Courtney Ryan made a video about inexperienced men

[needimprovement250]

One way to think about this, hoss:

Unless you're Warren Beatty or Robert Evans at the height of their fame, every man on this planet COULD always, potentially, benefit from more experience. If you're a fairly regular guy, like 98% of the male population, there's going to be plenty of sex you haven't engaged in

This is only an impediment to your success, IF you choose to dwell on what you don't have at the moment, rather than identifying your goals, then crafting viable strategies to achieve them

You can be the most experienced person in the world and still fail. More than inexperience, it is something else.

Do you know when you are in a group and there is always that person who tries to "control" or "take charge" of the situation?

Imagine you are ten people going to a restaurant, and no one can decide where to eat. Then, one person arrives and makes everyone agree or moves the situation forward. In this case, he takes the reins of the conversation.

Another example would be fixing a screw or doing manual labor that someone else could handle. Let’s say there are five men in the room; even if he doesn’t have the skill, he will take responsibility for doing it.

Or consider when you need to travel from point A to point B, and he organizes the seating arrangements for everyone in the car.

Or when you go to a restaurant, and he takes charge to ensure everyone is positioned well, especially those with kids.

You know what I’m talking about. This type of man seems to be everywhere. Is this what it means to be a man that women love—someone who takes the lead?

This is a strong doubt I have always had because I have seen people respond in different ways to this behavior. Is this what it means to be a "mature man" in those circumstances, or does it come across as clingy?

Good points made in both of these replies, deep down I know that having no experience with women in my 30's isn't the end of the world and probably a big reason why I feel so bad about it is because I keep comparing myself to other people who have more experience and making myself think that there's no point now because I'm so far behind everyone and who would even want to help me get caught up.

 

[needimprovement250]

The only way to defeat inexperience is to practice and get experience.

You can't be afraid to date and learn from failure. If you are worried about failure you will never learn.

If you are the honest/best version of yourself and sh1t goes sideways, you are with the wrong woman... so move on.

Fail forward.

This is very true. I have to look at it where each and every date I go on is a learning experience and I will walk away from each date with more knowledge even if they don't go anywhere beyond that date. We all learn from failure whenever we try something new from the first time regardless of what it is and dating is no exception. I've claimed on the forum before that if I went out with 50 different women that all 50 would reject me for being inexperienced but honestly, I would have significantly more experience after date 50 than I did before date 1.

 

[needimprovement250]

he only other explanation is that she got enlightened earlier in life and decided she should settle for a beta earlier than most women. She started dating Teddy around 24-25. Most women are right around 30 when they decided to settle for beta bucks guy. She may have learned from her pumps and dumps faster than most.

That could be the case. I don't know if you've ever heard of Strong Successful Male and his videos, but he's also covered several relationships like Courtney's with a beta bucks guy and the men eventually find out how much more their girlfriends or wives did for alpha Chad tier men they were with before him, especially when it came to sex. There's been several times when she refused to do anything adventurous in bed with the beta bucks, only for him to later find out she's done those activities several times with alpha Chad tier men in the past while giving him bare minimum vanilla sex. She then would absurdly claim that the fact that she won't do these things with him despite doing them with other men in the past means that she values him way more lol.

 

[Gamisch]

I agree with this and another thing I've noticed is that porn seems to make you get bored of one individual woman so much quicker and require variety. Just try and get off to only one woman's pics and videos for months at a time as a porn addict and you'll see how difficult this is. Now if you're someone who wants to spin plates, this isn't that big of an issue but it will be if you want a committed relationship. I'm not so much worried about passing some kind of interview, but dreading the topic of past relationships and dating history being brought up by a woman. Obviously I wouldn't outright admit that I have no experience if that gets brought up, but I feel like that's difficult to get through without getting rejected in the process because you have to conceal your lack of experience to her.


No problem man, I know you were just trying to give advice by using constructive criticism. I am trying to take steps to improve my life by taking steps that I feel most would agree are more important than dating women. In the era of modern dating, finding that dream woman is much more difficult sadly. OLD and social media has wrecked the dating world.

Here the problem: men like you want a "dream woman ".

That's like someone who never drove a car wants to be a formala 1 driver. Why don't you start by learning how to drive a Honda?

First try to hook up with women and have FUN. In your case that might be a less attractive, old ,fat woman or a combination of those. I'm normally hesitant to advice men to sleep with less attractive women but in your case it might help.

IF big IF you would "get" a woman today and she has mal intentions..you'll be in trouble. You need experience to be able to keep a woman in check without going berserk when she becomes uncooperative.

 

[Gamisch]

Here the problem: men like you want a "dream woman ".

That's like someone who never drove a car wants to be a formala 1 driver. Why don't you start by learning how to drive a Honda?

First try to hook up with women and have FUN. In your case that might be a less attractive, old ,fat woman or a combination of those. I'm normally hesitant to advice men to sleep with less attractive women but in your case it might help.

IF big IF you would "get" a woman today and she has mal intentions..you'll be in trouble. You need experience to be able to keep a woman in check without going berserk when she becomes uncooperative.

And when I say going berserk I'm being serious.

If you bet on love and things do go south it will be all-consuming. It might literally turn your life upside down. Many men attempt suicide after their relationship fails miserably and they find out it was all a lie( including the nasty details such as lies ,cheating, gaslighting ect). Or to be less dramatic: it might consume all your mental energy and drain you so much so that you basically stop functioning like a normal person.

This is something that we don't wanna talk about..that inexperienced men are putting themselves in danger because they are unaware of the depth of "love" especially failed love.

Sounds doom and gloom and that's exactly how I meant it. E.g I would be EXTREMELY hesitant to live together with a stranger nowadays. Done it twice and learned the hard way..an inexperienced dude on the other hand can't wait and sees it as a flex to move a woman in or worse: move into HER place.

 

[Divorced w 3]

And when I say going berserk I'm being serious.

If you bet on love and things do go south it will be all-consuming. It might literally turn your life upside down. Many men attempt suicide after their relationship fails miserably and they find out it was all a lie( including the nasty details such as lies ,cheating, gaslighting ect). Or to be less dramatic: it might consume all your mental energy and drain you so much so that you basically stop functioning like a normal person.

This is something that we don't wanna talk about..that inexperienced men are putting themselves in danger because they are unaware of the depth of "love" especially failed love.

Sounds doom and gloom and that's exactly how I meant it. E.g I would be EXTREMELY hesitant to live together with a stranger nowadays. Done it twice and learned the hard way..an inexperienced dude on the other hand can't wait and sees it as a flex to move a woman in or worse: move into HER place.

I have been playing with DeepSeek the new Chinese AI that everyone is talking about. Its advice is excellent. Ask it what you want, be honest about yourself and whatever else, and you’ll be impressed with what comes out.

 

[needimprovement250]

Here the problem: men like you want a "dream woman ".

That's like someone who never drove a car wants to be a formala 1 driver. Why don't you start by learning how to drive a Honda?

First try to hook up with women and have FUN. In your case that might be a less attractive, old ,fat woman or a combination of those. I'm normally hesitant to advice men to sleep with less attractive women but in your case it might help.

IF big IF you would "get" a woman today and she has mal intentions..you'll be in trouble. You need experience to be able to keep a woman in check without going berserk when she becomes uncooperative.

I think you got the wrong idea about me when I said in my last reply to you about how finding a dream woman is much harder in modern era dating. I was agreeing that it has gotten harder to find that in the present day, not that I want that right off the bat. But I’m not surprised and don’t blame you for jumping to this conclusion though because that’s a common desire of inexperienced men to go from never having dated right into an LTR. To give a similar analogy to what you gave, that’s like a 16 year old who just got their license saying they want their first car to be a new Ferrari, and a rational thinking adult who has had years of driving experience has to give them a reality check and say that they need to have this used Toyota Corolla be their first car so that they can gain driving experience and make mistakes behind the wheel with it, that way if/when they crash and total it they won’t be as upset compared to if it was their dream Ferrari. No difference with inexperienced men since we’ll inevitably make mistakes and imagine how much more upset you’d be if you got your dream woman as your first one and lost her because you don’t know how to date.

I said in earlier replies that there’s a dating coach who specializes with inexperienced men and he’s said that happens all the time with those particular clients. They all say they want to get into an LTR ASAP and that’s even more prevalent the older the guy is. He said giving them a reality check and telling them that they need to start off slower by dating casually just to learn is always something he has to do when coaching inexperienced men. So I’m already on the same page with what you told me since I think that is an important step and trying jump ahead won’t end well.

Honestly, I really do like the freedom of being single and I know you have less of that when you’re in a relationship, which sucks. I also don’t have delusions of grandeur that my life is gonna do a 180 and be perfect and filled with nothing but happiness by getting into a relationship. I’m aware that I’m just exchanging the set of problems that being single has for a different set of problems that being in a relationship can bring and sometimes that set of problems can be worse. And yeah, inexperienced men don’t know what to be aware of to weed out women with mal intentions, I’ve acknowledged this before. There are women with mal intentions who will actually prey on inexperienced men for that reason. Without dating experience, you run the risk of not recognizing the warning signs and nexting those women.

 

[needimprovement250]

And when I say going berserk I'm being serious.

If you bet on love and things do go south it will be all-consuming. It might literally turn your life upside down. Many men attempt suicide after their relationship fails miserably and they find out it was all a lie( including the nasty details such as lies ,cheating, gaslighting ect). Or to be less dramatic: it might consume all your mental energy and drain you so much so that you basically stop functioning like a normal person.

This is something that we don't wanna talk about..that inexperienced men are putting themselves in danger because they are unaware of the depth of "love" especially failed love.

Sounds doom and gloom and that's exactly how I meant it. E.g I would be EXTREMELY hesitant to live together with a stranger nowadays. Done it twice and learned the hard way..an inexperienced dude on the other hand can't wait and sees it as a flex to move a woman in or worse: move into HER place.

You’re pretty much highlighting the delusions and unrealistic expectations of love and relationships that inexperienced men display, which I already responded to in the above reply, but yeah most men in this situation base what a relationship is gonna be like from what they see in TV shows and movies or only seeing the good sides of their peer’s relationships and not the negatives that can happen behind closed doors. Like I already said, it is a common belief of inexperienced men that their life will do a complete 180 and be nothing but happiness by getting into a relationship, but I know that realistically you are just exchanging one set of problems for another and there are plenty of times when relationship problems are worse than any problems you face from being single.

And no, I do not want to move in with a woman as soon and I can and I don’t see it as a flex. For me personally it would take years of dating a woman before that happened. I’ve never even lived on my own and I need time to live independently on my own and support myself in my own place before ever bringing a woman into my living space and sharing it with her.

 

[SW15]

I really do like the freedom of being single and I know you have less of that when you’re in a relationship

When a man is completely unattached, he has a lot of freedom. The freedom seems awesome but it isn't.

Most completely unattached men are lacking sex. This is something that affects their well being. A lack of sex is problematic. Men in this situation are often consuming porn and masturbating to make up for their lack of access to sex. This isn't good in any way. Too many men are overconsuming porn and masturbating way too much. Among men not in relationships, a large percentage of them are incel/borderline incel and are regular porn watchers.

About a decade ago, I stopped watching porn and stopped masturbating. This created a whole lot of positive changes for me. To some extent, it can motivate a man to go out and approach like crazy in order to find sex. I find that I get moodier and less able to focus on my non-sex life tasks if I go too long without getting laid.

Going through life like this isn't good.

In considering other life issues for the completely unattached man, there are also negative things. A lot of friends aren't able to get together. This is more of an issue for unattached men 30+ because most of his similar aged friends are in serious LTRs and don't have enough time available for friends, especially the married men with children. Married men with younger children (typically 10 and under) aren't that excited to get together with a totally unattached man. Their lifestyles are quite different and they often lack commonality in social settings.

Most men are unable to get sex without some sort of relationships, even men with above average looks and decent enough personality factors. Most men are willing to trade some of that perceived freedom in order to get regular access to sex.

Getting into a relationship doesn't mean a man gives up all freedom. Some of this depends on the stage of the relationship. In romantic relationships without cohabitation and childless ones, men are often available to spend time with friends.

One of the better stages of a relationship is the stage where you're getting regular sex but not seeing her every day. This is a phase where you see her about 2-4 days a week and live apart. This is only generally true in life for about 2-4 years, depending on the ages of the people starting the relationship. Around the 2 year mark, women will start to push for cohabitation at a minimum. Some will be pushing for marriage. Most men will fall for this and either propose marriage or move in with her because they want to keep having sex without having to go find new pussie. Some of this depends upon when the people start the relationship. For instance, if a 23 year man starts a relationship with a 22 year old woman, she won't push for marriage or cohabitation as fast as a situation with a 33 year old man starting with a 32 year old woman. The 22 year old woman knows she has time in life, the 32 year old woman is on a more stringent timeline if she's desiring marriage and babies. 30+ women who are ambivalent about children or don't want them can operate with less of a stringent timeline, but they are more difficult to find. Additionally, a lot of the single female population after age 35 includes a lot of single moms.

The longest I've ever observed a man operate in that better phase I just described is 5 years. He started with a 22 year old woman. He moved in with her right around their 5 year anniversary as a couple and proposed marriage not long after they started living together.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Good points made in both of these replies, deep down I know that having no experience with women in my 30's isn't the end of the world and probably a big reason why I feel so bad about it is because I keep comparing myself to other people who have more experience and making myself think that there's no point now because I'm so far behind everyone and who would even want to help me get caught up.

yup, another reminder how its a lonely journey for many men, cases like that further remind me that women are the only gender that are owed a relationship

 

[Manure Spherian]

A big freaking problem I’ve been aware of since the 90’s is young males just being kids (what I think both sexes should doing in their early teens), while female counterparts are getting busy starting at thirteen years old, often underage with older men. Many naive, innocent young men come into the game with a huge experience differential.

To quote Roger Devlin:

“In our society, a definite pattern has already emerged of “singles” groups or events being composed of innocent, never-married men in their thirties and cynical, bitter, often divorced women. What have the bachelors been doing with themselves all these years? So far, in the West, they have not been forming criminal gangs. (They would probably be more attractive to women if they did: everyone seems to have heard stories about men on death row being besieged with offers of marriage from bored, thrill-seeking females.)”

“Students of animal behavior have learned that the presence of a female decoy or two near a male makes real females more likely to mate with that particular male. Among human females also, nothing succeeds like success. I hear anecdotes about women refusing to date thirtyish bachelors because, “if he’s never been married, there must be something wrong with him.” In college I observed decent, clean-living men left alone while notorious adulterers had no difficulty going from one girlfriend to the next.”

 

[Mike32ct]

yup, another reminder how its a lonely journey for many men, cases like that further remind me that women are the only gender that are owed a relationship

I know a lady that has a son and daughter that are both low 20s. She’s totally encourages her daughter to have a bf (and she does), but she doesn’t give a flying F that her son has always been dateless. His dating/social experience somehow doesn’t matter. It’s sad but not surprising.

 

[SW15]

I know a lady that has a son and daughter that are both low 20s. She’s totally encourages her daughter to have a bf (and she does), but she doesn’t give a flying F that her son has always been dateless. His dating/social experience somehow doesn’t matter. It’s sad but not surprising.

It's easier for her early 20s daughter to get dates and a boyfriend than it is for her early 20s son to get dates and a girlfriend.

Where's the father in this story?

 

[Mike32ct]

It's easier for her early 20s daughter to get dates and a boyfriend than it is for her early 20s son to get dates and a girlfriend.

Where's the father in this story?

Yeah it’s definitely easier for the daughter. Dad is in the picture (couple is married), but he also just completely avoids the topic of his son dating. Probably another parent with the “He’ll grow out of it” or “It’ll happen on its own” delusion.

 

[SW15]

Dad is in the picture (couple is married), but he also just completely avoids the topic of his son dating. Probably another parent with the “He’ll grow out of it” or “It’ll happen on its own” delusion.

The dad in this story did a piss poor job preparing his son how to date.

The dad is fortunate that his wife didn't leave him and screw him over in divorce court. Staying married for 20+ years and long enough to raise 2 children into adulthood in an achievement in 21st Century USA.

The dad might have been more focused on avoiding his own divorce instead of focusing energy to help his own son out in an important facet of life.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Yeah it’s definitely easier for the daughter. Dad is in the picture (couple is married), but he also just completely avoids the topic of his son dating. Probably another parent with the “He’ll grow out of it” or “It’ll happen on its own” delusion.

Typical airhead boomer-Gen X parenting. (I say that as a Xennial parent myself.)

 

[SW15]

Typical airhead boomer-Gen X parenting. (I say that as a Xennial parent myself.)

Very few Boomer-Gen X fathers have done a good job preparing their sons how to date.

My Boomer father didn't do much with me. My parents had a bad relationship that lasted far too long. My father had other priorities in life and didn't discuss much about dating with me.

There's no way that my Boomer mother could have prepared me to date as a Gen Y/Millennial.

In thinking about Boomer-Gen X fathers, a lot have been absentee from their children's lives. Sometimes the absenteeism is a result of a toxic mother. However, I've also been unimpressed with a lot of fathers who managed to stay in the same relationship with the mother.

 

[Manure Spherian]

There's no way that my Boomer mother could have prepared me to date as a Gen Y/Millennial.

Well, to be fair, they didn’t grow up in the sort of unruly sexual environment their Gen X kids did, in which some of the most deviant and vicious young males ruled ruled the market. Many also weren’t aware that their 12 and 13 year old daughters were little wh0res for 20-plus year old men or that their sons were headed for inceldom.

I’m not joking. I plan on making a homeschooling sexual education curriculum for my son and his peers when they are in their teens.

Books I’d assign are:
Sexual Utopia in Power by F. Roger Devlin (Dr. Christopher Moore) (hefty emphasis on female sexual and anti-social behavior)
The New Politics of Sex by Dr. Stephen Baskerville
The Case for Father Custody by Dr. Daniel Amneus (has entire chapter on hypergamy and much focus on life destroying divorce court)
The War on Men by Suzanne Venker

 

[SW15]

Well, to be fair, they didn’t grow up in the sort of unruly sexual environment their Gen X kids did

The environment that most Boomers grew up in was a different environment that the upbringing for Generation X.

My parents were born in the early 1950s. Their formative years would have been the 1950s - 1960s.

The majority of Gen X'ers were the children born in the 2nd half of the 1960s and the first half of the 1970s. Late 1970s and 1980 births are classified as Gen X. There is that Xennial phrase for late 1970s/early 1980s births. Technically, that label would be applicable for me. I have never bought the Xennial label for myself as I have felt my experiences have been more of a true Gen Y/Millennial experience.

Boomers were raised with more stable family units, especially the first 2/3rds of that generation. Late Boomers (1959-1964 births) had a somewhat different experience as no fault divorce entered most USA states by the 1970s. Divorces skyrocketed in the 1970s and some late Boomers might have felt that during childhood. However, most of the earliest wave of divorcees had Generation X children. This is why Generation X children were called latchkey children.

The 1970s-1980s were a transitional era in the sexual marketplace. The Sexual Revolution that started in the 1960s was starting to become solidified during the 1970s-1980s era. Due to its transitional nature, the 1970s-1980s had some elements leftover from a past time but started us down the path where we've gotten today.

The latchkey kid environment that Generation X children faced affected their worldview. I don't think that transitional era during their formative years helped them either.

It was uncommon in Generation X for male incels to exist. The most well known Generation X incel/borderline incel was Neil Strauss. Strauss was born in 1969. He got a bachelor's degree from an Ivy League school and had a decent journalism job. These achievements in the 1990s were not getting Strauss laid. Strauss wasn't getting laid until he became a seduction student of fellow Gen X'er Mystery and other notable PUAs. Neil Strauss pre-Mystery and other PUAs was mostly incel due to his 5'6" height and premature balding.

By the time that Generation Y/Millennial male were reaching their teens and early 20s, the incidence of incels/borderline incels were becoming more common.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I have never bought the Xennial label

I use the term Xennial because I grew up in the midst of Gen X culture, but also experienced the digital age in my late teens and early 20's while older Gen Xers did not. I also absorbed the subcultures of the Gen X era but was too young to participate because I am a late Gen Xer/Xennial, specifically extreme genres of metal and hardcore. I listened to such music, but it was not as if I could head to CBGB's at thirteen years old safely considering the violence that accompanied the NY hardcore scene.

latchkey children.

I was such a child. And as I said, much unsavory activity occurred in unsupervised homes of the 90s. I swear, some of the homes I socialized in, one would wonder if parents even resided in them. This dramatically changed the sexual market from the time in which such absent parents grew up.

I don't think that transitional era during their formative years helped them either.

It actually resulted in criminality, truancy, drug abuse, and actual sexual abuse of young girls (confirmed by my own observations of the era).

It was uncommon in Generation X for male incels to exist.

The culture drastically changed in the 90s, and from my biased experience and observations of the time, scum rose to the top of the sexual market. Girls were f-cking around very young with such scum, whereas in previous generations, older male family members had authority to scare or beat the f-- out of such males. Again, I'll repeat, that's my biased observation from the area in which I lived. Some norm ie men who brag about how easy it was for them as a youngster to attract women would have been incel in the outrageously ethnically and socieoeconimically diverse area I grew up in. Even some RP madmen like Rollo might have been incel considering the beauty standards they have in women. In some cases, such women were practically "owned" by cliques of attractive men or gangs. I'm not joking. Some women were totally unavailable, as they would be walled off by such groups and would simply date/f-k exclusively in them. Women complain about toxic masculinity but succumb like war brides in the presence of it.

Strauss wasn't getting laid until he became a seduction student of fellow Gen X'er Mystery and other notable PUAs. Neil Strauss pre-Mystery and other PUAs was mostly incel due to his 5'6" height and premature balding.

I rememnber the old PUA scene considering my age and interest back then.

I did not need PUA personally. I needed to overcome my persistent depression that developed at a young age and stop what I call "living in one's head". I had friends, was an alright looking kid and young adult (I'd say a six or seven), and was heavily into the gym (obviously).

My main problems were 1) not being myself (yes, I know that goes against PUA dogma) due to poor self image, 2) being uptight (living in one's head), 3) following rules (actually thinking the term boyfriend means something in all cases), and 4) not taking risks.

Pertaining to point 1, I do not mean I was a phony. What I mean was that I was far too reserved and hung up on what I perceived to be flaws that I thought would hamper me. It turns out that these were just personality quirks that people (women, co-workers, friends) wound up actually liking! I was also actually emotionally abused for much of my younger years by two classmates/"friends" and in my household which made me reserved.

What I mean by following rules, was that I actually was sort of chivalrous at a young age. If a girl said she had a boyfriend, I would consider her actually unavailable. But the conundrum was that seemingly every damn young female, average, chubby, or pretty, had a "boyfriend". I forgot why, but I once wound up in the home of an around-the-corner neighbor and classmate when I was seventeen years old. She had a "boyfriend" who I knew but was not friends with. Unlike my usual self, I got the nerve to start fondling her a$s and breasts from behind over her clothing while she was doing her hair and makeup. She giggled. The next week while on the phone, she told me she wasn't going to tell me to stop. Here I thought having a "bf" in the 90's meant something.

On the first day of orientation for my university, I met a hot blond woman my age. We spent the whole evening together walking around and socializing. I would up on her bed until late at night. She said she had a bf. Uh, what woman serious about a bf invites a man over until the wee hours to be in bed together? I made no move. After all, she had a "bf".

Last point 4 was simply not moving in on IOI's.

Once got over all this sh-t I got women. Not loads of them, but that wasn't my aim anyway. I experienced a good deal of sexual hedonism when the dating sites came about (POF, Match). I don't know how I would do on the apps now if I were single, but considering two of my friends met their second wives (one is a fat guy who met his SMV match), I believe I would meet some women. Not loads, but some.