Update: January 4, 2007
It has been slightly over six months since I've started to grab control over my life. I took the liberty of rereading my posts. I experienced an unreal feeling as I read. I didn't write everything that went on in my life, but as I read I remembered every single detail from the rejections to the successes. I remembered the suffering I've faced in High School.
I remembered my low self-esteem. I winced at the time I've wasted at being angry as I lied in my room alone lying to myself that I can and will improve without taking it seriously, or, for that matter, making a plan to improve. I was out of shape and I ate irregularly; when I ate it was unhealthy food. I didn't read that much. I had all the time in the world. I didn't hang out, or Study. I literally wasted my time.
All of these experiences still affect me. Do not think for an instant that life is perfect for me. I am still haunted by the rejections I've experienced. One girl over the summer whom I've talked about in particular. She was the first girl I tried to open up to and it seems that I was played from the start. And, upon looking back to it thanks to this thread that still exists, I realized that it was my positive attitude that kept me in tact. However, it was a false sense of hope. I wasn't really completely positive. I'm still on that path toward complete self-confidence and happiness. However, the key is not to lie to yourself. One must embrace his or her shortcomings and acknowledge there strengths; once this is done, one must use this to improve. She was beautiful, smart, fun, easy going and had a great body. But, what really hurt the most was rejection; the cold heart wrenching experience that feel as if my cold soul is slithering out of my body as I lie alone in my quiet room.
I learned to deal with it. I channeled this energy to sports. I swim for my college. For every bad thing we experience in life, we can transmute it to a great thing.
If you are concerned about your proverbial "game" with women, my advice, experiences directly correlate with how well you deal with women. Before you can successfully approach women as a genuine man and produce a desired outcome, one must "know thyself" (socrates); you must know what you want, believe in yourself, and begin your journey of self-improvement - overcome your obstacles.
Women, in the grand scheme of things, are trivial. My instinct tells me "no, women are everything."; from the sexy curves of their body, to their soft skin, beautiful smile, long brown hair, and piercing green eyes... they are everything that we want... it seems, sometimes. But, in order to be happy and succeed in a greater sense (and, yes, even with women) you must improve within. You must believe in yourself first, before you expect women to believe in you as a person they should trust, respect, love, cherish, or desire to fu*k (girls do not want to feel like sluts; they want to be, f*ck someone worth it - to someone worth showing off to their friends).
Start your path to self-improvement. Contend life, for nothing comes easy. This post is not a lecture to you - only. I am learning and discovering this key to our future as I type this post right now at 3:29 AM in the morning. I cannot fall asleep. I bumped into this girl that made me realize what inspired me to start this whole thing to begin with - rejection.
Life is filled with bumps, pot holes, ditches, craters, pits, and black holes. My first semester in college did not go as planned. I had my share of girl friends that ****ed with me. I learned. I had my share of girl problems; trust me, I learned from that too. I still work out regularly. I eat healthy. I get hit on. I get eye fvcked by all the girls on my floor as I go to the shower without my shirt. I have really gone a long way. I have progressed, but with every success I encounter adversary. I struggled, and I am struggling right now with my grades. I am intelligent, but I've let everything get to me. I need to place my foot firmly on the ground and take power.
But, believe me when I say this: It was fvcking worth it. As a young boy I've always looked up to college students. There was this amazing quality about them; they were so cool, and composed; they were intelligent and radiated with confidence and happiness. Before college they were immature, and stupid. Once in college they returned home speaking eloquently, filled with brilliant ideas. The nerds of High School came back easy going, fun, cool and still bright.
I had a high expectation of college. That's why I needed a harsh lesson - a bad GPA for my semester to really wake me up. College is serious business for the field that I am going into; grades hold a lot of weight. I see it now as the foundation for the gears of change that are setting in motion. I am already a different person than that fateful June 2006.
It can only go uphill from here, despite the detours and pitfalls along the way.
I have a lot of problems. I also have a lot of successes that give me a reason to wake up in the morning and smile. There is a bright side to everything. So what I didn't do as well as I should have? Life will not come to a halt. It doesn't make me any less of a person. It only indicates I'm human; so if you're in doubt of my race, rest assured... I'm human.
I find it hard to study. I ended up giving up on that. I did not study at all. So I deserve the grades I got for not studying at all. I technically study for a few hours out of the whole semester. And, to be quite honest, I did not do terribly under those circumstances. My grade was an 85 out of a 100 (2.8 GPA out of a 4.0 GPA). It's time to overcome my high school habits. I think that is my biggest obstacle: overwriting 4 years of self-destructive habits. It really is. It's as hard as forcing yourself to decline sexual advances by a really beautiful woman. Yes, it's that difficult. However, I'm not here to complain.
I'm here to indicate that during this time I experienced SUCCESS and FAILURE alike. It's life, man. I am highlighting the failure because society seems to shun those who fail as unacceptable. At least that's how I feel when I do poorly. Regardless, it happens. And, I am better for it. As much as it pains me to experience the "down" side to life, it makes me a better person.
We have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. What better way to pursue happiness than by starting with helping oneself improve?
I will keep a daily journal on my computer of my life: my pursuit of happiness if you will. If my continuing progression interests you I do not mind copying and pasting it to this thread.
Have a Happy New Year,
Contender
