Cool and indifferent v warm and friendly

[Matt Rogers]

An issue that has always confused me is whether women prefer the cool, indifferent, and unemotional type (e.g James Bond) or the warm, friendly and charming, smiley type. David D always recommends the former category, saying it is best to act as if you are disinterested and not particularly impressed with her. But in my personal experience girls seem to go for the charmers who smile a lot, seem genuinely interested in the girl and often compliment them a lot.

What does everyone think?

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

women tend to like both, it also depends on the women. If you where to list what women like, in bullet points, thne all these would come up and the 2 types you just mentioned are actuly very simular, for example the james bond type also needs to be charming and 1 thing for sure is that if your are not frendly and do not smile, you will not get anywhere. So i think the answer is these are not 2 opposite presonalitys such as nice guy vs jerk they are much the same and women would want all the qualities you mentioned, james bond type that is also warm, friendly and charming and smiley, i this is not a case of which is better, it is 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other as you should have all the qualitys mentioned!

 

[Caveman]

Some girls like dark hair - some girls like blond hair
Some girls like buff - some girls like skinny
Some girls like bunnies - some girls like horses
Some girls like pasta - some girls like fries

Get my drift?

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

caveman, altohugh what you said is 100% correct, but do you not see that in genral women like all those qualities mentioned, not just the james bond type or the other, but a man that is both of those put together!

 

[Caveman]

Actually, you're right. It's just that most of the time a man is either one or the other. The strong silent mysterious type is usually not the charming smiley guy. So girls might have a preference for one or the other.

Liking fries doesn't mean pasta isn't any good

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

Liking fries doesn't mean pasta isn't any good wow caveman thats a nice analagy, see every 1 seems to asume (me included) if a girl likes some one who is quite she will not like some 1 who is loud, im going to make sure i remember that, its so obvious yet i never thought of it on that level, its the same as the fact that you cna be attracted to girls that are 'sluts' and girls that are cute

good one, keep it up caveman!

 

[Caveman]

Well I know tons of girls who are torn between the nice friendly guy and the jerk. They are attracted to both of them and can't decide.

I have chosen to just be me because whatever qualities you may have - you may even have all the qualities a girl could ask for - and she still might not be attracted to you.

Like someone else said (why do i keep forgetting who said what?) i am not attracted to all girls so why do i need them all to be attracted to me?

Just be yourself and usually, you get the girl that fits you best.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Good points everyone. I tend to fit more into the cool, indifferent type, but am lacking in the charm department and rarely smile and feel this is an area I need to work on. But part of me feels that it is rather effeminate to be smiling all the time and being too enthusiastic and emotional. I also agree with David D that if you smile too much and compliment her too much and act too pleased to be around her, she will interpret it as insecurity, whereas if you are cool, laid back and almost disinterested she will see you as a challenge.

Given that girls like both types to a degree, what is the best way to combine them? How do you strike the balance between being flatteringly interested in her without seeming to be trying to impress her too much? What is the right balance to strike between being friendly and being a challenge?

I have found that to a degree seeming disinterested in hot girls works quite well, as they usually start trying to impress you. But once that happens I am not sure how to proceed next-as the disinterested role is after all passive, and at some stage I will have to show my interest and make a move. Any advice?

 

[Caveman]

Go out and test.
A balance like that is nearly impossible to describe.
How would you explain someone how to keep balance while walking? You have to feel it.

Make it your little project, go out and test it. You may even try and take it to the extreme. The important thing probably is though that you shouldn't try to force a smile when you are not the smiley type. You might look really stupid

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

give them a lot of attention some of the time, and very little attention some of the time, as for fine tunning things like this or any other qualites, well you do not want to be too much of either one, belive it or not, over ocnfident people seem arogant. as for how much of each one you should be, you will have to find out whats best for you, so go out use trial and improvment and see what works best.

caveman, you should you try to be yourself, well i say, you should change, improve yourself till you have the qualites you want, then keep them and be your new self, after all this is what being a DJ is all about!

hope ive been a help!

 

[Caveman]

check_mate, I may have forgot to mention that I already improved and still working on it.. I was saying that I am not inspiring to be one or the other. But thanks for the tip

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

you liked the tip, well thats good, iv got a nice tip lined up for my 100th post, just finished wiriting it, its not a direct tip like how to be more ocnfident, but it will defintly help your game and your whole life! well not long to go till i post it! keep an eye open for it!

 

[TommiV]

Naturally I'd be more of the "indifferent" type you say but I've come to learn that 99.999999999% of the time this is NOT the way to be.

When you say indifferent, if a girl does not know you're interested in her you just come across cold ... COLD NOT COOL!!
I heard that one straight from the horses mouth (if ya get my meaning, hehehe).

Any guys I know who manage to score a lot are ALWAYS ALWAYS the ones who just go and start talking to her right from the get-go. If you don't she WON'T notice you and you WON'T come across well.
What they mean by indifference though, is that you don't come off all needy or something. You HAVE to go to her, show your interest and get talking and be warm and smiley and whatever else you said.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

what you are saying is right, in a very vague kind of way, but in more detail its not necciserly right. Sure you need to show her you like her, but do not go over board, you cna be indiffrent and still ocasinaly show her you like her, as you anyway do nto wnat to show her it too much, as that is a bad thing to do.

about just going and talking to her, well you need to do this, but the fact that you talk to her means nothing you need to also concentrate on saying the right things, and being good at listining ot her and commenitng on what she has to say rtaher then just talking aobut yourself!

hope iv been a help

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I go back and forth between the two. I'm usually smiling and inviting, but occasionally I'm aloof and enigmatic. Recently I just had a woman tell me outright that she can't figure me out. I just told her that if she could she would get bored with me. She thought about it for a moment and then kissed me. I guess that was the right answer.

Why only be one dimensional? Be different, be interesting, go with the flow by being yourself in being able to readily be comfortable with all your moods. Women love that kind of man. It gives them something to do when they attempt to figure you out by reading articles in women's magazines or watching Oprah. It's easy amusement.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Good post Francisco. I think it is about getting the right blend between the two. Too friendly and they think you are a wuss, trying too hard. Too cool and indifferent and they think you are cold and don't like them.

As I tend to veer too much between being cool and poker faced, I am going to see what throwing in a bit of charm in the form of smiling more and showing a bit more excitement and enthusiasm for the girl does. I watched a Bond movie recently and he does have the right mix so will be trying to emulate that.

Bond (or at least Roger Moore's portrayal of him) is personable and charming but in a relaxed sort of way. Rather than being cold he is just very relaxed and composed with women.

The smiling issue is something that still puzzles me. I am not a smiley person by nature, or for that matter a very emotional person. I tend to have quite a serious facial expression a lot of the time-girls often ask me what I am thinking. Should I be trying to smile a lot more when with girls-even if the smile is slightly forced and artificial?

 

[gav]

variety's good. alternate between the two. personally, i think that being indifferent is the best way to go, provided you do actually pay attention to the girl; it's just that you seem relaxed and don't give a shyt about anything.

too much of one attitude (cool or warm) is not good. obviously smiling all the time will make you seem like a bytch and not smiling at all will make you seem like a stoic bore.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
The smiling issue is something that still puzzles me. I am not a smiley person by nature, or for that matter a very emotional person. I tend to have quite a serious facial expression a lot of the time-girls often ask me what I am thinking. Should I be trying to smile a lot more when with girls-even if the smile is slightly forced and artificial?

I wasn't a smiley person at first either, however I began to let people know that I'm glad to see them. I can't help but smile when I think of it that way, especially when it's a cute woman and she smiles back when I give her a wink.

No matter what you do, don't ever force anything that you do. Forcing something is a tell tale sign that you are out of your element or that you are uncomfortable.

By all means do not avoid these situations, learn to be comfortable in them! Surprisingly, the more comfortable and confident you are in your surrounding, you begin to notice that you smile more often!

 

[JT47319]

The real question you need to be asking yourself is... ARE YOU INDIFFERENT BECAUSE YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS?

I think way too many n00bs and AFCs use "mysterious" and "cool" as a crutch and excuse for their form of behavior in public and when sarging. It gives them a defensive mechanism so that they don't EXPOSE their personality or CONVEY their personality.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by JT47319
The real question you need to be asking yourself is... ARE YOU INDIFFERENT BECAUSE YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS?

I think way too many n00bs and AFCs use "mysterious" and "cool" as a crutch and excuse for their form of behavior in public and when sarging. It gives them a defensive mechanism so that they don't EXPOSE their personality or CONVEY their personality.

That was fvcking insightful! I think you've hit upon something big time! No offence to anyone, but it does seem easier (safer) to be aloof when you need a major defence mechanism, just don't let them in! It's the perfect BS crutch!

Good observation JT!