Dating outside of one's own race...

[Iamnotacrook]

I'm white. My mom says that if I get a black girlfriend, I can't live here anymore. Her argument is that black men will become angry and attempt to kick my ass or stab me to death, and that decent white girls would stop dating me, and that mixed races don't fit in, etc, etc.

My mom is 50 years old, and this is seriously pissing me off.

I really don't see the big deal. If that's true, what gives them the right? Odds are, I would probably provide a much better upbringing for a child than anyone who'd try to cause me harm for dating who I want to date, and I'm completely against racism. Why would I even WANT to date girls who would hold that against me?

Still, she says I can't have a black girlfriend and still live here.

The only problem is that I already DO have a black girlfriend. We're not exclusive at this time, but we're leaning towards it. I'm abstinent now, so sex isn't in the picture yet, and the girl in question is a virgin. However, I tend to have a much better time with her than any of the other girls I've been dating, dancing with, and generally leading on...

I honestly think my mom is racist. What are your thoughts?

 

[backbreaker]

well it depends on what you value most.

As long as you live under your parents house, you have to live by their rules, no matter how biggoted they are.

If you value your own inpendance more than having a free roof, then **** her.

Just because she isyour mom, doesn't mean she is right.

If you really want to do what you want to do, do it and suffer the consequences

My mom told me if I didn't go to college she would kick me out the house when I was a senior... I had a full paid schooly, well about 80%, had to pay my a little out of pocket a sem, to UofA and a full ride to pretty much all of the small schools in ARK, ,and I didn't want to go to college because I wanted to start my own company.

so I didnt' go, and she kicked me out the house. instead of supporting her son, she kicked me out.


But that's what I wanted to do, and in the longrun she knew she was wrong for it, but you have to live your life for you.

With that said, if you have n oplace to go, then you might want to way your options.

but you shoudl always be in a position where you can up and leave if need be

 

[backbreaker]

I'm black. I date pretty much any race, it really doesn't matter to me, I find all women attractive.

My last GF was black. Her older sister was marreid to a white man (they had the prettiest baby I have ever seen.. well she's 5 now, but she is the cutiest kid I have ever seen)

For the most part, no body really give a damn.

The only time something would come up was because he was overprotective and evertime she would go out with her sisters (i.e my ex) he would think that a black guy would take her away from him, he was pretty insecure.

but other than that, I liked him, everyone liked him. Even my ex's mom, who really didn't like white people for the most part (she went to Central High like 2 years after the little rock 9, ,and had some horrible experiences)
, liked him

 

[DinoCassanova]

Interracial dating, etc.

I don't think your mom's actually truly a racist, per se. I mean unless she goes around constantly using racial slurs in a very virulent way and/or she actively discriminates against anyone. She's 50, so she's just a product of a different generation where interracial dating was not taken as lightly as it is now (and even now it's not taken that lightly by some, particularly in certain areas).

To me race doesn't matter personally. I don't think you can put a "color" on love. Let me tell you something; skin color , skin tone, is a matter of like three to four genes, if that, inside the human genetic makeup. So you're both exactly the same. It's not as though you told your mom you're now dating outside our SPECIES ! If you like this girl, stay with this. Forget about what your kids might look like , or how / if they'd be "accepted", etc etc, that's all irrelevant for the time being anyway. You're not marrying her and/or having kids w/ her right now , right?? You're just dating. So that's all like a hundred miles down the road, and you may never even get that far w/her. Who knows?

As for the thing about black guys kicking your ass, etc, nonsense. Think about it. Even the white guys you know , if you know any like this, white guys who might happen to be the type to like make a racist joke here or there, you know what I'm talking about, even they , if they saw a mixed race couple walking down the street, would not ever ATTACK the couple ! They'd have to be a bunch of mad-dog neo-Nazi skinheads to do something like that! So , the same goes with black dudes. You'd have to run into a group of truly hardcore racist , violently racist, black guys to have something like that happen to you. The average black guys just hanging out are not going to do a damn thing to you because you're interracially dating. If anything, it's been my experience that black people in general are less racist and are more inclined towards taking care to see that they don't come off as racist, because they know damn well what it feels like to be on the other end of the hating. I've dated several lovely black women and have never had a problem with any black men giving me trouble. Generally you just get back what you give off; I've gotten along fine with black men and women all the time. But you shouldn't cut it off man, if you have real feelings for her. Not even for mom. You could be missing out on something potentially great. Peace. ~D

 

[backbreaker]

lol, black people, contary to what you may believe because of the media, do not sit around thinking of how we can get back at white people.

lol, hell most of them are trying to date white girls anyway

Usually white people ARE more racist than black people.


This girl I am friends with and I am messing aroudn with, is hispanic, and her EX BF is white. Of course I callhim by his name. He knows me as "that black guy"

However, i sit back and laugh at raciest, becuase it's all a product of society and media.. anyone who is YOUNG (i.e my age) and acts like that , tells me that they watch To much TV or are too weak minded to think for themselves.

On the contary, I go to my friends hosue parties all the time, and he's white, ,and never do I feel out of place, and I am usually one of the only black people there, girl or guya nd it's usually close to 150-200 people there.


Your mom is racist. Regardless if she is trying to be or not, that's very racist. But as a black person I don't take it personally, ,because i know that person doesn't know me and even if they did, I don't have time to change how everyone feels

 

[DJ_in_making]

Re: Interracial dating, etc.

Originally posted by DinoCassanova
I don't think your mom's actually truly a racist, per se. she's just a product of a different generation where interracial dating was not taken as lightly as it is now

mmm hmmm.... a product of the civil rights era. meaning......

 

[DJ_in_making]

This topic has been beaten to death!

You are an individual. I'm guessing since your mom is 50, you aren't a kid anymore. Do what you have to do. A mother--one that loves you atleast-- will support your decision either way.

I've met tons of people who claim not to be racist but hate the idea of interracial dating. This is called racism believe it or not. You are treating one race different simply because of a factor they cannot control.

If you wanna date interracially do it. If it's not for you then don't, which ever one makes you happier, but never compromise your happiness for someone elses.

 

[bullmoose]

I live in Seattle; we're very progressive around here. I've dated Asians (FOB and Americanized), blacks, Filipinas, Latinas, and even a Sikh, and the issue of being "different races" has never -- NEVER -- come up. Until a few a weeks ago, when I was out with a black girl on a first date and she asked me, "So, do you usually date outside your race?"

"What, outside the human race?" I replied.

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

date outside your race is fine, just don't go around having babies with people outside your race. You will destroy your lineage and history and most likely the kid won't look nothing like you.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Your mom is racist. Regardless if she is trying to be or not, that's very racist. But as a black person I don't take it personally, ,because i know that person doesn't know me and even if they did, I don't have time to change how everyone feels

Yeah, she's a card carrying racist, and no amount of rationalization will change that fact.

backbreaker, you have the right attitude. If somebody has such a teeny tiny brain that they actually think skin color defines a person, then that's their problem, not yours.

Iamnotacrook, I would take this opportunity to go live on your own, and count yourself lucky that your mom's prejudices didn't rub off on you. Part of being a success in life is shedding those self-limiting behaviors taught to us by our parents and society.

 

[DinoCassanova]

How will it "destroy" his "lineage" or "history" , OR hers for that matter, if they have kids together ?? That post comes off like something that got rejected from David Duke's Stormfront website for being too "liberal" (the first part, about "date outside your race is fine" ........... gee, thanks for your blessing). But seriously though, homophobic Joe ?? How are either of their "lineages" threatened?? Usually the children of one black and one white parent are some of the most outstandingly attractive people. One quick example would be Halle Berry. What are you talking about???

 

[ghostin]

Originally posted by backbreaker
Usually white people ARE more racist than black people.

Hmm i don't know about that. A lot depends on the area ou live in i think.

 

[Iamnotacrook]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I also find trouble agreeing with the 'lineage and history' theory, but I'm willing to listen if you'd like to ellaborate on that point... racist, as it may be.

 

[ConfidentDon]

Wow I'm actually very suprised at all the positive and thoughtful respones. I would personally have to say that she is raciest. However I did notice that under your name you have not filed in your location and your age. The age doesn't really matter of course it was just an observation however you location IS more important. If you live in the United States of America you might realize that the South is a little bit more raciest than the North. That being said your mom might have a point of you getting beat up from ignorant biggots simply because your dating a woman that isn't of the same color as you (I'm resisting a hugh urge to go off on raciests right now I just want everyone to know that). But regardless you are a man. And as a man you and only you are responsable for the things that happen in your life. If you want to be with this woman do so. If not then don't. If you just wan t to fool around with her you can do that to. The fact of the matter is that you are incharge of your destinay regardless of your mom or what society at large my think. I hope that helped any.

~Confident Don

 

[Blatant truth]

Joe The Homophobe's comments are his opinion, and I doubt he will change them. So to argue them is pointless...

 

[GirlCrazy]

You will destroy your lineage and history and most likely the kid won't look nothing like you.

Genetic diversity is vital to any species - Biology 101

And what a boring world it would be if everyone looked and acted the same.

 

[DJ_in_making]

Originally posted by Blatant truth
Joe The Homophobe's comments are his opinion, and I doubt he will change them. So to argue them is pointless...

That is true. I also think there are different levels of racism. From the extreme idiots w/ white dunce caps and bed sheets on their heads. To people who are very stereotypical to people w/ black (minority) friends but believe interracial dating is immoral.

 

[Iamnotacrook]

Yeah, I live in Jacksonville, Florida... and I'm 19. I could imagine how I might be on the recieving end of some discrimination, but I stand for justice... and when I'm right, I don't care if it kills me. Better hope I don't kill them first.

 

[blueangel83]

SERIOUSLY

I suggest you get yourself two jobs, save money and move out.

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

Originally posted by DinoCassanova
Usually the children of one black and one white parent are some of the most outstandingly attractive people. One quick example would be Halle Berry.

you give 1 example of somebody in the media to back up such a huge generalization

I don't hate any race, I have dated outside my race. I don't care what you do or don't do. If I ever get married I want my kids to look like me just like I look like my parents and they look like their parents. It would be disrespectful for me to go and destroy the history and lineage of my family.

Please don't throw out the lame old race card out there, many people believe that. I know latinos that date outside their race but won't marry outside their race because they want to preserve their 'raza,' same for whites etc. It is not racist, it is just preserving your family lineage and history.