Depression

[Nicolito]

First post,i greet you all folks.

Tough one.I have depression for over 2 years and being on pills.Lots of therapy but with not great results.Right now i feel a little bit better but still no party.

My problem is,i refuse to man up and grow a pair.I am in an LTR for many years and i am not happy although i feel i love her.Then why don't i move on ? If i knew i would probably have done it.Fear levels skyrocket everytime i even think of moving on.It doesn't seem to work because she clearly overpowers me and get manipulative.

Up to now,i haven't heard of a plan that can get me going and changing the way i think.I can hear everywhere the advice of moving on but i just don't believe in myself.

Looks around 7,nice body,average face.

If i don't belong here or you think i am in the wrong place,thank you for your time and i move on.I would be happy to hear your opinions.

 

[Dingo]

Curious.... Why are you not "happy" ? How is she "overpowering and manipulative" ?

 

[Nicolito]

Curious.... Why are you not "happy" ? How is she "overpowering and manipulative" ?

She sets the rules.Plan to marry,have kids,when and how things should be done.She knows my flaws and takes advantage when she sees fit.

I don't say she is the devil,she probably does her job.I retreat every time.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Nicolito, your education starts now. You have indeed come to the right place.

Read the DJ Bible (there is a link at the bottom of the page), and find "The Book of Pook" here on the site. As I type this I don't remember where that link is.

You're starting to get a handle on what's wrong, and right now you have no idea how to correct it, but by studying the material here on this forum, you will be given tools to take charge of your life and your relationships. It's up to you to apply what you learn.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I just looked for the Book of Pook. Just click the DJ Bible link and look under "Downloads".

 

[Nicolito]

I just looked for the Book of Pook. Just click the DJ Bible link and look under "Downloads".

Thanks man,i will definitely give it a try.

What do you see in me,based on the above ?

 

[ZTIME]

Start by understanding two small things.

1. People cannot make you depressed. This is tough as you will have to remove the thought of your depression being caused by your LTR. Depression is a result of how you feel about you.

2. You are in the wrong place. Within yourself. Until you start to construct the man you want to become, no change will occur. You say she tries to manipulate you by pointing out your flaws. I say you know the flaws exist and react negatively to them being called out. Work in yourself and make yourself happy, then your answers will be much more clear.

Every day that goes by, you can never replace. You can choose to start working on you today. It's your choice.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You feel at your core that you have no ability to take control of your life. That's usually the root cause of depression, BTW. You are fearful and reactive. The world is penetrating you and you need to turn that around and penetrate the world.

I came here 10 years ago with no idea under the sun how to deal with women. Now I have that part of life handled, and I have SoSuave to thank for that. As you progress you will find that this site is different from others in that we address the WHOLE man, not just his dealing with women. You will learn that women are secondary in your life, and that your job is to develop your inner core as a man.

Today you come here as a leaf in the wind. As time progresses you will become rooted in your masculine core and start to take control of your world if you allow the teaching here to soak in.

 

[Nicolito]

Start by understanding two small things.

1. People cannot make you depressed. This is tough as you will have to remove the thought of your depression being caused by your LTR. Depression is a result of how you feel about you.

2. You are in the wrong place. Within yourself. Until you start to construct the man you want to become, no change will occur. You say she tries to manipulate you by pointing out your flaws. I say you know the flaws exist and react negatively to them being called out. Work in yourself and make yourself happy, then your answers will be much more clear.

Every day that goes by, you can never replace. You can choose to start working on you today. It's your choice.

Just a clarification about number 2.It is not exactly that i am reactive to be called out.She constantly makes me feel inadequate and whenever i try to make a move for myself she tries to manipulate me into thinking i am wrong because she can.

Of course it is still my fault.

 

[ZTIME]

Just a clarification about number 2.It is not exactly that i am reactive to be called out.She constantly makes me feel inadequate and whenever i try to make a move for myself she tries to manipulate me into thinking i am wrong because she can.

Of course it is still my fault.

No judgement here. We can only offer advice from the info provide.

In this case your reaction of inadequacy stems from your lack of self confidence.

If you don't work on yourself and your confidence, you'll always have the same result in any relationship.

Here it is smarter to help the OP not his chick.

 

[Nicolito]

Ok and now i have a practical question.

How can someone incorporate the new belief system of self worth,confidence and action-based promotion ?

Starting small ? The little things ? Passing new tests ? Out of comfort zone ?

 

[resilient]

How can someone incorporate the new belief system of self worth,confidence and action-based promotion ?

Although not a DJ resource, I recommend reading two books: 1) "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Equally good for married or non married LTRs. If she's walking all over you and putting down your self-esteem, you have to stand up for yourself and your integrity as a man. Another book that was influential in my thinking towards the end of my last LTR was 2) "The Mindful Attraction Plan" by Athol Kay. I couldn't save the near ten year relationship, but near the end of it all, I woke up out of the fog and began to rebuild myself. Starting with self-compassion and self-respect, but most of all: ACTION. Also, DJs here helped me with my perspective that went through similar themes.

 

[Nicolito]

Although not a DJ resource, I recommend reading two books: 1) "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Equally good for married or non married LTRs. If she's walking all over you and putting down your self-esteem, you have to stand up for yourself and your integrity as a man. Another book that was influential in my thinking towards the end of my last LTR was 2) "The Mindful Attraction Plan" by Athol Kay. I couldn't save the near ten year relationship, but near the end of it all, I woke up out of the fog and began to rebuild myself. Starting with self-compassion and self-respect, but most of all: ACTION. Also, DJs here helped me with my perspective that went through similar themes.

I am still not married but i think the same principles apply don't they ?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Although not a DJ resource, I recommend reading two books: 1) "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Equally good for married or non married LTRs. If she's walking all over you and putting down your self-esteem, you have to stand up for yourself and your integrity as a man. Another book that was influential in my thinking towards the end of my last LTR was 2) "The Mindful Attraction Plan" by Athol Kay. I couldn't save the near ten year relationship, but near the end of it all, I woke up out of the fog and began to rebuild myself. Starting with self-compassion and self-respect, but most of all: ACTION. Also, DJs here helped me with my perspective that went through similar themes.

How was the boundaries book? How would one deal with a boundary always being broken?

 

[Bible_Belt]

People stay in bad relationships because they are afraid to be alone.

 

[resilient]

@Nicolito and @mrgoodstuff. I could go more into details on this. However, I think the description of the book may explains the boundaries concept a little better:

"Learn when to say yes and when to say no--to your spouse and to others--to make the most of your marriage Only when a husband and wife know and respect each other’s needs, choices, and freedom can they give themselves freely and lovingly to one another. Boundaries are the “property lines” that define and protect husbands and wives as individuals. Once they are in place, a good marriage can become better, and a less-than-satisfying one can even be saved. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, counselors and authors of the award-winning best-seller Boundaries, show couples how to apply the 10 laws of boundaries that can make a real difference in relationships. They help husbands and wives understand the friction points or serious hurts and betrayals in their marriage―and move beyond them to the mutual care, respect, affirmation, and intimacy they both long for. Boundaries in Marriage helps couples: • Set and maintain personal boundaries and respect those of their spouse • Establish values that form a godly structure and architecture for their marriage • Protect their marriage from different kinds of “intruders” • Work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries―or work with one who doesn’t."

There's a lot of Christian knowledge in the book, yet I think most of the general concepts of affirming healthy boundaries in a LTR still apply here. Remember we can't force anyone to behave or act a certain way. We can only control our emotions and how we react to events. If we choose to act, we can still modify our behavior to reflect the lives we want to lead that lead to mutual respect. Also, note it's a slow process to rebuild. If she has years of resentment with you, it will take time to peel back the onion so to speak. To some it's more trouble to work through relational issues, but that's a decision that's up to you and your partner.

 

[ZTIME]

Ok and now i have a practical question.

How can someone incorporate the new belief system of self worth,confidence and action-based promotion ?

Starting small ? The little things ? Passing new tests ? Out of comfort zone ?

I'll leave this for you because you seem to genuinely want help.

I like to think of my Sunday's as a day off. I live in a very sunny climate. On my day off I like to wear shorts, a t shirt, and flip flops. I'm comfortable that way.

When I go out on a Sunday, people perceive me as normal.

When I go to work I wear a suit.......A nice fvcking suit! I stand different, my confidence level is higher, I have more confidence.

Now picture yourself naked. Picture your skin as the way you dress. Do you feel good in your own skin? Or did you let your skin (fat) go.?

If you did, start to work out.

My Sunday's used to be filled with parties. I worked for companies at slave labor wages, until I spent my free time studying and building my own companies.

Do you feel good in your job, or destined to do something greater?

If it's the greater, where can you start?

Spiritually I was lost, until I found on Wednesday nights I could go to Buddhist meditation classes (no religion implied), now my mind is clear.

How does your soul feel??

I will die as will you. I feel that I want my legacy to continue. Not having kids, but touching and teaching others to find the right path.

How's your legacy going??

Notice one thing. I've never asked about a chick you're dating. They're irrelevant. Choose if others are right for you when YOU choose to be right for YOU.

Be blessed on you journey little brother. No poster here can help you before you choose to help you.

 

[dustmuffin]

Although not a DJ resource, I recommend reading two books: 1) "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Equally good for married or non married LTRs. If she's walking all over you and putting down your self-esteem, you have to stand up for yourself and your integrity as a man. Another book that was influential in my thinking towards the end of my last LTR was 2) "The Mindful Attraction Plan" by Athol Kay. I couldn't save the near ten year relationship, but near the end of it all, I woke up out of the fog and began to rebuild myself. Starting with self-compassion and self-respect, but most of all: ACTION. Also, DJs here helped me with my perspective that went through similar themes.

These are both good books. Read no more Mr nice guy and I feel guilty when I say no. There is a reddit sub called married red pill. Go over there and read their side bar. The community is geared toward ltrs and marriages from a red pill perspective. They have loads of good stuff.

I too have depression. I take meds too. So I can empathise with your predicament. I was dumped a year ago and it has taken me that year to get out of my hole of craziness. I read and applied what I learned. I feel the best I have in years. Make an effort to improve yourself and you will succeed. I did it. You can too.

 

[Trump]

First post,i greet you all folks.

Tough one.I have depression for over 2 years and being on pills.

If you really have depression and have been (whatever the medical community considers) "diagnosed", pills are a short term fix to change the chemical imbalance in your brain and keep you coming back for more. They won't help you long term.

Lots of therapy but with not great results.Right now i feel a little bit better but still no party.

Therapy won't help you either. You feel good about yourself for 10 minutes and then you are back to normal. It's a short term fix. Someone "listening" to your problems isn't going to prevent society from absolutely destroying you if they want.

My problem is,i refuse to man up and grow a pair.I am in an LTR for many years and i am not happy although i feel i love her.

What does you loving your girlfriend have to do with you being happy?

Then why don't i move on ? If i knew i would probably have done it.Fear levels skyrocket everytime i even think of moving on.It doesn't seem to work because she clearly overpowers me and get manipulative.

Up to now,i haven't heard of a plan that can get me going and changing the way i think.I can hear everywhere the advice of moving on but i just don't believe in myself.

Looks around 7,nice body,average face.

If i don't belong here or you think i am in the wrong place,thank you for your time and i move on.I would be happy to hear your opinions.

Bro you seem to be very confused. You say are absolutely depressed about life, its challenges, its obstacles, its setbacks, its unfairness and therapy and pills are not working very well.

And then you describe how your girlfriends looks? What if she was a movie star with a nice body and a pretty face? You would snap out of the depression? Something is off.

 

[mikephat]

When you start giving a **** in what she is saying to you, you will start feeling better. At least, that was my case.

She is not better and stronger than you are.