Competition from another guy... sort of.

[alotofpots]

Hello all. I have a problem that I have not experienced yet surprisingly, and need some advice or predictions on what exactly will happen from those who have experienced this problem already. If nothing else, this should be a good read.

[The Backstory]

Several months ago when I was in a relationship, I met this really pretty girl through a friend. She is young (18) and I'm a bit older than her (23). We were hanging out and though she didn't catch my interest really (I have high standards), I caught hers with the whole ****y and funny thing, which I do very well. She told me to add her on Facebook after the brief interaction, so I did.

A few months later I ask her to hang out as friends on FB, and we do. I don't treat her as a friend really though, and do the typical things the pros suggest, such as teasing her, being ****y and funny, etc. I don't see her often though, and keep things casual, maybe seeing her once every 3 weeks.

My relationship wasn't going anywhere, so I ended it with the girl I was with. A little before that, she had started a relationship with a guy, so now the shoe was on the other foot so to speak. We would still hang out, but not that often still, and I was really turning up the attraction dials with her now that I was single and wouldn't feel bad about it. The whole time her then boyfriend would get jealous whenever we'd hang out, and I'd just laugh it off and play it cool. Like clockwork, after a month or two, they split because of his jealous tendencies and we started hanging out more, only now we were both single, and my alpha male personality was coming out full force. I decided to take things slow though, since she just got out of a relationship and since I wanted to make sure she was worth the investment. My standards were definitely raised after my last failed relationship, so I decided the next girl had to really be up to par.

I was doing everything right; not showing her as much as she would show me, making her earn my attention and acts of kindness, teasing her, being ****y and funny, taking the lead in situations, even being a bit of a playful *******, but then showing a serious side by the end of the night and having deep conversations. We are both very intelligent, so these conversations really hit home for me and that's when I knew I wanted this girl. Of course, I didn't make this known, but you know. Keep in mind this all of isn't an act either, just my natural personality; I was able to display it full force with her. We were seeing each other once a week, and around the 3rd or date, we kissed. From then on, things have gotten more serious (with each confrontation escalating closer and closer to sex, but me withdrawing and teasing and not committing to the act yet to build anticipation, and to go along with wanting to take it slow), and she's very into me now. But there's a problem and a slight roadblock impeding my progress.

[The Current Situation]

Back around that third date, she decided she wanted to throw a test my way. She started hanging out with another guy who was interested in her and hitting her up, and boy did she ever make it known she was seeing him on her Facebook. It was very obviously a jealousy test, and I played it cool and ignored it, while talking to other girls and making it known as well. She hung out with him two times, making it known each time, and both times I ignored it and played it cool. I passed the test with flying colors, and that stopped.

Problem is, I guess she started having actual feelings for the guy, because she would still see him, and she informed me several days ago that she likes him too and that they've kissed as well. He is a good looking guy; as good looking as I am if not moreso, and I'm not ashamed to admit that; but there are some key differences. He is younger (18), inexperienced, doesn't do any of the things I do that she has told me she likes me a lot for (being confident, not getting jealous, having deep conversations) and is being a really really nice guy to her. He has shown he is jealous of me and has gotten angry at her for liking me at the start, as well, while I have remained indifferent to him and keep doing my own thing, while talking to other girls as well and making it known to her. Overall, he is displaying very wussy behavior, so I'm thinking this is another test more than anything, or a way to make me speed things up. Still though, with my experience with women, it seems as if she does actually like this guy, but I definitely think she likes me more, as every time we see each other she seems to fall harder for me.

There are missing details with this, but basically, I would like to know what exactly is going on, and how to move forward with everything. Is she using him in order to get me to escalate things quicker, or does she actually like this guy? Is she just leading him on to fall back on in case things don't work out with me? Do I honestly have anything to worry about from this guy if, despite his good looks. everything else about him is wussy, jealous, needy and overly nice? Remember, she has told me flat out the reason she likes me so much is because I am the complete opposite of this; I don't get jealous, I'm confident, and she has to earn everything I give her.

And one last thing; if this girl actually does pick this guy over me, what should I do then? Ignore her, act indifferent towards the situation but still talk to her and see other chicks, or what?

Thanks for reading. This girl is special to me, so any advice you have is appreciated.

 

[lookalike]

heyman, this is very similar to something that happened to me. Girl was completely into me and I was playing everything cool. not showing that anything bothered me, never chasing etc. She met a guy (hes only 18, short, and corny) always posing on fb with his shirt off (hes scrawny but has abs bc he just is so small) girls like him bc he has light eyes but hes a runt. anyway, he would hit my girl up allll the time. she would send me their text exchanges and be laughing at how he wouldnt take no. he would write, "when are you going to be my girl" she would say "never go away" he would write 'should i come over now?" and she would write "drop dead" hed say ok lets go to the movies tomorrow. Well long story short, she stopped sending me the messages and i asked about him and she said he texts her every morning and night saying sweet stuff and shes been spending time with him. So moral of the story is Confidant persistence beats out playing it alpha cool and passive. You wont see that much on these boards but its true. these little funny guys come in and steal your girl by drilling over and over and the girl eventually goes for it. my head is still spinning over it but you are not alone bro. You could try playing his game but sounds like its not true to who you are. same as me. i dont like that chase stuff. but u gota be ready to lose the girl. I wasnt. live and learn. damn bro

 

[1-800-HellNo]

heyman, this is very similar to something that happened to me...

Holy ****, no lie, practically the same happened to me with my ex...
Some tiny pretentious hipster with no game constantly tried to hit on her, and say the lamest sh!t ever.
At first she would show me his messages, but she never "told him off" only said stuff like "im busy that day." Of course she never told me that, she just told me what a creep he was.
But yep, she ended up spending time with him, and i know she would never f*ck him (seeing how she's dyking now), but it's the fact that she could not just stand up and tell him off, and still feeds him attention, that is enough for me to be mad about it.

It doesn't necessarily mean she is gonna cheat, but it proves that she has no loyalty any way. She knew i hated this guy, and knew he tried disrespecting me, but she essentially chose him.

b1tches will be b1tches.

 

[Chilz Swayze]

Its happening to me right now,another guy just kissed her at her friends birthday party yesterday.I hate to say it but I got kinda hurt.Back to you-just keep it REAL above the minimum man out!!

 

[alotofpots]

I think our situations differ a little bit though guys. It sounds like when these events happened, it got under your guys' skin and you showed it. I really haven't let this affect me at all and have only made her feel stronger feelings for me every date, all the while pretty much ignoring him and not letting it bother me at all. But, he's still there, and even though he's acting in such a way that makes him come off as an easy, wussy pushover, crazier things have happened.

If this situation is happening to you, I urge you to NOT show that it affects you in any way. I haven't, and she's still very very into me. I just don't really know where to go from here.

 

[Chilz Swayze]

That's a maybe bro (I mean on my part),she might show signs to back up that attraction towards you cause that's what she maybe wants you to believe..move on unless otherwise!she's not worth your time no one isss,been there!!!!!but then again its just one guy's opinion!lol

 

[zinc4]

Hello all. I have a problem that I have not experienced yet surprisingly, and need some advice or predictions on what exactly will happen from those who have experienced this problem already. If nothing else, this should be a good read.

[The Backstory]

Several months ago when I was in a relationship, I met this really pretty girl through a friend. She is young (18) and I'm a bit older than her (23). We were hanging out and though she didn't catch my interest really (I have high standards), I caught hers with the whole ****y and funny thing, which I do very well. She told me to add her on Facebook after the brief interaction, so I did.

A few months later I ask her to hang out as friends on FB, and we do. I don't treat her as a friend really though, and do the typical things the pros suggest, such as teasing her, being ****y and funny, etc. I don't see her often though, and keep things casual, maybe seeing her once every 3 weeks.

My relationship wasn't going anywhere, so I ended it with the girl I was with. A little before that, she had started a relationship with a guy, so now the shoe was on the other foot so to speak. We would still hang out, but not that often still, and I was really turning up the attraction dials with her now that I was single and wouldn't feel bad about it. The whole time her then boyfriend would get jealous whenever we'd hang out, and I'd just laugh it off and play it cool. Like clockwork, after a month or two, they split because of his jealous tendencies and we started hanging out more, only now we were both single, and my alpha male personality was coming out full force. I decided to take things slow though, since she just got out of a relationship and since I wanted to make sure she was worth the investment. My standards were definitely raised after my last failed relationship, so I decided the next girl had to really be up to par.

I was doing everything right; not showing her as much as she would show me, making her earn my attention and acts of kindness, teasing her, being ****y and funny, taking the lead in situations, even being a bit of a playful *******, but then showing a serious side by the end of the night and having deep conversations. We are both very intelligent, so these conversations really hit home for me and that's when I knew I wanted this girl. Of course, I didn't make this known, but you know. Keep in mind this all of isn't an act either, just my natural personality; I was able to display it full force with her. We were seeing each other once a week, and around the 3rd or date, we kissed. From then on, things have gotten more serious (with each confrontation escalating closer and closer to sex, but me withdrawing and teasing and not committing to the act yet to build anticipation, and to go along with wanting to take it slow), and she's very into me now. But there's a problem and a slight roadblock impeding my progress.

[The Current Situation]

Back around that third date, she decided she wanted to throw a test my way. She started hanging out with another guy who was interested in her and hitting her up, and boy did she ever make it known she was seeing him on her Facebook. It was very obviously a jealousy test, and I played it cool and ignored it, while talking to other girls and making it known as well. She hung out with him two times, making it known each time, and both times I ignored it and played it cool. I passed the test with flying colors, and that stopped.

Problem is, I guess she started having actual feelings for the guy, because she would still see him, and she informed me several days ago that she likes him too and that they've kissed as well. He is a good looking guy; as good looking as I am if not moreso, and I'm not ashamed to admit that; but there are some key differences. He is younger (18), inexperienced, doesn't do any of the things I do that she has told me she likes me a lot for (being confident, not getting jealous, having deep conversations) and is being a really really nice guy to her. He has shown he is jealous of me and has gotten angry at her for liking me at the start, as well, while I have remained indifferent to him and keep doing my own thing, while talking to other girls as well and making it known to her. Overall, he is displaying very wussy behavior, so I'm thinking this is another test more than anything, or a way to make me speed things up. Still though, with my experience with women, it seems as if she does actually like this guy, but I definitely think she likes me more, as every time we see each other she seems to fall harder for me.

There are missing details with this, but basically, I would like to know what exactly is going on, and how to move forward with everything. Is she using him in order to get me to escalate things quicker, or does she actually like this guy? Is she just leading him on to fall back on in case things don't work out with me? Do I honestly have anything to worry about from this guy if, despite his good looks. everything else about him is wussy, jealous, needy and overly nice? Remember, she has told me flat out the reason she likes me so much is because I am the complete opposite of this; I don't get jealous, I'm confident, and she has to earn everything I give her.

And one last thing; if this girl actually does pick this guy over me, what should I do then? Ignore her, act indifferent towards the situation but still talk to her and see other chicks, or what?

Thanks for reading. This girl is special to me, so any advice you have is appreciated.

First of all she shouldn't be special because you are not in a relationship with her and no offense, but she doesn't sound like anyhting special to me...but i am sure she is hot.

Your problem is you are going way too slow....you say he is exhibiting wussy behavior..but in your own sort of way, you are too...all of this hanging out and no real escalating...i don't really get it..what are you waiting for???

It could be a test...but also i would be willing to bet he is escalating faster than you. Escalate and see what happens....hopefully you haven't waited too late....it's almost impossible to tell without knowing whether this new guys is banging her or not and without knowing their interactions. I wouldn't be surprised if either outcome is true. I do know that waiting will get you no where in your situation fast....you have had PLENTY of time already.

 

[TheWolfMan]

I agree with Zinc, it sounds like you're taking things too slow with her. She's getting bored, or tired of waiting. If this new guy bangs her before you, you're done. My only advice is to pull the damn trigger man, you can hook up with her and not be in a relationship. She prob wants the D bad. Also the fact that you're showing her that this new guy doesn't bother you could actually be hurting your situation, she might get the feeling that you don't care about her in general idk. The whole thing with not escalating and having deep conversations etc. could possibly be slowly guiding you into the friendzone. Like I said, you're 23 and he's 18, next time you see her f@ck her brains out, she'll forget about the other dude fast.

 

[TheWolfMan]

Like Zinc said, you have no idea what their actual interactions are like without being there and she could just be telling you what you want to hear. I mean she's still seeing him right? So he must be doing something right.

 

[alotofpots]

Since she just got out of a relationship, she also said she wanted to take it slow too, and we both mutually agreed on it, so every interaction is gradual for that reason. She also bought me a bunch of stuff for my birthday, bought me dinner that day, etc. so I know she's investing in me and is actually into me. It's hard to see this without knowing details, but I would definitely say she's into me more than him and actually likes that I'm taking it slow. You're right though, things need to speed up beyond makeout sessions and 2nd base.

I did plan to have sex with her this Saturday when I see her though. I wanted to this past weekend, but time didn't permit it. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[TheWolfMan]

I see, well sounds like you got nothing to worry about then. Just keep doing what your doing, but if there's other dudes getting involved it couldn't hurt to speed up the escalation just a little bit, am I right?

 

[TheWolfMan]

Also just be careful, the fact that she is still seeing him should be a major red flag to you. If she was really into you more than him, why would she continue to see him? Idk, then again I don't the details.

 

[alotofpots]

Well if he is as needy, clingy, and uber nice as he comes off (I have a reliable source that says he is), then she's probably sticking around just for the attention, or as a fall back plan. As someone who used to be like this guy though... it literally never works. Girls get bored after about a month and will drop you, because there's nothing to you. You're giving everything before you have anything, and it shows you have no value.

The way our relationship works is pretty much that I am picky and have high standards, so she works hard to please me, and then I reward her by doing nice things in return. I act unpredictably, tease her, make her laugh non-stop, but at the same time I'm not always around talking to her. If you've read any David D books, this is a very powerful way to handle things.

One thing to remember here is that she originally used this guy to try and make me jealous, which is why I have suspicions that this is just another test to see if I'll try harder to win her over. I already told her I wouldn't try harder and would just see other girls. I even told her that I was glad she was seeing him as it allowed me to not feel guilty about flirting up other chicks. This may seem like a bad idea, but I think an exact article on this site says to do this.

The main thing I'm worried about, again, is if she ends up getting with this guy just to make me jealous. But if she does that, I'm outtie 5000 anyway.

This girl is very hot though. Brunette, blue eyes. The fact that she's intelligent, we have a lot in common and we connect on a deeper level only adds to her attraction. Girls, still, are unpredictable though, which is why if anyone has been through a situation like this before should share it so I know what to expect, lol.

 

[JoeMarron]

You've been told this a thousand times but I'm gonna tell you again. Pull the damn trigger already! Idgaf if she just got out of a relationship. Its always better to escalate quickly. Also stop underestimating the competition. That'll make you complacent and the next thing you know she'll be in his bed and you'll be left wondering what the hell just happened. Pull the trigger and give it to her good and this other dude will be nothing but a memory to her.

 

[alotofpots]

You've been told this a thousand times but I'm gonna tell you again. Pull the damn trigger already! Idgaf if she just got out of a relationship. Its always better to escalate quickly. Also stop underestimating the competition. That'll make you complacent and the next thing you know she'll be in his bed and you'll be left wondering what the hell just happened. Pull the trigger and give it to her good and this other dude will be nothing but a memory to her.

I don't know why, but this motivated me, lol. Will do, captain.

 

[Kbomb]

She either thinks you are playing games with her, because no f-close. Or she thinks you have a small **** because again, no f-close. So f-close that b!tch.

 

[TheWolfMan]

I get what you're saying OP, but it's like I feel like your playing the game here when there's no need to play games anymore. Put that girl outta commission for a few days lol, f-close.

 

[lamobatsman]

where you from OP?

 

[alotofpots]

I'm from Cali, dude.^

I get what you're saying OP, but it's like I feel like your playing the game here when there's no need to play games anymore. Put that girl outta commission for a few days lol, f-close.

Definitely will this Saturday. Some would argue that I've been taking too long with things, but as long as you bring a girl into your reality I've found they'll go with just about anything as long as you're confident about it. I've realized now the other guy, despite his good looks, is just an orbiter/beta she's using for attention/ego boost while she waits on me to F-close.

She called me up today out of the blue and said she had gotten me a gift for the next time I see her. She sounded super desperate for my attention and my approval here, so I cut the conversation short after about 10 minutes. I told her I was glad she was seeing this other guy so I could see a lot of girls and not feel guilty, which apparently had a powerful affect. I have an opportunity to bone a hot chick on Friday before seeing her on Saturday as well. Win win. The game isn't necessary but it's still fun to play.

 

[Sik]

As everyone already said, it is long past time for you to slam her vagina without mercy! Do it!

It's kind of funny how a lot of us have had run-ins with these weird little guys who, like a snake, slither up to our plates. I had a similar experience when I was 18, actually.

I was banging this little red-headed broad with an amazing body but her face looked like she had gotten shot with a freckel shotgun. Not really my thing, but I was happy to hit it nonetheless.

So her ex-boyfriend keeps calling her, texting, all this and that, usually while I'm at her house slamming her out. He's just like OP's enemy, some midget hipster but he was persistent. As for the girl, just like OP's girl and all other girls, they love attention. Absolutely love it. It's why they have Beta orbiters for decades.

So anyways, this guy just won't go away. I don't really care all that much, I just want to pump it and eventually dump it. I even get on the phone and tell him to stop bothering her since she's busy getting railed. Long story short, I end up running into him a few days later and punch his lights out, but it was totally not worth the hassle.

Also, girls who are 18 are typically not devious, calculating people. I really wouldn't put too much stock into a theory about her plotting, planning and manipulating. It's possible, but unlikely at that age - those traits come later.

Just give her a royal pounding and be done with it.