Constantly getting flaked on!

[Nelford]

Well, I had already arranged to meet with the friend. The girl called and asked what I was doing, and I told her that I was going out for drinks with this friend but she was welcome to come along. Perhaps I should have jsut told her I was busy?

Yup, that's what you do.

 

[Nelford]

Yep.

I see this often enough in these forums: girl calls, asks what are you doing later, the guy has plans but is willing to either amend them, include her or toss them out or babbles out whatever he's up to... this has to stop!

The answer is, "I'm busy. But how's next Monday?"

Don't accept immediate dates. You signal that you're too available and have nothing going on. It's almost like a test to see if you have a life.

It could be that the date she was to have canceled on her, so now she's looking for something else to do. You may be third on her list.

They may be interested in seeing you, or they may just be asking to see if you do have things going on for yourself or not. So that's why we counter offer, to see if we can get a date out of it or not.

Only accept incoming dates that are for about a week ahead of time.

You want to demonstrate higher value? You don't always need for her to see another woman on your arm to do that. Let her IMAGINATION work for you. Imagination is a wicked thing.

"He's busy? Wouldn't tell me what he's busy doing... Hmmmm... probably 'busy' with that new girl that looks like a Playboy model in the office he seems to like, I'll bet! He's probably having wild, great sex with her tonight!"

Hommie you got it! If I am out with another woman I will simply say I am out with a friend and I will call you later and then get off the phone before they start telling me about there day. I don't understand why dudes do this. They drop everything for women they don't even know yet.

I had a so-called friend that you to call me up and ask for me to meet him at a club. I get out of my comfort zone and get dress, go down to the club and this dude never shows up because some girl called him. Dont bother to call or anything. I mean I payed $20 to get in this club plus bought a couple of shots while waiting on him. Funny thing is now the dude is getting married and wants me to be the best man. Hope he has a plan B.

 

[Nelford]

Let me ask you fellas something while we are on the topic of flaking. I know this girl that always want to get together but she never calls or emails. She post the d%mn request on Myspace for all my friends to see. They are always asking me what's up with this girl. I mean if she want to do something what's wrong with picking up the phone. The girl flake on me twice when we were suppose to meet, but she made up for it by paying for dinner. When we do meet and have a good time she post how she had a good time and how we need to do it again on Myspace. Is she stuck in the attention ***** stages or is she a total flake?

 

[Mr. Me]

Is she stuck in the attention ***** stages or is she a total flake?

I think any gal who has a myspace of facebook page is by definition an AW.

The girl posts your "requests" for all her friends to see = "Look how popular I am! I have men wanting me!"

Additionally, that's private material between you and her. Shows a lack of class on her part to post it publicly.

Flakes sometimes, sometimes not = Mixed Signals. Mixed Signals = Low Interest.

Low Interest & No Respect.

 

[JeanShorts]

You are not alone.

Let's be honest, women flake. And they don't only flake on guys. They flake on their girlfriends, co-workers, pretty much anyone with whom they might make plans. That's just what they do. They eat, sleep, f*ck and flake.

If they flake on the first or second date, they will flake constantly to the point where you will have "plans" every week or so, but never see them. And the only real way to avoid this is to prevent or discourage it in the first place. You need to show them that it is irresponsible behavior and not something you will accept from someone you choose to spend your time with.

If she says, "Call me a couple of days before to figure out the details," I say "We just figured out the details. Mark it down on your calendar and I'll call you when I'm leaving to pick you up, meet out, etc." If she says, "I might have to blah, blah, blah," I say "Sounds like a bad time for you, I have to run but I'll call you in a few days to figure out when we're both free."

This is not to say women don't flake on me. As I said, it's just one of the things that they do. They put as much though into flaking as, say, taking a shower. And they don't even realize it. That's how ingrained it is. But if they do flake on me, they won't have an opportunity to a second time.

I ran into a girl a month or so after she flaked on me the first time we made plans. She asked why I never called her again. I told her she flaked on me and I don't have the time to deal with people who don't respect my time. I don't remember her exact excuse, but it was something like "I didn't flake, I had to go out for drinks with a friend of mine." lmao

That's the attitude we're dealing with.

There is a distinction, however, between flaking and legitimate reasons to change or cancel plans. And you should be able to tell which is the case just by the conversation. If she says someting like "Oh, I told my friend I'd go to..." that's a flake. If she sends you a text instead of calling, that's most likely a flake, too. If she's sick, has a business meeting, family event or something along those lines and calls to reschedule, that's cool. But if these things are popping up all the time, that's right... flake.

All you can do is move on.

 

[STR8UP]

I think any gal who has a myspace of facebook page is by definition an AW.

The girl posts your "requests" for all her friends to see = "Look how popular I am! I have men wanting me!"

Additionally, that's private material between you and her. Shows a lack of class on her part to post it publicly.

Flakes sometimes, sometimes not = Mixed Signals. Mixed Signals = Low Interest.

Low Interest & No Respect.

Not necessarily.

I actually talked an AW friend into getting signed up. And some other girls I know who AREN'T AW's are on there all the time.

 

[Mr. Me]

Always exceptions to a rule. Or maybe you're absolutely convinced they're not AWs when that's actually their AW side showing. Talking a known AW into signing up is like pushing a piece of pie unto a fatty. "Well... okay... if you insist... I'll just try this one little slice..." LOL

Look at what that OP's chicky is doing. That's AW stuff.

 

[STR8UP]

Let's be honest, women flake. And they don't only flake on guys. They flake on their girlfriends, co-workers, pretty much anyone with whom they might make plans. That's just what they do. They eat, sleep, f*ck and flake.

Great point.

I was talking to a friend recently about this, and arrived at the conclusion that most of the women i have met recently are simply FLAKY WOMEN. They do it to me, and they do it to their friends too.

Of course, if you get their interest level up this doesn't happen, but some of these women don't even give you a chance to LET themselves get to know you since they are too distracted and busy and whatnot.

I ran into a girl a month or so after she flaked on me the first time we made plans. She asked why I never called her again. I told her she flaked on me and I don't have the time to deal with people who don't respect my time. I don't remember her exact excuse, but it was something like "I didn't flake, I had to go out for drinks with a friend of mine." lmao

Exactly. They don't even realize that they are disrespecting your time.

I posted awhile back about a chick who called me AS SHE WAS WALKING TOWARD HER CAR, which was parked a couple of blocks from my place, and she kept saying "I'm on my way to come and see you"

45 minutes after her last call (when she was at a parking garage a few blocks from my place) she calls me and tells me she's had too much to drink so she's following her friend home.

We had SLEPT together a couple of times before that and had sex and whatever, and she was too drunk to drive two blocks to my place but not ten miles to hers????

Now THAT'S a flake. And she thought nothing of it, that's the sad part.

 

[Firefly]

So I tried Mr.Me's approach with the new girl.

Not only did she reply to confirm, she messaged me this morning to confirm the date. She also paid for most of the drinks, and we ended up making out at the tram stop before she went home.

If this was a commerical, this is the point where I would be saying "Thanks Mr Me and Sosuave.com "

 

[decades]

There are two kinds of people in life. The kind that will flake on you and the kind that won't. You have to start doing a friend "exchange".

 

[My Name is Nobody]

LOL I just got flaked on in the worst way possible. I was meeting this girl for drinks and she called me to confirm 30 minutes before the time we were going to meet.

I was driving to the location and I am 5 minutes away, she calls me and says her sister locked her keys out of her house, and she had to cancel. :crackup:

I didn't get angry at all I just said "that's fine". She kept asking if I was mad. So as soon as that happened I called my plan B, and we are meeting up in an hour.

While I was on the phone with plan B, the flake called again and said her sister will make me a cake to show how sorry she was.

To top it off she said she said her sister lives 10 minutes away from where we were supposed to meet, so it's not like she couldn't help her and then meet up with me.

The flaking knows NO bounds! I wonder what really happened.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Plan B just flaked too. It wasn't a major flake like the other one, she called acting very concerned about an exam tomorrow so I insisted on rescheduling. But it was still a flake. We made plans and then she called at the last minute with some excuse.

Wow, 2 flakes in one night is a record for me. I'm tapped out, going to catch up on some sleep. Don't feel bad OP. The great thing is I don't even care anymore.

 

[lookyoung]

Yep I just got flaked on also. The 20 year old that I met 1 month ago flaked on me. I spoke to her yesterday and asked what she was up too, and she said she was going to get a drink with a few friends. I asked her if she wanted to hang out today and she said yes.

So I call her today at about 630pm and I get no answer. I leave her a text at about 845pm saying Whats going on tonight? Are you going out?

She leaves me a text at 1045 PM saying Hun i didn't hear from you all day so some friends wanted to take me out to dinner for my B-day(She turned 21 last week) I am just getting done....

Now I have been out on 5 dates with this girl. And have fvcked her 4 of those times. She is not my GF so I am not going to show her I am upset. But she better be kissing my azz or she won't be getting a call from me anytime soon.

I and everyone here must ask themselves? If this girl had high interest level in me do you think she would have flaked tonight? The answer is probably not.

 

[Jitterbug]

I and everyone here must ask themselves? If this girl had high interest level in me do you think she would have flaked tonight? The answer is probably not.

I don't think most girls could maintain a consistently high interest level all the time in a guy. Most I know seem to swing a fair bit depending on their moods, and it hasn't got much to do with how much they're interested in the guy. Even if they're very interested, they'd still flake when they aren't in the mood, and rationalize to themselves afterwards that it's OK to make themselves hard to get, and that'd make the guy like them more. And they don't have a code of honour that makes them stick to their original commitment, so they just do whatever they like.

I think the key to prevent flaking is to make the girl invest something into making the date happen. It could be financial (i.e you're going to see a show and she's bought her ticket) or emotional or some kind of effort (dressing up for the date doesn't count, of course). Men get flaked on because we organize everything from A to Z, from asking her out to planning the date, and all the girl has to do is to show up and look pretty. Since she hasn't invested anything into the date, she can effortlessly pull out depending on her mood prior to it.

 

[guru1000]

Yep I just got flaked on also. The 20 year old that I met 1 month ago flaked on me. I spoke to her yesterday and asked what she was up too, and she said she was going to get a drink with a few friends. I asked her if she wanted to hang out today and she said yes.

So I call her today at about 630pm and I get no answer. I leave her a text at about 845pm saying Whats going on tonight? Are you going out?

She leaves me a text at 1045 PM saying Hun i didn't hear from you all day so some friends wanted to take me out to dinner for my B-day(She turned 21 last week) I am just getting done....

Now I have been out on 5 dates with this girl. And have fvcked her 4 of those times. She is not my GF so I am not going to show her I am upset. But she better be kissing my azz or she won't be getting a call from me anytime soon.

I and everyone here must ask themselves? If this girl had high interest level in me do you think she would have flaked tonight? The answer is probably not.

Most men can be with many women. Most men will not be with HIGHLY INTERESTED women.

What is AVAILABLE might not be WORTHWHILE.

Here is the perfect scenario. A girl who sleeps with you 4 times does not define her as HIGH IL. Rather her FLAKING defines her IL.

Would a 20 year old FLAKE on a million dollar lotto ticket? Only if it was not important enough to her. HIGH IL never will.

Will you walk away or continue this convenience?

 

[Juando]

Had plans tonight with Missy, scheduled the whole thing around a RELIGIOUS activity she had so I would see her after that.

She calls an hour before the RELIGIOUS activity to say that she got DRUNK, maybe won't make the date. I know what that means.

Switch to plan B, she calls later, whines pathetically, asks if I'm mad.
I don't answer, get off the phone quickly.

She used to be a chronic flake, I distanced myself for a long time, gave her a SECOND CHANCE.

There will be no THIRD chance.


Girl B, tried to flake on me because of a BAD HAIRCUT last month. I said, talk to you later, bye. She said NO, WAIT, I'll come...
She came, complained, then apologized. I like her, trying to TRAIN her.
She's a late person, may not be able to train that out of her, may have to NEXT because of lateness...

 

[lookyoung]

Most men can be with many women. Most men will not be with HIGHLY INTERESTED women.

What is AVAILABLE might not be WORTHWHILE.

Here is the perfect scenario. A girl who sleeps with you 4 times does not define her as HIGH IL. Rather her FLAKING defines her IL.

Would a 20 year old FLAKE on a million dollar lotto ticket? Only if it was not important enough to her. HIGH IL never will.

Will you walk away or continue this convenience?

I am a realist and agree with just about everything you have to say. If she had a high interest level she would not have pulled this crap. I won't walk away from her, but I won't call her either. If she wants to pursue me and kiss my azz she can, if she doesn't than thats fine with me too. I am spinning 3 plates and she was the plate that I had the highest interest level in. The other two I have been keeping them around with a string but I have a low interest level in them. I am probably going to let both of them go.

Bottom line is if she wants to continue this we can, but I am not going to get attached emotionally nor do I expect anything from her. If we continue its going to be on my terms and if its not than she is dead to me.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

This thread is too funny... Can anyone beat my flake? The one that called me to confirm 30 minutes before the date, then when I was 2 blocks away called to cancel because her sister locked her keys out of the house. It was obviously a lie.

And this is a 33 year old woman.

 

[STR8UP]

This thread is too funny... Can anyone beat my flake? The one that called me to confirm 30 minutes before the date, then when I was 2 blocks away called to cancel because her sister locked her keys out of the house. It was obviously a lie.

And this is a 33 year old woman.

Mine is better.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Mine is better.

Haha, I just went back a reread your flake report. What ever happened did she call you the following days? I already deleted mine from my phone in disgust.