Dating nowadays

[AmsterdamAssassin]

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's my fault if I have feelings for girls who don't reciprocate? I don't blame anyone, I say it would be better not to feel anything

Again it's not the feelings that are the issue...it's the way you are expressing them.

 

[manfromitaly]

Again it's not the feelings that are the issue...it's the way you are expressing them.

Yes I think you got the point, my problem is this. It's how I react to emotions

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes I think you got the point, my problem is this. It's how I react to emotions

Then you need to view this as an opportunity area that you can improve on and actively start working to do just that.

The hardest improvements we have to make are in our weakest areas usually because we are unwilling to change because it's really hard to do it.

 

[manfromitaly]

I will do my best to avoid certain behaviors that I carry out when I feel emotions with a girl, I will try to recognize them

 

[Solomon]

Exactly, this crap is the reason why you see so many losers with women but yet there are many otherwise solid men that struggle in the dating market.

@Solomon and @SW15 may also find this interesting.

There was a guy I knew of around my age from a couple years back, so around 30 or so, that had multiple DUIs and a criminal record, it was to the point where he literally was not allowed to drive/have a license. This guy was a smoker, incredibly skinny and also wore dentures. Anyway, at the time I knew him he was dating a woman that would literally drive him everywhere. She even ended up getting pregnant with this loser lol. The best part was he had at least one other child with another woman. Granted, these aren't the highest quality women he was landing but it completely goes against these ideas you see floating around on here.

This was something I used to have a difficult time understanding and accepting, but the reality is being a solid and great guy just does not excite these women. I believe we are going to start seeing some really bad trends in the dating/mating market in the coming years, where some decent men feel no incentive to "behave" themselves and start emulating this behavior, as they see that's what works to get women. This is very concerning but there isn't much any of us can do about it. The scary part is these losers are the only ones reproducing it seems like, outside of very conservative parts of the country you can notice this trend across many different demographics.

I use to be the guy in my 20s who wanted to be the perfect guy, you know take a girl on a nice date, be a gentleman blah blah blah. One of the biggest misconceptions on this site is that, if a girl flakes on you, ghosts you, doesn't sleep with you etc. That it's always your fault and you need to run perfect game. I learned in my 30s not long ago that it's not always your fault if a woman is a shytty person. There is no etiquette when it comes to dating, and a lot of women will treat you like a disposable commodity (especially on dating apps)the reason why you see some women with losers is cause they are losers themselves and water seeks it's own level.

It's a tough pill to swallow when you see a beautiful girl who seems to have her shyt together but she ends up with thugs, bad boys, losers etc. I know a girl like this she is 31 now, long blond hair, nice body, very smart. However she likes the bad boys/drug dealers, smokes weed every day, and is the biggest thot. She knows better but hey she likes what she likes. A lot of times these women are insecure themselves or they are losers too. The truth is sometimes on this site we give women too much credit. Heck Pook broke it down in 2005 that "Perfect is Boring" however trying to be a thug never resonated with me. Why do I have to act like a thug or pretend to be something I'm not?

I rather be alone than be something I'm not. It's not something I'm mad or even bitter about anymore it is what it is. A lot of women in America have truly lost their feminity to the point that I don't blame men for traveling overseas

 

[Chow Mein]

You seem to not understand your role in a relationship as a man.

A woman has emotions that go all over the place from day to day and sometimes hour to hour. She needs a man who is like a North Star where she can look to them and grab onto to them when things are going crazy in her mind to help her thru it.

If you are running all over the same way she is emotionally, you can't be that stabilizing force she needs, you actually become a destabilizing force for her, which is not what she needs.

It's basic human interactions, it really isn't that hard. It's not about not having feelings or emotions, it's about properly channeling them effectively.

Basically you shouldn't allow your emotions to control you like a female, you should control your emotions like a man.

Excellent post!

Be the man that helps her navigate her life and she will rely on you when things get tough. That’s being a ‘provider’ except you elicit her emotions and keep her on your d!ck.

 

[sangheilios]

I use to be the guy in my 20s who wanted to be the perfect guy, you know take a girl on a nice date, be a gentleman blah blah blah. One of the biggest misconceptions on this site is that, if a girl flakes on you, ghosts you, doesn't sleep with you etc. That it's always your fault and you need to run perfect game. I learned in my 30s not long ago that it's not always your fault if a woman is a shytty person. There is no etiquette when it comes to dating, and a lot of women will treat you like a disposable commodity (especially on dating apps)the reason why you see some women with losers is cause they are losers themselves and water seeks it's own level.

It's a tough pill to swallow when you see a beautiful girl who seems to have her shyt together but she ends up with thugs, bad boys, losers etc. I know a girl like this she is 31 now, long blond hair, nice body, very smart. However she likes the bad boys/drug dealers, smokes weed every day, and is the biggest thot. She knows better but hey she likes what she likes. A lot of times these women are insecure themselves or they are losers too. The truth is sometimes on this site we give women too much credit. Heck Pook broke it down in 2005 that "Perfect is Boring" however trying to be a thug never resonated with me. Why do I have to act like a thug or pretend to be something I'm not?

I rather be alone than be something I'm not. It's not something I'm mad or even bitter about anymore it is what it is. A lot of women in America have truly lost their feminity to the point that I don't blame men for traveling overseas

This is exactly what @Bokanovsky and myself were getting at that @BackInTheGame78 did not seem to understand. @SW15 may gain something from this as well.

I've noticed that a lot of young women in their late teens and well into their 20s who otherwise seem well adjusted or normal actually have a lot of issues going on underneath the surface. One particular trend I've picked up on is just how many have issues with self medication, using things like marijuana, weed or prescription pills to handle their emotional problems.

A guy I know has a sister in her mid 20s or so, they grew up in a very affluent area and the parents have money. The sister went to college a bit late, but was majoring in some sort of finance or data analyst stuff, I forget exactly which one. Anyway, she literally gets high every single day off of weed and on days she has nothing going on she will pass out on a combination of that with pills and alcohol, literally will be in bed and just wake up to use the bathroom lol.

Something else I've seen a lot is many women who regularly use marijuana because they have "anxiety problems". I started noticing this crap when many states fairly recently started legalizing medical marijuana. I personally believe this is mostly an excuse this people to justify enjoying getting high. I'm sure they may have some emotional/psychological things going on, but how the hell is smoking weed going to actually do much. We currently have a culture with young adults that shows there are tons of emotional issues going on, poor coping skills, etc.

@Solomon I also agree with your comments about many women having issues with insecurity. They may otherwise be decent women but have some mindset where they think they can't do any better or that they only deserve a loser type bf. I don't fully understand the psychology at play with this, but it's a trend I've noticed with women who seem to stick around with men that are losers, emotionally unavailable, etc. I'd actually say that these women especially lean more towards men that are emotionally unavailable, it's something I've seen a lot with "player" men who seem to attract these types of women. Women with some self respect will quickly cut these guys off once they pick up on their game, but the insecure/needy women will stick to them like glue lol.

Your comments about losers dating losers I also agree with. As @Bokanovsky mentioned, a lot of women just don't get the same type of excitement going for a normal guy and they pursue something like this instead. One phrase I've heard a lot of trash women use is that they "get bored easily", this should be seen as a huge red flag btw. Many years ago when I was younger I was dating a woman who once used this phrase to describe herself and I didn't understand what that actually meant, which was I should have cut that girl off immediately.

 

[sangheilios]

If you want to attract a BPD Psycho then sure...keep acting like that.

If you want to find a healthy relationship then you likely won't.

Water always finds its level.

You are definitely correct, but you miss the point of what @Bokanovsky is getting at.

A lot of young women today have serious emotional issues, ranging from insecurity to poor coping skills to even full blown psych/emotional problems. They also have been programmed in a manner where they have severe dating ADHD because of dating apps, social media, etc.

Because of dating app technology and social media, these women are literally getting countless pings from a huge range of men. At the end of the day, most men are relatively average and boring, don't stand out at all, etc. They want to take the woman out on a date, are emotionally available and invested into trying to develop a relationship. These things don't excite women because it's not novel at all, there are literally dozens of other men at a given period of time doing that exact same thing. These women get bored of this very easily.

However, men that are unavailable emotionally or different than the others stand out. There's also this bizarre notion many women have that they can fix a bad boy or tame a player, you can kind of liken it to the chase that men have towards women. There also are many insecure women who don't seem to respond well to men that are considerate towards them, and instead they gravitate towards men that are not all that interested. This is something you will see a lot if you pay attention, it's something I've noticed with players and the types of women they seem to attract, as I mentioned to @Solomon .

I agree that you are filtering out a lot of messed up women, but the reality is that it's very hard to land a quality woman today, due to these various factors I've mentioned. You could potentially be going a very long time with no real success if you use this method, you essentially have to be very lucky. As @Bokanovsky mentioned, it's a huge reason why there are so many frustrated AFCs that seem to not have a clue as to what is going on lol.

 

[Solomon]

Something else I've seen a lot is many women who regularly use marijuana because they have "anxiety problems". I started noticing this crap when many states fairly recently started legalizing medical marijuana. I personally believe this is mostly an excuse this people to justify enjoying getting high. I'm sure they may have some emotional/psychological things going on, but how the hell is smoking weed going to actually do much. We currently have a culture with young adults that shows there are tons of emotional issues going on, poor coping skills, etc.

I've noticed the rise of women smoking weed has gone up a lot in the last 15 years. Back in the day 1 out of 10 smoked weed now it's 1 out of 4 that do it regularly (it's higher if it's casual). I'm in a state where smoking weed is legal(although right now you can only buy edibles and they will have discrepancies sometime next year). Also, The rise of women doing coke has gone up, however, I have never dated a girl that has done coke (to my knowledge) but you would be shocked how many girls do it, you know the type love to club and they look like the Koko B chick (not all but some) and tend to be party thots or party in rich areas etc.

I think one of the reasons of the increase obviously is because now it's legal but I also think they are making it legal to keep the population sedated and dumb. The last 15 years the IQ of the average American has dropped, Lotta stupid people around and this election has shown how slow some people are

 

[sangheilios]

I've noticed the rise of women smoking weed has gone up a lot in the last 15 years. Back in the day 1 out of 10 smoked weed now it's 1 out of 4 that do it regularly (it's higher if it's casual). I'm in a state where smoking weed is legal(although right now you can only buy edibles and they will have discrepancies sometime next year). Also, The rise of women doing coke has gone up, however, I have never dated a girl that has done coke (to my knowledge) but you would be shocked how many girls do it, you know the type love to club and they look like the Koko B chick (not all but some) and tend to be party thots or party in rich areas etc.

I think one of the reasons of the increase obviously is because now it's legal but I also think they are making it legal to keep the population sedated and dumb. The last 15 years the IQ of the average American has dropped, Lotta stupid people around and this election has shown how slow some people are

I'm not even old, 34, and I remember when I was in my late teens and early 20s it was considered trashy or unusual for a girl to be a regular pot user. I think a huge part of this is cultural related, there's far less or even no stigma placed upon smoking weed today, which was not the case not that long ago.

Something else to factor in is a lot of Gen Zs and younger millennials, so people under 30, have rampant issues pertaining to emotional/mental health. I've been seeing some crazy statistics lately about rates pertaining to anxiety, depression, etc. in this age cohort, it's scary as hell. I don't think this is the result of some elaborate plot, but people with issues like this have a tendency towards self medication to cope with their problems. Let's face it, emotionally healthy people may engage in smoking pot or drinking recreationally, but they are significantly less likely to need to rely upon these drugs to function.

As I mentioned before, I've heard so many people who smoke regularly, as in every single day, say how it relaxes them and allows them to cope with their anxiety lol. Whenever I hear something like this I almost always see it as a huge red flag that says there is something off with that individual, especially if it's another man though. Many people today are just weak and can't handle basic life stresses, these are not individuals that you should want around.

 

[MatureDJ]

I make this reflection, to keep as a personal reminder.

Feelings make you lose, acting emotionally with a girl takes you out of the game, nowadays in the majority of cases it is not worth investing in just one girl, they have always had an advantage.

They are always looking for the best option and if you start acting emotionally, they will start to lose respect towards you.

They will always have the choice of which guys to date regardless of their good looks. In my opinion this makes them colder, less involved, in the world of dating the least involved always wins.

Unfortunately, girls shouldn't be taken seriously, most are like that. Sometimes I'm surprised by how easy it is to get them into bed and even more so by how they have no problem dumping you if they lose interest.

If you want to continue to be successful with women, you have to play, live it lightly and not get involved romantically because you risk feeling bad and it's not worth it.

Fortunately, not all are like this.

But there are fewer and fewer girls with whom it's worth trying to create something serious, it's clear for everyone to see how long relationships last nowadays.

What I said is nothing new.

But even today, despite having some experience and success, sometimes I lose, I can't do anything about it, sometimes emotions take over.

And when it happens I already know I lost.

I remember back in the '80s, it was a thing for the local Italian men to pinch any unaccompanied, non-obese blonde that they would walk past on the street.

But for quite some time, it's been OVER for ugly little Italian-heritage men in the USA.

 

[MatureDJ]

Exactly, this crap is the reason why you see so many losers with women but yet there are many otherwise solid men that struggle in the dating market.

@Solomon and @SW15 may also find this interesting.

There was a guy I knew of around my age from a couple years back, so around 30 or so, that had multiple DUIs and a criminal record, it was to the point where he literally was not allowed to drive/have a license. This guy was a smoker, incredibly skinny and also wore dentures. Anyway, at the time I knew him he was dating a woman that would literally drive him everywhere. She even ended up getting pregnant with this loser lol. The best part was he had at least one other child with another woman. Granted, these aren't the highest quality women he was landing but it completely goes against these ideas you see floating around on here.

This was something I used to have a difficult time understanding and accepting, but the reality is being a solid and great guy just does not excite these women. I believe we are going to start seeing some really bad trends in the dating/mating market in the coming years, where some decent men feel no incentive to "behave" themselves and start emulating this behavior, as they see that's what works to get women. This is very concerning but there isn't much any of us can do about it. The scary part is these losers are the only ones reproducing it seems like, outside of very conservative parts of the country you can notice this trend across many different demographics.

It's OVER for NaturalTeethCels.

 

[Lotus Effect]

@manfromitaly

Read this OP. It is a bit long, but this is the post that every fvcking bluepill should read.

It will open your eyes

"Man affections vs boy affections”

a while back i finally figured out what makes a good relationship.

most of the gamey talk is all focused on getting laid. getting laid is the easiest thing in the world, after you do it for a while. what’s not nearly as simple is to maintain an excellent relationship. i’m going to venture out on a limb and say that MOST relationships are crap. and yet it’s really just two fundamental principles, that determine the success of any relationship. it’s ridiculous that it took me so long to figure this out.

my relationships used to be sort of average. have a girlfriend, sometimes you get along, sometimes you don’t. sometimes she’s a cvnt, sometimes she’s nice. sooner or later there are the annoying bits of jealousy and wondering if she’s cheating, and then all the arguments and breakups. standard shlt

to figure out why most relationships suck, eventually you have to look at the type of emotional connection you are seeking:

- emotional validation from your partner
- being able to ‘trust’ your partner
- support from your partner
- sort of, almost unconditional love from your partner, ‘as you are’
- seeking approval from your partner

there’s more aspects, but that’s probably enough to make the point we’re getting to.

we are simple creatures. we are programmed to have an emotional connection to the opposite sex. to get a little weird about it for a second though, think about how this programming expresses itself:

there are only two types of man-love our brain is wired for.

First, the love you got, wanted to get, hoped for, maybe experienced – from you mother, as a child.

that’s a key kind of emotional connection to the female. and, as much as that sounds fvcked up, it’s the type of connection most men are trying to find again in their adult life – from a girlfriend / wife.

seriously consider this. look at the few bullet points above. what kind of ‘love’ is that? let’s not judge it, just look at it objectively. that’s how most men view love. they don’t think about it consciously, but that’s the love they got to experience as a child.

here’s some news:
no girl will ever love you like your mom did.

before we get a bit more into that, let’s look at the other type of man-love our brain has wiring for:

Second, the love a father has for his daughter.

again, we have to remove all the incestous, sexualized, weird bits of it, and just look at the emotional components that drive the type of interaction, expectation, dependence, and outcome. how does a father love his daughter?

- giving emotional validation to the child
- rationing trust, with having ‘hand’ – control
- providing support
- molding her in his image
- giving approval, as long as the child does at it is supposed to

compare these bullets to the ones above. how do you feel about that? take out the mother / daughter thing. just look at the giving & taking ratios, look at where the control lies.

there is always control in a relationship. question is just – who has it?

there is no other emotional romantic connection wiring in our brain. it’s either seeking the love you got from your mother as a child, or creating the love you get from your offspring.

everything manosphere talks about fits into this model. the whole concept of ‘beta’ is embodied in how men deal with women who they want maternal love from. they are the weak ones, seeking approval, expecting this ocean of support, putting a woman on a pedestal. and guess what – it works for shlt.

mom love is done after you are grown up.

realizing that means having to step away from that, coming to terms with the fact that this kind of emotional bond is DONE. being a man means being at the top of the social hierarchy. on the flip side, relationships suddenly work incredibly well when you treat a girl not like an adult that you look up to, an adult that you seek validation from – but like a child.

think about it. Shlt tests? from an adult, maybe. but a child? how do you treat a child who fvcking. tests you? well … a lot of men haven’t grown up enough to be called men, so they still wouldn’t know. but for some of us, all that’s missing is this conscious realization. you don’t seek the validation of a child, do you? you don’t ask a child if it’s ok for you to go out, do you? when you want a child to do something, how do you address it?

i’m not saying, ‘be a dikk’. you still game children, a lot. you want to reward them for good behavior. dealing with kids isn’t easy, either. but if you figure that out, then you also figure out a healthy relationship with a girl. i don’t really believe that the ‘azzhole game’ is a fully evolved strategy. it’s just better than wanting a replacement mom. so when a girl has the choice between a grown up vs a sniveling boy who wants a mother – she will of course pick the azzhole.

but give her the choice between a father figure, an azzhole, and a sniveling boy and the father figure will win, every time. part of that is giving validation, creating boundaries, being clearly in control.

if you want a great relationship, start reading parenting psychology books (not the new age feminist ones). and dog training books. you can take this however far you want, once you get comfortable. Some guys like to go full on daddy. it’s a genius move. a bit depraved? maybe. but better than the advocates of game stuff who act like children themselves – basically saying ‘treat girls like you are 12 and in a sandbox with a girl’. and better than mainstream culture which puts out disney shlt and romantic comedies that all emulate maternal love relationships (which don’t exist).

my relationships have become something entirely different since i started taking the father figure approach. girls love it and they are willing to do anything and everything.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

here’s some news:
no girl will ever love you like your mom did.

And I'm still really grateful for my lovers loving me differently from my abusive mother.

 

[Lotus Effect]

And I'm still really grateful for my lovers loving me differently from my abusive mother.

Some men just get it all!

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Some men just get it all!

No artist without tortured childhood?

 

[jhonny9546]

I wish i lived there