Did I get rejected?

[pipeman84]

Actually it means none of those things...simply that a woman isn't that into you.

You're confusing fast sex with high interest. Fast sex has mostly to do with the woman, it's enough for the guy to look presentable (ie not have a beer belly, rumpled appearance and BO) and none of the reasons that make it possible such as: rebound, getting bored with her dildo, trying to overcome her low self-esteem with the fact that she's desirable to men etc etc do her any favor.

She could very well be into you, that was the reason why she went on a date to begin with (particularly so if it's started in real life, not OLD, because she got more info by looking at you in person as compared to 4 photos). But along the dating process, some issues just cropped up and she realized you two aren't really compatible. Sex isn't an activity that magically allows her to peer into the man's brain or see into the future.

Consequently, when you hear a woman who says for instance: so last year I dated a couple guys for a few months but 'it didn't work out' and after further probing it transpires she slept with them ... the translation of that is: she's either dumb or/and a slut, otherwise she'd have figured it won't work out before sex.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

- met girl on Hinge
- types paragraphs and is very Communicative pre-first date
- set date Sunday for Wednesday at 6
- Wednesday at 6, no-show. I call and she says "you didn't confirm, so I thought it wasn't happening"
-I told her I don't confirm dates and that she said "see you Wednesday at 6", so she apologizes by saying "my bad" and I'm sorry
- I say "I'm still here if you want to come" and she says she'll take a quick shower and be on the way.
- she shows up, we have a great time. We make out, kiss, she's laughing, and at the end of the date she gives me a long, 15-20 second embracing hug with her head on my chest.
- I call her yesterday to follow up on the date, but no answer. She texts me two hours later:

View attachment 11636

We talked about dancing and she said she was free Saturday both pre-first date and also during the date, so that's why I asked about Saturday.

I asked two of my friends that are girls if I got rejected, showed them the convo and they said "idk, seems like you got rejected" and to "keep your options open." Surprising because girls are supposed to be nice about giving advice, so if they're being honest, it's troubling.

She's also going on vacation on the 16th for three weeks, has finals until Wednesday and my plan was to ask her out on Sunday for Wednesday night, but now the ball is in her court.

That's also why I texted her, so that she can make the next move.

Did I get rejected?

Finals are more important, at least she's not an idiot.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You're confusing fast sex with high interest. Fast sex has mostly to do with the woman, it's enough for the guy to look presentable (ie not have a beer belly, rumpled appearance and BO) and none of the reasons that make it possible such as: rebound, getting bored with her dildo, trying to overcome her low self-esteem with the fact that she's desirable to men etc etc do her any favor.

She could very well be into you, that was the reason why she went on a date to begin with (particularly so if it's started in real life, not OLD, because she got more info by looking at you in person as compared to 4 photos). But along the dating process, some issues just cropped up and she realized you two aren't really compatible. Sex isn't an activity that magically allows her to peer into the man's brain or see into the future.

Consequently, when you hear a woman who says for instance: so last year I dated a couple guys for a few months but 'it didn't work out' and after further probing it transpires she slept with them ... the translation of that is: she's either dumb or/and a slut, otherwise she'd have figured it won't work out before sex.

Here is the problem. In a vacuum what you are saying isn't wrong.

However we neither date in a vacuum nor compete with other men in a vacuum.

If you were the only guy she was dating and/or the only one she COULD date over a given time period... say 6 months, then waiting wouldn't have much effect because there would be no other options.

In the real world, up until you sleep with a woman there is no guarantee you will ever see her again(and even after you do there isn't either these days, but that's for another post).

I'm not saying it needs to be on date 1 or even date 2, but date 3 is typically my target for sex happening and after that the chances start dropping dramatically because women typically have this same "3 date" rule in their head as well. Unless there are mitigating circumstances and she is showing exceptionally high levels of interest and things are continually progressing. Two of the best relationships I have ever had were with women I slept with on dates 4 and 5. But another was with a woman I slept with on date 2 and another on date 3. It's a case by case basis, but the point remains of you play the percentages, the faster you get to sex the more time you will get for "other stuff".

Every date up until that happens you run the risk of another guy making it happen and then her becoming emotionally invested and forgetting about you.

So waxing poetic about "what could have been" is great...all I am saying is by delaying sex you are lessening the chances you'll ever find out.

 

[sosuave213]

Finals are more important, at least she's not an idiot.

Thank you so much for understanding. Like literally, I remember because I was once a college student. I have also competed in sports.

The days leading up to a big game, nothing mattered except that success.

Just LOL if I'm expecting her to drop everything just so she can set a "second date" with me. It could have waited until tomorrow when her first final is over, but I'm on her mind as well. Repped!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Finals are more important, at least she's not an idiot.

If that's what you took away from that exchange then I'm not sure what to tell you.

She "forgot" to meet up with him initially. OP is already working OT simply to get her to meet up with him. He is in her frame and continues to be pulled farther into her frame with their latest interaction. Until shown otherwise, OP is the person she hangs out with when she has nothing better to do.

Yet still views it as some sort of "win". SMFH.

 

[pipeman84]

Here is the problem. In a vacuum what you are saying isn't wrong.

However we neither date in a vacuum nor compete with other men in a vacuum.

If you were the only guy she was dating and/or the only one she COULD date over a given time period... say 6 months, then waiting wouldn't have much effect because there would be no other options.

In the real world, up until you sleep with a woman there is no guarantee you will ever see her again(and even after you do there isn't either these days, but that's for another post).

I'm not saying it needs to be on date 1 or even date 2, but date 3 is typically my target for sex happening and after that the chances start dropping dramatically because women typically have this same "3 date" rule in their head as well. Unless there are mitigating circumstances and she is showing exceptionally high levels of interest and things are continually progressing. Two of the best relationships I have ever had were with women I slept with on dates 4 and 5. But another was with a woman I slept with on date 2 and another on date 3. It's a case by case basis, but the point remains of you play the percentages, the faster you get to sex the more time you will get for "other stuff".

Every date up until that happens you run the risk of another guy making it happen and then her becoming emotionally invested and forgetting about you.

So waxing poetic about "what could have been" is great...all I am saying is by delaying sex you are lessening the chances you'll ever find out.

IMO entering a monogamous relationship with a woman you had sex with after 2nd, 3rd date is not an accomplishment, but something which should raise alarm bells.
In other words, it doesn't make sense for a guy to limit his personal freedom/available time and invest his resources in a woman who has proven through her actions she's not worthy of such investment. A relationship, particularly when living together and with the perspective of engagement/marriage is the greatest gift a high value, self-respecting man could give to a woman, so how can he give it to any ditzy bimbo who has sex after a few dates?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

IMO entering a monogamous relationship with a woman you had sex with after 2nd, 3rd date is not an accomplishment, but something which should raise alarm bells.
In other words, it doesn't make sense for a guy to limit his personal freedom/available time and invest his resources in a woman who has proven through her actions she's not worthy of such investment. A relationship, particularly when living together and with the perspective of engagement/marriage is the greatest gift a high value, self-respecting man could give to a woman, so how can he give it to any ditzy bimbo who has sex after a few dates?

I didn't "enter a monogamous relationship" on the 2nd or 3rd date.

Nice running around in circles chasing your tail post tho.

You seem not to have very many relationships tho so it's not any wonder why you seem to think this is weird or abnormal tho.

 

[pipeman84]

I didn't "enter a monogamous relationship" on the 2nd or 3rd date.

Ok, so first off my post wasn't specifically about you. Secondly, it doesn't really matter if one enters the monogamous relationship after the sex on 3rd date or after 6 months. If one pays $150k to buy a beat up taxicab, does it matter if one wires the money after the ride or 6 months later? Bottom line is that he is way way overpaying. Probably even worse in the second scenario, because she's had sex with other in the interim/the taxi has even more mileage on it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ok, so first off my post wasn't specifically about you. Secondly, it doesn't really matter if one enters the monogamous relationship after the sex on 3rd date or after 6 months. If one pays $150k to buy a beat up taxicab, does it matter if one wires the money after the ride or 6 months later? Bottom line is that he is way way overpaying. Probably even worse in the second scenario, because she's had sex with other in the interim/the taxi has even more mileage on it.

No, that's just the way things are these days.

Wishing things could be like the Days of Snow White or some other Fantasy Land doesn't make it so.

People live in the real world, accepting reality is part of it.

And to your point. The girl you think you banged after a 'perfect number of dates or months' HAS banged other guys sooner, probably some on the first date. You just weren't one she felt worried about losing since you probably acted like she had you wrapped around her finger after 30 minutes of the first date.

 

[pipeman84]

No, that's just the way things are these days.

Wishing things could be like the Days of Snow White or some other Fantasy Land doesn't make it so.

People live in the real world, accepting reality is part of it.

The problem I see with this mindset is that it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If one assumes that nowadays ALL women are hoes who have fvcked other guys on 1st date and views dating as a competition where the winner is the guy who manages to get the woman in the bed the fastest, guess what will happen? He'll attract, more or less consciously, through his actions, words, vibe, low quality women.

And to your point. The girl you think you banged after a 'perfect number of dates or months' HAS banged other guys sooner, probably some on the first date. You just weren't one she felt worried about losing since you probably acted like she had you wrapped around her finger after 30 minutes of the first date.

That's a guy's duty to properly screen the woman he dates and to not fall for any born again virgin or gold digger who puts on an act. Just as a guy can't fake who he is for very long, I think it takes even less time for a woman to reveal her true self ... sometimes just a look at her (injected lips, fake boobs, many tattoos) is enough.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The problem I see with this mindset is that it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If one assumes that nowadays ALL women are hoes who have fvcked other guys on 1st date and views dating as a competition where the winner is the guy who manages to get the woman in the bed the fastest, guess what will happen? He'll attract, more or less consciously, through his actions, words, vibe, low quality women.

That's a guy's duty to properly screen the woman he dates and to not fall for any born again virgin or gold digger who puts on an act. Just as a guy can't fake who he is for very long, I think it takes even less time for a woman to reveal her true self ... sometimes just a look at her (injected lips, fake boobs, many tattoos) is enough.

Sure...well, I have no interest in dating women "pure as the driven snow" because I am not delusional enough to believe in that nonsense like others seem to be

 

[member162951]

Actually it means none of those things...simply that a woman isn't that into you.

I hate to refute the opinion of a mod, but this is straight up black and white thinking. It suggests that the only way for a man to determine interest including sexual interest is if she f*cks him, which is just NOT true.

Come on there are plenty of other ways a girl can indicate interest, like how physically affectionate she is with you (kissing you, touching you), how she looks at you, her demeanor around you, if she initiates from time to time, accepts your invites, is responsive and receptive to your pursuit and in turn pursues you in her own feminine way.

Women are becoming more aware and more cautious these days; they're very aware of the "pump and dump" and when they're really into a man, they will want to wait a bit before agreeing to f*ck and in some cases will intentionally wait with the man they really like to determine if HE is the right man for her for a LTR.

That's smart and suggests she's a "quality" girl versus a girl who lacks discretion and will jump into bed with any Tom, D*ck or Harry not giving a crap what the hell happens afterwards.

On the other hand, if she's NOT doing any of the things I mentioned AND not wanting to f*ck you, then hell yeah she's not interested.

But again, it's not so black and white to say if she's not immediately wanting to f*ck you, she not interested.

Life, dating, relationships and human behavior are never black and white like thar, they're nuanced.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I hate to refute the opinion of a mod, but this is straight up black and white thinking. It suggests that the only way for a man to determine interest including sexual interest is if she f*cks him, which is just NOT true.

Come on there are plenty of other ways a girl can indicate interest, like how physically affectionate she is with you (kissing you, touching you), how she looks at you, her demeanor around you, if she initiates from time to time, accepts your invites, is responsive and receptive to your pursuit and in turn pursues you in her own feminine way.

Women are becoming more aware and more cautious these days; they're very aware of the "pump and dump" and when they're really into a man, they will want to wait a bit before agreeing to f*ck and in some cases will intentionally wait with the man they really like to determine if HE is the right man for her for a LTR.

That's smart and suggests she's a "quality" girl versus a girl who lacks discretion and will jump into bed with any Tom, D*ck or Harry not giving a crap what the hell happens afterwards.

On the other hand, if she's NOT doing any of the things I mentioned AND not wanting to f*ck you, then hell yeah she's not interested.

But again, it's not so black and white to say if she's not immediately wanting to f*ck you, she not interested.

Life, dating, relationships and human behavior are never black and white like thar, they're nuanced.

At the end of a day you'll never know if a woman is actually into you or not until she fvcks you.

Thinking otherwise has led many men to being toyed with and led on for months and months.

Sure, she can do all those things, but at the end of the day if she doesn't fvck you, you are simply a gay friend to her.

Doesn't have to be the first date, but until she does you can't definitively say she is into you.

 

[sosuave213]

At the end of a day you'll never know if a woman is actually into you or not until she fvcks you.

Thinking otherwise has led many men to being toyed with and led on for months and months.

Sure, she can do all those things, but at the end of the day if she doesn't fvck you, you are simply a gay friend to her.

Doesn't have to be the first date, but until she does you can't definitively say she is into you.

The problem is, you dudes treat the one that you lovin'
With the same respect that you treat the one that you humpin'

- Jay-Z

He goes on to elaborate in another song:

Heard they love it when I’m hard on hoes
Said a G don’t give a ***** no keys or security codes
I agree – my lady ain’t no *****, she gets whatever I own
So when you see her, understand that’s me, nigga
Understand I’m still the same old G, nigga
I know the difference between a ***** and a B, nigga

With all due respect, you need to learn to differentiate.

 

[sosuave213]

I hate to refute the opinion of a mod, but this is straight up black and white thinking. It suggests that the only way for a man to determine interest including sexual interest is if she f*cks him, which is just NOT true.

Come on there are plenty of other ways a girl can indicate interest, like how physically affectionate she is with you (kissing you, touching you), how she looks at you, her demeanor around you, if she initiates from time to time, accepts your invites, is responsive and receptive to your pursuit and in turn pursues you in her own feminine way.

Women are becoming more aware and more cautious these days; they're very aware of the "pump and dump" and when they're really into a man, they will want to wait a bit before agreeing to f*ck and in some cases will intentionally wait with the man they really like to determine if HE is the right man for her for a LTR.

That's smart and suggests she's a "quality" girl versus a girl who lacks discretion and will jump into bed with any Tom, D*ck or Harry not giving a crap what the hell happens afterwards.

On the other hand, if she's NOT doing any of the things I mentioned AND not wanting to f*ck you, then hell yeah she's not interested.

But again, it's not so black and white to say if she's not immediately wanting to f*ck you, she not interested.

Life, dating, relationships and human behavior are never black and white like thar, they're nuanced.

You described my first date with her to a T. This gives me more clarity that she is interested, just needs time to deal with finals. For me they weren't too stressful but she talked about cheating on it in the first date.

However I reasoned with her that she's smart and that she doesn't need to do that if she just puts effort into it. So I'm not surprised with the way its going so far. Feminine energy grows through praise, so she's decided to study and kick its ass.

 

[member162951]

At the end of a day you'll never know if a woman is actually into you or not until she fvcks you.

Thinking otherwise has led many men to being toyed with and led on for months and months.

Sure, she can do all those things, but at the end of the day if she doesn't fvck you, you are simply a gay friend to her.

Doesn't have to be the first date, but until she does you can't definitively say she is into you.

I dunno man, there are plenty of chicks who are happy to f*ck you, for validation, attention whatever who have ZERO interest in you.

So not sure where you get it's the only way to determine interest; to me and in my experience it's the girl who demonstrates all the other behaviors I mentioned who's truly interested, in you and in having a relationship which is what the OP is seeking.

Not to mention, can't you just tell by how you vibe together? The energy between you, the chemistry?

I always can anyway, its obvious! You can't fake genuine chemistry and energy happening between two people. No matter how good an 'actress' she is.

True for both men and women imo and experience.

That said, if a girl f*cking you is how you determine interest and that's worked well for you, then more power to ya.

Whatever works!

 

[sosuave213]

I dunno man, there are plenty of chicks who are happy to f*ck you, for validation, attention whatever who have ZERO interest in you.

So not sure where you get it's the only way to determine interest; to me and in my experience it's the girl who demonstrates all the other behaviors I mentioned who's truly interested, in you and in having a relationship which is what the OP is seeking.

Not to mention, can't you just tell by how you vibe together? The energy between you, the chemistry?

I always can anyway, its obvious! You can't fake genuine chemistry and energy happening between two people. No matter how good an 'actress' she is.

True for both men and women imo and experience.

That said, if a girl f*cking you is how you determine interest and that's worked well for you, then more power to ya man!

Whatever works.

Should I wish her good luck on finals? She has a test on Monday and Wednesday. Or would it be too much too soon, and just wait?

 

[member162951]

Should I wish her good luck on finals? She has a test on Monday and Wednesday. Or would it be too much too soon, and just wait?

It depends on why you're asking.

1. If you're asking because you think it will score you points and impress her, then DONT send it. That's called "trying too hard, she'll see right through it and potentially get turned off.

2. If you genuinely care that she does well and you do not care about what type of response you get, or if you get no response at all, then send it.

I may be wrong but I suspect your motivation for sending is No. 1, therefore don't send it.

Live your life man and allow this to play out naturally and organically.

Don't push it or force it, try and detach from the outcome and chill.

 

[sosuave213]

It depends on why you're asking.

1. If you're asking because you think it will score you points and impress her, then DONT send it. That's called "trying too hard, she'll see right through it and potentially get turned off.

2. If you genuinely care that she does well and you do not care about what type of response you get, or no response at all, then send it.

I may be wrong but I suspect your motivation for sending is No. 1, therefore don't send it.

Live your life man and allow this to play out naturally and organically.

Don't push it or force it, try and detach from the outcome and chill.

I genuinely care that she does well, and that means not being a distraction to her...so yeah, I'm not gonna send it

Thanks for the clarity!!!

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

When college costs 100k, this woman has her priorities straight. I don't know what you guys want here? If ***** is all you want, go get a pro. You complain that American women suck while simultaneously telling guys to advocate getting her to skip her studies to ride a d1ck. SMFH... americans.

What are you / her studying anyways?