Companionship

[Buddha_Mind]

I went to some natural hot springs this past weekend, and observed some interesting things. One particularly was this older couple, not in good shape, definitely had not likely taken care of themselves, but seemed to really have a strong companionship with one another -- we did the sauna and this old guy kept telling me about sweat lodges, and how he'd sought out genuine sweat lodge experiences with native wise men and how in the sauna these guys claim to travel to other mysterious worlds and other dimensions, etc...as much of a skeptic I am about most things, I have an active imagination...I went into the sauna and did some very deep breathing trying to fall deep into my mind...

I couldn't help but think about people like this guy, and the woman he has. Yes, nobody here is an HB10 that's for sure, but I was wondering about the microchasm of their experience with one another -- it got me thinking a lot about 'companionship' and all of that stuff -- I doubt this guy has any understandings of game -- in fact he was telling me more about some of the holy temples and massive buildings in Mexico and South America than anything else -- but I just couldn't help think to myself that most of what I seem to be concerned about is bullsh!t, superficial, meaningless.

I'm so concerned about the hotness of some ch!ck, or my levels of sexual expression, or if I'm being man enough, or all of this garbage, and I see this old guy just being himself talking about *out there* concepts (to the European-based western mind that is) but seemed to have such a simple free flowing relationship.

Granted, I value taking care of my body, I never want to just let myself go as perhaps this guy did -- but there was a level of mental ease he had that was inspiring...

When we seek the HB9 and she hurts us in the end, where were our motives in the beginning? We maybe do not deserve the hurt, or the BPD behavior, but what was our initial motive forged in?

If the initial motive is pure lust, can we expect anything other than for the bubble to pop?

I think those who desire companionship, likely ought to really investigate their initial motives for getting involved with a woman. If it is strictly sexual curiosity, that is fine, but label it as such. If it is something deeper, than label it as that too.

I wonder how many solid companionship started in the realms of pure sexual lust?

And there probably have been some. I know a long time ago, my first girlfriend, we didn't have sex for 4 months after we started dating. Can you believe this? I wanted to be comfortable with her and wait, I was a virgin at the time...some men might call this "gay", but I didn't want to rush things...we were together two years...we ended up having sex on my birthday which was really nice. It ended, but sometimes I look back and say hmmm...maybe there was something to that strategy...

The theory here is, you sarge, close the deal, get her hooked, maintain frame, be the man, and she should want to submit to you...does this always work I question?

Or if this does work, what is the microchasm of this relationship compared to another?

For those whom are not attractive, those couples who are mutually overweight, etc, etc, what is there level of love I question? Or what do they feel between each other? Are they as likely as to be as cut throat as some 27 year old dude in peak shape, or some HB9 who gets 10 dudes sexually lusting over her per half hour?

I'm not saying I want to let myself go or find a woman who has But I wonder, deep down, the differences these people have in their union...what holds them together?

Do most people here desire only sexual connection?

Or do people here also desire companionship? That is, the mutual growing together of two people?

Or is this an abandoned false ideal?

What are your thoughts?

 

[DanelMadr]

That guy is looking for God. Maybe not to concern himself with pvssy.
You look for pvssy. Maybe.......God.:wave:

Companionship is important, however lust or hotness is important too...good DNA, healthy children.

Buddha taught balance. And he was right. Neither lust or avoiding it. Remember the daughters that deamon send to distract him?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Very little information on this site is really wrong or right. It's like a gun that's only dangerous if you use it the wrong way. You can go out and sarge like a huge stud and come back with the clap only to blame this site because we instructed you to go out and lay. It is also possible to follow none of these rules and get with a total 10 mind and body and marry for life. Whats important is to internalize the teachings you find here and make them your own. Live the life you want to live a little easier and find happyness. Sites like this cannot teach you everyhting, but you must begin your path to enlightenment somewhere and this is a fine place for that.

Lots of the instructionals I read are mostly motivational. It's all gogogogogo and no "do what is right for you, do what is natural" I think it's to build motivation/confidence at first. I mean lets face it guys can be pretty much clueless when it comes to women. Then you can stop yourself and begin a bit of personal development to match your character. Remember the premise of this site is that it is here to help people that need help. And sometimes things need to be simple for beginners "go out, do this, cash in the coochie coupon".

I also feel some people here don't really get it. But those smart ones will get it eventually, and the lame ducks will spend their lives reciting canned material dumping chicks at the first red light.

People are people and knowledge is always dangerous in the wrong hands...

 

[Die Hard]

Blah Blah...

What holds those people together? Probably the fact that they're both pathetic and can mutually support each other in dealing with their patheticness.

It also gets a lot easier to have a healthy relationship together when you both know your chances on the dating market are crap. You'll both put a lot of effort in to MAKE the relationship work.

Besides, who says those two don't get into a big fight as soon as they get home and enter their personal environment, as opposed to the public environment where you saw them (and where their relationship seemed so "perfect")?

You're dwelling, losing focus from the right path, even starting to doubt the path:

The theory here is, you sarge, close the deal, get her hooked, maintain frame, be the man, and she should want to submit to you...does this always work I question?

Yes, it does work that way and you know it. Those things you're thinking of, companionship, the mutual growing together of two people etc. will come as a result of the above. Thinking about a possible alternative is a waste of time. That old dude has no special trick and you definitely wouldn't be happy if you were him.

Get back on the road and keep working on yourself, you'll find your companionship eventually. Just need to stay strong in the meanwhile

 

[Von_S]

First off, not all men are the same, just like not all women are the same. Some guys want to bed as many as possible, some are looking for Miss right and as soon as they find her they're done, head over heels in love get a ring and happily ever after. And there are lots of guys who probably want something in between.

Personally I'm over "10's"; the attitude, the 300 douche bags falling all over themselves, way too high maintenance for me. I'll take a smart, well spoken, put together HB7 or HB8 over HB10 any day of the week. I love females they're good to look at, they feel good, get a smart one and they're great to talk to and offer a unique perspective. I like the conversation, I like being challenged a bit but at the same time I'm the boss and if she starts acting up, I'm on to the next one.

The trick is if you find one that gets you and compliments you, then you lock that down but ONLY after you have investigated and sampled all sorts of women. Then you can recognize quality when you experience it.

 

[Burroughs]

I'll take a smart, well spoken, put together HB7 or HB8 over HB10 any day of the week.

agree 100%...

I'd add however, that a lot of 7 and 8s think of themselves as 10s and expect men to treat them as 10s...the operative word is next.

 

[Jitterbug]

You guys have been drowning in HB10s prior to coming to such conclusions? Wow I've severely underestimated people on this site. To me, there are only a handful of HB10s in the world, and to get sick of dealing with them takes a very special man... I salute you, good Don Juans.

But I wonder, deep down, the differences these people have in their union...what holds them together?

Lack of options.

+

Learning to be happy with what they have.

 

[Von_S]

An HB10 is just an HB9 I haven't fvcked yet

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Die Hard -- maybe you are correct, a bit too much rumination, dwelling, getting clouded.

I suppose sometimes I can get a bit of tunnelvision. Upon what I'd like there to be, if that makes sense.

 

[Desdinova]

This is actually one thing I enjoy more than sex. Being able to spend time with a woman who is enjoyable to be with. Sex has to be part of it, but I really do enjoy that connection. However...

I initially married solely for the companionship with someone I thought was amazing. After the wedding, I found out that it was fool's gold. I'm honestly not sure if any sort of companionship can be enjoyed over a lengthy period of time. When a woman starts to get irritating, controlling, stupid, naggy, or all of the above, I'm much happier to get rid of her and start over again with a woman who puts on her best behavior until she gets comfortable, and the cycle repeats itself. It seems that this is the best way to enjoy companionship without a woman's bad behavior interfering; by getting companionship with MANY women over time.

I think old people stay committed for reliability reasons. They always have someone there to rely on in case the other has a heart attack or breaks a hip.

However, I did see one example recently that was actually quite sweet. I was in a personal care home doing some work for a woman who suffered a stroke and could only speak one word. She would repeat the word ad nauseum to communicate, and she couldn't even walk on her own. Her husband eventually showed up to take her out to lunch. He was in pretty good shape and could probably easily find himself another woman who didn't have such health issues. His wife was happy to see him, and he was excited to take her out for a meal. He spoke to her as if she was a beautiful 24 year old girl he had fallen in love with.

This experience made me think that there are definitely exceptions to the rule, although they may be far and few between.

 

[Die Hard]

Die Hard -- maybe you are correct, a bit too much rumination, dwelling, getting clouded.

I suppose sometimes I can get a bit of tunnelvision. Upon what I'd like there to be, if that makes sense.

You're not the only one . Reality is not as comforting as the AFC hopes, wishes and convictions we've been having all our lifes. Sad but true...


Des, I think that old man in the personal care home is strongly grounded in these hopes, wishes and convictions, rather than grounded in reality. Ignorance is bliss...

Personally, I prefer not to be ignorant and deal with reality instead. One can find bliss that way as well, it just takes considerately more hard work and requires you to be a relentless warrior.

 

[Delly2000]

This is actually one thing I enjoy more than sex. Being able to spend time with a woman who is enjoyable to be with. Sex has to be part of it, but I really do enjoy that connection. However...

I initially married solely for the companionship with someone I thought was amazing. After the wedding, I found out that it was fool's gold. I'm honestly not sure if any sort of companionship can be enjoyed over a lengthy period of time. When a woman starts to get irritating, controlling, stupid, naggy, or all of the above, I'm much happier to get rid of her and start over again with a woman who puts on her best behavior until she gets comfortable, and the cycle repeats itself. It seems that this is the best way to enjoy companionship without a woman's bad behavior interfering; by getting companionship with MANY women over time.

I think old people stay committed for reliability reasons. They always have someone there to rely on in case the other has a heart attack or breaks a hip.

However, I did see one example recently that was actually quite sweet. I was in a personal care home doing some work for a woman who suffered a stroke and could only speak one word. She would repeat the word ad nauseum to communicate, and she couldn't even walk on her own. Her husband eventually showed up to take her out to lunch. He was in pretty good shape and could probably easily find himself another woman who didn't have such health issues. His wife was happy to see him, and he was excited to take her out for a meal. He spoke to her as if she was a beautiful 24 year old girl he had fallen in love with.

This experience made me think that there are definitely exceptions to the rule, although they may be far and few between.

That is a good story Des.

Buddah I think you are asking some valid questions. From what I am getting you feel that maybe you are being a bit superficial in your selection process and that could be hindering you from meeting a great woman to be a good companion and be happy with.

I think these are important questions to ask. But find a balance and do not SETTLE. The girl your with may not be a 10 but she may be intelligent, good looking, got your back, and is fun to be with. Screw those 10's that think men are here on earth to serve them and make peoples lives miserable and when your with them you are worrying about 10 other guys who blow up their phone everyday. Who needs that stress? (I had to find this out the hard way).

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Die Hard -- I appreciate you kicking me in the ass a bit.

Re: Sentiment/Reliance, etc:: Well imagine a situation where these two people probably had been through a great deal together in life, maybe raised children together, were young once too -- I am sure that if there is some sort of genuine love that a person would want to be there for their dying spouse. Even though maybe at that age they look like a bag of bones and cannot take care of themselves, they weren't always this way...I am sure this man remembers that...there is value in sentiment or concern for another person.

That is probably a rare situation.

My grandparents for example, were together for 60 years. This is back before Marriage 2.0 and the rise of feminist freedom and all of these things. You know what his "game" was? Inviting her to walk home after a ping-pong game at a local non-alcohol serving establishment.

Hah.

How many people today meet in these ways of innocence?

She was probably his first and only real love, and vice versa, but they were together for 60 years, "people give up too easily" is what my grandmother would say, and honestly he's been dead for 8 years and she still talks to him everyday (outloud pretending sometimes he is still around the house -- this is the way she deals with that loss...strange, but she lived more of her life with that guy than without him...sort of mentally fused to this other person)...she is 91...mentally not a young person anymore, but I have seen that intense sort of devotion.

Some of it probably is because through those years they did take turns relying upon one another.

I am sure they had windows of growth and plateaus as well. I know they sometimes fought and hurt each other with words unintentionally.

But they stuck it out, and she was around him the day he died.

Those situations are very rare.

Probably our current world makes some of that very very difficult.

**

Des -- Man, I hear you. Especially on the bat sh!t crazy...I'm not sure I've been in any sort of relationship where after XXnumber of hours she doesn't start to go nuts...things suddenly seem to get more complex...curve balls come out of nowhere...and then I become nuts right along with it...maintaining your center is a difficult thing -- thanks for your words and I hear where you are coming from.

Delly -- Thanks for your words also. It seems a lot of people just sample a small pool and then grab whatever seems to be closest to what the want...that is probably why things don't work out...to really drive towards the greatest relationship you can imagine is not an easy task, and does take great deals of work and self improvement and mental focus, etc, and even then, just like the olympic athlete trains for his goal, there are no guarantees.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Des,
Well you are a lovely bloke looking after this Old Girl,rest assured your reward will be in Paradise.....Look the worst thing anyone can do is move in with even the most companionable of Women....We are like Oil and Water....A Man needs Space...Time to be with his Mates,Time to just veg out on his own,time to grow..Women are such messy disorganized Creatures....An Old Dog makes a much better Friend,and you don't end up in the Slammer if when he plays up,you Kick him in the Jacksie.