Dealing with EX

[TheBaconator]

I just need some advice on this.

My ex dumped me but I was an AFC back then and took the whole need space line and got down and hoped she would end up missing me and come back. I went no contact and after about a month she contacted me but when I asked to hang out she played it off. So I stopped talking to her and decided I didn't want her in my life period since she had become such a *****. She tried talking to me friendly after that about 2 weeks later and I told her I don't have anything to say to her and we should just pretty much forget one another.

Now flash forward a couple weeks after that, my grandma got ill and was in the hospital and she found out and came to visit. I was too focused on my grandma to hold a grudge against her during this, but now she talks to me online like we are friends, and I never told her why I was really so angry (her not givin me another chance and moving on so fast), and well I don't want her back at all, I don't really want her as a friend. I know it's not very DJish to hold a grudge, but this girl really fuked me for a while and after 3.5 years wasted. Part of me wants to just ask her why she changed so much, but at the same time I know the right thing to do is probably just focus on bettering myself, but I just feel like I'm letting her get away with screwing me over and now being nice to her. WTF should I do?

 

[scarface316]

Your situation is tricky but here's some questions you should ask yourself...

1. Are there more good things than bad things she's done for me? If there are more bad things, then move on. Be friendly but don't be too nice either.

2. What does she seem to want? Friendship? A one night stand? Lending a hand since my grandmother is ill? (Hope she's doing alright bro)

3. How many other girls have I had a better relationship with?

Try to look at it this way, has all the time you've known her and spent with her worth even being with her to continue?

 

[theunflushables]

Move on. No point on wasting time and energy on her. Best revenge is to not even realize her existence she has been cut off from all that is you. If she cares/cared about you, it will hurt. If she doesn't there would be no point in being hurtful and still hanging on.

 

[Warrior74]

Sorry about your grams.

My first thought is to say this : Cut all communication for good. You'll never get the anwsers you want, and the ones you get you won't believe anyway. For your own peace of mind....move forward.

It's your life. you get to decided who's in it and who's not...

btw...nice how she weaseled her way back into your life on the back of your grief.


My second thought is this : If you can keep your heart/head in check, find out why she wants to be friends. Talk to her about her life and figure out where this is coming from. Then make a more informed decision. But if your head and heart are out of control on this one....pull back and move forward.

 

[The Bat]

You know why she keeps contacting you, don't you? She wants to feel attractive and wanted. The best way to do this is for her to contact you and see if you respond. She knows that she has hurt you. She wants to know that she is good enough to even lure back somebody she's hurt in the past.

My point is, you are correct in your assessment that you need to move on. Cut ALL contact. Block IM, e-mail, phone number, everything. Now, don't go overboard and get a plastic surgery on your face or move out of your house. Cut all means of communication. And yes, this would include reducing contact with her friends who are now only your acquaintances.

I know what I'm about to say is easier said than done: You need to let her go. Let go of the damage she's done to you. Let go of the anger you developed because she left you. Let go of the questions regarding how she could've left you.

Don't live your life in revenge-mode. People who screw you over and disrespect you, put them in your past and never look back. Learn from that experience. Know how they managed to screw you over. Learn how you can do things or change yourself so, in future, you won't get screwed like that again. The only way to grow as a DJ, no...as a person, is to make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes twice.

I've seen you post around and you seem pretty successful with dates and approaches. Keep at that. You're doing a good job from what I gather. Here comes the cliche line: Best revenge is living well.

 

[TheBaconator]

Your situation is tricky but here's some questions you should ask yourself...

1. Are there more good things than bad things she's done for me? If there are more bad things, then move on. Be friendly but don't be too nice either.

2. What does she seem to want? Friendship? A one night stand? Lending a hand since my grandmother is ill? (Hope she's doing alright bro)

3. How many other girls have I had a better relationship with?

Try to look at it this way, has all the time you've known her and spent with her worth even being with her to continue?

My grandma is doin much better, she had a bad case of phmenonia but is recovering well.

As for the ex, she was my only serious LTR, lasted almost 4 years, and I felt I was closer to her then anyone else, then she just hit me with it one day. I now know that she detacted herself a while before that, but even when we did break it off she bs'd me saying she hopes we get back. This is how I ended up finding this site, and it helped, as did loveshack at the time.

Now I figure she wants to be friends, and I really just want to cut her out of my life for being such a *****. Besides, she is not the same person I went out with, she seems to have turned into a slut pretty quick. I guess I still hold a grudge.

I wouldn't want to get back with her though, it's just the fact that I felt so disrespected by her actions and lack of honesty. Not only that, but she put on some weight and I don't find her attractive anymore.

I don't see much good she did for me, the only thing she did good for me was making me a stronger person by having to deal with it, but I doubt that was her intent.

 

[TheBaconator]

It's not like it hurts me at all to talk to her, I could care less if she's blowing some dude this minute, it's just I feel like by being nice I am letting her know that the way she treated me was ok. But by the same token, I feel like if i'm petty and act like a jerk she will think she has some sort of power over me. I don't contact her, she ims me when i'm online and always keeps the convo going with another question.

 

[TheBaconator]

Sorry about your grams.
btw...nice how she weaseled her way back into your life on the back of your grief.

I don't think it's like that at all, I know she still cares for me as a person, and my family, and I believe she was genuinely concered about my grandma. She was really a great girl for the most part when we were together, never had to worry about cheating, and was always there for me. She just changed so quick, that's what truly angered me.

 

[theunflushables]

Don't answer her questions. Block her IM do not talk to her. I know you might not hurt anymore but why waste your time on her even as a friend. Its just not a good way she goes her way you go yours.

 

[scarface316]

My grandma is doin much better, she had a bad case of phmenonia but is recovering well.

As for the ex, she was my only serious LTR, lasted almost 4 years, and I felt I was closer to her then anyone else, then she just hit me with it one day. I now know that she detacted herself a while before that, but even when we did break it off she bs'd me saying she hopes we get back. This is how I ended up finding this site, and it helped, as did loveshack at the time.

Now I figure she wants to be friends, and I really just want to cut her out of my life for being such a *****. Besides, she is not the same person I went out with, she seems to have turned into a slut pretty quick. I guess I still hold a grudge.

I wouldn't want to get back with her though, it's just the fact that I felt so disrespected by her actions and lack of honesty. Not only that, but she put on some weight and I don't find her attractive anymore.

I don't see much good she did for me, the only thing she did good for me was making me a stronger person by having to deal with it, but I doubt that was her intent.

Well, as long as you are respectful to yourself more than her then you will be alright. You don't have to completely ignore her but it would be best to just completely cut her out if she is such a "distraction". If not, then its alright to be friends but just remember who she really is and what she really did to you.

 

[TheBaconator]

Don't answer her questions. Block her IM do not talk to her. I know you might not hurt anymore but why waste your time on her even as a friend. Its just not a good way she goes her way you go yours.

But that seems like she has control over me, and she will probably get the ego boost thinking i'm not over her. I think i'll just try to keep it as brief as I can if she contacts me via IM, and if it's fone just ignore.

 

[TheBaconator]

I don't wanna be her friend, but at the same time I don't want her thinking she made this huge void in my life and I am being petty in holding a grudge. I don't wanna give her the satisfaction.

 

[Dole]

I don't wanna be her friend, but at the same time I don't want her thinking she made this huge void in my life and I am being petty in holding a grudge. I don't wanna give her the satisfaction.

Tell her: When you ended our relationship you also ended our friendship. That being said I don't consider you as a friend so stop talking to me.

 

[TheBaconator]

Tell her: When you ended our relationship you also ended our friendship. That being said I don't consider you as a friend so stop talking to me.

But doesn't that show she has some sort of power over me? Besides, I just had a convo with her earlier tonight, it will seem like i'm bipolar and struggling with even talking to her. I'm just gonna be polite if she asks me something and start to foget the anger, as she isn't worth it. On another note, i've hooked up with one of her friends recently, whom is much hotter, (not for revenge, I just always thought the girl was a HB) and maybe she might end up finding out, so I definetly wouldnt wanna miss that reaction, lol I know still petty but i'm going to let the anger go.

 

[theunflushables]

But that seems like she has control over me, and she will probably get the ego boost thinking i'm not over her. I think i'll just try to keep it as brief as I can if she contacts me via IM, and if it's fone just ignore.

How can she have power when you're not playing her games. Let her be deluded if thats whats she's going to think. You won't be around to see her do that. And you won't be talking to her. She would be effectively dead to you. You're the one with power.