Dealbreaker or no? Me I am out

[exhausted]

It looks like I'm in the minority here, but I think you way overreacted. Has she ever done anything else that would imply she perhaps still has feelings for this guy? I hate to break it to you, but you will always be #2 to her son. It's not a bad thing for the child to see both his mother and father can hang out with him together in a civil manner. In fact, what she did was healthy. If it becomes a habit, that's a problem. But right now, I personally think you're acting like a child about it.

No she does not and I would assume would not have feelings towards him. I understand your one time deal but that is the prob, if it is ok to do this once then it will be expected to be ok to do it again and again and again. I am not living a life where my girl leaves me at home and is out with her ex and kid doing family stuff. If that is the case get back tog then. School functions and sports it is all good. but to start spending time tog outside of that is inappropriate. This guy is such a problem that I had to do the kid exchange for her twice a week for over six months so she wouldnt have to deal with him causing problems, in fact it has to be done at a police station because he is such a problem. Back to the point, her and i tog for 3 years here in February so anything further is a long life together and no way am i going to be in a position where I am left behind and she is out with him outside of school or social events. It is inappropriate and her herself said that she would be beside herself if I went with my sons mom and did the same thing leaving her behind. There are boundaries in all relationships and with kids involved there are adjusted ones as well. When I say this is the most controlling jealous girl I have ever dated I am not just saying that or projecting like people like to run to. I always accepted her faults because of the way this guy cheated on her when she was pregnant and after, hell she caught him with the baby at another girls home, the girl he is still with. So it is not a matter of trust it is a matter of respect. I am not going to be a family with a girl who is out being a family with her ex so to speak. hope this makes sense. oh and i have never asked to be put ahead of her kid i am a single parent my son is 17 and i know how it goes, i have never one time given her a hard time because we couldnt do something because she had her kid, I have always adjusted around it, hell I like kids and have no problem with them. Like i said though all about respect and valuing the boundaries.

 

[exhausted]

You misunderstood. She is projecting her own desires to be disloyal onto you.

oh gotcha. although i would not see her as a cheater in this instance, and yes i would not put it past anyone these days. i just think overall she knew it was wrong to go but figured i would get over it once she tried weaseling herself through apologies and seducing me which failed and then she lost her **** stating many times she was in disbelief I am done with it .
yes though i would just say overall through the entire relationship , she has admitted many times to being controlling, insecure and jealous. her responses to these feelings have resulted in flipping out on many times, breaking things off only to reconnect minutes and hours later. i would illustrate her as being bipolar and manic. she was recently diagnosed bipolar by a professional, tried some meds then has since diagnosed herself as not being bipolar by her own belief...crazy much...
though she did show she was being disloyal to me by breaking my trust and respect

 

[exhausted]

Single moms are fine to date, but you will never have any power over her kid(s) like you would your own. You will be expected to attend their activities, birthdays, etc. But when it comes to disciplining and/or correcting the child's bad behavior you will have zero control/power. You will be the bad guy when you try to. You won't ever get any points for all the good things you do either. You won't ever get any respect for stepping in and fulfilling a "fatherly" role. You put the work in, are flexible, and help out, yet those single mommies never reciprocate or even value what you bring to the table. They just expect it.

You don't gain any additional respect or privileges for going above and beyond and helping out with her kid. Just look at how she did you on the pumpkin painting activity.

Women only value things that make their vagina's tingle. Helping out with her kid(s) doesn't make tingles. Only do things for women that generate tingles.

Its the same reason the beta orbiter/nice guy that helps mount her tv, fixes her car, etc never gets anywhere. Those things aren't tingle generators. They don't earn you any points, and mean little to them.

Thanks for this.
Its been a tough holiday alone but reading this helps to reinforce my decision.
Appreciate i can look back and feel better.

 

[SkrooU]

Gf of two years decides for first time to go with her kid and ex (split custody) to go paint pumkins together for halloween despite my reaction that the situation is inappropriate and crossing the line. It was her kids dads day w her and he invited her to go and she did. To me leaving me to go do a family activity with her ex and kid is crossing the line and inappropriate.
Im out.
Explained to her before i would be out she went anyways then apologized after and now she understands. I said nope not doing that to me im not living a life where im left at home and out doing family activities w her ex. School functions and such im ok w but not this.

Your guys' thoughts if im right are welcome

I can think of many ways to rationalize why you should've held off on reacting the way you did. But it's just that - rationalizing. There is absolutely no reason her child needs to see them together in a family-type setting. The child just needs to see them be civil towards each other. After 2 years, if she was serious about you being in her future, she would make an effort to show you and her child and ex that HER family unit is now YOU, and her ex can have his own relationships and new family, and her child has two separate families that coexist peacefully.

I think the damage was done when she chose to do something that you reasonably disliked. To stay, you'd have to mention again how you are not ok with it, which basically is just you begging for her to not make you feel insecure again. Yet the alternative is to pretend you aren't upset, which means she will just do it again. I can only speculate as to why she did this. She may have thought you were comfortable enough with your relationship to not be offended, or she may have known it would anger you and get you to do what she can't do herself - breakup. My move would be to convince her that she should be back with her ex and that thought makes you happy, then go ghost.

 

[exhausted]

I can think of many ways to rationalize why you should've held off on reacting the way you did. But it's just that - rationalizing. There is absolutely no reason her child needs to see them together in a family-type setting. The child just needs to see them be civil towards each other. After 2 years, if she was serious about you being in her future, she would make an effort to show you and her child and ex that HER family unit is now YOU, and her ex can have his own relationships and new family, and her child has two separate families that coexist peacefully.

I think the damage was done when she chose to do something that you reasonably disliked. To stay, you'd have to mention again how you are not ok with it, which basically is just you begging for her to not make you feel insecure again. Yet the alternative is to pretend you aren't upset, which means she will just do it again. I can only speculate as to why she did this. She may have thought you were comfortable enough with your relationship to not be offended, or she may have known it would anger you and get you to do what she can't do herself - breakup. My move would be to convince her that she should be back with her ex and that thought makes you happy, then go ghost.

Appreciate the response.
Told her before she went it was innapropriate and would end the relationship. She saod she has her kid only half time and wanted to do an activity with the kid. She chose tondo it with the dad there, which i feel is wrong in a personal setting. School activities like that are understandable but this i feel isnt.
She felt there is nothing wrong with it, however. If i talked to an ex or even said hi in passing she would freak out of jealousy and insecurity and go off on me. Makes no sense she would do something she herself couldnt handle.
She stated she would never do it again tho stated she felt nothing wrong with it, meaning to me it would probably be a problem again in the future. I dont need that bs. I have been above and beyond fantastic and dont feel that is within boundaries.

 

[SkrooU]

Appreciate the response.
Told her before she went it was innapropriate and would end the relationship. She saod she has her kid only half time and wanted to do an activity with the kid. She chose tondo it with the dad there, which i feel is wrong in a personal setting. School activities like that are understandable but this i feel isnt.
She felt there is nothing wrong with it, however. If i talked to an ex or even said hi in passing she would freak out of jealousy and insecurity and go off on me. Makes no sense she would do something she herself couldnt handle.
She stated she would never do it again tho stated she felt nothing wrong with it, meaning to me it would probably be a problem again in the future. I dont need that bs. I have been above and beyond fantastic and dont feel that is within boundaries.

It could've been because she just wanted more time with her kid. That's irrelevant though. The point is that she isn't willing to make the sacrifices she needs to make to be in a relationship where each partner shows value to each other. To defend her position brings us back to the situation of deciding where to draw the line. How much time can she spend away from you and with her ex just to have more time with her child? You start realizing that you start pulling out arbitrary numbers. He has his time; she has her time. End of story. And to the person who commented about you overreacting because the child needs to see them get along and do activities together - well, that implies that someone should SHOULD have private time with their ex and child even if they're in a relationship; otherwise they aren't good parents. That seems a little silly to me.

 

[exhausted]

It could've been because she just wanted more time with her kid. That's irrelevant though. The point is that she isn't willing to make the sacrifices she needs to make to be in a relationship where each partner shows value to each other. To defend her position brings us back to the situation of deciding where to draw the line. How much time can she spend away from you and with her ex just to have more time with her child? You start realizing that you start pulling out arbitrary numbers. He has his time; she has her time. End of story. And to the person who commented about you overreacting because the child needs to see them get along and do activities together - well, that implies that someone should SHOULD have private time with their ex and child even if they're in a relationship; otherwise they aren't good parents. That seems a little silly to me.

Agreed.
Perfect sense.
Yes the kid sees the parents interact twice a week at soccer before and after games so its not the point.
And believe me it is not jealousy on my part, i am a successful person, phyaocal thetapist for 11 years, have a nice home and life and this guy is 40 and lives in a **** apt, part time job, embarrassing for his age,it is about respect , boundaries and secondly no man wants to he at home with his gf or wife with their ex doing activities together on a private setting.
Like i said they have done school orientations and even court ordered counseling weekly for 6 months, i never complained or worried one time, but to do an activity the three of them on his day is a no go for me.
Wont do it.
Will find another girl who doesn't behave or believe that is acceptable.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

It's been stated a million times, but here goes a million and one: Single moms are truly the bottom of the barrel when it comes to dating. As pointed out in this thread - there is just no winning in those situations, no matter how awesome the woman and her kids are. It's a shame really, but I've had nothing but bad experiences with single moms. They are to be avoided like the plague.

 

[exhausted]

Agreed.
Perfect sense.
Yes the kid sees the parents interact twice a week at soccer before and after games so its not the point.
And believe me it is not jealousy on my part, i am a successful person, phyaocal thetapist for 11 years, have a nice home and life and this guy is 40 and lives in a **** apt, part time job, embarrassing for his age,it is about respect , boundaries and secondly no man wants to he at home with his gf or wife with their ex doing activities together on a private setting.
Like i said they have done school orientations and even court ordered counseling weekly for 6 months, i never complained or worried one time, but to do an activity the three of them on his day is a no go for me.
Wont do it.
Will find another girl who doesn't behave or believe that is acceptable.

It's been stated a million times, but here goes a million and one: Single moms are truly the bottom of the barrel when it comes to dating. As pointed out in this thread - there is just no winning in those situations, no matter how awesome the woman and her kids are. It's a shame really, but I've had nothing but bad experiences with single moms. They are to be avoided like the plague.

I agree wholeheartedly and have learned my lesson.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I dont deal with single mothers for two reasons.

She is a leftover with baggage most of the time who doesnt even see me as a person but as a cash machine, deep down she knows she is a leftover and no worthy man given the choice is gonna settle for it.

The kid is a victim in that situation and in no way Im gonna be part of those ruining his life.

You can be the best guy in the world but still you're fvcking his mother in the side room without being his father.

I totally embrace those "sexists" views about this, Im not leaving home nor are you till the kid becomes an adult.

 

[exhausted]

I dont deal with single mothers for two reasons.

She is a leftover with baggage most of the time who doesnt even see me as a person but as a cash machine, deep down she knows she is a leftover and no worthy man given the choice is gonna settle for it.

The kid is a victim in that situation and in no way Im gonna be part of those ruining his life.

You can be the best guy in the world but still you're fvcking his mother in the side room without being his father.

I totally embrace those "sexists" views about this, Im not leaving home nor are you till the kid becomes an adult.

Yep.
The problem with these broads is they dont understand this, they think they are a queen and their kid is a princess. Instead she should be cooking all the time and be a joy to be around. Not a slave of course but a productive partner no man would want to pass up but I guess if that was within her dna she wouldnt be where she is. Instead Nope, ****ty and a pain in the ass who just complains about what you are not doing for her and her kid who is not yours.

What a crazy person when u think about it.

 

[exhausted]

You did the right thing, and learned along the way.

You clearly expressed a boundary, that if she chose to cross, would result in you leaving. She crossed it anyways, and you followed through..


Hold your head high, and be proud.

Thanks.
Appreciate it.
Good to know despite this tough world there remains a band of brothers.
Prob all we have really.

 

[Milano]

Gf of two years decides for first time to go with her kid and ex (split custody) to go paint pumkins together for halloween despite my reaction that the situation is inappropriate and crossing the line. It was her kids dads day w her and he invited her to go and she did. To me leaving me to go do a family activity with her ex and kid is crossing the line and inappropriate.
Im out.
Explained to her before i would be out she went anyways then apologized after and now she understands. I said nope not doing that to me im not living a life where im left at home and out doing family activities w her ex. School functions and such im ok w but not this.

Your guys' thoughts if im right are welcome

I have been in the exact same position, you cant win, and it hurts when you see no ending to the loss of control, jealousy etc. Talking about how the ex is an ******* so much u start to wonder is she really wants the d back, major turnoff!

Point is that this is a great valuable lesson for you regarding dating moms, dont do it. You are the provider now, she sought out the provider in you when you met, probably. Let me guess, she dated bad boys before but after the kiddo she 'changed'. This is a classic if she is a young mom.

I think you are right, you feel violated by them pretending to be a family when they decided not to be by breaking up, you feel cheated.

Think about this guys: dating a mother with children strips you of your ballsack. She must put them over you pretty much every time even if the kids are brats , and often theyæ mothers have bad experience with men who only want to sex them so they have an unnatural hate towards men.

Try to stay away from mothers unless you have kids also, or if you just love that role of being a provider.

The movie Step Dad with Will Ferrel and Wahlberg is ****ing hysterical and I related so much haha

 

[exhausted]

I have been in the exact same position, you cant win, and it hurts when you see no ending to the loss of control, jealousy etc. Talking about how the ex is an ******* so much u start to wonder is she really wants the d back, major turnoff!

Point is that this is a great valuable lesson for you regarding dating moms, dont do it. You are the provider now, she sought out the provider in you when you met, probably. Let me guess, she dated bad boys before but after the kiddo she 'changed'. This is a classic if she is a young mom.

I think you are right, you feel violated by them pretending to be a family when they decided not to be by breaking up, you feel cheated.

Think about this guys: dating a mother with children strips you of your ballsack. She must put them over you pretty much every time even if the kids are brats , and often theyæ mothers have bad experience with men who only want to sex them so they have an unnatural hate towards men.

Try to stay away from mothers unless you have kids also, or if you just love that role of being a provider.

The movie Step Dad with Will Ferrel and Wahlberg is ****ing hysterical and I related so much haha

Thanks.
I will never date a mom again.
If this was how it was in the beginning i might be ok with it but this turn of events um no.
Yep all she worried about was what i was doing for her and her daughter. 3 years tog and this girl complained i dont take her out to dinner enough and i swear to God i took her out 3 weekends in a row and she had only cooked for me ONE time this past year. Once. I said fuuck this.
2 months later she is sorry and was stubborn not doing anything for me this year becUse she says she was mad i woulndt move them in. I said why would i u dont help, i would be tsking care of 2 more people with no help ( i have a 17 year old going off to college this summer and hetting over a tbi from an atv accident, i raised him alone his whole life)
Point is these girls are selfish and offer nothing but sex.

 

[Milano]

Exactly bro. You just know these moms will never handle a relationship. In fact, most women are garbage, and like Corey Wayne says, look at their father figure before deciding the relationship route. We gotta draw a line and grow our d1cks back out

 

[Aristippus]

I didn't read every reply so I hope I don't repeat something someone else said. You could always dump her and then contact her a few months later a demote her to a f-buddy. But you can only do that if you won't act like a whimp and make the mistake of getting involved with her In a long term relationship.

She is NOT relationship material. Your only future involvement with her should be no-strings attached sex. If you can't handle yourself properly in this situation then your only real option is to completely break off contact permanently.

 

[exhausted]

I didn't read every reply so I hope I don't repeat something someone else said. You could always dump her and then contact her a few months later a demote her to a f-buddy. But you can only do that if you won't act like a whimp and make the mistake of getting involved with her In a long term relationship.

She is NOT relationship material. Your only future involvement with her should be no-strings attached sex. If you can't handle yourself properly in this situation then your only real option is to completely break off contact permanently.

Im going no contact for good.
She talked to me all week wants a future with me forever in wvery way but does not offer me stability in any way. Always emotionally unstable, always breakingthings off to get back together that day or the next, always just a problem.
I love her so i cant have anything with her without caring.
What a fool this girl is not to learn how to behave. See she was never taught b4 this is why she is a problem and will never have a lifelong relationship.
Bipolar to boot.
I tried to teach her but it didnt work. 3 years wasted.
What bothers me is i was 35 when i met her, totally free flowing with poaitivity and girls all over and now im 38 and out of shape out of the game.
I have no energy to be back out there.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

What bothers me is i was 35 when i met her, totally free flowing with poaitivity and girls all over and now im 38 and out of shape out of the game.
I have no energy to be back out there.

I'm in my early 40s. My game, looks, and wealth--the total package--is strongest today. I attract more women in the 24-34 age bracket than I ever have (and I was damn good before). I can't remember the last time a girl had low IL.

Put in the work and results will come, irrespective of your age.

 

[exhausted]

I'm in my early 40s. My game, looks, and wealth--the total package--is strongest today. I attract more women in the 24-34 age bracket than I ever have (and I was damn good before). I can't remember the last time a girl had low IL.

Put in the work and results will come, irrespective of your age.

I understand.
Not being conceded but i am luckily handsome and have the little bit of grey going on and woman love it, i also look about 32ish from what people tell me all the time. However, i spun plates for 7 years lots of girls, but at this point i just want a companion who adds positivity to my life, not roller coaster bipolar instability like i have had for 3 years.
Instead of being at the bar I'd more enjoy game of thrones with someone so to speak.

 

[Aristippus]

Yep.
The problem with these broads is they dont understand this, they think they are a queen and their kid is a princess. Instead she should be cooking all the time and be a joy to be around. Not a slave of course but a productive partner no man would want to pass up but I guess if that was within her dna she wouldnt be where she is. Instead Nope, ****ty and a pain in the ass who just complains about what you are not doing for her and her kid who is not yours.

What a crazy person when u think about it.

The thing is, it's not in her DNA. The excess of bad behaviors is learned. But even if it was in her DNA, you can do things a better way. It's in our DNA to take a crap in the woods but I prefer to use a toilet and don't plan on reverting back to that.

Really, women know how they should behave. That's why the majority put on an act when they're in a new relationship. They pretend to be sweet and polite, etc,etc. If they didn't know how they are supposed to behave they wouldn't be able to put on the act (your brain has to have a point of reference to go by in order to imagine or pretend anything... ).