Dealing with Experienced DJs going after your plate?

[AlexKaiser]

So, I found an intended target. Waitress girl at the Casino. Chatted her up, applied charisma, did the DJ things to the best of my ability. She seemed like she was having fun, was asking what I was going to do after her shift. I GENERATED INTEREST! It was awesome. Awesome until, he came.

He was a taller guy, came up to the counter and basically evaporated her interest in me and directed it towards himself in a few couple sentences. He came in, looked at her and said "you should give me your number." Literally first thing he spoke. She blushed went crazy and scribbled it nervously to him. He said to me "Hope you don't mind but I'm going to take her now." Am I'm sitting there what the hell do I say to that?

Do i go "By all means. I just got done finishing up." and moving on, do I assert myself and go "Nah I don't think you are." and continue trying to rekindle her interest? I didn't want to appear desperate or like some guy who had no other options, so I just nodded silently and moved on, since I was taken by surprise.

Like I got the girl stuff down, getting them smiling and enjoying my company, but its these other god damn guys that get in the way that are way hotter and taller who don't even need to try, or have been picking up girls way longer than I have. Maybe he knew I was new to this whole game thing?

It won't get my self esteem down, but I DO want to know what to do if I have to compete with a guy again, because I am NOT the only guy in the world, there are hundreds of guys she can choose that are better looking and have more experience.

 

[Bingo-Player]

this is a tricky situation because your dammed if you do and your dammed if you dont

say nothing and she will assume he's a stronger male than you are

say the wrong thing and you lose your frame

in this sort of situation you have two choices

****y funny - " thats a shame she was just about to escape the freindzone

attack - " what happend to that chick i saw you arrive here with "

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I hate to tell you, this wasn't an 'experienced DJ' you were dealing with. It sounds like a fully fledged ladies' man. It's important that guys learn the difference. Many never do, but rather get stuck in the 'DJ mindset' forever. Maybe this is your opportunity to transcend.

The main difference between the two of you was romance (your approach); and swag (the other guy's approach).

Your approach

Chatted her up, applied charisma, did the DJ things to the best of my ability. She seemed like she was having fun, was asking what I was going to do after her shift.

In essence:
-Indirect
-Lengthy
-Full of consideration, for the target and situation (though not the context - she was at work)
-Meandering and inefficient.
-Probably lacking charisma, despite what you think (genuine charisma is something that oozes out of someone naturally all the time, not something that you switch on and off for certain people i.e. women)
-Full of expectation (and therefore thirst). High investment, at least for an initial interaction.
-You acted like a buddy because you weren't direct. She lost interest.

On the other hand....

His approach

...evaporated her interest in me and directed it towards himself in a few couple sentences. He came in, looked at her and said "you should give me your number." Literally first thing he spoke. She blushed went crazy and scribbled it nervously to him. He said to me "Hope you don't mind but I'm going to take her now."

-Direct.
-Brief and to the point.
-Though considered, he was probably absolutely independent of outcome, unlike yourself.
-He knew what he was doing and didn't feel the need to have a full blown interaction about the weather or time of fricken day. He got in and got out, efficiently. He understood that he needed to be quick and clean as she was at work.
-Probably low expectation (he'd probably been chatting women up all day, probably as he does every day, by the sounds of it). His investment in a girl he had just met was low.
-He acted like a potential lover because he made his intention clear immediately. She didn't even have a chance to think about losing interest.

I'm sitting there what the hell do I say to that?

The harsh truth; by the time you've got to this stage, it's pretty much already too late. Trying to 'assert yourself' or salvage the situation, which you should have been in control of in the first instance, is just going to make you look desperate.


Looks and height aside, this would have happened had the other guy been your lesser or even your identical twin. If a woman is truly inspired by your presence, she behaves like you are the only guy in the room. And other men will (usually) react to that accordingly.

In summary:
1) It's all about energy and behaviour and, in this instance, you were outplayed quite significantly. We live and learn.
2) Charisma is a lifestyle choice, not a technique. Being an 'experienced DJ' is not a destination to be aiming for; at best, it's a step along the path toward being a proficient ladies' man.

 

[AlexKaiser]

In summary:
1) It's all about energy and behaviour and, in this instance, you were outplayed quite significantly. We live and learn.
2) Charisma is a lifestyle choice, not a technique. Being an 'experienced DJ' is not a destination to be aiming for; at best, it's a step along the path toward being a proficient ladies' man.

Alright, so what should I do next? How do I make Charisma a lifestyle choice?

 

[AlphaNate]

Damn, that's some lion on lion in the Sahara **** right there. You got out-alpha'd.

I hate to tell you, this wasn't an 'experienced DJ' you were dealing with. It sounds like a fully fledged ladies' man. It's important that guys learn the difference. Many never do, but rather get stuck in the 'DJ mindset' forever. Maybe this is your opportunity to transcend.

The main difference between the two of you was romance (your approach); and swag (the other guy's approach).

Your approach


In essence:
-Indirect
-Lengthy
-Full of consideration, for the target and situation (though not the context - she was at work)
-Meandering and inefficient.
-Probably lacking charisma, despite what you think (genuine charisma is something that oozes out of someone naturally all the time, not something that you switch on and off for certain people i.e. women)
-Full of expectation (and therefore thirst). High investment, at least for an initial interaction.
-You acted like a buddy because you weren't direct. She lost interest.

On the other hand....

His approach


-Direct.
-Brief and to the point.
-Though considered, he was probably absolutely independent of outcome, unlike yourself.
-He knew what he was doing and didn't feel the need to have a full blown interaction about the weather or time of fricken day. He got in and got out, efficiently. He understood that he needed to be quick and clean as she was at work.
-Probably low expectation (he'd probably been chatting women up all day, probably as he does every day, by the sounds of it). His investment in a girl he had just met was low.
-He acted like a potential lover because he made his intention clear immediately. She didn't even have a chance to think about losing interest.



The harsh truth; by the time you've got to this stage, it's pretty much already too late. Trying to 'assert yourself' or salvage the situation, which you should have been in control of in the first instance, is just going to make you look desperate.


Looks and height aside, this would have happened had the other guy been your lesser or even your identical twin. If a woman is truly inspired by your presence, she behaves like you are the only guy in the room. And other men will (usually) react to that accordingly.

In summary:
1) It's all about energy and behaviour and, in this instance, you were outplayed quite significantly. We live and learn.
2) Charisma is a lifestyle choice, not a technique. Being an 'experienced DJ' is not a destination to be aiming for; at best, it's a step along the path toward being a proficient ladies' man.

Repped despite the use of the word "swag."

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Repped despite the use of the word "swag."

I know. I was going to edit to swagger, which is still warranted, for me personally. But fck it; potato, tomato.

How do I make Charisma a lifestyle choice?

My friend, learning to be genuinely charismatic is not something I nor anyone else can teach you over the internet. Though if you haven't seen these articles yet, please commit them to memory and start applying as best you can

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/11/06/the-3-elements-of-charisma-presence/

Doesn't sound like you were doing much wrong. But you'll admit, the other guy did better. If I can give you any advice it would be the following.

Practice and Reflect
Like most other things worth knowing or having, it takes practice and work; part of that, of course, is failure. You can't allow failure to affect you. The smart man learns from failure.

You must reflect upon your behaviour. What went well? Nearly everything by the sounds of it; apart from taking too long to achieve what the other guy did in a few minutes.

An ounce of preparation is worth a pound of cure
Take another look at your OP... You originally asked how you should react to this guy. What I'm saying is to transcend and learn to be the guy who is never put in that position in the first place.

The waitress clearly wasn't interested in you enough by the point the other guy arrived anyway, because she handed her number straight over, right in front of you. For me, that's not a pick up that's gone particularly well.

You were doing everything right (just like the other guy). But his execution was obviously far superior. He was just more polished; more natural. Practice, reflect, repeat.

One day it should just click; but seriously, move away from being a DJ and more toward being a man.

 

[zekko]

It's possible the guy had been chatting with her before, and just came back to get her number. But whatever.

I'm glad to see someone admit that there is actually some competition out there. Usually around here it's more like "I read a PUA forum so that makes me a desireable alpha, all those other guys around her are just beta AFC chumps".

Casino waitress though, those chicks probably get hit on so often it would make your head spin. Bad choice of targets, IMO.

 

[fastlife]

Do i go "By all means. I just got done finishing up." and moving on, do I assert myself and go "Nah I don't think you are." and continue trying to rekindle her interest? I didn't want to appear desperate or like some guy who had no other options, so I just nodded silently and moved on, since I was taken by surprise.

Two things to keep in mind:

1. The strongest frame wins.
2. The one who reacts the least has the strongest frame.

Here his frame was stronger than yours; you calibrated to him; you lost the girl. He knew that was going to happen walking in; people don't usually fvck with someone who's frame, they think is stronger than theirs. But you're not there yet, so you need a little flash game for these types of situations.

So in the future:

• Isolate. Move the girl to where logistics are more favorable. I.e. you're leaning against a wall and her back is to the rest of the venue.
• Get the guy reacting to you. An easy way to do this is to get him answering logical questions (in a friendly way), "Oh, I really like your suit. Where did you get that? Is it linen? Do you live around here? What do you do for a living? That's funny, I could tell just by looking at you you worked in [whatever he says]." If he falls into that frame, he seems super boring and loses momentum. After a couple minutes of that, just say something like, "Well, it was nice to meet you. But I have to get back to [****tail waitress]. Oh, sorry for not introducing you; [****tail waitress] this is [AMOG]. He's super responsible--he works in [whatever]."
• OR over-escalate the situation to make him/her uncomfortable. [Loudly] "Oh sh1t, [****tail waitress]. I didn't mean to c0ckblock you." Chances are the AMOG instantly starts disqualifying himself and the girl goes all ASD.
• OR just fvck with his frame. An easy way to do this with 90% of guys is to act like you're gay and he's coming onto you. The girl knows you're tooling him and will probably think it's hilarious and he'll have to backtrack to 'correct' her perception.

But instead you did...nothing. Just like he expected.

 

[Who Dares Win]

So, I found an intended target. Waitress girl at the Casino. Chatted her up, applied charisma, did the DJ things to the best of my ability. She seemed like she was having fun, was asking what I was going to do after her shift. I GENERATED INTEREST! It was awesome. Awesome until, he came.

He was a taller guy, came up to the counter and basically evaporated her interest in me and directed it towards himself in a few couple sentences. He came in, looked at her and said "you should give me your number." Literally first thing he spoke. She blushed went crazy and scribbled it nervously to him. He said to me "Hope you don't mind but I'm going to take her now." Am I'm sitting there what the hell do I say to that?

Do i go "By all means. I just got done finishing up." and moving on, do I assert myself and go "Nah I don't think you are." and continue trying to rekindle her interest? I didn't want to appear desperate or like some guy who had no other options, so I just nodded silently and moved on, since I was taken by surprise.

Like I got the girl stuff down, getting them smiling and enjoying my company, but its these other god damn guys that get in the way that are way hotter and taller who don't even need to try, or have been picking up girls way longer than I have. Maybe he knew I was new to this whole game thing?

It won't get my self esteem down, but I DO want to know what to do if I have to compete with a guy again, because I am NOT the only guy in the world, there are hundreds of guys she can choose that are better looking and have more experience.

It was fine untill he came out with that c0cky line, since you cant challenge him in terms of look you can at least sabotage him with the weakness he shown which is HIS EGO.

Right after that line you should have said something like "do you happen to do such things often, maybe you are one of those guys from those pick-up sites?"

Or better yet if the girl didnt hear what he said to you but just knew he said something you should have said "no way you will be that quick she surely doesnt look one of that type".

Basically you create a conflict between him and the girl cause if she still accept his advances she looks like a dumb cvnt who falls for a player in the same place where she works.
At that point you run high risks to lose the girl but so does he which at least will teach him to keep his c0ckyness for the girls and not to push it beyond the limit.

Not saying this will work but given that you're fighting world war II with a stick and from a long distance against artillery you cannot expect a sure bullet proof suggestion.

Personally Im fine to "lose" against a better opponent but Im not fine to have him overdue for no reason.

Btw the guys above gave you great suggestions regaring the mindset, the frame and the interaction and you should pay attention to them.
Personally Im more into manipulating the situation and the people cause in my opinion a better look in your opponent is often enough to burn you before you even play your cards.

 

[Alvafe]

I would laught it off, it would be too funny, and saying "by all means, I think I saw it in a tv series, its kind funny


but serious here dude you just had not to care, think of it as a test, you go in tried to chat her up just so to see how she react,

others thing to understand, if she is anything cute she is not new to that, she is used to have guys talking like you, guys like him who think is too hot so why she would refuse, so in the end is not really anything other then how you think and want, tease be playfull and move on to the next girl just for the fun

 

[zekko]

Never dealt with this situation, ever. Literally, you are in set with an initial conversation. A guy comes over, intrudes, simply says "give me your number", and she melts?

I still think it's possible he kind of knew her already, maybe even had been to the casino several times before and talked to her, maybe they were getting more chummy. And he sees the OP hitting on her and thinks he better make his move. So he just goes up and gets her number. He's bigger than the OP so he gets to intimidate him as a bonus. Probably makes him look more dominant to her.

It could have been a stone cold approach, but I don't see any hard evidence of it.

 

[SteR]

I'd probably laugh, and leave them to it. No amount of game is going to help you there. The DNA lottery has turned you up as a loser in that set.

What does it even matter? Just go and approach another girl

I would've done the same - you can't win 'em all.

I think there's a tendency when you're younger to think "well if only I'd done this or that..", but you're better off just saying **** it and moving onto something else...

 

[QuadDeuces]

One of the law of power says: "Disdain what you cant have"

Just pretend with your body language that you werent interested in her anyway and he can have her and you were relieved she finally goes away and lets you eat your food.

 

[devilkingx2]

personally if a guy that I don't know for certain I can compete with tries to take my girl I just give up and find a new girl.

if I think that i'm coming out ahead or that I have a chance with her/against him? game on.

in your case I'd have just walked away, if she was that easy to steal you either never had her or she'd have been into any guy who talked to her and will probably only go home with the chronologically last guy who talks to her like some sort of ebay auction you don't have time for.

 

[DidIDoThat]

Quick and simple: "if you can take her that easily, shes not worth my time, enjoy" make sure she's listening which will probably make her question herself and rejecting the guy to save looking like a hoe, and you've kept your pride and walked away. You win

 

[Masculinity]

this is a tricky situation because your dammed if you do and your dammed if you dont

say nothing and she will assume he's a stronger male than you are

say the wrong thing and you lose your frame

in this sort of situation you have two choices

****y funny - " thats a shame she was just about to escape the freindzone

attack - " what happend to that chick i saw you arrive here with "

I've been in a couple of these territorial displays of aggression before. I was gaming a chick at a night club one night getting ready to leave home with her. I had to take a leak and when I came out of the bathroom, some dude was trying to sweet talk my plate. I approached "my gjrl" and continued as if nothing had happened.

The other dude started trying to put me down making comments about how he was "better looking" than me, etc. I told him "step back from my girl, dude" I'm a firm tone. He became aggressive and I gave him a final warning to back up, as I stood face to face with him. I then whispered into my plate's ear "tell me you're not attracted to me and I'll walk away from you right now." She smiled and stayed quiet. She left with me and later in the night, confessed to how much she liked that I stood my ground and how "masculine" it was.

The rest is history. You can't tell a girl to be attracted to you, but you can stand your ground and be dominant, especially when another dude is starting a d!ck measuring contest and challenging you in front of a female. This is some primal stuff and if you get dominated, you're a beta in her eyes.

 

[marmel75]

Btw, she wasn't your plate. You had no hand whatsoever, which was evidently demonstrated. Just a girl you was talking to for a few minutes.

I have no idea how guys have created the idea that a girl they have been talking to for under 5 minutes is somehow a "plate"...they must be really dry as far as women go to take it that far, lmao...

 

[ubercat]

Geez u whispered to a girl AFTER getting in dude s face. Firstly not cool because he might not have seen you with her at all. So how would he know he was horning in.

Secondly you really need to point out that if you're going to pull that s*** you'd better step to the side and keep your eyes on him at all times. Otherwise your advice is going to get some poor aspiring DJ king hit or shanked

And if you start a fight in a casino you ll both be pissing blood after the kicking you get from security

 

[EyeBRollin]

Your best bet in this situation was to get her number. You can outlast a man that she has higher initial attraction to if you run a tight ship. Chances are he will screw up.

Say you got her number first, then this dude did. You wait a week to call, he calls the next day. He's fresh in her mind, but after talking to dude every day for a week, she'll lose that fire. Then she'll wonder why you didn't call. When you do call, her interest will be a bit higher. A couple weeks of this, her interest in you will eventually be higher than her interest in him.

If he does everything right, you lose. Polish your game and be more direct. Always get the phone number immediately.

 

[Manofrefinedtastes]

Wow! You sure as XXXX caved in!

The guy gives a line, and you run off; he doesn't even tell you to leave, and you disappear.

You could have, since he was a mega player, and you a relative noob, just hung around and at least watched and got a few tips from him. The woman was now nothing to you, and vice versa, so, you could have made it a learning lesson, and watched, and noted what he had that you didn't.