Cold approach is the telemarketing of the dating world

[user43770]

My point is that all the time you spend cold-approaching, going to PUA seminars and reading PUA materials would be much better spent on things that actually matter, such as improving your social circle and advancing your career. Working hard at something is no guarantee of success. You could be the hardest working hamburger flipper in the world, but you'd still be making minimum wage. You have to work both hard and smart and on focus your efforts on things that provide the best return on investment. This mentality has served me very well in all aspects of life (thanks for asking).

You should definitely be trying to improve yourself; that's what this site is all about. That doesn't mean that you should completely rule out cold-approaching. If you see something that you want, you should go after it. Like oxford said, you can't just hope that women are going to fall into your lap.


And if you do it the way Bible said:

The right way to cold approach is to do it very selectively, very catered to the situation

you won't be spending much time on it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You should definitely be trying to improve yourself; that's what this site is all about. That doesn't mean that you should completely rule out cold-approaching. If you see something that you want, you should go after it. Like oxford said, you can't just hope that women are going to fall into your lap.


And if you do it the way Bible said: you won't be spending much time on it.

I don't disagree with the occasional, selective cold approach. My post was more in reference to the 'sarging' phenomenon - guys going to book stores, coffee shops, etc. with the explicit goal of approaching as many chicks as possible. To me, that's just not a productive use of time.

 

[user43770]

I don't disagree with the occasional, selective cold approach. My post was more in reference to the 'sarging' phenomenon - guys going to book stores, coffee shops, etc. with the explicit goal of approaching as many chicks as possible. To me, that's just not a productive use of time.

It is not an efficient way to pick up women; it CAN be productive for those trying to overcome their fear of approaching. You may be fortunate enough to not have that problem.

 

[sighsigh]

I absolutely agree, OP. If you cold approach, you automatically portray a sense of neediness. But that isn't the main reason cold approaching fails. Rather, it's simply that if you cold approach, you are gambling that in the ~5 minutes you talk to her she will gain the impression that you are high value enough to give you her number. But the thing is, with such a wide range of tastes and priorities (she might have a boyfriend, be married, etc.) it follows that the chances that she will reciprocate are ultimately extremely low. The chance that she will reciprocate is increased if you are good looking, confident, etc., since there are universal qualities every woman wants, but even with all that you're looking at a very low success rate.

You should check out this article. It's written by a PUA named "Aaron Sleazy." I'm not familiar with the rest of his writing but I do agree with this article. http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.in/2012/04/why-cold-approaching-is-pretty-much.html

The basic idea is that since the chances that any random woman will reciprocate is extremely low, you're better off just going for women who have given you an IOI (no matter how slight), since that indicates she wants to be approached and hence means you will have a MUCH higher chance of success. This allows you to waste much less time.

Of course, there isn't really much to lose from cold approaching though. If cold approaching somehow works for you, then don't stop. But because it has such a low success rate, it's basically a waste of time. For that reason, I find it difficult to recommend it to anyone.

 

[BeDJ]

Businesses use telemarketing to generate new accounts and opportunities. If you wait for customers to come, you will fail. Even if you have numerous accounts and you stop cold calling, your business will depend on existing accounts for success. Always be seeking new accounts and opportunities, don't ever be satisfied with your existing customer base.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The idea that there is one right answer is a philosophical distraction. We're all so different in our state of development and natural abilities that what works for one guy certainly may not work for another.

I've seen a lot of very different people come into a martial arts gym and be taught how to fight. Because they are so different, one person's lesson may be entirely different than another's, so much so that if viewed independently they might seem to contradict. For example, if one guy is a state champion wrestler, but dumb as a rock, he'll only get taught the few basic things he can remember that will help him the most. Anything more would just confuse him and actually make him worse. But a different guy might be extremely intelligent, but naturally un-athletic. For him, his mind is his advantage, so he'll get taught a lot of theory and analytical techniques to find and exploit his opponent's disadvantage. Good instruction is highly individualized.

I agree that if you have a fear of talking to people, you will get over that by making yourself do it. And I admire anyone who does that. I have had enough crappy sales jobs to know what it feels like to be told 'no' over and over again. But once again, if you are going to stand in one spot at the mall and do cold approaches, you would be much better off selling cell phones. It's easier; you might make money; and they can't throw you out. Otherwise, move around a lot and don't let the girl realize you're doing cold approaches.

 

[oxford comma]

Doesn't sound like it's working very well for YOU:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196449


My point is that all the time you spend cold-approaching, going to PUA seminars and reading PUA materials would be much better spent on things that actually matter, such as improving your social circle and advancing your career. Working hard at something is no guarantee of success. You could be the hardest working hamburger flipper in the world, but you'd still be making minimum wage. You have to work both hard and smart and on focus your efforts on things that provide the best return on investment. This mentality has served me very well in all aspects of life (thanks for asking).

the fact that i dont have good game just makes my point even stronger. im still getting success from cold approach and im not even that good at it. its a skill, im not ashamed that im not good at it since im pretty new to it. also, im not telling people to not focus on their career or social circle. you can have both, in fact getting good at talking to strangers will benefit you in your professional and social life. to me you just seem like you are trying to convince yourself that you dont need to develop this skill. and thats true, you dont HAVE to get good at cold approaches to get laid but trying to convince others that cold approach doesn't work just because its not working for you is really dumb. i will agree the concept of going out just for the sake of picking up girls is really weird.

 

[oxford comma]

I absolutely agree, OP. If you cold approach, you automatically portray a sense of neediness. But that isn't the main reason cold approaching fails. Rather, it's simply that if you cold approach, you are gambling that in the ~5 minutes you talk to her she will gain the impression that you are high value enough to give you her number. But the thing is, with such a wide range of tastes and priorities (she might have a boyfriend, be married, etc.) it follows that the chances that she will reciprocate are ultimately extremely low. The chance that she will reciprocate is increased if you are good looking, confident, etc., since there are universal qualities every woman wants, but even with all that you're looking at a very low success rate.

You should check out this article. It's written by a PUA named "Aaron Sleazy." I'm not familiar with the rest of his writing but I do agree with this article. http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.in/2012/04/why-cold-approaching-is-pretty-much.html

The basic idea is that since the chances that any random woman will reciprocate is extremely low, you're better off just going for women who have given you an IOI (no matter how slight), since that indicates she wants to be approached and hence means you will have a MUCH higher chance of success. This allows you to waste much less time.

Of course, there isn't really much to lose from cold approaching though. If cold approaching somehow works for you, then don't stop. But because it has such a low success rate, it's basically a waste of time. For that reason, I find it difficult to recommend it to anyone.

i dont understand how talking to an attractive girl is wasting time. you guys are just far too outcome dependent. learn to enjoy interactions for what they are.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You should check out this article. It's written by a PUA named "Aaron Sleazy." I'm not familiar with the rest of his writing but I do agree with this article. http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.in/2012/04/why-cold-approaching-is-pretty-much.html

Good article. I agree with pretty much everything he is saying.

 

[oxford comma]

Good article. I agree with pretty much everything he is saying.

it is a good article but, like you, that guys was being way too black and white. no ones saying you have to take two hours out of your day to walk up and down a mall looking for girls. we are all put in situations daily that would allow us to easily meet a new girl, but most guys dont go for it due to fear. getting good at cold approach just allows you to take full advantage of opportunities to meet someone.

 

[Trump]

I don't disagree with the occasional, selective cold approach. My post was more in reference to the 'sarging' phenomenon - guys going to book stores, coffee shops, etc. with the explicit goal of approaching as many chicks as possible. To me, that's just not a productive use of time.

Can see the point, may make more sense to say "it doesn't matter what you do, just make the sale legally and don't damage brand name."

To say this works or that works is a little short sighted. The market changes its mind every 8 seconds, as you can see from Wall Street. Granted one way may not be more effective than others, but as long as you are comfortable with yourself and make the sale to the right customer, its all good.

 

[thevilittletroll]

not wanting to cold approach sounds to me like an excuse of someone who has approach anxiety. cold approach is necessary to meet new people. if you use social circle game to meet women, you would still have to cold approach to get your social circle started or to add girls you like to it. if you have to rely on someone to introduce you to girls, that tells me you lack confidence. so even the girls that you do meet inside your circle can see your lack of confidence which in turn tells me that you are not as successful with women as you think. if your social circle is so big that you dont have the time, and new women are still joining your circle with no help from you cold approaching, then you are probably already a guru.

one last point, if you are using social circle game only and are not cold approaching, you still need to be able to use attraction game to be successful with women. otherwise your gonna find yourself in the friend zone.