Desdinova's Relationship Recovery Journal

[Desdinova]

Did mini-golf last night and had fun! We headed out for a drink after and chatted a bunch. This chick's life story is incredibly identical to mine. Well, at least we can relate to a bunch of 5hit. She paid for my drink and we went outside to go our separate ways. I gave her a kiss, then we kissed twice more. Seems like she knows how to kiss half decently. I hate chicks who can't kiss worth a damn.

So I've hit another milestone - my first post-LTR kiss. Next on the checklist is the lay

 

[Die Hard]

Congrats

Keep up the good fight, bro!

 

[JohnChops]

Hey Desd just stopping by here to say I wish you the best of luck. We all know that infatuation is a killer . Keep it positive. Good luck buddy.

 

[Desdinova]

As of late, I haven't really been trying to pull any numbers. Just haven't felt like it. I've been going out, having fun, and just not really giving a damn about approaching women. I've still got the one on the line and that's enough for me right now. However...

My ex-wife is going on vacation. After this weekend, I've got my kid for the next two weeks. It's already been making it difficult with regards to setting up dates with the one girl I'm seeing. On the plus side, she's got a kid too so she knows what it's like.

I'm not sure when the lay is going to happen. It may happen in the course of one date that lasts a few hours, or it may be put off until we both end up with a child-free evening. Still, it's pretty frustrating.

 

[backbreaker]

As of late, I haven't really been trying to pull any numbers. Just haven't felt like it. I've been going out, having fun, and just not really giving a damn about approaching women. I've still got the one on the line and that's enough for me right now. However...

My ex-wife is going on vacation. After this weekend, I've got my kid for the next two weeks. It's already been making it difficult with regards to setting up dates with the one girl I'm seeing. On the plus side, she's got a kid too so she knows what it's like.

I'm not sure when the lay is going to happen. It may happen in the course of one date that lasts a few hours, or it may be put off until we both end up with a child-free evening. Still, it's pretty frustrating.

please do not take this the wrong way beucase I have nothing but respect for you bro seriously, but at the same time, that's the reason why i'm saying it.

you are acting like the equivalent to a dry drunk.

There is a term in AA/NA called "white-knuckle ling sobriety" which in a nutshell means that they are clean but by the slimiest of definitions. they haven't changed, they haven't grown as people, they don't see the changes in mindset and they are still the same ****ty person they were when they used beucase they never really took that step to believe what we are talking about in the rooms. they will come to meetings but won't work any steps or won't call a sponsor or they are in drug court and only come to the bare minimum amount of meetings that it takes to get the courts off their ass and the courts is what is keeping them clean not that they actually changed. person may have 2-3 years clean but still be a miserable prick who has the same character defects as when they used. .

this is what i believe you are diong. You are white knuckling your DJism so to speak. I believe that to a man you either

1. don't believe in some of the very most basic premises of this site

or

2. are somewhat comfortable in the baggage that youa re tooting around.

you're being way too lazy with this plate spinning. you're putting all your eggs into a basket. it's kinda like i think you are somewhat hoping that your ex will come back and you are making sure you don't get "too busy" for her. that's the vibe I am getting from you. I could veryw ell be wrong i'm not there but you don't seem like a guy who has fully put his ex behind him and is kicking ass and taking names.

I think what i am trying to say is that i think if you really wanted to get past your ex, you know exactly what you need to do to do such. I dont' think you wanna. I don't think you've completely accepted the fact that even though she was a great girl, it's over and it's not going to happen again.

Regardless, best of luck and i hope you end up doing what's best for you

 

[Desdinova]

this is what i believe you are diong. You are white knuckling your DJism so to speak.

Sorry, I've only had a month or so to get over her. I seem to recall the constant postings of a certain one-itis from a certain member.

you're being way too lazy with this plate spinning. you're putting all your eggs into a basket.

No, I just don't really give a 5hit about plate spinning right now. That sudden emptiness right after the breakup is gone. Right now I'm just doing whatever the hell I want, and currently that doesn't include picking up women. I have music to play, blog entries to write, and computers to assemble. Just not feeling the desire to pick up women right now.

it's kinda like i think you are somewhat hoping that your ex will come back and you are making sure you don't get "too busy" for her.

The problem is I *know* she'll come back. With the exception of maybe a couple of women, every single one of my ex-gfs has tried to come back. It never happens immediately, it's always after a year or more. But they always attempt a second round (and sometimes more). I'm not sitting around waiting for it because that's a waste of time, but I know it's going to happen.

As far as not being "too busy" why would I give a 5hit about that? I've dropped multiple women I've dated in one full swoop, usually because I end up being exclusive with one.

you don't seem like a guy who has fully put his ex behind him

You're right. I'm also quite sure that if your wife suddenly dropped you, you'd need a bit of time to do the same. Emotions aren't like light switches you can turn on and off, instead they fade in and out.

 

[backbreaker]

Sorry, I've only had a month or so to get over her. I seem to recall the constant postings of a certain one-itis from a certain member.



No, I just don't really give a 5hit about plate spinning right now. That sudden emptiness right after the breakup is gone. Right now I'm just doing whatever the hell I want, and currently that doesn't include picking up women. I have music to play, blog entries to write, and computers to assemble. Just not feeling the desire to pick up women right now.



The problem is I *know* she'll come back. With the exception of maybe a couple of women, every single one of my ex-gfs has tried to come back. It never happens immediately, it's always after a year or more. But they always attempt a second round (and sometimes more). I'm not sitting around waiting for it because that's a waste of time, but I know it's going to happen.

As far as not being "too busy" why would I give a 5hit about that? I've dropped multiple women I've dated in one full swoop, usually because I end up being exclusive with one.



You're right. I'm also quite sure that if your wife suddenly dropped you, you'd need a bit of time to do the same. Emotions aren't like light switches you can turn on and off, instead they fade in and out.

the difference being that i use my first 3-4 years on this forum when referring to my oneittis that i would not stop chasing as a prime example of how not to live life. you are making a recovery journal and promoting the idea of keeping a candle lit for the woman.

and referring to my wife who i've known since i was 24 and your ex GF of a year are not erally in the same stratosphere and you know that. but even with that said i'd spin plates. i'd probably do so with a heavy heart for a while but i'd do it beucase that's what i need to do to move on.

you are basically promoting white knightism by stating that you KNOW she's going ot come back. listen to yourself bro. if she comes back she comes back but you are holding a door open for a woman who you dated for a year and then let her family tell her what the **** she needs to do.

 

[backbreaker]

Sorry, I've only had a month or so to get over her. I seem to recall the constant postings of a certain one-itis from a certain member.



No, I just don't really give a 5hit about plate spinning right now. That sudden emptiness right after the breakup is gone. Right now I'm just doing whatever the hell I want, and currently that doesn't include picking up women. I have music to play, blog entries to write, and computers to assemble. Just not feeling the desire to pick up women right now.



The problem is I *know* she'll come back. With the exception of maybe a couple of women, every single one of my ex-gfs has tried to come back. It never happens immediately, it's always after a year or more. But they always attempt a second round (and sometimes more). I'm not sitting around waiting for it because that's a waste of time, but I know it's going to happen.

As far as not being "too busy" why would I give a 5hit about that? I've dropped multiple women I've dated in one full swoop, usually because I end up being exclusive with one.



You're right. I'm also quite sure that if your wife suddenly dropped you, you'd need a bit of time to do the same. Emotions aren't like light switches you can turn on and off, instead they fade in and out.

the difference being that i use my first 3-4 years on this forum when referring to my oneittis that i would not stop chasing as a prime example of how not to live life. you are making a recovery journal and promoting the idea of keeping a candle lit for the woman.

and referring to my wife who i've known since i was 24 and your ex GF of a year are not erally in the same stratosphere and you know that. but even with that said i'd spin plates. i'd probably do so with a heavy heart for a while but i'd do it beucase that's what i need to do to move on. and i can say that with absolute certainty beucase i refuse to ever put myself through the hell of waiting around for a woman who has moved on or is not interested in me again.

you are basically promoting white knightism by stating that you KNOW she's going ot come back. listen to yourself bro. if she comes back she comes back but you are holding a door open for a woman who you dated for a year and then let her family tell her what the **** she needs to do.


The saying goes "time heels all wounds". That's bull****. At least in the dating/relationship game it is. Action is the grease that moves on the grieving process. The more action you have the faster the grieving process will take place. Your inaction is not doing anything but prolonging the grieving process and also beucase the woman has separated herself from you and you dont' have any plates to take her place you start to forgot the **** you didn't like about her and magnify her good qualities.

 

[zekko]

People get over relationships, plate spinning or not, it just takes time. I don't think it's right to say that Des is keeping a candle lit for his ex, just because he says he knows she'll be back. He hasn't said what his response to her would be. Personally, I don't like to go backwards, and I don't care to relive failed relationships, so I know what my response would be.

I don't have quite the hard on for spinning plates as some people on this forum do. It's a good dating strategy, probably the best. But it's not a religion. Spinning plates is especially suited for guys in their 20s, given the hookups, "shopping around", and casual nature of sexual encounters that young adults have. I think pretty much every guy should try spinning plates at least once in their lives, because it's great for learning - it teaches you the right mindset.

I spun plates for a time in my 20s, then when my life got too busy I moved to serial monogamy for awhile, then spun plates again, then back to monogamy. It's whatever fits your life best at the time. The balance of the free world (or your love life, for that matter) is not necessarily going to collapse because you aren't spinning plates. What's important is to have the right mindset. I know I can always get another girl, and I know I can survive any breakup.

Probably the two biggest proponents of spinning plates on the forum are Rollo and BB, and neither of them are currently spinning plates, because they are married. Yet I am sure they still retain the correct mindset from their plate spinning days, even though they are not doing it currently.

Honestly, I hope I never feel obligated to bang multiple partners just because that's what this site advises. Talk about taking the fun out of it. I will spin plates if I feel like it, or I will serial date if I prefer. I think Jophil (God rest his soul) said that he was basically a serial monogomist. That doesn't necessarily make you an emotional cripple.

Des will get over his breakup, one way or another, he just needs a little time, just like anyone else. There's nothing wrong with grieving the loss of a relationship with someone you cared about, that's only natural. It hurts, but it won't kill you, and you'll be stronger for it in the end.

 

[Boilermaker]

and referring to my wife who i've known since i was 24 and your ex GF of a year are not erally in the same stratosphere and you know that. but even with that said i'd spin plates. i'd probably do so with a heavy heart for a while but i'd do it beucase that's what i need to do to move on. and i can say that with absolute certainty beucase i refuse to ever put myself through the hell of waiting around for a woman who has moved on or is not interested in me again.

Don't ever refer to his wife. That's "just a line you don't cross" in his little hypocrisy book.

He doesn't have any problems in freely slamming other's EX'es, though.

Your attitude against Des, that is, kicking him when he's down (calling him a white knight because the guy screens some more before jumping in another LTR?) is so you.

Which one of your butthurt encounters with Des (as he always kicks your ass) does this one make you write such stupid sh!t, bb? Haven't you learned what this forum is thinking of you in your pathetic "jail" thread already?

you are basically promoting white knightism by stating that you KNOW she's going ot come back. listen to yourself bro. if she comes back she comes back but you are holding a door open for a woman who you dated for a year and then let her family tell her what the **** she needs to do.

No, he isn't promoting White Knightism when he says he knows she'll come back. He may be wrong, he may be right. If he was out, calling her back, that'd be white knightism. Making a prediction about her future behavior has nothing to do with being a knight. The real knight is you, judging from your "heavy hearted" gaming remarks in case of a divorce, which is statistically more likely than getting a tails out of a coin toss, by the way. Oh, you lost me.

The saying goes "time heels all wounds". That's bull****.

Yes, that is indeed bull-šhit because the actual saying goes "Time heals all wounds".

At least in the dating/relationship game it is. Action is the grease that moves on the grieving process. The more action you have the faster the grieving process will take place. Your inaction is not doing anything but prolonging the grieving process and also beucase the woman has separated herself from you and you dont' have any plates to take her place you start to forgot the **** you didn't like about her and magnify her good qualities.

You have an opinion about every fvcking thing and you don't have a problem projecting your 3rd grade AA stuff to every possible life situation these men go through. And most of it is garbage.

Maybe you should take another break?

 

[Desdinova]

you are basically promoting white knightism by stating that you KNOW she's going ot come back.

I haven't thrown myself into her path, I haven't contacted her to ask how she's doing, and I haven't sent her flowers because I miss her. Knowing that I'm the BEST thing to ever happen to a chick has nothing to do with being a white knight. I know she's going to miss the best man she's ever had in her life. I know she's going to regret throwing that man away. I know her emotions are going to eventually take over and she'll desire to have me back. This is how women behave especially with that 'one guy' who dominated her emotionally. I feel sorry for the AFC who have such a tough act to follow. Am I full of myself? Probably, but I worked hard to become the opposite of AFC. I embraced as many attractive traits I possibly could; traits that women love in a man. Sure I wasn't perfect, but as Pook said "perfect is boring".

you are making a recovery journal and promoting the idea of keeping a candle lit for the woman.

I've stated nothing about keeping a candle lit for her. I have no idea what my (or her) situation is going to be like when she decides to try again. I may find a woman who is just as good or better than she was. She might become a fat alcoholic. I cannot say what our situations are going to be like in the future. I also don't believe in soulmates, but believe that there are many compatible women out there for me. The trick is finding them. It could take weeks, months, or years to find another one, but they're out there.

 

[Desdinova]

So here's an update...

The girl I'm currently dating is coming over for supper tonight. Hoping to bang the 5hit out of her, but we've only got a 3-4 hour time-frame to play with. If I can't bang the hell out of her, I'll at least get a heavy make-out session with her. She's already calling me "hun" which is setting off a red flag for me. I'm not even NEAR that level of interest with her.

Now onto the good stuff... Every time I bag a woman after a drought, more happen to fall into my lap. I've been sarging POF lately because I haven't had much opportunity to go out and find women, nor have I had the energy. I bagged two more numbers off there. One is a decent looking 23 year old who initially disqualified herself because of my profile (I said I didn't want a fat chick, and she told me she was too fat for me although her pics show that she's not even close to being a porker). I dropped her after she grilled me heavily about my profile, but contacted her again about two weeks later saying "You're still on here?" and she's been giving me buying signals ever since.

The next girl is a 24 year old teacher. We instantly clicked because of our identical tastes in music. Her pics are misleading. She looks great in some pics while she looks lousy in others. The only way I'll be able to tell for sure is to go on a date with her.

I still have one more number to harvest off POF, but I've been wanting a bit more rapport before I do that. This girl looks good and we have some 5hit in common. Some women are just so easy to build rapport with while others are terrible - mainly because they don't write much. This is one of those girls.

BTW, I'm writing up a post about how I'm landing so many numbers off POF. There's lots of things I discovered that have worked in my favor and I'm trying not to forget anything. Hopefully the post will be up in about a week or so.

 

[Desdinova]

I terminated the teacher from POF. She told me she was curvy and proud of her body. Any chick who's proud of being fat isn't worthy of my attention.

So I've got a date planned tonight with the POF chick I dropped for that two week period. She keeps telling me how attractive she is and I keep ignoring it. She's also said 5hit like "I miss you when you're gone" meaning when I stop texting her. She sounds so feminine that I got a boner just texting her.

On Saturday, I ran into one of the former regulars without her man. I've had an eye on her since I saw her the first time. She's got a pretty decent body, but she was with this old dude for like fvcking ever.

Anyway, she shows up on Saturday and tells me that her now ex-bf is in jail for fraud. From that point on, I proceeded to flirt and party with her. I dragged her ass out on the dance floor and had fun with her. I gave her my phone so she could punch in her name to add to my facebook.

The next day, she sent me a message on fb with her phone number. Way too fvcking easy

 

[Married Buried]

I think you left out the lay report...

 

[Desdinova]

I think you left out the lay report...

Lay still hasn't happened. I'm working on it...

 

[Desdinova]

So I came back from my date. The girl is 23, she's nice, doesn't want kids and has a good, fit body on her. The downside? She has the face of a 300 pound woman. How in hell can her body be so goddam nice and her face be so damned chubby? I mean she's got a huge chin and everything. She actually has the potential to be cute if she could lose the face fat.

Not sure if I wanna keep dating her. She seemed interested enough if I wanted to continue. It probably didn't help that she kept telling me how cute she was and how weird men hit on her all the time. I love her femininity, but I'm not sure I can get over the fat face.

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Hey Des, I've been away from the site for a while and just found out about your singledom. Sorry to hear that man. You seem to be doing just fine on the comeback though, the only advice I can chime in with is to get that 1st lay under you (literally) asap! Everything will flow from there.

Take it easy.

 

[Desdinova]

the only advice I can chime in with is to get that 1st lay under you (literally) asap!

My ex-wife is being a beached whale in Hawaii for a week, so getting a few hours to make a lay happen has been a challenge. Working with chick #1 to get Saturday night free. Butter Face is still too new and I may have to write off chick #3 because she a regular at my favorite bar. That won't bode well with #1.

That being said, I don't think I have the time to handle more than two women at once. If I were to pick one to keep, it would have to be #1. She's the best looking and has her 5hit together. But until the subject of exclusivity comes up, I'll have no problem fvcking #2.

 

[Desdinova]

So here's how my Friday night went...

I was trying to get some friends to come out with me to the bar close to my place (the one where an ex from 1 1/2 years ago is a regular at - don't worry, I'm way over her.) I had a child-free evening and wanted to get drunk without worrying about getting home. Most of my friends were busy, so I asked the girl with the jailed ex-bf to come with me. She didn't hesitate to say yes. I told her I could pick her up but wouldn't be able to drive her home. She was fine with that.

So we go out to the bar and drink ourselves stupid. She bought most of my drinks. I'm reminded of why I was eyeballing this chick for so long - she's got a pretty damn decent body on her and a gorgeous ass. Another couple that we both knew came in and we had fun chatting with them. Last time they saw me I was freshly broken-up with my most recent ex, and they commented on how much happier I looked.

So after we drank ourselves stupid, we stumbled on back to my place. We sat on my couch and started making out. This fvcking woman just starts pulling her clothes off so naturally you'd think she was opening a package that came in the mail. I tell her to relocate to my bedroom. She was 100% naked by the time we got in there. So we start getting into it, making out, eating her pvssy, etc. We're ready to fvck when she suddenly sits up...

"OH MY GOD! CALL 911!!!"

I'm like WTF is going on. "Are you okay?"
"No, my heart is beating irregularly, call 911!!!"
She walks into the kitchen naked and starts using my phone. Meanwhile, I'm in the bedroom wondering if I should take this 5hit seriously or wait for her to calm the fvck down.

"Call 911!! Call 911!!" she screams

So I call 911. When I see she's on the phone in the kitchen, I hang up on them. They fvcking call me back and I give them an idea of what's going on. Now she tells me she's having a panic attack. What the fvck did I walk into here???

The 911 person asks if we've been drinking and asks me some personal questions about her. I barely know this chick from a goddam hole in the wall, but she was conscious enough to help me answer the questions. She apparently has been getting panic attacks for the last 6 months since her mother got sick with cancer.

So, the ambulance didn't come, the police didn't come, and I didn't want all that 5hit at the house anyway. She started to calm down a bit and I tried empathizing with her to keep her coming down from her freak out, which seemed to help.

After that mess, we just went to sleep.

In the morning, I started kissing her back, her neck, and her lips. She reciprocated and I ended up fvcking the 5hit out of her for a good hour.

And there's your lay report

 

[SamTheHobit]

B!tches be crazy Des ^^