dealing with call back / call flakes

[allen2000]

Ok just looking for some general feedback on call flakes here.

So I met a girl and within a short time of some chit chat, I asked for her number. She gave it to me, and I said I would call her on a certain night.

Later I sent her a text message saying "hey this is so and so, just wanted to let you know I this is my cell #. I will give you a call around 7 pm on this day."

She responded to the text that it was ok to call at that time that she would be around. We sent a few quick texts back and forth throughout the day but nothing too heavy.

Anyway, I called her about 20 minutes past the time I said I would (remember I said I would call her "around" a certain time). It went straight to voicemail. I left a short message saying "hey its XXXXX, how are are you, give me a call sometime I will be around, bye"

I never heard from her that night, but this morning I get a text saying that she got my message and that she was out with her friends but her phone died.

Here is the thing: if you make an agreement to talk to someone at a certain time and that person decides to go out without their phone charged, that is a major flake in my opinion. Of course it could be a lie.

What is the best way to keep the momentum going here? I think she is trying to test me, which is odd because she is over 30 and so am I. We aren't highschool kids.

Let me know. I still haven't responded to her text yet explaining to me why she didn't answer.

 

[NewAndImproved]

"A major flake?" You can't be serious. You've just met this girl. My question is why you felt the need to send those texts in between if you agreed on talking on the phone in just a day (a few days). You should've just said "I'll call you on this day at this time" and then gone silent til then.

I'm also wondering what you said in these texts and what you were planning to say when you called... Usually when I go the route you're going, with texting to say I'm going to call... I've already hinted at a meet up, the phone is just a way to iron out definite plans.

I also wouldn't have left a voicemail message. It didn't add anything at all: "Give me a call sometime..." Why? What's your plan? Are you trying to arrange a meet up?

I think this is just a case of "why are you calling?" If you don't know, the girl definitely doesn't know and thus is going to be flaky.

 

[allen2000]

i should have said i met her online. after sending a few messages online, i asked for her number, and said i would give her a call sometime this week.

she sent her number to me in an online message. the next day, i texted her saying who i was (so she would recognize my number) and that i would call her at a certain time that night. she sent me a few texts during the day to say something (positive) about my profile online and to ask what kind of work i did.

when it came time to call her, i got the VM and left the message i said i left.

i got the text this morning from her explaining why she wasn't there.

is it just a test to see how i would respond ie. "no problem, i can call you another time" (too passive) or "whats your problem, i said i would call and you werent there" (too needy) or just forget about her and walk away.

 

[NewAndImproved]

Got it. Try again then. Never never ever do "what's your problem, i said i would call and you weren't there..."

I still think you should've already been hinting at the meetup in the messages.

 

[allen2000]

yeah, your probably right about the meetup, but I need to hear a girl's voice first. I can get so much information regarding what she has going on within 15-45 secs of hearing her talk. bascially, i am not going to meet a girl or even offer to meet a girl until i hear her voice.

so how should i respond to her text where she says her excuse, say, no prob, i will call you tonight?

 

[lamobatsman]

i agree with allen2000 about needing to hear their voice before you meet up!!

 

[allen2000]

Respectfully disagree.

For the past year I've been routinely avoiding phone chats before meeting my women. I send a text or two then propose an invite for a drink. Real simple.

Unless she asks me to call, I text exclusively prior to meeting women.

right but what's the point of that? if you are meeting women online, all you have is a picture and THEIR self-assessment. they can use any photo / say anything they want about themselves.

but they can't fake their voice. and it is not even about do they have a sexy voice or not. it is about the tonal qualities and the types of things they say and how they say them.

sorry but if a girl is foul, bitter or rude that will come out very quickly during a phone chat. if she is depressed or detached, that will come out too. i have chatted up girls online plenty of times who have had very nice photos and I felt some attraction, only to find that essentially they are total rednecks or idiots upon talking to them.

when and if that happens, i lose all interest.

 

[lamobatsman]

Respectfully disagree.

For the past year I've been routinely avoiding phone chats before meeting my women. I send a text or two then propose an invite for a drink. Real simple.

Unless she asks me to call, I text exclusively prior to meeting women.

Depends on the situation.

 

[allen2000]

so come on guys what do you think? its been a couple of hours since her "explanation" text.

i kind of feel like her going with a friend and forgetting her charger is b.s. I think she just wants to see how I will respond (either with neediness, passivity, or indifference).

I would like to communicate indifference. whats the best way to do this, in light of everything else i have said. thanks.

 

[lamobatsman]

call her again. if she dont pick up or call back then NEXT. simple from me. If she texts u back with another excuse why she not pick up then NEXT.

Im with you allen on hearing their voice but i had a situation where i was talking to a girl online in another coutnry for 2 months before meeting so for me that was important

 

[Pimp-sicle]

She gave it to me, and I said I would call her on a certain night.

Mistake #1. I mean its not the worst thing to tell a girl that you'll call her on a certain day, but what you need to understand is that attraction is a dynamic process that can build quickly or crumble just as fast. You seem to handle your dates like appointment setting..... its not a business meeting.

"hey this is so and so, just wanted to let you know I this is my cell #. I will give you a call around 7 pm on this day."

Mistake #2. Sorry bro, this is cringe worthy. Never EVER tell a girl you just met esp online, that you will call on this day and this time etc. Girls like anticipating and the build up to the whole situation, if you take all that out of the equation, you don't make yourself stand out or look attractive; instead you look like your putting all your eggs in this one basket, which honestly I wouldn't be surprised if you were.

Anyway, I called her about 20 minutes past the time I said I would (remember I said I would call her "around" a certain time). It went straight to voicemail. I left a short message saying "hey its XXXXX, how are are you, give me a call sometime I will be around, bye"

You can't honestly expect her to just put her life on pause because you are suppose to call on a certain day and time. If you get this rattled over a phone call from a girl who is pretty much a stranger, I can't imagine how distraught you would get with something that actually merits being upset about.

I never heard from her that night, but this morning I get a text saying that she got my message and that she was out with her friends but her phone died.

Here's your problem. You are listening to what a woman says, and reading into that too much, rather than judging her for her actions. At this early in the game she doesn't owe you anything. If she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have got back to you. The fact that she got back to you is positive and instead of getting mad about something very insignificant, tighten your game so you realize how to set yourself up for success better.

Step one on that list should be:

1) Don't tell girls that you will call on a certain day and/or time.

Here is the thing: if you make an agreement to talk to someone at a certain time and that person decides to go out without their phone charged, that is a major flake in my opinion. Of course it could be a lie.

And again your failing to see the big picture of how this one issue that you are clearly frazzled about, can lead the girl to make so many other assumptions about you.

In other words all of your actions and reactions to this situation make you seem like a guy who is unsuccessful with women, doesn't understand how women think and are eagerly trying to get into a serious relationship. Bad, bad, bad.

What is the best way to keep the momentum going here? I think she is trying to test me, which is odd because she is over 30 and so am I. We aren't highschool kids.

She's not trying to test you. She's putting herself out there and trying to find the best mate for her. I suggest you do the same. And even if do think this is a test, the way you blow through it is by having options, being busy and judge her on her actions instead of her words.... they're really insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Let me know. I still haven't responded to her text yet explaining to me why she didn't answer.

Mistake #3: Makes you look like you are butt-hurt over something so simple and you are. You are doing a good job of making yourself look inexperienced with dating and unattractive since her initial interest.

However the good news is, if you flip your thinking right now, you will be fine. But honestly, you do have a lot to learn about game and how women truly think and work.

Text her back, exchange a couple quick texts, then as Espi mentioned ask her out.... and when you ask a girl out that is when you SHOULD BE specific about a time and date.

Let us know how it goes and we can walk you through this and help you understand it better.








PIMP

 

[allen2000]

Based on my experience, this has never happened. I've dated a lot of women via online, and I can never remember a single woman being disrespectful or rude enough to walk out on a date. There have been several that didn;t look as good as their photos or with whom I had no connection or arousal, but for the most part what I see is what I get. I'm just not meeting rednecky or rude women.

Point taken, but if she shows up and she's rude, etc., what do you have to lose? An hour and a drink maybe?

I am not saying this happens often, but voice is huge for me. if i sense b.s. or drama, depression, falseness, anger or anything other than normal, even-keeled emotions, i will usually pass. i am not willing to meet people in person that often. to me its a waste of time. i try to qualify online people as much (and as little) as possible before a meet-up.

let me tell you a time when VOICE totally back-fired on me. i had a job where i dealt with sales reps all over the east coast. there was this one lady that called me alot who happened to live in my area. she had a very sexy voice and she was very flirtatious. anyway, we got to chatting about off-topic stuff during a business call and eventually we planned a date.

NOW - I had no idea what she looked like, only what her name, age and voice sounded like. long story short - not only was she very odd looking, but she was very bizarre acting and the date was a total flop.

Voice ALONE is a terrible indicator of what a woman looks / acts like in person, but coupled with a photo and whatever info she puts on a profile, a short convo will reveal LOTS of information that the photo and description alone will never reveal. Of course, meeting and seeing / touching someone will provide ADDITIONAL information that voice and photo never will, and on and on.

my point is, i am not going to waste time and energy driving (or even walking) to meet a girl unless i can glean whatever intangible info i feel i can gain from hearing her voice.

maybe i will change over time, but maybe not. i am open to trying it the other way.