireable by other women. Or they are going to be needy/desperate. None of those is attractive to a woman.

The easiest way to get a woman to date you is to not disqualify yourself within the first 3 dates. That is honestly the part 75% of men fail at. They do something that disqualifies themself. Because the truth is, women are looking for reasons to disqualify guys initially, especially these days. And the other sad truth is, most guys give it to them and they don't even make the woman have to work very hard for it.

Occupy your mind with other things. Occupy it by working at getting more women. Get to the point where you simply don't have time to get back to all of them right away because you have too many texting/messaging you.

Your mind works overtime on the few options you have because you aren't giving it enough other options to focus on.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

The bottom line is that if you want a chick to stick around, you have to fack her to within an inch of her life the first time. If you do that in the first encounter, there will be a second. If you're a lazy slob, you can ratchet it back after a few times - because in her head, you'll always be a good lay after you leave her trembling like a pile of jello doused in sex fluids.

If she isn't texting you telling you how absolutely amazing it was, you did it wrong.

 

[MtmVaott]

Well, you are correct. She dumped me, lol. Oneitis is all you needed to say. I overlooked the fact I was too attached too soon.

She said we didn't have a connection. They'll always say that when you come on too strong and engage their emotions too fast.

I take full responsibility for my haphazard maneuvers. And to the guy (not BitG) who called me a ph@gg0t, it doesn't help someone on this forum to call them names or be angry at them.

Results:
BitG - 1
SoSuave213 - 0

Just because she wasn't interested/ was turned off doesn't mean BitG is right. What is referred to here as a loss of frame just means you are feeling desperate and unable to articulate it. To yourself and to her. Hence your unconsciously "desperate" message wishing her good luck for her exams. The message is not the reason for the rejection, the reason is ultimately your poor access to your negative emotions. You could have written to her saying that you feel she's not very interested and whether that's true. She could have told you that she really is interested and you would have been reassured. You could even have told her that you're afraid she's stringing you along.

The guys on this site looks for all kinds of coping mechanisms, some are successful with it, some not, but most are always in a struggle and unable to form lasting relationships. This will be my last post, I hope it helps some guys here.

 

[sosuave213]

Just because she wasn't interested/ was turned off doesn't mean BitG is right. What is referred to here as a loss of frame just means you are feeling desperate and unable to articulate it. To yourself and to her. Hence your unconsciously "desperate" message wishing her good luck for her exams. The message is not the reason for the rejection, the reason is ultimately your poor access to your negative emotions. You could have written to her saying that you feel she's not very interested and whether that's true. She could have told you that she really is interested and you would have been reassured. You could even have told her that you're afraid she's stringing you along.

The guys on this site looks for all kinds of coping mechanisms, some are successful with it, some not, but most are always in a struggle and unable to form lasting relationships. This will be my last post, I hope it helps some guys here.

That would have been alpha.
Thank you.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Since you asked:

yes you absolutely positively got blown off and here is why, from the little you shared:

“I told you I don’t confirm dates”
-called her to follow up … how long was it in days between?
“Just testing you to see where your priories are”

…not good - you’re trying hard here to display a dominant frame and giving off controlling vibes in the process. Have you read book of Pook? I think it would be a good read for you. Confidence, funny, a take or leave it attitude, positivity just needs to be radiating out of you like you’re living life in the moment.