Co - worker who has a bf inviting me out

[Nu Vision]

This coworker I've gone out with has a bf. We went out a couple of times when the relationship was on te rocks. I left it alone after she said she wanted to fix things with the bf. She's been flaky in the past, brought her dog to a lunch meet, has control issues. I honestly don't feel like going out with her but feel in a weird position where a girl is asking me out and I'm going to say no. I don't want to get involved if she's still with the bf.

How can I communicate to her that unless she's broken up with the bf I don't think we should go out. Would you guys go out any ways or what would you do? She wants to go for dinner and drinks she says.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Double trap - coworker AND tangled up in BF drama.

Proceed with caution and dont do anything that can cost you your job. The jealous BF is no big deal he will realise his GF is a ho sooner or later.

 

[Infern0]

This coworker I've gone out with has a bf. We went out a couple of times when the relationship was on te rocks. I left it alone after she said she wanted to fix things with the bf. She's been flaky in the past, brought her dog to a lunch meet, has control issues. I honestly don't feel like going out with her but feel in a weird position where a girl is asking me out and I'm going to say no. I don't want to get involved if she's still with the bf.

How can I communicate to her that unless she's broken up with the bf I don't think we should go out. Would you guys go out any ways or what would you do? She wants to go for dinner and drinks she says.

Say this:

"unless you've broken up with the bf I don't think we should go out"

 

[Nu Vision]

It was a mistake to invite her out the first time. Back then I didn't know she had a bf but going out with coworkers is problematic because you can't just stop seeing or talking to that person if something goes wrong. You still cross path with them often.

This is the same girl that once told me we are from different worlds and she's used to go to restaurants in the expensive side of town. Her bf is an investment banker and makes lots of money.

I'm not interested in going out with her even as friends because if she's this way I'm sure her friends (girl's she could introduce me to) are likely the same way. I even told her once that I was dating someone to see if she would stop wanting to go out with me.

The thing is she's a flaker and just likes the attention. She won't get physical with me and even if if was to seduce her and bed her I wouldn't want to because she has a man and I don't like doing to others what I don't want done to me.

So I will tell her that unless she is not with the bf anymore we shouldn't go out. If she says she wants to go out as friends only I'll tell her I'm going out with someone and is more than just a fling so I won't go out with other girls because it's not something I would like this girl to do either meaning going out with other guys.

I hope she gets the msg.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Do not date co-workers.............period.

 

[Nu Vision]

Told her we can't hang out unless she is broken up with the bf.

She said they had a fight last week and he moved out but she still loves him. She usually texts me when they are fighting.

She is insisting saying I think too much about things.

We work together so I'll stay clear anyways.

 

[Nu Vision]

Just goes to show how fragile some women's values are. They feel lonely and want another guy pronto. And she says she still loves him.

 

[Yewki]

Told her we can't hang out unless she is broken up with the bf.

She said they had a fight last week and he moved out but she still loves him. She usually texts me when they are fighting.

She is insisting saying I think too much about things.

We work together so I'll stay clear anyways.

Notice how she doesn't flat out tell you her relationship with you is plutonic. She knows it really isn't, so instead is cryptic... "You think too much about things." She needs to lead you on. She wants you to get attached. That way she can use you like a spare tire. If her boyfriend is gone, you can get her by until he returns.

If you ever brought up this, she would immediately play the "I thought we were just being friends" card. But she knows what she's really doing, and has no remorse for trying to suck you in for her own selfish reasons. That's what friends are for, right?

 

[Nu Vision]

It gets crazier than that. She gave me the I thought we were just friends line last night.

Today I agreed to go to lunch with her. She was crying. She says she feels like she is a bad person and that even her father thinks that. From what I've seen she's not bad but like all of us not perfect. She was very emotional. She kept saying she wanted to get away from all this and that she didn't want to go home tonight. I have my son this weekend so my hands are kind of tied plus again I don't want to get involved because she has a bf and we work together but it's tempting for sure. She texted me a few mins ago saying she found a hotel for the weekend. And asking if I would come over if I find someone to watch over my son after he goes to bed.

I hate being put in this situation. I feel like a punk. But I also have values I don't want to go against. Me and her in a hotel room there's no way it's not going down. This girl is crazy and likes to play with fire.

 

[Peña]

Do not play into her games. She is playing the victim so you can feel sorry for her. She wants to cry saying she is a bad person so you can reassure her she is not. Why should you feel like a punk? She wants you to feel that way putting her drama on you. That is how those kinds of women work. Just tell her she has a bf and needs to work it out with him and you do not want to be part of it. If she gets mad too bad. She will only cause trouble for you if you get with her. What kind of girlfriend is she trying to cheat on her boyfriend with you at a hotel? She will do the same to you and will ruin you. Do not be the fool. Stop talking to her outside work.

 

[Nu Vision]

She texted me saying I don't have to stay. She just needs someone to be there for her.

Has something like this happened to any of you? This is borderline cruel. She's always so worried about what people would say at work if they see us out together and she's on a guilt trip that I'm sure she would have me visit her in a hotel room and not put out. This chicks is nuts.

 

[Nu Vision]

Peña,

I feel a bit like a punk because most guys I know would not think twice about it and go **** her brains out. But I've been cheated on and don't want to be the one causing that experience to someone else. Being morally correct hasn't favored me much but is who I am.

 

[Yewki]

She texted me saying I don't have to stay. She just needs someone to be there for her.

She straight up told you she still loves her BF. She needs someone to be there for her while the BF is away, you're a temporary fill in. If you can bang her without getting attached, by all means go for it. But lets be real, you seem to care for her so I doubt that'll happen. Probably best to keep your distance.

 

[Nu Vision]

We work together that's a problem and I'm getting a bad vibe from her like she has issues I think mental ones.

 

[Nu Vision]

She's depressed I think. Texting me that she feels lonely and don't want to be alone. I feel bad but don't wanna get involved.

 

[skinnyguy]

Lol, this same thing happened to me. My coworker kept asking me out to drinks trying to get me drunk. I think it's cause I'm tall and her boyfriend is 5'2 hahaha

Pump then dump. That's all you need to do. Or, just stay away.

 

[Nu Vision]

Skinny,

We work in same department that's the problem. I see her every day.

 

[thunder_god]

Fcuk this *****. Cut her loose permanently. I had a similar thing with a classmate of mine. Kept on giving me mixed signals but then would always stop short of letting things get further. ***** kept on texting and calling me looking for attention, I eventually kicked her to the curb and cut off all contact and regained my mental health back. Dude I've been there, its just not worth it She's looking to sink her claws into you and use you as a backup or just for the emotional support. Chicks who are genuinely interested in you make it real easy for you. I had a French chick who really digged me and when I asked her out on a date she already made plans with her friend, she blew her friend off to come on the date with me. Now that's interest, not this bull$hit.

 

[stevo]

Cut the sheet OP. Stop trying to make sense of what she's saying.

You're either fcuking or you're stepping. Escalate already!

 

[Nu Vision]

Thunder,

She is a flake. I've been in intimate situations with her prior to me knowing she had a bf. She didn't let things escalate.

She's inviting me to her hotel room and many would see that as indication of interest but she's saying stuff like I need your advice, warmth, company, etc. I get a friendship vibe. Wouldn't surprise me to go and for her to start crying and telling me about her problems. She said she needs to see something normal. Wtf does that mean?

She's not sending the right signals.