Desdinova's Relationship Recovery Journal

[Desdinova]

Hi, my name is Desdinova and I'm still in love.

Thankfully, I haven't gone out and done a bunch of AFC 5hit to get her back, but I'm still thinking about her a lot. If you read my other thread, you'll notice that I've got a lot of 5hit to recover from that came crashing down upon me over the last couple of months. I'm going to make a grocery list of it all here and tackle all the issues. Here's the list in no particular order:

- Get a minimum of one date
- Get some plates spinning
- Get my furnace fixed
- Get my damaged vehicle fixed / replaced
- Pay my ex-wife her $5000
- Lose some weight
- Clean my house

These are all pretty short term, but it's somewhere to start. If I've forgotten anything, I'll add it in when I remember it.

I neglected cleaning my house over the last couple of months because I was too stressed out to bother with it. I've also let myself go a bit by eating tons of garbage food, and eating too much of it. I'll post my weight tomorrow morning. My goal weight-wise is to be what I was when I met my now ex-gf (maybe even a little trimmer).

The replacement part is on the way for my furnace. Using my creative hardware hacking skills, I dummied up a replacement part made from two relays that keeps the furnace running, but it's far from perfect.

My vehicle was damaged from a 100% not-at-fault accident the day I finished up my divorce at the court house. I'm actually hoping that the piece of 5hit gets written off and I can start my new path with a different vehicle. It's a borderline claim, so I'll have to wait and see.

As for women, I haven't been 100% single in about two years. I jumped from one LTR to another, so my sarging skills are a bit rusty. I've been reading up and refreshing my brain.

Last weekend, I met a HB7.5 and successfully number closed her. I can still approach and number-close with no problems. She flaked on me when Christmas came to pass. I didn't have much hope of holding onto a new prospect in this period in time, so I'm not heartbroken over it.

The week before (two days after my breakup) I initiated contact with a 3-set. I stupidly didn't neutralize the other two women in the group, and got blown out when they relocated to a table that wasn't next to mine.

The week before my gf broke up with me, I attended a birthday party and came across a HB6.5 who I've stumbled across before. Her IL is through the roof, she's very flirty, and she forced me to take her Blackberry pin. I contacted her last week. I didn't give a fvck if I ruined it, but it looks like I'm still in.

Tonight, I'm going out and I've got her pinned to a great location for the evening. I'm planning on using her as a pivot so I can attract women that I'm more interested in. I'm going to combine that with the skills I need to clean the rust off. I've also got one more thing going for me...

I regularly hit up karaoke bars. I consider myself a pretty damned good singer. I can make the entire place roar with cheer by singing Aerosmith or Bon Jovi. I get far more recognition than every other singer in the place. That is my ticket for DHV. After I come off the stage, I automatically make new friends and get attention from the opposite sex.

...and that's where I'm heading tonight - a karaoke bar. I have a curfew though - I need to pick up my boy around 11:30 so I've got a limited time frame to go in there and make everyone love me. I'm hoping to return with a minimum of one phone number.

My wardrobe for tonight:

http://www.sweetnsourtees.com/junkfoodmenswoodstockwhereareallthechickst-shirt.aspx

Every single time I wear this shirt, I get a phone number. Don't ask me why, it just happens.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Good luck Desdinova! You sound upbeat and your plans are realistic, although I wouldnt be too critical on yourself if the lady thing doesnt wok out quite as anticipated..

I found a new vehicle (not brand new, just a replacement) was a help in moving on from my old relationship.

Hope all goes well and I look forward to your updates.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Hi, my name is Desdinova and I'm still in love.

Thankfully, I haven't gone out and done a bunch of AFC 5hit to get her back, but I'm still thinking about her a lot. If you read my other thread, you'll notice that I've got a lot of 5hit to recover from that came crashing down upon me over the last couple of months. I'm going to make a grocery list of it all here and tackle all the issues. Here's the list in no particular order:

- Get a minimum of one date
- Get some plates spinning
- Get my furnace fixed
- Get my damaged vehicle fixed / replaced
- Pay my ex-wife her $5000
- Lose some weight
- Clean my house

These are all pretty short term, but it's somewhere to start. If I've forgotten anything, I'll add it in when I remember it.

I neglected cleaning my house over the last couple of months because I was too stressed out to bother with it. I've also let myself go a bit by eating tons of garbage food, and eating too much of it. I'll post my weight tomorrow morning. My goal weight-wise is to be what I was when I met my now ex-gf (maybe even a little trimmer).

The replacement part is on the way for my furnace. Using my creative hardware hacking skills, I dummied up a replacement part made from two relays that keeps the furnace running, but it's far from perfect.

My vehicle was damaged from a 100% not-at-fault accident the day I finished up my divorce at the court house. I'm actually hoping that the piece of 5hit gets written off and I can start my new path with a different vehicle. It's a borderline claim, so I'll have to wait and see.

As for women, I haven't been 100% single in about two years. I jumped from one LTR to another, so my sarging skills are a bit rusty. I've been reading up and refreshing my brain.

Last weekend, I met a HB7.5 and successfully number closed her. I can still approach and number-close with no problems. She flaked on me when Christmas came to pass. I didn't have much hope of holding onto a new prospect in this period in time, so I'm not heartbroken over it.

The week before (two days after my breakup) I initiated contact with a 3-set. I stupidly didn't neutralize the other two women in the group, and got blown out when they relocated to a table that wasn't next to mine.

The week before my gf broke up with me, I attended a birthday party and came across a HB6.5 who I've stumbled across before. Her IL is through the roof, she's very flirty, and she forced me to take her Blackberry pin. I contacted her last week. I didn't give a fvck if I ruined it, but it looks like I'm still in.

Tonight, I'm going out and I've got her pinned to a great location for the evening. I'm planning on using her as a pivot so I can attract women that I'm more interested in. I'm going to combine that with the skills I need to clean the rust off. I've also got one more thing going for me...

I regularly hit up karaoke bars. I consider myself a pretty damned good singer. I can make the entire place roar with cheer by singing Aerosmith or Bon Jovi. I get far more recognition than every other singer in the place. That is my ticket for DHV. After I come off the stage, I automatically make new friends and get attention from the opposite sex.

...and that's where I'm heading tonight - a karaoke bar. I have a curfew though - I need to pick up my boy around 11:30 so I've got a limited time frame to go in there and make everyone love me. I'm hoping to return with a minimum of one phone number.

My wardrobe for tonight:

http://www.sweetnsourtees.com/junkfoodmenswoodstockwhereareallthechickst-shirt.aspx

Every single time I wear this shirt, I get a phone number. Don't ask me why, it just happens.

JunkFood LA! lol. I've got a ton of T-shirts by them. Get them on clearence with a coupon added and my employee discount at my part time. Some of them have pretty good quotes and good nostalgia prints.

Good to wear them with an open relaxed button down shirt, jeans, fresh pair of sneakers etc.

Good luck Des.

 

[zekko]

Hi, my name is Desdinova and I'm still in love.

Ouch, that makes things harder. I wasn't aware that you were in love in the first place. Love unfufilled is pain, basically. But it will fade with time. And in the meanwhile, pain makes a great motivator. Of course, some will say it's not love, it's infatuation, but that's all just semantics IMO. People make themselves feel better by calling it infatuation.

Every single time I wear this shirt, I get a phone number. Don't ask me why, it just happens

Wtf? I'd like to see a good analysis of why that works lol.
It would be funny if they sold out of that shirt by buyers from SoSuave.
Who needs the DJ Bible? Desdinova says all you have to do is where a Woodstock t-shirt and you will get numbers.

I remember reading a post here by someone who said a leather jacket = getting laid, and thinking damn I need to go buy one lol.

Why are those t-shirts so expensive by the way? They seem a little overpriced.

 

[Desdinova]

Ouch, that makes things harder. I wasn't aware that you were in love in the first place.

Actually, I think infatuation may be a better describer. I fvcking hate emotions. Wish I could turn them off like a light switch. Logic says "she's gone, quit thinking about her" but the emotions say otherwise.

Wtf? I'd like to see a good analysis of why that works lol.

I honestly don't know. I wore it the night I met my last gf. Also, I didn't buy the shirt from there. It was actually a freebie given to me.

Anyway, here's a bit of an update....

I weigh 164 lbs. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm usually sitting around 159. Losing 5 lbs will be a piece of cake

So I went to the pivot's hangout last night. What a let down that was! The place was extremely target-poor. I honestly didn't see ANY women I wanted. There were lots of guys and I made conversation with some of them. Went onstage and pulled out my best 5hit regardless. The pivot took a bunch of pictures of me, sent me a couple, and told me how hot I was. At least she went home with wet panties.

Tonight I'm going to one of my regular hangouts. Many times it isn't extremely target-rich either, but I have lots of friends there and I usually have a good time regardless.

 

[synergy1]

Where do you live? The reason I ask is becasue I am close to your age and am curious what people in their early 30's do to generate some prospects.

Good luck on the road to recovery. Things will turn around for sure!

 

[Desdinova]

I'm in Canada, hence the urgent need to fix the furnace.

 

[Desdinova]

Here's last night in a nutshell... A big fvcking nutshell...

I had a difficult time getting my energy level up to the point where I was excited to go out, so I blasted some Replacements and jumped around the house like an idiot. It got my blood flowing and elevated my mood significantly.

I went out to my regular karaoke hangout and proceeded to befriend the entire bar. I put myself into sets, primarily chatting with the men in the groups and occasionally talking to the women as well as initiating kino. There was hardly anybody there who didn't know who I was. My general rule-of-thumb is to NEVER make myself permanent at someone's table, no matter how good of friends they are.

I was getting social proof from a female friend who has been EXTREMELY affectionate since I became single (she is also recently married.) The whole thing is extremely odd.

The Waitress

HB7. I was teasing the 5hit out of her all night. When she asked me if I needed anything, I told her I'd think about it and get back to her. While she was delivering drinks, my female friend was giving me a head massage. I flagged down the waitress and said "See, THIS is what I needed!" I also made out to be extremely offended that she didn't know my name. She asked if she could have time to guess and I called her out on the idea of asking the bartender (who knows me pretty well.)

A little later in the evening, she actually DID ask me my name and told me hers. I was a bit surprised that I got to this point with her and it looks like she has an elevated IL. I generally DON'T have the desire to date waitresses or bartenders, but we'll see how this one plays out in the near future.

HB7.5

I had inserted myself into a group with one guy and two fairly young girls (HB6.5 and HB8) who were all related. I was sensing a bit of interest from both of the women, but I wasn't feeling a high enough vibe from either one of them to close. During this time, I had noticed another 3-set sitting on an elevated platform near us consisting of a HB3.5, a HB7.5, and some unhappy looking dude in a pink shirt. The HB7.5 intrigued me, totally my taste in height, color of eyes, type of hair, and a decent face. Every time she walked by with her ugly friend, I would sing out loud to them while smiling. I was a pretty noisy fvcker last night.

My turn to sing came up, so I took the stage and got the entire bar's approval, having them scream and applaud in the middle of my song. After I was done, I made my way back to the table, constantly being stopped by people to shake hands, receive compliments, and whatever else people wanted to share with me.

Two singers later, the HB7.5 went up to sing. She was actually really good. At this time, I had joined an older friend on the sidelines whom I've known for years and we were chatting. I watched HB7.5 sing and she was periodically looking at the sidelines where I was sitting. I mentioned to my friend, "I think she's eyeballing me." He tried to bring me back to his reality that it may not be the case, but we both saw her look at our table for a good solid 5 seconds. She was obviously seeing if I was paying attention. I said to my friend, "Did you see that?" He agreed and I told him I was going to find out if that was indeed the case.

The best thing about karaoke places is if one of your targets is up singing, you can intercept them on the way back to their table which is exactly what I did. I told her she did well and she praised me for how well I did. This conversation was the most consistent, natural conversation I had all night with ANYBODY. Unfortunately, it only lasted for about 2-3 minutes. She told me her friends were ready to leave, but that she would come back next weekend.

I was stumped as to what my next step was. Get her number, or wait until next weekend? I wasn't sure if two minutes of building rapport was enough to do it. She initiated a hug (!) and ran her hand down my arm to my hand as she left. This told me her interest was very high, but I didn't number close.

I was trying to figure out if I made the right choice in not going for the number. All wonders ceased this morning. She had mentioned another location she usually goes to. I have a couple of friends who go there, so I decided to search their friends lists on fb to see if I could find her. I did...

She's around 23 years old and engaged! I had made the right choice. Here's why:

Women who are engaged are probably the easiest women to seduce. They're in a state where their relationship has become stagnant and they're wondering if they're making the correct choice. All she needs is a more interesting guy to come along and make up her mind. I often find myself in that position and end up spoiling her engagement.

I need to let women in this position stew over their arrangements and their interest in me. If anything, she'll be pursuing her interest in me and justify it as 'harmless' until she becomes highly attracted. And if this doesn't happen, no big deal.

I didn't get any numbers, but I made a lot of new acquaintances and expanded my social circle greatly. I'm off to another place this evening and hope it proves to be just as interesting.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Keep it up, Des. I'm really keen to watch your progression back from the abyss.
Cheers mate.

 

[sageproduct]

Yeah good luck! Sounds like a good niche you've found yourself at the karoake bar.

 

[typical]

Keep it up, Des. I'm really keen to watch your progression back from the abyss.
Cheers mate.

Likewise, I'm sort of doing the same after a rubbish ending to 2012, unfit financially and physically but mentally I'm solid and I've a a shot at doing an honours year or post grad dip at uni. hopefully masters by 2014

 

[AW1983]

Right on Des, as your clone from the other thread (ha) I definitely appreciate the positive field reports man. This forum definitely needs more of this type of stuff and I plan on contributing greatly in that regard in the near future.

 

[Desdinova]

Fvcking ba11s, I'm having a rough day with it.

Last night, I went out just as planned. Right when I walked in, someone recognized me from an event I attended about a month ago. I immediately got absorbed into the group. Very fun people

I've noticed a bit of a thorn in my side. My ex's sister has this friend who attends a lot of karaoke as well. Him and my ex's sister tried their damndest to c0ckblock me after I asked my ex for number. Needless to say their efforts didn't work.

Anyway, this guy seems to be treating me as competition, and rightly so. I get much more positive responses in these places than he does. He sits at his table trying to look cool while I'm busy being happy and social. I'm pretty certain he reports back to my ex's sister about seeing me, and of course it's going to get back to my ex. But the things he has to report are all positive - I'm happy, having fun, flirting with women, and seducing the entire bar with my singing. Of course he'll put a negative spin on it, but I don't give a fvck. I honestly don't see him as competition. I can always pawn off an mediocre chick on him (by flirting with her first) and then move onto a better one. I've noticed that he follows behind me, picking up my crumbs when I initiate contact with women.

On the plus side, he doesn't come to my regular hangout. I have far too much social proof for him to do anything, and I'm thinking of blowing him out of every bar I go to by making friends with the entire place.

Anyway, I'll shut up about him and get back to my evening.

I didn't get any phone numbers last night either. There weren't any really intriguing targets, so I decided to initiate contact with more strangers. I got in really good with this noisy pack of dudes and got instant respect from them. I came up with a routine at the spur of the moment (a modified 'spells' routine) and tested it out on a few sets with positive results. I need to stack a few more routines because I'm still having problems with maintaining conversations. I'm aiming to have a new one every couple of days.

Had the entire bar cheering me on with my second song. Always an instant DHV.

After that, I went home and had a fvcking nasty bout of insomnia. I didn't get to sleep until about 3:00 am (I wake up at 5 for work). So yeah, the lack of sleep must be fvcking with my emotions because I'm missing her like hell today.

 

[sageproduct]

Geez, all this social proof and it's still such an uphill battle. You impress everyone with your singing and personality, yet it's still a struggle to even get a phone number? I feel like this goes hand in hand with backbreaker's thread.

Anyway, carry on and keep grinding! Just had to remind myself of why I generally stick with day game. The club/bar scene is not really my natural habitat

EDIT: Woops, didn't see where this thread was located. Was using the "New Posts" feature.

 

[AW1983]

Geez, all this social proof and it's still such an uphill battle. You impress everyone with your singing and personality, yet it's still a struggle to even get a phone number?

Hey youngster, this is the Mature Man forum, ya dig? Now just go back to knowing everything somewhere else...

Des, my only advice would be - don't get caught in the trap of outcome dependency. You will surely sabotage yourself this way. You met some cool guys? Awesome. Personally I typically have more of a satisfying time just kicking it and bs'ing with solid dudes than dealing with all the BS of hanging with females. You already sound like a pretty social guy man, I think "sarging" is good for guys trying to overcome a lot of social discomfort or who are overwhelmingly intimidated by girls...it makes them focus on the mission and push their own boundaries.

But if you're already comfortable in your own skin, just go out to have a good time man. Do that, and everything else will fall in place. The best runs I've had in my life, filled with back to back hot females, was when I was making zero effort to bang hot females, ha.

 

[Desdinova]

Des, my only advice would be - don't get caught in the trap of outcome dependency. You will surely sabotage yourself this way.

I'm very much aware of that because I've been there. I'm not desperate to bring a woman home at this point, and the holidays are likely keeping the attached women attached and the single women alone. I'm more-or-less doing this to continue overcoming my problem with carrying conversations. If you look at the bootcamp I did, I didn't complete it. I got stuck on this point.

But if you're already comfortable in your own skin, just go out to have a good time man. Do that, and everything else will fall in place. The best runs I've had in my life, filled with back to back hot females, was when I was making zero effort to bang hot females, ha.

That's what I've been doing ever since I joined this place. I generally don't have to put effort into meeting women. They usually just fall into my lap. I'm more-or-less trying to take on the challenge of raising the interest of the women who are NOT falling into my lap. It's been fun trying to do that. Approach anxiety doesn't get to me. Rejection from a woman I don't know doesn't bother me.

I'm also having fun creating new friends out of nothing. I don't just seduce the women at the bar, I aim to seduce EVERYONE at the bar. When I do that, I make new friends and blow away all the competition. I used to do it all the time when I got good at everything I learned here.

When you're friends with everyone at the bar, you've got first shot at any 'stray' women who happen to show up because everyone respects you and gives you a positive reference if she should inquire about you. That's exactly how I met my (ex) wife.

I'm off to a karaoke New Years party this evening. I've got a designated driver (for a change) so I'm allowed to have a few drinks. I just need to make sure I limit it to a FEW. When I get too fvcking sloshed, I blow it on the number close.

 

[Desdinova]

So I went out for New Years. I was introduced by my friends to a single woman (HB7) in her 40s. I sat there, acted like my fun and happy self. She seemed attracted, but she was way too fvcking boring. Didn't bother number closing her.

The night moved on. There wasn't much for prospects during the night, just a lot of guys. I accepted the fact that I wasn't going to find anybody new that night, but continued to have fun.

I went over to visit a friend across the stage, and suddenly found myself partying with this Brazillian HB8.5. This girl's 37 and looks 25. Absolutely amazing body and fun as hell. We clicked really well and I got the digits.

Now THAT is what I call a great start to a new year

 

[disgustipated]

Not two hours ago I broke up with my gf. I'm still in the car typing this. Cant wait to get away from her, I wish you luck and thanks for the ideas.

 

[Desdinova]

So the last two women I've got numbers from have flaked before setting up a first date. Trying to figure out where I'm going wrong here (or maybe the high flake rate has been due to the holidays). It's been a while since I've had problems with flaking. My ultimate post-LTR goal is to get a first date with some chick. Increasing my number closes may help, but it's difficult to close a woman I'm not very interested in.

 

[zekko]

I really like to read threads like these because I get to relive my single life vicariously through them. Even though I can't stand karaoke, don't drink anymore so I don't go to bars, and hate being around drunk people.

I'm tempted to offer advice, but I'm sure Des doesn't need any. I imagine if he keeps going the way he has, another girl will fall into his lap, or he'll find another one to pick up. It's just a matter of time. Sounds like the thing that has been most lacking so far is a good supply of targets.

My ultimate post-LTR goal is to get a first date with some chick. Increasing my number closes may help, but it's difficult to close a woman I'm not very interested in.

I agree with that. If you're not interested, you're not interested. Why force it?