Why A Man Won't Emotionally Commit
By Christian Carter
Author of "Catch Him & Keep Him"
Why A Man Won't Emotionally Commit
One of the most common situations women ask me about is what I call Predictable Male Withdrawal. If you've had any experience with men and dating, then you already know what this is. I'll take a second to explain exactly what this is and why it's important...
When you're first dating a man he's often attentive, affectionate, and willing to do anything to stay close to you. He's emotionally "open" and fully engaged with you. He talks about his life, his feelings, and he wants to know everything about you and yours. He wants to keep sharing with you and make sure that you both have one incredible experience after another with each other.
But then it happens...
At some point there's a "shift" that you can sense in him, and from then on he's frequently unable or unwilling to emotionally engage and be present with you. His openness and curiosity fades. He rarely if ever wants to talk about how you're feeling or your relationship. He seems sunken back into himself. And after a while you find yourself wondering and worrying about what's going on since you don't know what's going on inside him. It feels like you're the only one paying the relationship any attention.
Of course, pointing this out and asking a man what's going on when he starts pulling away like this only add to the issue. His irritated or distant responses to your attempts at connecting with him seem to confirm the worst and make you feel less comfortable and confident around your relationship.
Knowing this about men, or having experienced it first hand, let me ask you a question...
Wouldn't it be great to know what a man was going to be like inside a relationship before fully opening your heart to him? Wouldn't it be good to know if a man was going to be the kind of guy who was going to withdraw in this way or not, and what to do about it in case he was?
Understanding Men And Patterns Of Withdrawal
There's a hard truth about dating men and finding the right man and relationship. It's that a man either won't tell you, or doesn't know, if he's a "Withdrawer" and what he'll really be like once you're in a relationship together.
For example, a man would NEVER say to a woman-
"I'm looking for a committed relationship... but the truth is that I'm not 100% emotionally available. If we were together I'd make our relationship feel like an emotional rollercoaster by periodically pulling away from you. You wouldn't ever know if I'm coming or going. But hey... want to go out sometime?"
Part of the beauty of online dating and eHarmony is that right from the start you're able to get a rich sense of the man you're connecting with.
But there's still something important to know once you meet and feel that magic connection and attraction with a guy-
Will he ultimately be the kind of man who grows more loving and open with you as your relationship grows?
Or...
Like some men... will he be the kind of man who periodically withdraws, pulls away, and brings up feelings of uncertainty that don't make you your best?
The truth is that too many great women get into relationships with men who seem great at first, only to find that this man is predictably distant and withdrawn at the worst of times.
Identifying "Withdrawers"... And What To Do If You're With One
So how can you know if a man is a "Withdrawer"?
How should this affect your thinking about a relationship with him?
And what should you do if you're dating one?
A quick tip about identifying whether a man is a Withdrawer-
The best way to know a man's true nature and his emotional habits in relationships is to look at the existing relationships he already has in his life.
Is he close to his family? How does he talk about, respond, and interact with them?
Is he someone who has great relationship skills in his life already, and is he a man who's of service to his loved ones by being a source of listening, love and support?
Or is he someone that has a hard time being close and socially intimate to begin with?
You can tell a whole lot about a man if you're willing to take the time to honestly look at his life and how he handles even the smallest relationships and conflicts in his life.
If you're already with a Withdrawer, what's most important for you is this-
Tip #1) Avoid falling into the common role of the "Convincer"
When you sense a man is less present or available to you and your relationship, and it scares you, the unconscious reaction lots of women have is to take on a role of Convincing a man to stay close and open up.
This usually shows up as subtle ways of begging, pleading, or using your hurt feelings to try and justify him changing (Also referred to as whining).
Unfortunately, these are the exact kinds of behaviors that seem "needy" to a withdrawn man, and cause him to want to pull away more.
Tip #2) Keep your Center
What's the quickest way to connect with someone? (even a man)
Be the kind of positive, energetic and magnetic person that they can't help but be changed and inspired by.
Often times during times of uncertainty we want to try and put more attention and focus on the PROBLEMS we see.
But, as the saying goes, sometimes the best medicine is laughter.
What if you addressed what feels like problems in your relationships as OPPORTUNITIES for love, compassion, and growth and understanding?
The catch with this approach is that, in order to be able to give this kind of energy to your life and relationship, you have to be "full" to begin with.
That's why it is absolutely critical that you, as a woman, don't stop doing and being the things that make you feel great about yourself and your life.
Tip #3) Lead with Attraction
You can try talking to a man all you want, and he might never respond the way you want him to.
But what if instead, you tried to connect with him not through talk about "issues", but through the magic power of the emotion we call ATTRACTION. After all, this is often what drew the man in your life to you in the first place.
There are 6 Keys to creating that intense level of Attraction with a man that goes deeper than just Physical Attraction- but bonds you on a deep emotional level.
For more tips on dating men and relationships feel free to check out my website where I share weekly tips on the secrets of the male mind. You can also check out or download my eBook "Catch Him & Keep Him" there too.
It's all here:
http://www.catchHimAndKeepHim.com
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
