Just had a third date with a girl. REALLY like her. Pretty, sexy, and I feel that we actually connect. But she dropped a massive bomb on me that absolutely crushed me... She's been living with genital herpes for the last five years. First of all, I have to say that my respect for this girl is through the roof for actually telling me, especially this soon. I told her (with tears in my eyes) that I was sorry, but I'm not willing to take the risk. In other words, "that's a huge deal to me and I can't get passed that. Bye." It hurt like a motherf*cker to say that, too.. But at the same time this is a girl who I actually really like and could see myself in a relationship with at some point.. Should I try to work this out? Or is the risk just too great to be worth it? I'm so torn..
Crushed..
- Thread starter .Paradox.
- Start date
Gamtiwia
Don Juan
This is a biggy. But if I were in that situation, I'd walk away (but hey that's just me). Truth is, my health is my wealth, can't risk getting something that's incurable (again that's just me).
However if you were thinking of going the distance for this girl, ask yourself how things would have played out had the tables been reverse and you were the one with herpes, would she have stuck with you?
If you think the answer is yes, then that's one point for her
If you think the answer is no, then you shouldn't feel bad if you walk away
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There's no such thing as a bad decision, just good and better ones
However if you were thinking of going the distance for this girl, ask yourself how things would have played out had the tables been reverse and you were the one with herpes, would she have stuck with you?
If you think the answer is yes, then that's one point for her
If you think the answer is no, then you shouldn't feel bad if you walk away
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There's no such thing as a bad decision, just good and better ones
Scars
Master Don Juan
I have a buddy who has genital herpes and is married. He told his girlfriend right away and she never got infected for a 5-6 years until one night they were drunk and he had an open soar, and she finally contracted it. There are ways to be smart about it, and some people may get it and never show symptoms in their life, I think that's why she was telling you. I myself probably wouldn't get involved though because it's nice for my woman to be sexually available whenever I want it, but I know guys/girls who have learned to live through it. I think having it changes your life dramatically, at least you know she wouldn't run around being a skeez. I mean, she DID have enough respect to tell you. It's up to you man though. That always sucks though, I know the feeling. Especially when the girl is like super fvcking hott.
-Scars
-Scars
Alex DeLarge
Master Don Juan
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Same thing happened to me a while ago dude. I walked away and it was tough, but I had to do it. I'm still friends with the girl and talk to her every now and then. I would consider perhaps once I'm older, and if she was a girl I would like to settle down with.
BettorOffSingle
Banned
I have to laugh at people who say they'd never have sex with someone who has an STD. They mean they wouldn't sellp with someone who TOLD them..Paradox. said:
You punished this woman for being honest.
Now make sure you check EVERY partner you have,k after testing yourself.
Ray Gordon
Bettor Off Single: Why Commitment Is A Bad Gamble For Men
http://www.toosmarttofail.com/bos.pdf
FREE!
Why would you laugh. Would you have sex with someone with an std. Isn't like she had syphliss or crabs that cure with shot of penicillin. She has herpes is not as disgusting as warts and not as deadly Hiv. But its still not curable. You have to walk away because the risk is not worth the reward.BettorOffSingle said:
MartyMcFly
Don Juan
Atleast she put it out there that she has it. And was willing to tell you before you got sexually involved. It may not have been the easiest thing to do, but it was what you should have done.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
I agree with the OP's decision. But it makes you think:
If you're having sex with someone with a known std, then you're practicing the safest sex of your life. You're likely not gonna "accidentally" slip it into her without a condom.
Whereas, there are plenty of chicks who have stds they don't know about (or don't tell you about) where you might be tempted to bang them without a rubber every now and then.
I certainly wouldnt go out of my way to bang a girl with herp. But it raised an interesting thought.
If you're having sex with someone with a known std, then you're practicing the safest sex of your life. You're likely not gonna "accidentally" slip it into her without a condom.
Whereas, there are plenty of chicks who have stds they don't know about (or don't tell you about) where you might be tempted to bang them without a rubber every now and then.
I certainly wouldnt go out of my way to bang a girl with herp. But it raised an interesting thought.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
A friend of mine was Med Service in the Army. Whenever an attractive woman came through training at his base, before he hit on her, he would look up her medical records...and they almost always had herpes. It is very common, and I think the more attractive a girl is, the greater the chance that she has hsv or hpv.
I've said on here before, my former wife of seven years has hsv2 and I never contracted it, never even used a condom.
Most herpes is spread by people who don't know yet that they have it. The first outbreak is very severe and contagious. After that, the body starts to get more control over the virus. Each successive outbreak is less severe and frequent, especially if she is on a preventative daily anti-viral like valtrex or famvir. What really keeps you from getting it is that she can feel a tingling sensation before she has an outbreak, and then you just don't have sex for a few days.
I've said on here before, my former wife of seven years has hsv2 and I never contracted it, never even used a condom.
Most herpes is spread by people who don't know yet that they have it. The first outbreak is very severe and contagious. After that, the body starts to get more control over the virus. Each successive outbreak is less severe and frequent, especially if she is on a preventative daily anti-viral like valtrex or famvir. What really keeps you from getting it is that she can feel a tingling sensation before she has an outbreak, and then you just don't have sex for a few days.
Same exact thing happened to me last year. It's a really tough situation.
At the time I realized that, given that 1 in 6 Americans has Herpes, chances are we have already had sex with someone who has it. I've never caught any STD but have taken my chances with less than wholesome women over the years.
I don't believe in pharmacological treatment options but I've learned there are natural cures.
It's not that easy to catch. Most married couples don't even transmit it.
However, while you might really like this girl now, chances are you'll see the real her shortly and you won't like her anymore someday soon. Also, I can't imagine catching the disease and then having her flake.
At the time I realized that, given that 1 in 6 Americans has Herpes, chances are we have already had sex with someone who has it. I've never caught any STD but have taken my chances with less than wholesome women over the years.
I don't believe in pharmacological treatment options but I've learned there are natural cures.
It's not that easy to catch. Most married couples don't even transmit it.
However, while you might really like this girl now, chances are you'll see the real her shortly and you won't like her anymore someday soon. Also, I can't imagine catching the disease and then having her flake.
This is something that frightens me.. The fact that we could get into something serious, then a short time down the road end up hating each other/breaking up and I find out that I caught herpes. The herpes itself and the breakouts and pain aren't what scare me the most.. What scares me the most is that if I did catch it I'd feel obligated to tell any future potential sexual partner that I have it, and that they would judge me like I did her.bigneil said:
By the way, I did text her telling her that I want to see her again..
I don't see her being worth the risk to be honest, it's like this.
Put her on one end of an weighing scale and then put a bunch of other female future prospects on the other.
I used this example because if you do catch it from her you would have to tell every female you come into contact with and that really does reduce your chances of getting laid after that... Not worth it in my opinion.
Put her on one end of an weighing scale and then put a bunch of other female future prospects on the other.
I used this example because if you do catch it from her you would have to tell every female you come into contact with and that really does reduce your chances of getting laid after that... Not worth it in my opinion.
Johnny_Kage
Don Juan
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Think about it like this: if your best friend or brother was in the same situation, what would your advice be to them? Then go with that.
For the record, I say why take the risk when there are PLENTY of girls probably just like her out or very similar to her out there?
For the record, I say why take the risk when there are PLENTY of girls probably just like her out or very similar to her out there?
IShotTheSheriff
Don Juan
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Well I am happy I dont have to face this decision but look at it this way.
I am shure you know lots of girls you would not start a relationship with may it be due to their behavior, style or because they are just ugly. Thats perfectly human. So you could say - it is prefectly normal to not get involved or even walk away from someone because of much much less graver (can you say that?!) things than an uncurable desease.
From this point of view if you walk away from this girl makes much more sense than walking away from some girl you just dont find attractive.
I am shure you know lots of girls you would not start a relationship with may it be due to their behavior, style or because they are just ugly. Thats perfectly human. So you could say - it is prefectly normal to not get involved or even walk away from someone because of much much less graver (can you say that?!) things than an uncurable desease.
From this point of view if you walk away from this girl makes much more sense than walking away from some girl you just dont find attractive.
ME: "Hey, I took in a lot of information about herpes and I want to give you my honest answer.. I'm not going to lead you on... I don't see us ever being intimate or romantically involved. You're an amazing girl and it really kills me to do this because I was starting to develop feelings for you. I'd be up for hanging out again sometime, but it's up to you. It's only been 3 dates and memories of each other will probably quickly fade if we cut all contact, or we can continue to have fun and hang out in a more platonic way. The only thing is, is that I wouldn't want you to become attached and get even more hurt in the future."
HER: "That's fine. In all my years though I've never passed it on, nor do I plan on it. I would never wish it upon anyone, but it's made me a far more loving and nonjudgemental person for it. Every beautiful rose still comes with thorns. Thank you for being honest, although the knee jerk rejection hurt a lot less than this "I really like you but you're a leper" business lol. C'est la vie."
F*cking sigh....... This sucks. And hurts. Not only because I feel like an assh0le but also because she was a legit awesome girl. It's not like she's one of those dirty ho's slutting it up every weekend. She was 18 and, I'm sure, just having some fun and going a little wild like everyone else at that age and got it from a guy who didn't tell her that he had it.
HER: "That's fine. In all my years though I've never passed it on, nor do I plan on it. I would never wish it upon anyone, but it's made me a far more loving and nonjudgemental person for it. Every beautiful rose still comes with thorns. Thank you for being honest, although the knee jerk rejection hurt a lot less than this "I really like you but you're a leper" business lol. C'est la vie."
F*cking sigh....... This sucks. And hurts. Not only because I feel like an assh0le but also because she was a legit awesome girl. It's not like she's one of those dirty ho's slutting it up every weekend. She was 18 and, I'm sure, just having some fun and going a little wild like everyone else at that age and got it from a guy who didn't tell her that he had it.
tip:48
you are more likely to catch an STD from a regular girl than from a prostitute.
hookers/prostitutes used protection 100% of the time. regular girls get gamed fall in love and never bother to demand a condom from their boyfriend.
you are more likely to catch an STD from a regular girl than from a prostitute.
hookers/prostitutes used protection 100% of the time. regular girls get gamed fall in love and never bother to demand a condom from their boyfriend.
Mantis Toboggan
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Exactly two posts ago, he explained that he called or texted her and told the woman that he can't see himself getting sexually involved with her.Sue Madre said:
