Cold approach is the telemarketing of the dating world

[Bokanovsky]

When a telemarketer cold-calls you and tries to convince you to buy something, what is the first thought that pops in your head? "The product/service they are trying to peddle must be crap; otherwise, they wouldn't have to resort to telemarketing". After all, how many high quality products are being sold through cold-calling? When was the last time someone from Apple called you to try to convince you to buy an iphone? Ever had BMW call you to sell you a car? Usually, telemarketing is the purview of companies offering things like shamwow, dubious life insurance policies and various financial scams.

Same thing with cold-approaching women. When you cold approach, you automatically position yourself as 'bottom tier'. "Why is this guy spending his time trolling the streets and hitting on random chicks..he must be a low value loser who can't meet women through his social circle" is what the girl automatically thinks. And even if your approach is perfect and she does not come to this conclusion right away, the thought will almost certainly creep into her head sometime after your initial interaction. From her experience, high value men (i.e. doctors, lawyers, successful businessmen, etc.) do not hang out at malls and bookstores cold-approaching women. That's why, even if you manage to get a number, there is a 90% chance that she will flake.

Cold approach is good practice for overcoming shyness or social anxiety, but it's not an effective strategy for actually getting chicks. The best you can hope for is exerting a massive amount of effort to close a small number of broads. Just like telemarketing.

 

[oxford comma]

says you. ive had success and failures through cold approach, and all the failures were my own fault. the difference between telemarketing and cold approach pick up is that a lot of the times the telemarketer really is selling a crappy product, whereas if you are a great guy you are selling a great product. also, you are missing the point of cold approach. all guys want to talk to that hot girl. literally, all of them. but most wont. which guy do you want to be?

 

[Bokanovsky]

says you. ive had success and failures through cold approach, and all the failures were my own fault. the difference between telemarketing and cold approach pick up is that a lot of the times the telemarketer really is selling a crappy product, whereas if you are a great guy you are selling a great product. also, you are missing the point of cold approach. all guys want to talk to that hot girl. literally, all of them. but most wont. which guy do you want to be?

So what's your cold approach success rate? For every hundred women that you approach, how many do you end up sleeping with? Be honest.

 

[incognito42]

When a telemarketer cold-calls you and tries to convince you to buy something, what is the first thought that pops in your head? .

First thought? I hate telemarketers

women like dyck, so I don't think they are repulsed by men approaching them like I am when a telemarketer calls

I get where you're going with this, but don't think the analogy fits.

 

[st_99]

Do you realize telemarketers do about 10-20 billion a year in revenue?

If thats failure, then i'll take failure any day over sitting back and hoping the money (or pvssy) falls on your lap while the other guy is driving a ferrari and sitting by the pool.

 

[Bible_Belt]

"Why is this guy spending his time trolling the streets and hitting on random chicks..he must be a low value loser who can't meet women through his social circle" is what the girl automatically thinks.

Yes, absolutely. That is why I have always ridiculed the idea of standing in one spot at the mall and harassing every passing vagina until the mall cops throw you out.

I've had more than one crappy telemarketing job. None of the scripts started with "hi, I'm a telemarketer." They always tried to trick the people into thinking it was a survey or they had won something for free. The Jehova's witnesses don't open with "hi. We came to your house to convert you to our religion." Good salesmanship is subtle, and requires the cultivation of the prospect's confidence.

If a cold approach is "hi. I've been here all afternoon and you are girl #47 who is hearing this line," what do you think it does to that girl's confidence? It says to her, the only guy who wants me is the guy who wants anyone.

The right way to cold approach is to do it very selectively, very catered to the situation, and if she ever gets the idea that you have ever said the same things to another girl, you're probably done. Women want to think that they were the one woman who was attractive enough to make you hit on a stranger, and that you might be their astronomy-foretold tall dark stranger...you get the point. The more her confidence in that idea grows, the less effort it takes.

 

[oxford comma]

So what's your cold approach success rate? For every hundred women that you approach, how many do you end up sleeping with? Be honest.

i would estimate 1 in 15, but my game still has a lot of holes that im working on. also, the number is irrelevant because cold approach has helped my development a lot as a man. i used to be very shy and passive but i am finally becoming the type of guy ive always looked up to. cold approach isn't creepy, its awesome! girls think its creepy because theyve only been cold approached by creeps before. i understand your frustration, but its just because you havent developed thick skin yet. rejection is fine man. it doesnt matter. dont stress about external results so much. every time you go after what you want you become a better man, regardless of the outcome. just get those reference points and learn from them.

 

[Fly By Night]

Cold approaching is used to get the worst case afc immune to the fear of rejection. It is not really effective to actually get women. I've been over some of this stuff before...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198327

 

[oxford comma]

Cold approaching is used to get the worst case afc immune to the fear of rejection. It is not really effective to actually get women. I've been over some of this stuff before...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198327

so then what is the alternative? NOT talking to that pretty girl you see? no thanks.

 

[D.J. King Allister]

Apple and BMW don't need telemarketers. How many people own an iphone or a bmw? Unlike apple and bmw, people don't wear a shirt with your picture on it, saying this guy is great. Girls don't wear shirt saying this guy is a great guy to date. Get it?

 

[Stagger Lee]

I totally agree that a male's social status in the girls' view can take a hit and be called into question when doing cold approaches and being seen alone. Also as Bible Belt pointed out, there are better and worse ways and places to do cold approaches.

I see it this way. Cold approaching girls will probably get you an approach to lay ratio between 7% and 0% out of the entire population of girls you approach-7% if you look good and 0% if you are not good looking.

Getting lays out of social circles will get you a potentially higher success ratio. Who knows, maybe up to 20-30% if you are goodlooking but out of a much smaller population of girls, but down to 0% if you are not goodlooking.

So you see, all that matters is whether or not you are attractive. If you are atttractive, cold approaching is a way to get a lot more lays. And if you are not attractive, cold approaching is a way to hopeful get any lays.

Social circles are no panacea. If you are not attractive, you will not get into good social circles that have women or any social circle at all. The more attractive guys will monopolize all the women. The other male losers in the circle will strive to make sure you are the bottom loser and c0ckblocking you to no end. So a social circle can hurt you more than it helps you, and only helps the guys that don't need any help.

Also other people are very passive. To make friends you usually have to initiate. All initial beginings of a friendship could be considered a cold approach.

 

[Fly By Night]

so then what is the alternative? NOT talking to that pretty girl you see? no thanks.

You can talk to anyone you want at any time of the day you please, but she is going to see a "stranger" when you walk up and start talking to her. The girls that aren't as easy to crack will take some warming up to first. As far as I can see, cold approaching works if she is rather easy or she finds you very attractive. If you don't fit one of these, you are most likely going to be ignored/rejected/fake numbered/flaked on.

I'm trying to say that cold approaching isn't effective (given you are not extremely attractive with enormous personality) to get women, it is more of a conditioning phase to familiarize yourself with talking to women. Not that you can't do it or it never works, but it is being repelled by b!tch shields because of rising awareness of PUAs and users. If the game gets harder, you need to alter your gameplay.

 

[Professor Booty]

Rather than doing "set-piece" cold approaches with the express desire to pick up women, I think it's better to be the guy that isn't afraid to talk to strangers, even pretty female strangers because you're just an outgoing, sociable guy. That sets you apart in a good way. Have a legit reason to talk to a chick, like you see her pick up a book by an author you like, and don't treat her any different than any other stranger you might talk to. Then if some flirting naturally ensues, go for the number-close. If you get out of the house enough you'll have plenty of opportunities like this, make sure you take advantage of those rather than lurking around in public places trying to make something happen.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I believe its not the cold approach itself to be a weak tactics but the frame that cold approaches usually have.

You are right in comparing cold approachers to telemarketers because the frame most of the time appear the same, as someone who is trying to offer a low quality products which would been sold in other ways if it was quality.

However I find that reframing the cold approach could drammaticaly increase the chances of success.

Just consider the guys who approach girls at the club, the frame is very wear and it appear to be as "Im a single guy hitting on you cause I have to get a girl" which is a recipe for rejection and failure.

I start to master this reframing through body language and voice tone and reframe the cold approach as "Im a cool guy who is having fun and is approaching you cause you look as cool", this is not bulletproof but I can tell that I go no sh1t from girls, no one mistreated me or rejected harshly while the success ration slitghly increased.

So Im sure despite the situation being crappy, a strong reframe would definitely improve the odds and the pleasure of the interaction.

The last thing you want is follow the scripted losing frame which other guys stereotypically created or let the girl decide the frame.

 

[d!ckmojo]

I think the OP has a point, but I also think its a defeatist attitude and an unhelpful frame.

FVCK MAN! Carry yourself like a BOSS. Build so much intrinsic value into your being that you can overcome the handicap you outlined.

If you become so fit, so muscular, so aesthetically desirable, such a good conversationalist, so humourous, so charismatic, so decisive, so hypnotic, so rich, that ALL women will want to fcck you, why can't you cold approach successfully more times than not?

 

[sageproduct]

I totally disagree. I'll admit there is negative stigma associated with cold approach, but you can easily disregard that.

The best thing about cold approach is that if you do it correctly, strong and direct, it gives off HUGE value for you having the guts to talk to a girl you don't know. Cold approach has changed my life.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I think the OP has a point, but I also think its a defeatist attitude and an unhelpful frame.

I don't think it's a defeatist attitude at all. Like I said, cold approach can be helpful in overcoming shyness and social anxiety and as practice for talking to chicks. But it is never going to be a reliable, primary source of pvssy. If you are smart, you will realize the limitations of the cold approach and figure out more effective strategies for pulling women.

I decided to make this thread because there seems to be WAAAY too much focus on 'sarging' and the cold approach. PUA scammers try to paint it as some sort of a 'holy grail' of pick up. They do it because that's how they make money. If they told you the truth, no one would be paying for their books and seminars and "boot camps" and what not. And let's face it, there is something very appealing about the idea of being able to walk up to just about any girl and take her home. That's the fantasy they try to sell you. But the reality is that no matter how tight your game is, cold approach will most of the time result in rejection. To return to the telemarketing analogy, no mater how good of a salesman you are, most people will hang up on you. And it's not because you are necessarily doing something wrong. That's just the nature of the game.

One thing I want to mention is that the above should be taken in the North American cultural context. In some other parts of the world, the cold approach is seen much more favourably and is actually quite the norm. But in North America, women are culturally conditioned to have negative associations with it.

If you become so fit, so muscular, so aesthetically desirable, such a good conversationalist, so humourous, so charismatic, so decisive, so hypnotic, so rich, that ALL women will want to fcck you, why can't you cold approach successfully more times than not?

If you become the kind of guy you describe, you will have no need for cold approaching women in the first place. How often do you think Brad Pitt and Donald Trump hit the mall to pick up girls?

 

[oxford comma]

I don't think it's a defeatist attitude at all. Like I said, cold approach can be helpful in overcoming shyness and social anxiety and as practice for talking to chicks. But it is never going to be a reliable, primary source of pvssy. If you are smart, you will realize the limitations of the cold approach and figure out more effective strategies for pulling women.

I decided to make this thread because there seems to be WAAAY too much focus on 'sarging' and the cold approach. PUA scammers try to paint it as some sort of a 'holy grail' of pick up. They do it because that's how they make money. If they told you the truth, no one would be paying for their books and seminars and "boot camps" and what not. And let's face it, there is something very appealing about the idea of being able to walk up to just about any girl and take her home. That's the fantasy they try to sell you. But the reality is that no matter how tight your game is, cold approach will most of the time result in rejection. To return to the telemarketing analogy, no mater how good of a salesman you are, most people will hang up on you. And it's not because you are necessarily doing something wrong. That's just the nature of the game.

One thing I want to mention is that the above should be taken in the North American cultural context. In some other parts of the world, the cold approach is seen much more favourably and is actually quite the norm. But in North America, women are culturally conditioned to have negative associations with it.


If you become the kind of guy you describe, you will have no need for cold approaching women in the first place. How often do you think Brad Pitt and Donald Trump hit the mall to pick up girls?

who says its not a reliable source of girls? YOU? hahaha. dude, just because something isn't working out for you dont condemn it all together. and where are these PUA scammers you're talking about? all pick up material i have read has been very honest about how cold approach is a numbers game and that there is no magic pill. and what "truth" are you talking about? the fact that social circle game is the easiest way to pull girls? everyone already knows that. cold approach is popular because its a way to be proactive about your love life instead of just hoping becky from accounting likes you or steve introduces you to his cute neighbor. i really dont understand your point here. are you saying cold approach is difficult therefore shouldn't be done? is that the mentality you use towards all aspects of your life?

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Cold approaching works, but you have to be incognito about it and you should never expect more than a 15% success rate if you're lucky. Most guys fail because their approaches are poorly framed. They approach the woman as a sexual object and then supplicate to her with compliments and beta chasing behavior.

If you give off the vibe that you're just walking around and playing the numbers game in the local shopping center then that's a guaranteed rejection. You have to have normal conversations and treat them like you would anyone else. Once you close you should leave the scene as well. If she sees you approaching other women that's a guaranteed flake.

Also, NEVER TRY TO CHASE DOWN A WOMAN FROM BEHIND who's walking in front of you. Don't ask how I learned this lesson.

 

[Bokanovsky]

who says its not a reliable source of girls? YOU? hahaha. dude, just because something isn't working out for you dont condemn it all together.

Doesn't sound like it's working very well for YOU:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196449

and where are these PUA scammers you're talking about? all pick up material i have read has been very honest about how cold approach is a numbers game and that there is no magic pill. and what "truth" are you talking about? the fact that social circle game is the easiest way to pull girls? everyone already knows that. cold approach is popular because its a way to be proactive about your love life instead of just hoping becky from accounting likes you or steve introduces you to his cute neighbor. i really dont understand your point here. are you saying cold approach is difficult therefore shouldn't be done? is that the mentality you use towards all aspects of your life?

My point is that all the time you spend cold-approaching, going to PUA seminars and reading PUA materials would be much better spent on things that actually matter, such as improving your social circle and advancing your career. Working hard at something is no guarantee of success. You could be the hardest working hamburger flipper in the world, but you'd still be making minimum wage. You have to work both hard and smart and on focus your efforts on things that provide the best return on investment. This mentality has served me very well in all aspects of life (thanks for asking).