Dammit do I have to next Claire already?

[bugsquish]

Well shyt. It was in the bag, until last night.

I know a lot of you guys know the story but here's a quick recap. Through a rocky seduction I managed to get Claire into my bed last week, and we established ourselves as a couple. There were a few strange moments, but in general her IL was high, and has been all week.

Now, this weekend things went a bit pear shaped. On Friday she came out with me and some of my friends. I was very drunk and she expressed some concern about this. But at the end of the night as far as I could tell we were okay.

On Saturday night I knew she was going to be at the same club with her friends, and she knew I was going out with my ex Emma (who is a good friend now), probably to a different club, and she seemed ok with this.

However, me and Emma ended up at the same club. Claire and Emma get on well by the way. Claire was there and happy to see me, but I wanted to give her space with her friends and not neglect Emma as I promised. I guess I made her feel a little neglected instead, as well as babbling insane drunken shyt about hurting all my ex girlfriends (general heavy stuff). Apparently I did this on Friday too (I don't remember).

Anyway, at the end of the night her IL seemed to be all but gone. She was quite annoyed and accused me of ignoring her, not acting like a couple and always talking about heavy stuff. She says I just want her as "an accessory". She wanted to spend time with me when I was sober so she could actually get to know the real me yadda yadda. She left in a hurry, not normal for her.

She had made me a compilation CD and I txtd her in the morning to say it was cool. She replied saying shes glad I liked it, did I have a good night etc. I took this as a good sign. I have always phoned her, so instead of calling her I txtd saying call me if she wanted to go see T3 next weekend (she loves T2).

She hasn't called. Fuxk I wish I had posted this before I txtd.

I'm fighting the one-itis here, I know I'm no worse off than before I met her. I have just got so damn confused between trying to act aloof and giving her attention cuz I think the lack of attention went majorly against me this time.

Okay before you bombard me with NEXT recommendations, does anyone have any ideas on salvaging this? She had HIGH IL for the past week. We have a lot in common, and so long as I don't get too drunk we get on really well. If she doesn't call me and I next her then yes, it's over. But maybe she needs that one more call to show her I actually care?

And I KNOW I should lay off the drink.... man I should have learned that lesson by now

 

[bugsquish]

It gets released here on Friday. Now, what can I do about this chick?

 

[bugsquish]

Well, there I got impatient waiting for godly advice from the forum and did the AFC thing. I texted her AGAIN.

"didn't mean to neglect you last night babe, I do care! call me or txt and ill call u back x"

As soon as I sent it I thought shyt what an AFC now I've definetely blown it. I started to think about being back on the pulling scene again. Starting from scratch. Well, it would've been a pain in the ass but I'd do it. I'm a DJ. I don't need this chick. Plenty more where she came from.

Then I got this reply over 2 txts:

"Hey honey, dont worry, I know you care! didnt get round to texting you back. I'd love to go out next week with u! Sorry bout last night. I know you didnt neglect me. I like you a lot and think we should just forget about all that stupid stuff and get to know each other properly. i'll give you a call 2m night! XcX"

Man, I'm a happy chappie now. And I've learned 2 valuable lessons.

1) Patience! I keep forgetting how important it is.
2) This is controvertial, but it seems that since the start, AFC moves have got me closer to this chick than DJ moves. Maybe chicks with high IL can actually be pushed away by acting too aloof. I guess it can raise a low IL or lower a high IL.

Thoughts anyone?

 

[digitalrat]

T3 sucked?

 

[iqqi]

Maybe chicks with high IL can actually be pushed away by acting too aloof.

well, wouldn't that be true for you? It sure as hell is for me. Aloofness should be used in moderation, and to try to salvage a dwindling IL. Remember, it is a dance. Not a war.

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by iqqi
Remember, it is a dance. Not a war.

Excellent point Iqqi. I think part of the suspicious anti-women mentality found lurking around the DJ concept has rubbed off on me. I need to relax and realise that not all women play games all the time. Not Claire anyhow. Guys, she's lovely... Gorgeous, smart, funny, good taste in men *grunt* Must... not....... get..... oneitis!

T3 sucked?

 

[DraGon_luv]

oneititis ?


i been on this board for a long time now?


i understand it to a point but what the exact meaning?



dude i was sorta in your shoes not to long ago, that text was slightly afc, but remember getting girl is the easy part its keeping them thats hard, you gota try to hold out longer,


or you can pull the lets just be friend trick or we need a break,

because if the relationship end good it can usally get restarted later on

 

[bugsquish]

lol "-itis" as in a disease eg. tonsilitis, appendicitis
"one-" as in one chick.
oneitis - the "disease" of being obsessed with one chick.

I get what you mean dragonluv, but it looks like AFC moves are doing me more good on this chick than DJ moves- for now anyway. Gonna stay on my toes though.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Okay, here's a tip...R...E...L...A...X! I notice you've been checking your responsses and adding a new one roughly every half hour and you said you were getting impatient. Allow Dr Cyrano D. Bergerac to make a rough prognosis and then you can tell me if I'm full of it.

You have a gorgeous number on your hands. Through will, style, and perhaps not a little raw animal magnetism, you managed to rope her in and now you two are declared a couple.

For the sake of clarity and my own sanity in considering this, I will assume you're exclusive.

You met her on what was more or less a date with your ex, and she accused you of wanting her as an accessory. This is her bad. She was basically hoping for a bit more attention, thus proving your loyalty to her comparitively with your ex. You simply need to say," I'm sorry you felt like an accessory. I was glad that we ended up at the same club, but I was there for my ex, and I can't just desert her when I promised to dedicate this time with her, just as I would extend the same courtesy to you."

You're major bad was the hooch. (that's booze, not your ex) I cannot stress the importance of keeping your head about you at all times. That means knowing when to say when. You know that when you drink too much, you end up inevitably making an ass out of yourself. You're also afraid (and rightly so) that such binge idiocy might damage your relationship with her. Seriously, sounds like you have a problem. You might want to look into it.

Lastly, about the one-itis... This most probably stems from your realization that you're afraid to lose her. Its only natural, after we've put a lot of effort into something, to want to have it around to return our initial investment.

Let's define one-itis for a moment. One-itis is the condition where to put it lightly, a guy is fixated on a girl to the exclusion of all his other options. This is a relationship now, which means you two have boths electively limited your other options to test how well you go together. You've already got the girl, and you're in the experimental/honeymoon phase. All you need to to is keep from telling her you love her and you're golden. While you don't need to spend every waking moment with her. There does need to be some time together for the both of you. There's nothing shameful or AFC about spending a little time with your girlfriend.

Just relax, lay off the booze a little (no one's asking you to be a tea-totaller), and see where this (relation)ship takes you.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[iqqi]

i don't think it is possible to have oneitis when you have a girlfriend. You are SUPPOSED to be only interested in that one girl. RIGHT?

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by iqqi
i don't think it is possible to have oneitis when you have a girlfriend. You are SUPPOSED to be only interested in that one girl. RIGHT?

WRONG.

 

[bugsquish]

CyranoDeBergerac
The love doctor has spoken. You're right on every count! Impatience, alcoholism, fear, all logged and accounted for. Anyone who has got into this situation with a HB can surely understand these symptoms. Drinking is a big part of our society in the UK, and I guess I have got so used to it that I kind of rely on it for courage. Not good I know, but it's hard to break the cycle. Anyhow she's made it pretty clear that the next time I see her I have to be sober - so that's gonna be make or break.

Yes, we did indeed catagorise ourselves as a couple, exclusively so. But I'm not gonna take anything for granted at this stage. Sure, I won't be kissing or screwing other chicks. But at the same time I don't wanna turn off my skills an fall flat on my face if this falls apart. And trust me, she will love me before I love her. I'm not that much of an AFC!

Your words of wisdom are exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks a lot!

 

[Howie Farkes]

Originally posted by bugsquish
lol "-itis" as in a disease eg. tonsilitis, appendicitis
"one-" as in one chick.
oneitis - the "disease" of being obsessed with one chick.

A major symptom of this cursed disease is the roller-coaster ride of depression/happiness when waiting for/receiving phone calls from "the one chick" which young bugsquish is definitely experiencing.

Example:

She hasn't called. Fuxk I wish I had posted this before I txtd.

Then I got this reply over 2 txts:... <snip>Man, I'm a happy chappie now.

 

[bp1974]

You're in the classic AFC mode of worrying far too much about what she thinks and says. Notice how you were worrying so much about neglecting her, and yet when you apologised, she completely blew it off like it had never happened.

She likes you. Sometimes she'll be p*ssed off with you. But she'll still like you. And she'll like you more if you don't apologise EVERY time she says she's p*ssed off with you. Unless you're a total a**hole, it should be very rare that you have to actually apologise for your behaviour. As Cyrano said, saying "I'm sorry you felt that way" is a whole lot different to saying "I'm sorry I did that".

Cut down on the booze, stop worrying so much about losing her - have some faith in the fact that she likes you - and start having fun. Forget the 'aloof' game now, it's b*llocks.

bp1974

 

[Reto]

Nothing to add, but definitely cut down on the booze.

I like to drink and do so regularly. Last week-end my girl got trashed. I didn't realize how unattractive a drunk is. I've cut way down...

 

[bugsquish]

Well I didn't say the word "sorry" but I suppose it could be read that way. But in her reply, she actually apologised to me. Good sign?

Forget the 'aloof' game now, it's b*llocks.

Do you mean in general, or just now we're "a couple"? She said she'd call me tonight and she hasn't yet (9pm) but I'm chilled about it now. Toying with the idea of txting and saying "remember youre supposed to be calling me" but don't know if I'll bother. Maybe I should hold off until weds....

A little apprehensive about cutting back on the drink, but I fully acknowledge it needs to be done. Although I realised this months ago... Someone on this board was talking about being a social alcoholic? Sounds dead on. I don't drink unless I'm going out.

 

[bugsquish]

Well she called me, and apologised for having a go at me on Saturday. We're going to see Terminator 3 on Friday, and she may be coming to Ayr with me for the weekend. I'll try to stay relatively sober.

Thread closed. Thanks for all your help/advice guys

 

[Rahul]

Originally posted by bugsquish
lol "-itis" as in a disease eg. tonsilitis, appendicitis
"one-" as in one chick.
oneitis - the "disease" of being obsessed with one chick.

I get what you mean dragonluv, but it looks like AFC moves are doing me more good on this chick than DJ moves- for now anyway. Gonna stay on my toes though.

Actually an "itis" is an inflammation, not a disease.

 

[Slickster]

Hey Bug,

I've been following your story from the start and it seems that the whole getting wasted thing is getting in the way of your DJing.

Ease up on the booze when your with the ladies bro.

 

[Tyler]

Originally posted by bugsquish

Anyway, at the end of the night her IL seemed to be all but gone. She was quite annoyed and accused me of ignoring her, not acting like a couple and always talking about heavy stuff. She says I just want her as "an accessory". She wanted to spend time with me when I was sober so she could actually get to know the real me yadda yadda. She left in a hurry, not normal for her.

Call me crazy, but this sounds more to me like a sign of HIGH IL. She wants you to:
*pay attention to her
*act like a couple
*let her get to know "the real you"

Yep, sounds interested to me! Just because a girl is upset or acts angry does NOT mean they have lost their IL, as far as I have seen. As for how to handle it from there, it seems like you did ok. I think that if you had just waited, she probably would have called you the next day, but no harm done either way.